Parenting Mantras That Help Me When Life is Messy
Today I want to share my personal parenting mantras.
What are these?
These are ideas that help me to show up as a parent when life is messy.
Which is most days.
OK, it’s all days lol.
How did I come up with these parenting mantras?
- Personal experience as a mom for 16 years
- Helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years
- Helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles...
And I’ve seen countless families put them into practice to create transformation as well.
Mantra #1.) No one knows how this is supposed to look:
I credit parent coach Jolette Jai with this one. (She’s the brilliant founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting where I trained to be a parent coach.)
What does this mean?
It means, there are no rules in parenting. Let me say that again. There are no rules in parenting.
There is no “one correct” way to get your child to sleep, to eat, to go to school, or to be a parent. Whatever you are telling yourself HAS to happen--"my child must do XYZ to be happy and successful”--is not only untrue, but may be creating unnecessary suffering.
I drove myself crazy comparing myself and my child to other parents, or to what I thought I was supposed to be doing.
Guess what? It doesn’t matter what works or doesn’t work for other families.
We are looking for solutions that work for you AND your child. Period.
Mantra #2. Focus on Strengths:
(Yours and Your Child’s):
Don’t tell anyone, but there are many things in life that I’m actually quite bad at! It’s true! I’m sure you are shocked. 😂
Spoiler alert. This is true for you and your child as well!! And everyone on this planet.
But that’s OK.
There are also things you and your kid are naturally gifted at.
When we focus on our natural strengths, it’s motivating! It feels good. Life feels easier. More fun. We work harder.
When we perseverate on the things we struggle with, it can feel demoralizing, demotivating and exhausting. We’re more likely to give up.
Can we improve at things we struggle with? 1000%.
But here’s a hint. Your child’s future happiness and success likely lie in an area that feels naturally easy and enjoyable, not something they hate doing.
When my son was struggling, it felt like the world was full of people telling me what my child needed to improve. It felt overwhelming. When we start with strengths instead, it’s way less stressful and more fun.
Mantra #3. Your Child is WAY More Capable Than They Appear:
As parents, we have the disadvantage of seeing our kids at their most immature, needy moments.
This can make us believe they are less capable than they actually are.
We can forget that kids are constantly growing and maturing.
Each day they are becoming more capable than yesterday.
This mantra I credit to a summer camp director who said: “Kids are always bravest when they are away from their parents.”
Well, kids also appear more capable away from parents too.
So I like to ask:
Am I seeing my child through the eyes of who they were yesterday (or last year)?
Am I forgetting that my child is constantly growing?
What would it look like to hold space for the belief that they can do this thing that was really challenging for them yesterday?
Whether your child is struggling with going to school, not having meltdowns, or being more independent, I promise: they are more capable than they appear.
Mantra #4. Every personality and temperament has gifts:
My two boys are very different.
When my older son was younger, I remember wishing he were different. More like me. Especially the qualities I like about myself--the qualities I believe have helped me become “successful.”
Well, guess what?
He is different than me in some ways (personality and temperament).
And as a result, some things are harder for him. This is a fact.
But some things are also easier for him.
Because of his differences, he will have experiences and pleasures and joys I won’t ever have.
Over the last 16 years, I have repeatedly found myself intermittently accepting and then grieving these differences.
For me, accepting those differences hasn’t been linear.
I’ll be accepting of the differences, but then something happens, and I will be fearful again. And grieve again. It’s a work in progress.
Mantra #5. It’s Not Too Late:
Are you and your child still alive?
Then it’s not too late to change a dynamic that’s not working.
Inside you is a capable, resourceful, resilient parent who can make any transformation and shift imaginable.
And shifts that are even unimaginable right now.
You are so much more capable than you feel in this moment.
So capable! So brave! So resourceful!
Alright, those are some of my thoughts on parenting. The thoughts that help me through messy times. And keep me hopeful.
I hope you find them helpful as well.
What do you think?
What resonates?
Which mantra might help with a struggle you’re going through now?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family,
Ceara
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