What’s REALLY going on for argumentative kids??
Do you have an **argumentative** kid? Many of the families I coach do.
See if this sounds familiar:
Keenan* (not actual name), age 8, is an argumentative kid.
Since he was little, Keenan needs to be in control. The minute his parents gently try to push him, he becomes resistant and defiant. He resists even small requests, and completely refuses to go outside his comfort zone.
Although his meltdowns are improving somewhat, he still shuts down when he's disappointed or embarassed. When this happens, he becomes defensive and argumentative, blaming his parents or siblings.
Despite their best attempts to stay calm, his parents frequently find themselves yelling and losing their temper with him in response to his verbal attacks and bad attitude.
What’s going on? What’s “wrong” with Keenan?
- Why is he so rigid?
- Why won’t he accept responsibility when he’s wrong?
- Why won’t he go outside his comfort zone?
- Why won’t he comply with small requests?
Analysis:
Keenan is typical of kids with a more sensitive/anxious temperament. For these kids, life feels overwhelming and out of control most of the time. They feel unsafe, so they dig in their heels to exert control any way they can.
They’re not trying to be difficult.
They’re just trying to feel safe.
What looks like defiance and stubbornness is actually fear.
Understanding where this behavior comes from can help us be more empathetic.
These kids don’t want to be difficult. They just want to feel safe.
We help to de-escalate conflict when we:
- Model cooperation and peacefulness
- Use humor and play to increase connection and safety
- Walk away instead of fighting
- Choose our battles
The more we understand about challenging behavior, the less we have to take it personally, and the less we have to become reactive.
Let me know if this resonates. Let me know if this sounds like your home.
Your Parent Coach,
Ceara
Need more support with your argumentative child? Schedule a free 20 minute call with me HERE.
