Parenting Mantras That Help Me When Life is Messy
Today I want to share my personal parenting mantras.
What are these?
These are ideas that help me to show up as a parent when life is messy.
Which is most days.
OK, it’s all days lol.
How did I come up with these parenting mantras?
- Personal experience as a mom for 16 years
- Helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years
- Helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles...
And I’ve seen countless families put them into practice to create transformation as well.
Mantra #1.) No one knows how this is supposed to look:
I credit parent coach Jolette Jai with this one. (She’s the brilliant founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting where I trained to be a parent coach.)
What does this mean?
It means, there are no rules in parenting. Let me say that again. There are no rules in parenting.
There is no “one correct” way to get your child to sleep, to eat, to go to school, or to be a parent. Whatever you are telling yourself HAS to happen--"my child must do XYZ to be happy and successful”--is not only untrue, but may be creating unnecessary suffering.
I drove myself crazy comparing myself and my child to other parents, or to what I thought I was supposed to be doing.
Guess what? It doesn’t matter what works or doesn’t work for other families.
We are looking for solutions that work for you AND your child. Period.
Mantra #2. Focus on Strengths:
(Yours and Your Child’s):
Don’t tell anyone, but there are many things in life that I’m actually quite bad at! It’s true! I’m sure you are shocked. 😂
Spoiler alert. This is true for you and your child as well!! And everyone on this planet.
But that’s OK.
There are also things you and your kid are naturally gifted at.
When we focus on our natural strengths, it’s motivating! It feels good. Life feels easier. More fun. We work harder.
When we perseverate on the things we struggle with, it can feel demoralizing, demotivating and exhausting. We’re more likely to give up.
Can we improve at things we struggle with? 1000%.
But here’s a hint. Your child’s future happiness and success likely lie in an area that feels naturally easy and enjoyable, not something they hate doing.
When my son was struggling, it felt like the world was full of people telling me what my child needed to improve. It felt overwhelming. When we start with strengths instead, it’s way less stressful and more fun.
Mantra #3. Your Child is WAY More Capable Than They Appear:
As parents, we have the disadvantage of seeing our kids at their most immature, needy moments.
This can make us believe they are less capable than they actually are.
We can forget that kids are constantly growing and maturing.
Each day they are becoming more capable than yesterday.
This mantra I credit to a summer camp director who said: “Kids are always bravest when they are away from their parents.”
Well, kids also appear more capable away from parents too.
So I like to ask:
Am I seeing my child through the eyes of who they were yesterday (or last year)?
Am I forgetting that my child is constantly growing?
What would it look like to hold space for the belief that they can do this thing that was really challenging for them yesterday?
Whether your child is struggling with going to school, not having meltdowns, or being more independent, I promise: they are more capable than they appear.
Mantra #4. Every personality and temperament has gifts:
My two boys are very different.
When my older son was younger, I remember wishing he were different. More like me. Especially the qualities I like about myself--the qualities I believe have helped me become “successful.”
Well, guess what?
He is different than me in some ways (personality and temperament).
And as a result, some things are harder for him. This is a fact.
But some things are also easier for him.
Because of his differences, he will have experiences and pleasures and joys I won’t ever have.
Over the last 16 years, I have repeatedly found myself intermittently accepting and then grieving these differences.
For me, accepting those differences hasn’t been linear.
I’ll be accepting of the differences, but then something happens, and I will be fearful again. And grieve again. It’s a work in progress.
Mantra #5. It’s Not Too Late:
Are you and your child still alive?
Then it’s not too late to change a dynamic that’s not working.
Inside you is a capable, resourceful, resilient parent who can make any transformation and shift imaginable.
And shifts that are even unimaginable right now.
You are so much more capable than you feel in this moment.
So capable! So brave! So resourceful!
Alright, those are some of my thoughts on parenting. The thoughts that help me through messy times. And keep me hopeful.
I hope you find them helpful as well.
What do you think?
What resonates?
Which mantra might help with a struggle you’re going through now?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family,
Ceara
There’s something I’ve been noticing lately. Parents reach out. They start the conversation. They open the door to getting support. And then… hesitation. Not because they don’t care. Not because they don’t think this could help. But because something in them says: “Maybe now’s not the right time.” If that’s you, I want you to know—this is incredibly common. And it makes so much sense. Why It Feels So Hard to Start The parents I work with are thoughtful, committed, and deeply invested in their children. They are not avoiding the problem. They are overwhelmed. They’re already carrying so much: big emotions (their child’s and their own) daily power struggles constant second-guessing the quiet worry that they’re getting it wrong So when something new enters the picture—even something supportive—it can feel like: one more thing they don’t have the capacity for. Even if part of them knows it could help. The Part No One Says Out Loud Here’s the piece that often goes unspoken: Waiting doesn’t actually reduce the overwhelm. It usually just stretches it out. The same hard moments keep happening. The same patterns keep repeating. The same end-of-day feeling returns: “I don’t want to keep doing it like this.” It’s not just the idea of change that feels exhausting. It’s the experience of being stuck. A Different Way to Think About “Starting” A lot of parents think starting means: more effort more time more pressure But that’s not actually what support is meant to feel like. Starting isn’t about suddenly having more energy. It’s about not doing this alone anymore. It’s having someone: help you think clearly again understand your child in a deeper way guide you through the moments that currently feel overwhelming hold steady when things feel hard And often, that’s where the first sense of relief comes in. Not after everything is fixed. But the moment you realize: “I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.” You Don’t Have to Wait Until It Gets Worse There’s a belief many parents carry—quietly—that they should wait. Wait until things are more serious. Wait until they feel more ready. Wait until they have more time or energy. But support isn’t something you earn by reaching a breaking point. You’re allowed to get help: in the middle of the struggle in the middle of the uncertainty in the middle of the hard days Not just when things fall apart. If You’re In That In-Between Space If part of you is thinking: “Something needs to change…” and another part of you feels hesitant… you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re human. And you don’t have to force yourself into a big decision today. But you might gently consider this: What if starting isn’t adding more to your plate… but finally taking something off of it? A Gentle Next Step If you’ve been circling the idea of getting support—going back and forth, telling yourself “maybe later”—this is just a gentle invitation. You don’t have to wait until things get worse. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. You’re allowed to get support now. If you want to talk it through, you can always reach out or schedule a call. No pressure—just a conversation about what might actually help. 🤍
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