Maddy was having trouble coming home from her dad's house.
She would arrive OK. But the minute her mother would say no about anything, it would set Maddy off. "You're so mean! I want to live at Daddy's house! He's so much nicer than you!" she would yell.
In those moments, her mother, Sylvia, would go to a very dark place of doubt, fear and anger.
What was Sylvia doing wrong? Was her ex a better parent? Was Maddy right? Would she be better off living with him?
Maybe it was the divorce. Sylvia had read that divorce could increase depression in kids. Maybe Maddy needed therapy, all because Sylvia had chosen to get a divorce and probably ruined her daughter's life.
Sylvia could feel her anger and resentment rising. She blamed her ex. Clearly he was turning the kids against her. Or his toxicity was rubbing off on their behavior. Even after the divorce, he was still ruining her life. It wasn't fair.
Like most of us, divorced or not, when things were stressful, Sylvia was believing things that caused her to doubt herself and spiral into anger and negativity. Even her beliefs about her divorce and her ex husband were disempowering and making her parenting more challenging.
With coaching, she shifted her thoughts to supportive beliefs. We identified that Maddy's outbursts were coming from a need for connection at these transition times. Together, Sylvia and Maddy created a new transition ritual that allowed them to reconnect peacefully when Maddy arrived home, making reunions more loving and joyful.
Sylvia felt empowered by her ability to support her daughter successfully.
Sylvia even decided that her beliefs about the divorce were damaging her parenting. Believing that the divorce had ruined their lives only caused her resentment, bitterness and anger. So Sylvia shifted that belief. She decided the divorce was a gift that allowed her to grow into the adult and parent she was always meant to be--and that felt empowering and real and true.
