Maybe you've heard about attachment styles? Attachment styles are the blueprints we carry from childhood that form a model for our future relationships.

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• These blueprints tell us what is and isn’t safe in relationship.
• They tell us whether to trust ourself and others.

When we are lucky enough to have inherited a secure attachment style as a child, it is a gift that creates more emotional and mental health for our lifetime. 

It makes us more resilient, with more self-confidence, and healthier relationships. 

Have you ever wondered about your child’s attachment style with you? Do you and your child have a secure attachment? 

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• Is your child learning to trust themself? 
• Is your child learning to trust other people? 
• Is your child learning it's safe to be vulnerable? 
• Is your child learning they deserve help with their emotions? 

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How do you create a secure attachment with your child...even when you didn't learn this growing up??

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I know this journey. 

I’ve been on this journey with my own kids. 

Growing up, I did't have secure attachment with my mother. 

Our relationship was not a safe place. 

I could not share my true emotions or needs, so I learned not to share things. 

I internalized that connection was elusive, and something I had to work for. 

This created some longterm pain and suffering for me. 

So, when I had my own kids, I knew I needed to do things differently. 

I learned about conscious parenting. 

I learned about non-violent communication. 

I learned about attachment styles. 

I learned apology, and how to repair after a rupture. 

After years of work, I created with my kids what I didn’t have growing up: 

A secure attachment.

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My kids and I now have a relationship based on: openness, trust, vulnerability and direct, compassionate communication. 

We have a relationship that is strong and healthy enough to handle any challenge:

• We can laugh and repair when we have conflict. 
• We can use anger to recommit to make things better for the future. 
• We can welcome strong feelings, without it damaging the relationship. 

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Do you want this in your home too? 

Do you want a more secure attachment with your child? 

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Here are 6 ways to create a secure attachment with your child, ensuring a more emotionally healthy future for them:

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1.) Welcome emotional honesty and vulnerability: 

Kids need to know that we welcome their honest feelings--even when feedback is hard for us to hear. When kids learn that their true feelings are safe, and even welcomed, it builds trust in the relationship. 

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2.)  Ask consent:

Kids need to be able to consent before having difficult conversations. When we ask, “Is now a good time to talk about what happened this morning,” we create a culture of respect for everyone’s feelings and needs. 

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3.)  Don’t take behavior personally:

When kids are in a bad mood, or having a bad day, they need to know that we will not take that personally. This creates the safety in the relationship that they are not responsible for our feelings. 

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4.)  Take accountability and model apology:

Taking accountability for mistakes and apologizing is a way to show that vulnerability is safe. This might sound like, “I heard my tone and it was rude. Let me try that again.” When we do this, we create a relationship where both people are safe to be vulnerable. 

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5.) Assume good intentions:

Sometimes kids are going to behave poorly. When we remember their inherent goodness in our hearts, and assume they are simply a good person having a hard time, we create a safe place for them to be human and imperfect. 

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6.)  Show empathy:

When we care about our child’s feelings, even when those feelings seem silly to us, or we disagree, we create a relationship where our child feels seen and know. This feeling of being seen and known is the foundation for self-trust and confidence. 

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I hope these are helpful. 

I'd be interested to know, What your favorite way is to create an emotionally safe relationship with your child?

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And if you’re ready to take this work to the next level and create an emotionally safe, secure relationship with your child, let’s schedule a call and chat. 

Click on the orange "Schedule Now" button below to schedule a free call.