Encouraging Independence In Sensitive and Strong-Willed Kids
Ceara Deno, MD • July 15, 2025
Schedule A Free Call
Encouraging Independence in Sensitive and Strong-Willed Kids
My older son started driver’s ed this week. Eeek!!
I could have sworn he’s 8 years old!
But somehow, he's actually 16!
Eeek!!
So, as I take some deep breaths this week, and manage my own anxiety, I started thinking about how we help kids become independent.
What helps kids successfully grow in independence?
What hurts?
What increases self-motivation? Self-drive?
Why do some kids struggle so much to launch successfully?
What helps kids not get bogged down in stress, anxiety, or a lack of motivation?
Science shows us that helping kids feel in charge of their own lives is a critical way parents help kids thrive, avoid anxiety, manage stress, and create self-motivation.
What does it look like to help kids feel in charge of their own lives?
How do parents help with this?
It turns out, much of this work starts with managing our own stress as parents.
Because stress is such a contagious emotion, the fear and stress we feel can be transferred to our child easily.
Which can be one reason kids struggle to launch.
So in this vein, I decided I would share 7 ways I manage my fears and anxieties as a parent.
So I can remain a “Non-anxious” presence for my children.
So I can help them thrive.
7 Ways I Practice Being a “Non-Anxious” Presence in My Children’s Lives:
#1. I practice giving my kids more control over their own lives. For example, by saying:
“It’s your call.”
“I trust you’ll make a decision that works for you.”
“What’s your plan for that?”
#2. I remind myself, “No one is more invested in my child’s life working out than they are.”
It’s not my job to make my kid’s life great. That’s their job. I just need to get out of their way.
#3. I remind myself, there are many, many paths to success in life.
Believing the path to success for my child is narrow increases my anxiety. I like to remind myself, there are infinite paths to success in life, and doing well in school is only one path.
#4. I remember that enjoying my children is my highest goal.
When I start seeing my children as problems to solve, instead of the biggest joys in my life, I know I can more support as a parent. Enjoying my kids helps me stay present.
#5. I remember that struggling is part of everyone’s journey at times.
Life is long, and full of challenges. Setbacks are part of the journey, even for our kids. So I don’t need to catastrophize when challenges arise.That’s normal and expected.
#6. I care for myself with sleep, exercise and downtime.
As a highly sensitive parent, my nervous system needs regular movement, good sleep, and time to myself, in order to not become anxious. I’m a more present, less anxious, and happier parent when I care for myself.
#7. I celebrate who my child is:
Focusing on my child’s challenges can increase my anxiety. So I like to remind myself of, and celebrate, my child’s strengths, so I can feel hopeful and optimistic about their ability to thrive.
Do these resonate for you?
What helps you remain a non-anxious presence for your child?
Is it harder as your child gets older?
As my son starts to drive, you can bet I’ll be practicing all 7 of these on the regular.
I’ll let you know which strategy helps the most.
Send me non-anxious warm wishes!!!
Struggling to be a non-anxious presence for your child? Struggling with a child who lacks motivation, or who struggles with anxiety. I get it!
If I can support you, I’d love to. Let’s talk.
Your parent coach,
Ceara
Is your child highly sensitive, have ADHD, or both? Learn how to understand big emotions, power struggles, and overwhelm, and discover a relational approach to support your child’s nervous system.
Discover why play isn’t just for kids. Learn how adults can benefit from small, joyful, and playful moments — with your kids or on your own — to boost connection, laughter, and well-being.
Feeling stuck in parenting challenges? See how noticing tiny moments of connection — or ‘glimmers’ — can transform your relationship with your child.
A powerful parenting reframe for challenging kids: how seeing your child as having a hard time—not giving one—can change connection and behavior.
Discover why real change with sensitive, strong-willed kids starts in the parent—not the child. Learn how steadiness, not control, breaks power struggles and helps your child thrive.
Struggling to stay calm with your sensitive child? Learn why regulation often looks boring, why doing less is more effective, and how slowing down transforms your parenting and your child’s nervous system.
When your child melts down over small mistakes or corrections, it’s not defiance—it’s nervous system overwhelm. Learn what helps sensitive kids feel safe and build confidence.
Some kids strongly resist being told what to do—not because they’re defiant, but because loss of control feels unsafe. Learn why this happens and what actually helps.
Overstimulated this December? Learn gentle, practical ways sensitive families can reduce holiday overwhelm, support emotional regulation, and create calmer connections during the holidays.
Learn the common signs of an empath child and how to understand their deeply sensitive, emotionally attuned nature. A clear guide for parents and caregivers.
