Why Is My Child So Mean To Me? What’s Really Going On?
Ceara Deno, MD • June 30, 2025
Schedule A Free Call
Why Is My Child So Mean To Me? What’s Really Going On?

Let me share a little secret.
Sensitive kids lash out more.
They say mean things to you.
Or take frustrations out on you more.
Or take it out on their siblings.
As a parent, it can feel devastating.
Gutting.
Hopeless.
But it’s important to understand, sensitive kids are not trying to be mean.
Kids lash out because they feel vulnerable.
They feel weak.
Or overwhelmed.
Or less than.
Or powerless.
Lashing out is their best attempt to try to stop the painful feelings, and feel better.
It doesn’t excuse the behavior.
But it’s much easier to stay calm, when we understand WHY it’s happening.
If we had a magical translator app, here’s what it might say…
What They Say:
"I hate you!”
What They Mean:
"I feel totally out of control and I don’t know how to ask for help without pushing you away.”
What They Say:
"You never listen!”
What They Mean:
"I feel powerless and misunderstood, and I don’t know how to get your attention in a way that feels good.”
What They Say:
"You're the worst parent ever!”
What They Mean:
"I’m flooded with frustration and pain, and I need to know you’ll still love me even when I’m at my worst.”
What They Say:
Hits or yells at a sibling
What They Mean:
"I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have the skills yet to pause or ask for what I need.”
What They Say:
"Go away!”
What They Mean:
"I need you close, but everything feels too intense right now and I don’t know how to ask for space without losing connection.”
What They Say:
"I don’t care!”
What They Mean:
"I care so much that I’m trying to protect myself by pretending I don’t.”
Understanding what’s really going on doesn’t mean we excuse the behavior.
But the more we understand, the easier it is to stay calm. And not take it personally.
The next time your child says something that stings, pause and imagine what they might be trying to say underneath the storm.
You just might hear the deeper message:
“I'm overwhelmed. And I’m afraid you won’t find me lovable at my worst.”
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Warmly,
Ceara
Parent Coach for Highly Sensitive Kids

Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.









