Ghosts in the nursery

Ceara Deno, MD • June 12, 2021
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Intergenerational parenting patterns are inherited

Growing up, when your caregiver was most STRESSED and OVERWHELMED, what did they do?


Yell?  Shut down?  Hit?  Blame or shame you?  Give the silent treatment?


Or were they able to respond with compassion and calmness? 


These patterns are sometimes referred to as “ghosts in the nursery.”


They are one of the ways that intergenerational trauma gets passed down.


We basically store in our bodies, at the level of the DNA, whether our ancestors were responded to as children with compassion or with harshness. 


These echoes are part of why we may become so triggered in our own parenting.  They are part of why we may not be able to respond the way we want as parents—why we lose our cool and react harshly, despite our best intentions. 


These patterns are not our destiny, but they are real. 


Becoming conscious of this history does not mean you will repeat it--it actually means you can become free of the effects of any patterns you don’t want to repeat.  

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