Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead

Ceara Deno, MD • October 14, 2025

Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead

One of the most common things we do as parents—especially when we’re trying to stay calm and thoughtful—is talk too much in heated moments.

Our child is misbehaving, melting down, or pushing our buttons, and we feel like if we don’t say something, we’re letting them “get away with it.”

So we explain.

We reason.

We remind.

We talk.

But here’s the truth:

When our child is emotionally flooded, their thinking brain is offline.

All the logic and explaining in the world won’t help in that moment. In fact, it often makes things worse—because our child’s emotional brain hears our words as more pressure, more noise, more disconnection.

When kids are dysregulated, they don’t need more words.

They need space and calm.

The Power of Saying Less

When you stop talking and focus on calming your own nervous system, you give your child’s brain space to settle.

Your quiet presence says:

“You’re safe. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”

It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the most powerful parenting tool you have is your silence—and your steady, grounded energy.

Here are five common parenting situations where talking less helps your child calm down faster—and what to do instead.

1️⃣ When your child is melting down after hearing “no.”

Don’t: Try to reason, explain, or convince them mid-meltdown. Their brain can’t process logic right now.

Do: Say less. Keep your body language calm and grounded.

Be a quiet, safe presence until the storm passes.

Connection first—conversation later.

2️⃣ When your child is arguing or talking back.

Don’t: Match their energy or get pulled into a verbal tug-of-war. More words = more fuel.

Do: Take a deep breath, pause, remind yourself not to take it personally. And revisit the issue when everyone’s calm.

3️⃣ When your child won’t cooperate (“I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”)

Don’t: Over-explain, plead, or justify your limit—it sounds like an invitation to argue.

Do: Hold the limit with calm confidence.

Use empathy and few words:

“I know you don’t want to. It’s still time for teeth.”

Then stop talking and follow through kindly.

4️⃣ When siblings are fighting.

Don’t: Raise your voice or start lecturing in the chaos. It adds more noise and tension.

Do: Step in silently first.

Use your calm presence to separate or block if needed.

Few words, soft tone. Once calm returns, help them reflect and repair.

5️⃣ When your child is spiraling from frustration (“This is stupid! I can’t do it!”)

Don’t: Say “You’re fine” or “Just calm down.” It can feel invalidating when they’re overwhelmed.

Do: Acknowledge their feelings quietly:

“I know this feels hard.”

Then pause. Let silence communicate safety until they’re ready to re-engage.

Calm Is Contagious

Sensitive kids hear your energy more than your words.

When you talk less and show up quietly, you model regulation.

💛 Underreact to the negative. Overreact to the positive.

That’s how your child learns calm through your example—not your lectures.

Bringing It All Together

Next time you feel yourself starting to explain, reason, or overtalk in a tense moment, take a breath.

Notice your own body first.

If you can bring calm, your child will eventually follow your lead.

And if this feels easier said than done—don’t worry. You can absolutely learn how to stay steady when your child can’t. That’s exactly what I help parents do in my coaching sessions.

If you’re ready to feel more confident, connected, and peaceful with your sensitive child, I’d love to help.

Schedule a free call with me here to learn more about whether working together would help your family.

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By Ceara Deno, MD • September 29, 2025

Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.

Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead