Repairing a broken parent-child relationship
When I met Tom last year after his divorce and his ex’s remarriage to someone who was determined to “erase” Tom from his son’s life, things were so bad, he hadn’t spoken to his son in more than a year, and hadn’t seen his son for much longer than that.
Tom longed to fix the relationship with his son, but he was filled with self-doubt whether he would be successful.
Was it too late? Would he even know what to say to his son? What if his son was angry? What if he had questions Tom didn’t know how to answer?
Tom created a plan to reconnect with his son. He got a lawyer to help with the structure. Meanwhile, he and I worked on making a plan.
First we needed to relieve some of the tremendous pressure Tom was feeling to get everything “right."
- Feeling like he needed to “do everything perfectly,” was preventing him from actually being in the moment
- He could relax and be himself with his son when he stopped pressuring himself to be “Dad of the year” every moment
- His son didn’t need everything to be perfect. He just needed his dad to show up authentically.
Instead of trying so hard to force it, Tom could be himself. He could be authentic.
When things felt awkward, Tom acknowledged it. When his son asked questions, Tom shared how difficult the situation was for everyone. When his son was angry, Tom told his son his feelings were valid.
Now, Tom and his son connect multiple times a week by phone. They have special weekends where Tom flies out to see his son, and eventually his son will fly to see Tom.
They have gone from having no contact to a connected, authentic, loving relationship.
Sometimes it’s still challenging or awkward. Sometimes Tom wonders what to say to his son on the phone.
But that’s what parenting is like. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to show up with honesty.
The most important thing is that Tom is allowing himself to relax a little more, enjoy the ride, and he never, ever gave up on the dream of a connection with his son.
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I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
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These are the parenting ideas that help me to show up when life is messy. I call them my parenting mantras. How did I come up with these?
They arise from my experience as a mom for 16 years; my experience helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years; and my experience helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years.
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles, and I think they can help you as you navigate parenting struggles, and seek to create a more peaceful, connected home as well.
