Why lectures don’t teach frustration tolerance (and what does)
Ceara Deno, MD • October 27, 2025
Schedule A Free Call
This is a subtitle for your new post
I often hear from parents who say,
“I try to explain why my child shouldn’t get so upset… but it never works.”
And they’re right — it doesn’t.
When children are frustrated, their brains are not in a state to learn.
In those moments, their nervous system is in survival mode. The prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for logic, reasoning, and impulse control — goes offline.
So even the calmest, most well-intentioned explanation can’t land. It’s not because your child is being defiant or disrespectful; it’s because their brain literally can’t process your words when it’s flooded with emotion.
The Real Way Kids Learn Frustration Tolerance
Frustration tolerance isn’t taught through lectures.
It’s modeled through co-regulation.
Every time your child sees you stay grounded, patient, or even gently playful in the face of their big emotions, you’re teaching them — without words — how to manage frustration.
You’re sending a powerful, implicit message:
“This feeling isn’t dangerous. You can handle it. I can handle it too.”
That’s how emotional resilience develops — through repeated experiences of being with someone who can remain steady when things feel hard.
Why Humor Helps
Humor, when used with warmth and empathy, can be a surprisingly effective tool.
It lightens tension, signals safety, and helps both parent and child re-engage the thinking brain.
A gentle smile, a playful comment, or a silly gesture can shift the emotional energy in the room — not by dismissing your child’s feelings, but by reminding their nervous system that connection is still available, even in frustration.
What To Do Instead of Lecturing
When your child is frustrated:
Pause before you speak. Take a breath and regulate yourself first.
Stay steady. Use your calm tone, relaxed body, and simple presence to anchor your child.
Add lightness if it feels right. A playful moment can remind your child that frustration is survivable.
Wait for the calm. Once your child’s body softens and their breathing slows, then talk — briefly and simply.
In that calm, connected space, your words finally have a place to land.
The Takeaway
Frustration tolerance grows not from explanations, but from experience.
When you can stay centered — especially when your child cannot — you’re offering the most powerful emotional lesson there is:
“We can handle this together.”
❤️ Ceara
Sometimes the most loving response is saying less. Learn how quiet calm helps your child regulate better than words ever could.
Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.
Struggling with meltdowns and power struggles? Discover “Parenting Highly Sensitive and Spirited Kids Without Losing Your Mind," an 8-week group coaching program for parents of highly sensitive kids to build calm, confidence, and connection at home.
Learn how to support your anxious or sensitive child without pushing, rescuing, or power struggles. Discover practical tips to help them build confidence and face challenges with courage.
Parenting a defiant child, explosive tween, or argumentative teen? Discover 6 powerful success stories of families who went from daily battles to harmony with parent coaching.
Get answers to the most common questions about my upcoming group coaching program for parents of highly sensitive kids. Learn how it works, who it's for, and how it can transform your home life.
Struggling with your child’s big emotions and constant meltdowns? Join our fall group coaching program for parents of sensitive or strong-willed kids ages 5–12. Learn peaceful parenting strategies that really work.
Science shows that helping kids feel in charge of their own lives is a critical way parents help kids thrive, and this starts with parents managing their own stress and anxiety.
Why do sensitive kids lash out? As a parent, this can feel devastating and hopeless. But it’s important to understand, sensitive kids are not trying to be mean, they’re doing the best they can. Understanding why kids are mean is the first step to preventing this behavior.
I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
