When Highly Sensitive Kids Refuse to Go Places
Ceara Deno, MD • February 24, 2025
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When Highly Sensitive Kids Refuse to Go Places
Do you ever struggle to get your highly sensitive child to go places?
Maybe it’s a trip to the store, a walk outside, or a birthday party, and your highly sensitive child just doesn’t want to go.
If this sounds familiar, You Are Not Alone.
This is a very common struggle for parents.
It’s important to understand that these kids are not trying to be difficult.
In reality, these children are struggling with needing safety, predictability and support.
Why does this happen?
Highly sensitive kids can struggle to go places because:
1.) Uncertainty can feel threatening
The highly sensitive nervous system craves predictability. Unknowns around what might happen can create anxiety and fear, which can make kids worry about going out.
2.) Sensory sensitivities can be exhausting
The highly sensitive nervous system picks up more sensory details and then processes them deeply. This bombardment of sensory information can be exhausting and overwhelming.
3.) Emotional energy is draining
For the sensitive nervous system, especially when a child is also introverted, they can become easily overwhelmed by the energy of socializing. The tendency can be to pull back socially to conserve their emotional energy.
4.) They fear discomfort or struggles
Kids may fear feeling awkward, uncomfortable, tired, or wanting to leave, and not being able to. As a result, they can want to avoid places that might cause distress.
5.) Transitions are extra hard
Highly sensitive kids are deep processors. This means that going from one activity to another requires extra mental energy. This makes transitions like leaving the house extra challenging.
So it’s important to remember, kids are NOT trying to be difficult when they refuse to go.
Kids refuse to go because they are struggling with safety, predictability and needing support.
How can we respond in the most helpful way?
1.) Empathize first
We want to show empathy first. This might sound like, “I’m hearing you really don’t want to go, I can see that. I know you wish you could stay home.” This doesn’t mean that we are giving in, but we are acknowledging and validating our child’s feelings.
2.) Give a sense of control
When kids feel a sense of control, they feel less anxious. Can we give children some say in the situation? “Do you want to take a family walk with me now, or we can go after lunch?”
3.) Preview what to expect
We all feel safer when we know what to expect. By explaining what will happen when kids go out, we are meeting their need for predictability and safety. “We are going to drive to the store for about 20 minutes, and then we’ll buy about 5 things to cook dinner, which should take about 10 minutes, and then we’ll come home.”
4.) Trust in your child’s capability
Your child is much more capable than they look in the moments when they refuse to go out. I want you to trust that your child is capable of doing things that feel hard for them with support.
5.) Celebrate baby steps
When kids make efforts to go outside their comfort zone, we want to notice and celebrate these efforts. “I love that you went into the store with me even though you really didn’t want to go and it was hard. I’m so proud of you for doing hard things.”
Want more support helping your highly sensitive child go places they don’t want to go?
I’d love to help!
Schedule a free call with me that gives specific advice for your unique situation.
You can watch my video explaining helping kids when they refuse to go places below:
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I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you. This is my method how I transform families. I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection . In only 12 weeks. Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls. Here is What I Do: Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too. Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent. Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells. Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less. Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights. Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive. Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both. Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another. Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future. Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful. So then what? What happens next? How will you feel? First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more. You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better. Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions. You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways. You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection. If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better. You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more. If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace. If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone. ******* If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone. Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony. Schedule a free call with me today.
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They arise from my experience as a mom for 16 years; my experience helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years; and my experience helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years.
These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles, and I think they can help you as you navigate parenting struggles, and seek to create a more peaceful, connected home as well.
