Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Ceara Deno, MD • September 8, 2025
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Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Many of the families I work with have a child who struggles to move outside their comfort zone:
For younger kids this might look like:
- separation anxiety
- a preferred parent
- a restrictive palate and picky eating
For older kids this might look like:
- refusing to try a new sport
- refusing to go out to new (or even familiar) places
- school refusal
These behaviors are often signs of anxiety.
And as much as we want to “help” by pushing, pushing often backfires.
What does help?
- The First Step: Handle Your Own Anxiety: Parenting a child with a sensitive or anxious temperament is hard. They may look fearful, overwhelmed, or even incapable at times. It’s normal to feel a surge of worry or frustration, but the first thing to do is take a moment to handle your own anxiety. Your calm, steady presence is what allows your child to feel safe enough to face challenges.
2. Hold Space Instead of Pushing: Instead of pushing or rescuing your child, try holding space for their discomfort. The energy you want to convey is: “I see how hard this is for you, and I know you can do it.” This communicates trust in their ability to handle the challenge—even if they don’t feel capable in the moment.
Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child:
Here are some strategies to help your child step outside their comfort zone:
- Validate feelings
– Acknowledge their experience: “I know this feels scary.” Feeling seen reduces fear and increases confidence.
- Offer tiny steps
– Break challenges into small, manageable steps. Even a small effort counts as progress.
- Notice bravery
– Point out moments of courage, even if they seem minor. Recognizing effort builds resilience.
- Stay calm and steady
– Your calm presence is contagious. Children pick up on tension, so your composure helps them feel secure.
Growth Without Fear or Power Struggles
The goal isn’t avoiding growth—it’s helping your child develop confidence without fear, frustration, or power struggles. Sensitive and anxious kids are braver and more capable than they appear when they begin to feel overwhelmed, and your support helps them see that for themselves.
If you want personalized guidance on helping your anxious or sensitive child step outside their comfort zone, I offer free calls where we can explore strategies tailored to your child’s unique temperament.
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