Mistakes to Avoid When Disciplining a Highly Sensitive Child

Does your strong-willed or highly sensitive child meltdown with anything unexpected, refuse to get dressed, or lash out when you say “no”? Despite what it seems, they’re not trying to give you a hard time.   They’re just HAVING a hard time.  Many highly sensitive children struggle with their behavior in ways that looks like defiance and resistance, but it’s actually fear, anxiety and emotional overwhelm. By understanding this, we can find better solutions that help our kids to cooperate and have better behavior.

You make a small request of your strong-willed or highly sensitive child, and you get defiance, arguments, and power struggles. What’s going on? It’s NOT what you think. Many kids who look defiant are actually kids struggling to transitions to a new activity. Transitions are challenging for everyone, but for some children, because of their brain wiring, transitions are more challenging, creating major power struggles. Here’s what cures defiance.

For highly sensitive children especially, punishments often backfire, making behavior and your relationship worse than ever. How can we discipline highly sensitive children in effective ways that are based on trust, learning, and maintaining a close, connected relationship with their parents? We want to avoid punishments, and instead set boundaries with empathy and kindness, practice collaborative problem-solving, and do emotion coaching.

Do you have an argumentative or defiant kid? Many of the families I coach do. ​If you have an argumentative child who needs to be in control, who is resistant and defiant with even small requests, who refuses to go outside his comfort zone, or who struggles with disappointment or embarrassment, this explains why your child is so challenging, and how to help them be more flexible and cooperative.

Overstimulation happens when the amount of sensory input is too much, leading to feelings of exhaustion, overwhelm, or emotional shut down. These symptoms are more likely in highly sensitive children and parents, who are more affected by sensory inputs. How can we help avoid and manage feelings of overstimulation? How can we help our children who struggle with overstimulation?

Feel like you’re running on empty as a parent? Like nothing you try with your child ever works? Like you’re chronically frustrated and exhausted? Like you can’t feel joy as a parent? It’s very possible you are suffering from parenting burnout. And you’re not alone. Many parents of sensitive children struggle with parenting burnout. Here’s what burnout is and how to heal it.

Does your child feels everythin g more intensely than other kids? ​ If this sounds like your child, you’re not alone. ​ Kids who are highly sensitive experience everything more deeply. This trait, sensory processing sensitivity, is present in 15-20% of children. If this sounds like your child, they likely have bigger feelings than other children, which can cause power struggles and meltdowns. How do you know if your child is highly sensitive? Here is a checklist with 10 common signs a child might be highly sensitive. ​ 1.) Strong Reactions to Sensory Stimuli​ Does your child struggle with loud noises, bright lights, or scratchy fabrics more than other kids? 2.) Deep Emotional Responses​ Does your child cry more easily or feel big emotions like sadness, anger, or joy more intensely than other kids? 3.) Overwhelm in Crowds or Busy Places​ Does your child gets anxious or overstimulated in crowded areas like malls or parties? 4.) Takes Criticism Deeply​ Does your child get deeply affected by a simple correction or criticism? 5.) Empathy for Others​ Does your child often pick up on other people's emotions and feel them deeply? 6.) Struggles with Change​ Does your child struggle with new situations or transitions, like starting a new school? 7.) Needs Alone Time to Recharge​ Does your child need quiet time alone to decompress and feel calm after a busy day? 8.) Notice Small Details ​ Does your child often pick up little things others might miss, like a slight change in your mood or a small decoration in a room? 9.) Perfectionism​ Does your child have high standards for themselves and others, and get frustrated if things don’t go perfectly? 10.) Intense Focus​ Does your child have a tendency to get fully absorbed and focus deeply on a task or subject? ​ ​ Do any of these sound like your child? Do all of them sound like your child? High sensitivity is a strength. But it can also cause challenges, especially when children need more support, or they don’t yet have the skills they need to navigate challenges. If your child is struggling right now, I’d love to help your family create more peace and harmony. You can schedule a call with me using the scheduling link above, and I can help with specific advice for your child and your family.

Some kids are quieter, and share less with their parents. These kids can be a challenge, since they don’t share their feelings easily. Parents can wonder what’s going on for their child, and it can be very challenging when a child is upset, but won’t share what’s going on for them. Both ways of communication, kids who talk more and tend to “think out loud,” as well as quieter kids who tend to think before speaking--are normal and healthy.

Do you struggle to get your highly sensitive child to go places? The store, a walk outside, a party, or even school, and your child just does not want to go? You are not alone. Here I explain why this happens, and how parents can best respond. I explain the best way to help kids go places, even when they don’t want to.