You don’t need to be “better”
I meet many amazing moms through my work coaching parents.
One makes Pinterest-worthy, Bento-box school lunches. Another does “voice-actor quality impersonations” when reading aloud. Another takes her kids on international vacations that would make Moon Planet editors swoon.
Everywhere I look, a mom is doing something *better* than I am. If we allow it to, comparison can make us insecure, discouraged, and depressed.
The problem is, comparison is the thief of joy.
When I compare my perceived short-comings to someone’s *best* qualities, I am bound to feel less than. I will likely feel inferior, ashamed or discouraged.
What conquers comparison, judgment and self-criticism?
1.) Celebrate where you naturally shine.
Sure, your school lunch-making skills *stink*, but perhaps you make a mean water balloon. Or give great hugs. Or buy the bandaids with the fun Disney characters.
Every person is different. It would be boring if we all had the exact same strengths.
When you find yourself feeling insecure or self-critical, are you comparing someone’s *greatest strength* to your *greatest weakness*? This habit will create feelings of failure--and it can be stopped.
Socrates said: “The secret to happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
I would add, the secret to happiness is to embrace your particular strengths and let inevitable short-comings go.
2.) Show up, warts and all. Authentically.
What kids really from us is PRESENCE.
Presence is slowing down enough to drop the agenda. Lose the to-do list. Show up. Listen. Smile. Wait. See what happens.
Presence is a gift that honors the relationship between two people.
True presence--slowing down and showing up without an agenda--happens so rarely in our lives that when it does, it feels like peace and bliss.
3.) Commit to joy.
Joy and self-criticism cannot exist simultaneously.
The antidote to self-criticism then, is looking for joy in every single moment. Warts and all.
Is life perfect? No.
Are you perfect? No.
Is your child perfect? No.
Nothing is perfect, and yet....
There is still wonder and beauty and whimsy and magic and absurdity and delight in this moment. If we focus on it.
Choose to celebrate slivers of joy in every moment.
You will find that the joy will grow, and the judgments and criciticisms will shrink.
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