Tracking Glimmers: The Brain Science Behind Noticing What’s Going Right
Ceara Deno, MD • February 11, 2026
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Tracking Glimmers: The Brain Science Behind Noticing What’s Going Right
When parenting feels difficult, many parents come to me with the same painful conclusion:
“Nothing is working.”
“All we do is fight.”
“It’s just one hard moment after another.”
What’s important to understand is that this experience, while very real, is not always an accurate reflection of reality.
It’s often a reflection of how human brains work.
Your Brain Is Wired to Notice Problems
The human nervous system has something called a negativity bias — a deeply ingrained survival mechanism that prioritizes noticing threats, problems, and potential dangers.
From an evolutionary standpoint, this is brilliant design.
Brains that paid close attention to what was dangerous were more likely to survive. Missing a threat had far greater consequences than overlooking something pleasant or neutral.
But in modern family life, this same mechanism can create a distorted internal narrative.
A single stressful interaction with your child can overshadow dozens of ordinary or neutral moments. A rough bedtime can color your perception of the entire day. A meltdown can feel like proof that everything is unraveling.
Not because nothing good happened — but because your brain assigns more weight to negative experiences.
Negative events trigger stronger neural activation, hold attention more easily, and are stored more vividly in memory. They simply feel bigger inside the mind.
The Hidden Problem: Good Moments Often Go Unregistered
Meanwhile, small moments of connection, cooperation, or ease often pass by without much notice:
- A shared joke.
- A smooth transition.
- A brief cuddle.
- A moment of warmth.
These experiences occur, but they don’t command the same neurological spotlight. The brain, busy scanning for problems, treats them as background noise.
Over time, this creates an internal story that feels like:
“It’s always hard.”
“We’re always struggling.”
“We’re stuck.”
Even when that isn’t fully true.
What Is a “Glimmer”?
In nervous system language, a glimmer is any small cue of safety, regulation, or connection.
Not grand victories.
Not perfect parenting moments.
Just signs that, in this instant, things are okay.
Glimmers can be incredibly ordinary:
- Your child laughing
- A moment of affection
- A peaceful car ride
- A conflict that resolved more easily than usual
- Even a slightly better reaction than yesterday
Tiny moments count — in fact, they’re often the most important ones.
Why Tracking Glimmers Changes Your Brain
When you intentionally notice glimmers, you are not engaging in denial or forced positivity.
You are engaging in attention training.
Attention is one of the most powerful forces shaping human experience. What we repeatedly attend to influences what the brain encodes, strengthens, and expects.
This process is tied to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself based on repeated patterns of thought and perception.
When you deliberately register moments of connection or safety, you help your nervous system build a more balanced and accurate map of your life with your child.
Instead of:
“Everything is stressful.”
The brain slowly learns:
“There are hard moments and connected moments.”
This shift has real psychological consequences. It can soften chronic stress responses, reduce feelings of hopelessness, and increase a parent’s capacity to stay regulated during challenges.
Not because problems disappear — but because the brain is no longer telling such a relentlessly negative story.
A Simple Practice to Try
Tracking glimmers does not need to be complicated.
At the end of the day, gently ask yourself:
“Where did I see even a hint of connection, ease, or cooperation today?”
That’s it.
Not what was perfect.
Not what you should be grateful for.
Just what didn’t go badly. What felt neutral, pleasant, or connecting.
Write down one or two things if you’d like. Keep it light. No pressure.
You are not trying to convince yourself life is wonderful.
You are helping your brain see reality more clearly.
And that alone can be profoundly regulating — for both you and your child.
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