Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead
Ceara Deno, MD • October 14, 2025
Schedule A Free Call
Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead
One of the most common things we do as parents—especially when we’re trying to stay calm and thoughtful—is talk too much in heated moments.
Our child is misbehaving, melting down, or pushing our buttons, and we feel like if we don’t say something, we’re letting them “get away with it.”
So we explain.
We reason.
We remind.
We talk.
But here’s the truth:
When our child is emotionally flooded, their thinking brain is offline.
All the logic and explaining in the world won’t help in that moment. In fact, it often makes things worse—because our child’s emotional brain hears our words as more pressure, more noise, more disconnection.
When kids are dysregulated, they don’t need more words.
They need space and calm.
The Power of Saying Less
When you stop talking and focus on calming your own nervous system, you give your child’s brain space to settle.
Your quiet presence says:
“You’re safe. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”
It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the most powerful parenting tool you have is your silence—and your steady, grounded energy.
Here are five common parenting situations where talking less helps your child calm down faster—and what to do instead.
1️⃣ When your child is melting down after hearing “no.”
Don’t: Try to reason, explain, or convince them mid-meltdown. Their brain can’t process logic right now.
Do: Say less. Keep your body language calm and grounded.
Be a quiet, safe presence until the storm passes.
Connection first—conversation later.
2️⃣ When your child is arguing or talking back.
Don’t: Match their energy or get pulled into a verbal tug-of-war. More words = more fuel.
Do: Take a deep breath, pause, remind yourself not to take it personally. And revisit the issue when everyone’s calm.
3️⃣
When your child won’t cooperate (“I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”)
Don’t: Over-explain, plead, or justify your limit—it sounds like an invitation to argue.
Do: Hold the limit with calm confidence.
Use empathy and few words:
“I know you don’t want to. It’s still time for teeth.”
Then stop talking and follow through kindly.
4️⃣ When siblings are fighting.
Don’t: Raise your voice or start lecturing in the chaos. It adds more noise and tension.
Do: Step in silently first.
Use your calm presence to separate or block if needed.
Few words, soft tone. Once calm returns, help them reflect and repair.
5️⃣ When your child is spiraling from frustration (“This is stupid! I can’t do it!”)
Don’t: Say “You’re fine” or “Just calm down.” It can feel invalidating when they’re overwhelmed.
Do: Acknowledge their feelings quietly:
“I know this feels hard.”
Then pause. Let silence communicate safety until they’re ready to re-engage.
Calm Is Contagious
Sensitive kids hear your energy more than your words.
When you talk less and show up quietly, you model regulation.
💛 Underreact to the negative. Overreact to the positive.
That’s how your child learns calm through your example—not your lectures.
Bringing It All Together
Next time you feel yourself starting to explain, reason, or overtalk in a tense moment, take a breath.
Notice your own body first.
If you can bring calm, your child will eventually follow your lead.
And if this feels easier said than done—don’t worry. You can absolutely learn how to stay steady when your child can’t. That’s exactly what I help parents do in my coaching sessions.
If you’re ready to feel more confident, connected, and peaceful with your sensitive child, I’d love to help.
Discover why play isn’t just for kids. Learn how adults can benefit from small, joyful, and playful moments — with your kids or on your own — to boost connection, laughter, and well-being.
Feeling stuck in parenting challenges? See how noticing tiny moments of connection — or ‘glimmers’ — can transform your relationship with your child.
A powerful parenting reframe for challenging kids: how seeing your child as having a hard time—not giving one—can change connection and behavior.
Discover why real change with sensitive, strong-willed kids starts in the parent—not the child. Learn how steadiness, not control, breaks power struggles and helps your child thrive.
Struggling to stay calm with your sensitive child? Learn why regulation often looks boring, why doing less is more effective, and how slowing down transforms your parenting and your child’s nervous system.
When your child melts down over small mistakes or corrections, it’s not defiance—it’s nervous system overwhelm. Learn what helps sensitive kids feel safe and build confidence.
Some kids strongly resist being told what to do—not because they’re defiant, but because loss of control feels unsafe. Learn why this happens and what actually helps.
Overstimulated this December? Learn gentle, practical ways sensitive families can reduce holiday overwhelm, support emotional regulation, and create calmer connections during the holidays.
Learn the common signs of an empath child and how to understand their deeply sensitive, emotionally attuned nature. A clear guide for parents and caregivers.
Learn simple, connection-based corrections that help highly sensitive kids feel understood, supported, and more confident with big emotions.
