How to Create Secure Attachment with Your Child
How to Create Emotional Safety with Your Child
Maybe you've heard about attachment styles? Attachment styles are the blueprints we carry from childhood that form a model for our future relationships.
- These blueprints tell us what is and isn’t safe in relationship.
- They tell us whether to trust ourself and others.
When we are lucky enough to have inherited a secure attachment style as a child, it is a gift that creates more emotional and mental health for our lifetime.
It makes us more resilient, with more self-confidence, and healthier relationships.
Have you ever wondered about your child’s attachment style with you? Do you and your child have a secure attachment?
- Is your child learning to trust themself?
- Is your child learning to trust other people?
- Is your child learning it's safe to be vulnerable?
- Is your child learning they deserve help with their emotions?
How do you create a secure attachment with your child...even when you didn't learn this growing up??
I know this journey.
I’ve been on this journey with my own kids.
Growing up, I did't have secure attachment with my mother.
Our relationship was not a safe place.
I could not share my true emotions or needs, so I learned not to share things.
I internalized that connection was elusive, and something I had to work for.
This created some longterm pain and suffering for me.
So, when I had my own kids, I knew I needed to do things differently.
I learned about conscious parenting.
I learned about non-violent communication.
I learned about attachment styles.
I learned apology, and how to repair after a rupture.
After years of work, I created with my kids what I didn’t have growing up:
A secure attachment.
My kids and I now have a relationship based on: openness, trust, vulnerability and direct, compassionate communication.
We have a relationship that is strong and healthy enough to handle any challenge:
- We can laugh and repair when we have conflict.
- We can use anger to recommit to make things better for the future.
- We can welcome strong feelings, without it damaging the relationship.
Do you want this in your home too?
Do you want a more secure attachment with your child?
Here are 6 ways to create a secure attachment with your child, ensuring a more emotionally healthy future for them:
1.) Welcome emotional honesty and vulnerability:
Kids need to know that we welcome their honest feelings--even when feedback is hard for us to hear. When kids learn that their true feelings are safe, and even welcomed, it builds trust in the relationship.
2.) Ask consent:
Kids need to be able to consent before having difficult conversations. When we ask, “Is now a good time to talk about what happened this morning,” we create a culture of respect for everyone’s feelings and needs.
3.) Don’t take behavior personally:
When kids are in a bad mood, or having a bad day, they need to know that we will not take that personally. This creates the safety in the relationship that they are not responsible for our feelings.
4.) Take accountability and model apology:
Taking accountability for mistakes and apologizing is a way to show that vulnerability is safe. This might sound like, “I heard my tone and it was rude. Let me try that again.” When we do this, we create a relationship where both people are safe to be vulnerable.
5.) Assume good intentions:
Sometimes kids are going to behave poorly. When we remember their inherent goodness in our hearts, and assume they are simply a good person having a hard time, we create a safe place for them to be human and imperfect.
6.) Show empathy:
When we care about our child’s feelings, even when those feelings seem silly to us, or we disagree, we create a relationship where our child feels seen and know. This feeling of being seen and known is the foundation for self-trust and confidence.
I hope these are helpful.
I'd be interested to know, What your favorite way is to create an emotionally safe relationship with your child?
And if you’re ready to take this work to the next level and create an emotionally safe, secure relationship with your child, let’s schedule a call and chat.
Click on the orange "Schedule Now" button below to schedule a free call.
