Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead
Ceara Deno, MD • October 14, 2025
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Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead
One of the most common things we do as parents—especially when we’re trying to stay calm and thoughtful—is talk too much in heated moments.
Our child is misbehaving, melting down, or pushing our buttons, and we feel like if we don’t say something, we’re letting them “get away with it.”
So we explain.
We reason.
We remind.
We talk.
But here’s the truth:
When our child is emotionally flooded, their thinking brain is offline.
All the logic and explaining in the world won’t help in that moment. In fact, it often makes things worse—because our child’s emotional brain hears our words as more pressure, more noise, more disconnection.
When kids are dysregulated, they don’t need more words.
They need space and calm.
The Power of Saying Less
When you stop talking and focus on calming your own nervous system, you give your child’s brain space to settle.
Your quiet presence says:
“You’re safe. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”
It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the most powerful parenting tool you have is your silence—and your steady, grounded energy.
Here are five common parenting situations where talking less helps your child calm down faster—and what to do instead.
1️⃣ When your child is melting down after hearing “no.”
Don’t: Try to reason, explain, or convince them mid-meltdown. Their brain can’t process logic right now.
Do: Say less. Keep your body language calm and grounded.
Be a quiet, safe presence until the storm passes.
Connection first—conversation later.
2️⃣ When your child is arguing or talking back.
Don’t: Match their energy or get pulled into a verbal tug-of-war. More words = more fuel.
Do: Take a deep breath, pause, remind yourself not to take it personally. And revisit the issue when everyone’s calm.
3️⃣
When your child won’t cooperate (“I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”)
Don’t: Over-explain, plead, or justify your limit—it sounds like an invitation to argue.
Do: Hold the limit with calm confidence.
Use empathy and few words:
“I know you don’t want to. It’s still time for teeth.”
Then stop talking and follow through kindly.
4️⃣ When siblings are fighting.
Don’t: Raise your voice or start lecturing in the chaos. It adds more noise and tension.
Do: Step in silently first.
Use your calm presence to separate or block if needed.
Few words, soft tone. Once calm returns, help them reflect and repair.
5️⃣ When your child is spiraling from frustration (“This is stupid! I can’t do it!”)
Don’t: Say “You’re fine” or “Just calm down.” It can feel invalidating when they’re overwhelmed.
Do: Acknowledge their feelings quietly:
“I know this feels hard.”
Then pause. Let silence communicate safety until they’re ready to re-engage.
Calm Is Contagious
Sensitive kids hear your energy more than your words.
When you talk less and show up quietly, you model regulation.
💛 Underreact to the negative. Overreact to the positive.
That’s how your child learns calm through your example—not your lectures.
Bringing It All Together
Next time you feel yourself starting to explain, reason, or overtalk in a tense moment, take a breath.
Notice your own body first.
If you can bring calm, your child will eventually follow your lead.
And if this feels easier said than done—don’t worry. You can absolutely learn how to stay steady when your child can’t. That’s exactly what I help parents do in my coaching sessions.
If you’re ready to feel more confident, connected, and peaceful with your sensitive child, I’d love to help.
Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.
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I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
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