Hidden Sensory Challenges That Can Look Like Bad Behavior
Ceara Deno, MD • June 3, 2025
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Hidden Sensory Challenges That Can Look Like Bad Behavior
How much do you know about your child’s sensory needs?
I’ll be honest.
I had never given it much thought about sensory needs until I started raising a highly sensitive child myself.
Here’s an example:
My younger son has never been able to tolerate clipping his nails.
He would run away, or throw a fit. It was never
easy.
I used to think he was being difficult on purpose.
I would think:
Why does he have to make this so difficult??
Doesn't he realize that by cooperating this would go so much easier??
We would already be done by now if he just let me clip his stupid nails!
It would drive me crazy!
And he’s not the only one.
Many, many kids struggle with sensory challenges that cause them to look like they are being intentionally difficult.
It turns out, for highly sensitive kids, sensory struggles like this are extremely common.
Many of these sensory struggles are hiding in plain sight--and parents are not aware.
Sensory challenges can look like oppositionality. Or defiance. Or a kid with bad behavior.
Today I want to share just a few of the sensory challenges that might look like oppositional or difficult behavior.
#1.) The Kid Who Won’t Eat:
Many kids with sensory sensitivities find textures, temperatures and smells of food overwhelming. This can cause feelings of disgust which looks like defiance and picky eating.
#2.) The Kid Who Won’t Get Dressed:
Kids with high tactile sensitivities can object to the feelings of tight clothing, itchy clothing, restrictive clothing, tags, seams, etc. These sensitivities can make them look difficult and defiant when getting dressed.
#3.) The Kid Who Won’t Do Basic Hygiene
(Brushing Teeth, Clipping Nails, Brushing Hair, Washing Hair, Getting Hair Cut, Etc):
So many sensory issues are hidden obstacles to many kids easily performing these activities of daily living. Some of these are tactile sensitivities, and some of these are vestibular sensitivities to the sensation of having the head being tilted in different directions (for example, for hair washing).
#4.) The Kid Who Fears Loud Noises
(Toilet Flushing, Hand Dryers, Vaccuums, Etc):
Auditory sensitivities to loud noises can create lots of fear for sensitive kids. They’re not trying to be difficult. Loud noises can actually feel painful.
#5.) The Kid Who Won’t Sit Still:
Some kids require constant movement in order to get the sensory input as to where their body is in space. Without moving, they don’t get the sensory input they need for their body to feel safe. So what looks like hyperactivity or defiance, is simply an attempt to get a sensory need met.
#6.) The Kid Who Bumps Into Things/People:
Some kids who crash into things and people are seeking deep sensory pressure input for their nervous system to feel safe in the world. What might look like being clumsy or difficult, is simply an attempt to meet a sensory need.
#7.) Kid Who Has Big Melt Downs After Fun Events:
Kids who have big meltdowns after birthday parties, school, or fun outings, are often reacting to sensory exhaustion. Their nervous systems are so overstimulated from the barrage of sensory inputs, they crash emotionally.
*******
What often looks like “BAD” behavior is a kid doing their best in a world that feels like too much.
How Can Parents Help?
If you’re seeing these behaviors in your child, know this: they’re not being difficult on purpose.
Sensory challenges are real, and your child’s reactions are signals—not misbehavior.
The best response isn’t punishment—it’s support.
That might look like offering accommodations (like tag-free clothing, noise-canceling headphones, or quiet recovery time after outings), approaching your child with more empathy and understanding, or maybe working with an occupational therapist.
Often even small adjustments to meet our child’s sensory needs, can help children feel safer—and their behavior starts to reflect that safety.
You don’t have to change everything overnight.
Even one small shift at a time can make a big difference.
If you want support handling sensory sensitivities in your child, let’s talk, I’d love to help. You don’t have to do this alone.
I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
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These are the parenting ideas that help me to show up when life is messy. I call them my parenting mantras. How did I come up with these?
They arise from my experience as a mom for 16 years; my experience helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years; and my experience helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years.
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles, and I think they can help you as you navigate parenting struggles, and seek to create a more peaceful, connected home as well.
Sometimes in our most stressful parenting moments, we can feel like we are not on the same page with our partner, or even that we are on opposing teams. This can happen because we have different parenting styles which can become more accentuated when a child is highly sensitive, or has big emotional reactions. Sometimes what appears to be a parenting challenge is actually a relationship challenge instead. Here are some common dynamics I see that are actually relationship challenges disguised as a parenting challenge.
Does your strong-willed or highly sensitive child meltdown with anything unexpected, refuse to get dressed, or lash out when you say “no”? Despite what it seems, they’re not trying to give you a hard time. They’re just HAVING a hard time. Many highly sensitive children struggle with their behavior in ways that looks like defiance and resistance, but it’s actually fear, anxiety and emotional overwhelm. By understanding this, we can find better solutions that help our kids to cooperate and have better behavior.
You make a small request of your strong-willed or highly sensitive child, and you get defiance, arguments, and power struggles. What’s going on? It’s NOT what you think. Many kids who look defiant are actually kids struggling to transitions to a new activity. Transitions are challenging for everyone, but for some children, because of their brain wiring, transitions are more challenging, creating major power struggles. Here’s what cures defiance.
For highly sensitive children especially, punishments often backfire, making behavior and your relationship worse than ever. How can we discipline highly sensitive children in effective ways that are based on trust, learning, and maintaining a close, connected relationship with their parents? We want to avoid punishments, and instead set boundaries with empathy and kindness, practice collaborative problem-solving, and do emotion coaching.
Do you have an argumentative or defiant kid? Many of the families I coach do.
If you have an argumentative child who needs to be in control, who is resistant and defiant with even small requests, who refuses to go outside his comfort zone, or who struggles with disappointment or embarrassment, this explains why your child is so challenging, and how to help them be more flexible and cooperative.
Overstimulation happens when the amount of sensory input is too much, leading to feelings of exhaustion, overwhelm, or emotional shut down. These symptoms are more likely in highly sensitive children and parents, who are more affected by sensory inputs. How can we help avoid and manage feelings of overstimulation? How can we help our children who struggle with overstimulation?
Feel like you’re running on empty as a parent? Like nothing you try with your child ever works? Like you’re chronically frustrated and exhausted? Like you can’t feel joy as a parent?
It’s very possible you are suffering from parenting burnout. And you’re not alone.
Many parents of sensitive children struggle with parenting burnout. Here’s what burnout is and how to heal it.
