Quieter, Introverted Children
Some kids (and adults) are quieter.
These kids have less need or desire to talk, especially about their emotions.
This type of communication style is called nonverbal processing.
People with this style want to think things through BEFORE speaking, and may not want to talk about things at all.
Maybe you know a person like this.
Maybe you ARE a person like this!! (Me. I am like this!)
Maybe you have a kid like this. (Me. One of my kids is like this!)
For parents, it can be challenging to have a kid who doesn't talk or share their feelings easily.
We wonder what’s going on, and it can be very challenging when they get upset, but won’t share easily what’s going on for them.
Both ways of communication--verbal processors who tend to “think out loud,” as well as nonverbal processors, who want to think before speaking--are normal and healthy.
Some kids want to share a lot, including their feelings. These kids are verbal processors, also a healthy way of communicating.
Because these children may talk so much, as a parent, it can feel exhausting.
On the other hand, all the sharing can be helpful, too, because you may understand a child's feelings more easily, since they share so much.
Where on this spectrum do you see your child?
Has it changed over time (hello, parents of teen boys who may share less and less!)?
No judgment. Both communication styles are normal and healthy.
Parents, where do you see yourself on this spectrum?
There’s something I’ve been noticing lately. Parents reach out. They start the conversation. They open the door to getting support. And then… hesitation. Not because they don’t care. Not because they don’t think this could help. But because something in them says: “Maybe now’s not the right time.” If that’s you, I want you to know—this is incredibly common. And it makes so much sense. Why It Feels So Hard to Start The parents I work with are thoughtful, committed, and deeply invested in their children. They are not avoiding the problem. They are overwhelmed. They’re already carrying so much: big emotions (their child’s and their own) daily power struggles constant second-guessing the quiet worry that they’re getting it wrong So when something new enters the picture—even something supportive—it can feel like: one more thing they don’t have the capacity for. Even if part of them knows it could help. The Part No One Says Out Loud Here’s the piece that often goes unspoken: Waiting doesn’t actually reduce the overwhelm. It usually just stretches it out. The same hard moments keep happening. The same patterns keep repeating. The same end-of-day feeling returns: “I don’t want to keep doing it like this.” It’s not just the idea of change that feels exhausting. It’s the experience of being stuck. A Different Way to Think About “Starting” A lot of parents think starting means: more effort more time more pressure But that’s not actually what support is meant to feel like. Starting isn’t about suddenly having more energy. It’s about not doing this alone anymore. It’s having someone: help you think clearly again understand your child in a deeper way guide you through the moments that currently feel overwhelming hold steady when things feel hard And often, that’s where the first sense of relief comes in. Not after everything is fixed. But the moment you realize: “I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.” You Don’t Have to Wait Until It Gets Worse There’s a belief many parents carry—quietly—that they should wait. Wait until things are more serious. Wait until they feel more ready. Wait until they have more time or energy. But support isn’t something you earn by reaching a breaking point. You’re allowed to get help: in the middle of the struggle in the middle of the uncertainty in the middle of the hard days Not just when things fall apart. If You’re In That In-Between Space If part of you is thinking: “Something needs to change…” and another part of you feels hesitant… you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re human. And you don’t have to force yourself into a big decision today. But you might gently consider this: What if starting isn’t adding more to your plate… but finally taking something off of it? A Gentle Next Step If you’ve been circling the idea of getting support—going back and forth, telling yourself “maybe later”—this is just a gentle invitation. You don’t have to wait until things get worse. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. You’re allowed to get support now. If you want to talk it through, you can always reach out or schedule a call. No pressure—just a conversation about what might actually help. 🤍
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