How Routines Bring Peace for Sensitive Families
Ceara Deno, MD • December 10, 2024
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How Routines Bring Peace for Sensitive Families
If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed how much they thrive on predictability.
These kids do not like change, newness, or surprises.
Their comfort zone is SMALL.
And they can easily become unhinged when life deals them something unexpected or disappointing.
Why? Why do sensitive kids struggle so much more with unpredictability?
Novelty triggers the threat system in the brain.
For sensitive kids, that threat system is already MORE ACTIVE than other kids.
They notice MORE in their environment, and they are more DEEPLY AFFECTED by the environment.
Not only does the threat system get triggered more easily, it also takes longer to recover back to normal.
This means these children spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed and on high-alert.
What does this mean for parents of sensitive kids?
It means more meltdowns, power struggles, oppositional behavior, and inflexibility when life is unpredictable.
The good news is creating predictable routines WILL make life easier.
Here are some of the key benefits of predictable routines:
1. Routines Reduce Anxiety
When kids know what’s coming next, it helps them feel safe and secure. A predictable flow eliminates the fear of the unknown, which can often be a source of resistance or anxiety during transitions.
2. They Teach Time Awareness
For many kids, time is an abstract concept. Routines provide structure, helping them understand what to expect and when. Over time, this can build their ability to anticipate and prepare for transitions, reducing meltdowns or frustration.
3. They Create Emotional Safety
Transitions can trigger feelings of uncertainty or overwhelm, especially for sensitive kids. A consistent routine acts like a "roadmap" they can trust, helping them feel emotionally grounded even when moving between activities.
4. They Encourage Independence
When kids become familiar with routines, they start to internalize the steps. This can help them take ownership of transitions, whether it’s tidying up before dinner or getting ready for bed, fostering a sense of competence and independence.
5. They Minimize Power Struggles
When routines are in place, transitions stop feeling like sudden demands and start feeling like a natural flow. This reduces resistance and power struggles, making transitions smoother for both parent and child.
6. They Support Emotional Regulation
Highly sensitive children often need extra time and tools to shift their focus and energy. Routines provide cues that help their nervous system adjust and stay regulated.
7. They Decrease Decision Fatigue for Parents
Without a clear routine, there is no clarity over expectations. Parents are constantly needing to make decisions about what is OK, and all these decisions can become exhausting. Routines give clarity, which decreases the amount of decisions parents need to make.
Would you like support in creating daily routines that fit your unique family? I’d love to help!
The next step is to schedule a Get-Acquainted Call with me using the pink, “Schedule A Free Call” button above.
During this call we will make a plan to create a more peaceful home for you and your sensitive child, full of connection, affection and more joy.
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Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown? For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently. The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier. Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help. 1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love. How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change. Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare. 2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time. How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine. 3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles. How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?” 4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity. How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?” 5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them. How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions. The Takeaway Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection. 💛 Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience. If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you. I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids. Schedule a free call with me here.
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