Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Ceara Deno, MD • September 8, 2025
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Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Many of the families I work with have a child who struggles to move outside their comfort zone:
For younger kids this might look like:
- separation anxiety
- a preferred parent
- a restrictive palate and picky eating
For older kids this might look like:
- refusing to try a new sport
- refusing to go out to new (or even familiar) places
- school refusal
These behaviors are often signs of anxiety.
And as much as we want to “help” by pushing, pushing often backfires.
What does help?
- The First Step: Handle Your Own Anxiety: Parenting a child with a sensitive or anxious temperament is hard. They may look fearful, overwhelmed, or even incapable at times. It’s normal to feel a surge of worry or frustration, but the first thing to do is take a moment to handle your own anxiety. Your calm, steady presence is what allows your child to feel safe enough to face challenges.
2. Hold Space Instead of Pushing: Instead of pushing or rescuing your child, try holding space for their discomfort. The energy you want to convey is: “I see how hard this is for you, and I know you can do it.” This communicates trust in their ability to handle the challenge—even if they don’t feel capable in the moment.
Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child:
Here are some strategies to help your child step outside their comfort zone:
- Validate feelings
– Acknowledge their experience: “I know this feels scary.” Feeling seen reduces fear and increases confidence.
- Offer tiny steps
– Break challenges into small, manageable steps. Even a small effort counts as progress.
- Notice bravery
– Point out moments of courage, even if they seem minor. Recognizing effort builds resilience.
- Stay calm and steady
– Your calm presence is contagious. Children pick up on tension, so your composure helps them feel secure.
Growth Without Fear or Power Struggles
The goal isn’t avoiding growth—it’s helping your child develop confidence without fear, frustration, or power struggles. Sensitive and anxious kids are braver and more capable than they appear when they begin to feel overwhelmed, and your support helps them see that for themselves.
If you want personalized guidance on helping your anxious or sensitive child step outside their comfort zone, I offer free calls where we can explore strategies tailored to your child’s unique temperament.
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Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.
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