Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Ceara Deno, MD • September 8, 2025
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Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)
Many of the families I work with have a child who struggles to move outside their comfort zone:
For younger kids this might look like:
- separation anxiety
- a preferred parent
- a restrictive palate and picky eating
For older kids this might look like:
- refusing to try a new sport
- refusing to go out to new (or even familiar) places
- school refusal
These behaviors are often signs of anxiety.
And as much as we want to “help” by pushing, pushing often backfires.
What does help?
- The First Step: Handle Your Own Anxiety: Parenting a child with a sensitive or anxious temperament is hard. They may look fearful, overwhelmed, or even incapable at times. It’s normal to feel a surge of worry or frustration, but the first thing to do is take a moment to handle your own anxiety. Your calm, steady presence is what allows your child to feel safe enough to face challenges.
2. Hold Space Instead of Pushing: Instead of pushing or rescuing your child, try holding space for their discomfort. The energy you want to convey is: “I see how hard this is for you, and I know you can do it.” This communicates trust in their ability to handle the challenge—even if they don’t feel capable in the moment.
Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child:
Here are some strategies to help your child step outside their comfort zone:
- Validate feelings
– Acknowledge their experience: “I know this feels scary.” Feeling seen reduces fear and increases confidence.
- Offer tiny steps
– Break challenges into small, manageable steps. Even a small effort counts as progress.
- Notice bravery
– Point out moments of courage, even if they seem minor. Recognizing effort builds resilience.
- Stay calm and steady
– Your calm presence is contagious. Children pick up on tension, so your composure helps them feel secure.
Growth Without Fear or Power Struggles
The goal isn’t avoiding growth—it’s helping your child develop confidence without fear, frustration, or power struggles. Sensitive and anxious kids are braver and more capable than they appear when they begin to feel overwhelmed, and your support helps them see that for themselves.
If you want personalized guidance on helping your anxious or sensitive child step outside their comfort zone, I offer free calls where we can explore strategies tailored to your child’s unique temperament.
Parenting sensitive or anxious kids can feel overwhelming, but with patience, validation, and steady support, you can help your child navigate challenges confidently—and even discover their own bravery along the way.
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I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
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These are the parenting ideas that help me to show up when life is messy. I call them my parenting mantras. How did I come up with these?
They arise from my experience as a mom for 16 years; my experience helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years; and my experience helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years.
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles, and I think they can help you as you navigate parenting struggles, and seek to create a more peaceful, connected home as well.
Sometimes in our most stressful parenting moments, we can feel like we are not on the same page with our partner, or even that we are on opposing teams. This can happen because we have different parenting styles which can become more accentuated when a child is highly sensitive, or has big emotional reactions. Sometimes what appears to be a parenting challenge is actually a relationship challenge instead. Here are some common dynamics I see that are actually relationship challenges disguised as a parenting challenge.
