Spirited Kids (driving us nuts!); What To Do

Do you have a spirited kid?  A strong-willed, intense, or independent child who hates being told what to do?

If so, you may be exhausted and worried. 

"Will they be OK as adults?"  "Will they thrive in the world?"  And for the love of all that is holy, "Why won’t they just cooperate??"

Here are a couple helpful shifts to parent with less stress, more joy, and fewer fights:

1.)  Choose to view your child as spirited, not "difficult":

• Choosing to view your child’s temperament through a positive lens keeps us out of fight or flight
• This helps us be more positive and calm in our parentingWe remain open and give our child the benefit of the doubt when we avoid negative judgments
• We can be warm and supportive when we stay rooted in focusing on our child’s inner goodness

2.) See your child’s spiritedness as a strength:

• Are you also strong-willed by nature?  How has your strong-will and determination helped you in life?  How might it also help your child?
• A strong will gives your child great leadership potential
• When channeled in positive ways, determination and doggedness are positive qualities that will serve them in many areas of life



By choosing a positive, trusting lens, we take ourselves out of fight/flight/freeze, and back to our prefrontal cortex.  This allows us to be more open, warm, supportive, calm and flexible as parents, without even needing to do anything else differently. 

Are you able to see the positive in your child’s temperament?  What about the strengths in their personality?  How might these strengths serve them in life?