My love letter to the parents with Social Anxiety Disorder

Ceara Deno, MD • February 4, 2021
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My love letter to parents with Social Anxiety Disorder

Are you one of the 15 million Americans with Social Anxiety Disorder?


I am.


It's only recently I came to realize how much of the role this has played in my life.  And my life as a parent. 


I always knew certain social situations were very hard for me, but other situations felt very comfortable.  I think I just thought I was quirky.


See if any of this sounds like you.


Social Anxiety Disorder is characterized by:

  1. Underestimating your own social competence
  2. Overestimating other's judgments
  3. Over-focus on your own discomfort/performance, causing that discomfort to increase
  4. Safety behaviors in situations you find stressful (drinking alcohol, avoiding public speaking, avoiding certain social situations), which decrease anxiety in the short term, but cause increased anxiety over time
  5. Post-rumination ("I shouldn't have said that"; "Everyone thought my comment was dumb.")
  6. Distorted thinking (over-focus on things that went poorly, discounting the things that went well)


***********

Any of those sound like you?


How does this affect parenting?


Through our children, we will be in many social situations over the years that may trigger our social anxiety.

  1. Birthday parties
  2. School events
  3. Sports/Activities
  4. Medical appointments
  5. Watching your child struggle with social anxiety


I think most of us struggle with our discomfort in silence, not realizing how common these kinds of feelings are. 


I commiserate.  I've been there.  I know.  It can be really hard and uncomfortable.


It turns out YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS around this, which can change your feelings and behaviors.  But it requires some work and coaching. 


Because the suffering is real.  And you deserve to feel better.  Trust me.  I've been there.  I know.



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