The biggest parenting secret (even your pediatrician won't tell you)

Ceara Deno, MD • January 25, 2021
Schedule A Free Call

The biggest parenting secret (even your pediatrician won't tell you)

Pssst.  Today I’m going to let you in on the BIGGEST SECRET in parenting. 


This is something even your pediatrician is not going to tell you.


But I am going to share it with you, as long as you promise not to tell anyone. 


***********


First, in case you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, these are my parenting CRED-entials. 


12 years as a mom

18+ years practicing as a pediatrician/newborn medicine specialist

board certification in pediatrics

board certification in newborn medicine

pediatric residency at University of Pittsburgh; newborn medicine fellowship at Tufts

countless hours studying/learning about parenting through books and courses


***********


Here it is. 


Almost nothing in parenting is evidence-based.


With very, very few exceptions, there are no rules about how to be a good parent. 


The very few caveats to this are: 


-babies should sleep on their backs in a place where adults won’t roll over onto them

-children need to be supervised around water

-reading helps children develop language

-children who are punished with harsh/physical punishment have worse outcomes than children who don’t

-responsive, stable caregivers helps kids transition into functional, stable adults



Beyond these basic guideposts, you can pretty much do whatever works for you and your child! 


**********


Wait! Dr. Deno, Are you saying I can do whatever works for me and my child?? 


Yes!  Figure out what works for you and your child, and do that. If something stops working for you and your child, stop doing it. 


*********


But Dr. Deno, isn’t there A CORRECT WAY to do things? 


No! In fact, there are MANY, MANY, possibly infinite correct ways to do things as a parent. 


So when you find something that is working for you and your child, keep doing that. Until it stops working, and then change it. 


**********


If you keep doing that, over time, as you make many decisions that work for your family, you may even start to trust yourself as a parent. 


Shhh.  Just don’t tell anyone I told you. 

Why Your Child’s Anger Might Actually Be a Good Sign

By Ceara Deno, MD • March 10, 2026
Many parents worry about their child’s anger. Learn why anger can actually serve an important purpose for highly sensitive kids and what it may be telling you.

Is it ADHD or High Sensitivity?

By Ceara Deno, MD • March 2, 2026
Is your child highly sensitive, have ADHD, or both? Learn how to understand big emotions, power struggles, and overwhelm, and discover a relational approach to support your child’s nervous system.

A Lesson Courtesy of Donald Duck 😃

By Ceara Deno, MD • February 26, 2026
Discover why play isn’t just for kids. Learn how adults can benefit from small, joyful, and playful moments — with your kids or on your own — to boost connection, laughter, and well-being.

Tracking Glimmers: The Brain Science Behind Noticing What’s Going Right

By Ceara Deno, MD • February 11, 2026
Feeling stuck in parenting challenges? See how noticing tiny moments of connection — or ‘glimmers’ — can transform your relationship with your child.

When Challenging Kids Become Understandable Again

By Ceara Deno, MD • February 4, 2026
A powerful parenting reframe for challenging kids: how seeing your child as having a hard time—not giving one—can change connection and behavior.

Where the Shift Actually Starts With Sensitive, Strong-Willed Kids

By Ceara Deno, MD • January 27, 2026
Discover why real change with sensitive, strong-willed kids starts in the parent—not the child. Learn how steadiness, not control, breaks power struggles and helps your child thrive.

Regulation is Boring. That’s The Point.

By Ceara Deno • January 20, 2026
Struggling to stay calm with your sensitive child? Learn why regulation often looks boring, why doing less is more effective, and how slowing down transforms your parenting and your child’s nervous system.

Why My Child Melts Down Over Small Mistakes (And What Actually Helps)

By Ceara Deno, MD • January 14, 2026
When your child melts down over small mistakes or corrections, it’s not defiance—it’s nervous system overwhelm. Learn what helps sensitive kids feel safe and build confidence.

Why Some Kids Hate Being Told What to Do (It’s Not Defiance)

By Ceara Deno, MD • January 5, 2026
Some kids strongly resist being told what to do—not because they’re defiant, but because loss of control feels unsafe. Learn why this happens and what actually helps.

Surviving December for Sensitive Families: Calm Parenting Tips for the Holidays

By Ceara Deno, MD • December 18, 2025
Overstimulated this December? Learn gentle, practical ways sensitive families can reduce holiday overwhelm, support emotional regulation, and create calmer connections during the holidays.
More Posts