I'm not wrong or right; how nonviolent communication changed my life
Nonviolent communication changed my life and parenting
Human language is rife with judgements about people and behaviors. These judgements are so common, we often don’t realize how polarizing and uncompassionate they make our thinking.
“You’re a jerk.”
“He’s a narcissist.”
“They are selfish.”
“That was wrong.”
In fact, this kind of language pretty much ensures our compassion to others will diminish, and they will have less compassion to us when we use this kind of language.
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But what if I told you there was a different way to communicate that has no judgements?
What if I told you, there was a way that would allow you to understand and feel more compassion, while also causing others to want to understand and show compassion to you too?
A way that would even increase the compassion you have for yourself?
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is that other way.
And when parents use it, they have more compassion for their child, AND their child has more compassion for them.
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In NVC, no one is wrong or right.
You and I both have feelings and needs that differ.
That’s it.
You and I both have feelings and needs that differ.
It’s so simple, and yet transformative.
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Let me give a couple parenting, real-life examples.
Real life example #1: My child is happily playing, and wants to stay at the park. However, I feel tired, and want to go home.
My child is not wrong, or naughty, or bad to enjoy playing. Likewise, I am not correct, or right, or superior, because I need rest. We just have different feelings and needs.
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Real life example #2: My middle-school son wants to be out with his friends, and have independence. I feel worried, and need to know that is safe.
My son is neither arrogant, or selfish, or silly, to want autonomy as a young teen. And I am not wrong, or absurd, or crazy to want to want him to be safe. Again, we just have different feelings and needs.
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With NVC, you will start feeling more compassion than you ever though possible. To your children, and indeed to everyone in your life. Even when their feelings and needs are different.
And you will get that compassion aimed back at you.
Or at least, that’s what happened to me.
