Sweet Spot Parent Coaching

Parenting Highly Sensitive Kids: Why Everything Feels Like a Big Deal (and What Actually Helps)

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 12:26:58 GMT

Parenting Highly Sensitive Kids: Why Everything Feels Like a Big Deal (and What Actually Helps)

If you’re parenting a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably had moments where things escalate… fast.

Everything seems fine—

and then suddenly, it’s very not fine.

You cut the toast wrong.

You used the “wrong” tone.

You handed them the blue cup instead of the green one.

And now you’re standing in your kitchen wondering how something so small turned into something so big.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And more importantly—you’re not doing anything wrong.

Why S mall Things Turn Into Big Reactions

It’s easy to look at these moments and think: “Why is everything such a big deal?”

But for highly sensitive kids, it is a big deal.

Not because they’re dramatic.

Not because they’re trying to be difficult.

But because their nervous systems are wired to feel things more deeply, more quickly, and more intensely.

So what looks like an “overreaction” from the outside is often:

Overwhelm
Sensory overload
Big emotions that came on too fast to manage

It’s less about the toast… and more about what their system can handle in that moment.

What’s Actually Happening Underneath

When your child melts down over something small, it can feel confusing—and honestly, frustrating.

But underneath that reaction is usually something more like: “This is too much, too fast, and I don’t know what to do with it.”

And when kids feel that way, their brains shift into survival mode.

Which means:

Logic doesn’t work
Reasoning doesn’t land
“It’s not a big deal” makes things worse

Because to them, it is a big deal.

What Helps (and What Makes It Worse)

In those moments, most parents instinctively try to fix the situation by:

Explaining
Minimizing
Rushing through it
Trying to get things “back on track”

And while that makes total sense—it often escalates things.

What actually helps is something much simpler (and much harder):

Regulation before resolution.

That looks like:

Slowing down (even when you want to speed things up)
Staying as calm as you can (even when you’re not feeling calm)
Acknowledging what’s happening: "This feels like a lot right now."

You don’t need the perfect script.

You don’t need to fix it immediately.

What matters most is that your child feels:

“I’m not alone in this.”

Over time, that’s what teaches their nervous system that big feelings are manageable—and not something to fear.

The Part No One Talks About

Some days, this will feel doable. Other days?

You’ll be one “wrong cup” away from losing it yourself.

You might find yourself hiding in the pantry eating chocolate, wondering how something so small became something so… not small.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re parenting a child who feels deeply— while also being a human with limits.

Both things can be true.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

If today felt hard, messy, or just plain ridiculous…

You’re not alone.

Your child isn’t broken.

And this isn’t a sign that you’re doing it wrong.

You’re doing the very real, very important work of raising a deeply feeling human.

Even when it makes absolutely no sense. Especially then.

Want Support With This?

If you’re craving more support—practical tools, real-time guidance, and a way to feel more confident in these moments—I’d love to help.

You can learn more about working with me or book a free call. I’d love to help!

Feeling Stuck in Your Parenting? How Small Steps Create Big Change

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 20:02:19 GMT

Feeling Stuck in Your Parenting? Start Smaller Than You Think

Feeling overwhelmed in your parenting?

You’re not alone.

Sometimes your child’s behavior—or a parenting challenge—can feel so big, so consuming, that it stops you in your tracks. Instead of taking action, you find yourself frozen. Avoiding. Waiting.

Not because you don’t care.

But because it feels like too much.

And over time, that stuck feeling often turns into something heavier: guilt and shame.

You start thinking:

I know I should be doing something differently…
Why haven’t I changed this yet?
What’s wrong with me?

But then comes the fear:

What if I make things worse?

What if I can’t follow through?

What if I try and fail?

So instead of risking it, you stay exactly where you are.

Why Big Changes Don’t Work

When we feel overwhelmed, it’s tempting to think we need a complete reset.

A total parenting overhaul.

A brand new system.

A different version of ourselves.

But those kinds of changes are rarely sustainable—especially when your nervous system is already stretched thin.

Big changes create more pressure.

And more pressure keeps you stuck.

The Power of Tiny Steps

Instead of asking, “How do I fix everything?”

Try asking, “What’s the smallest step I can take in the right direction?”

Not a leap.

A step.

Something small enough that it doesn’t trigger overwhelm—but meaningful enough that it moves you forward.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

If your teen is constantly on their phone, you don’t need a full tech overhaul overnight. You might start with:

Collecting phones during meals
Creating a short, weekly screen-free window
Locking phones overnight on school nights

If chores feel like a daily battle:

Set a 10-minute family clean-up timer
Ask your child to pick up just 5 items
Make it playful with categories like “anything red” or “anything with multiple pieces”

If you’ve been completely neglecting your own needs:

Take a short nap when you can
Schedule a weekly call with a friend
Carve out even a small pocket of time that’s just yours

Why This Works

Small steps do something powerful:

They build momentum.

And momentum builds confidence—the kind of confidence that actually leads to lasting change.

Instead of reinforcing the belief “I can’t do this,”

you start proving to yourself, “I can.”

You Don’t Need to Do It All

You don’t need to change everything overnight.

You don’t need to become a perfect parent.

You don’t need to have a flawless plan.

You just need to get unstuck.

One small step at a time.

Because that’s how real, sustainable change happens.

Maybe Now Isn’t The Right Time--Or Is It?

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 15:12:17 GMT

Maybe Now Isn’t The Right Time--Or Is It?

There’s something I’ve been noticing lately.

Parents reach out.

They start the conversation.

They open the door to getting support.

And then… hesitation.

Not because they don’t care.

Not because they don’t think this could help.

But because something in them says:

“Maybe now’s not the right time.”

If that’s you, I want you to know—this is incredibly common.

And it makes so much sense.

Why It Feels So Hard to Start

The parents I work with are thoughtful, committed, and deeply invested in their children.

They are not avoiding the problem.

They are overwhelmed.

They’re already carrying so much:

big emotions (their child’s and their own)
daily power struggles
constant second-guessing
the quiet worry that they’re getting it wrong

So when something new enters the picture—even something supportive—it can feel like:

one more thing they don’t have the capacity for.

Even if part of them knows it could help.

The Part No One Says Out Loud

Here’s the piece that often goes unspoken:

Waiting doesn’t actually reduce the overwhelm.

It usually just stretches it out.

The same hard moments keep happening.

The same patterns keep repeating.

The same end-of-day feeling returns:

“I don’t want to keep doing it like this.”

It’s not just the idea of change that feels exhausting.

It’s the experience of being stuck.

A Different Way to Think About “Starting”

A lot of parents think starting means:

more effort
more time
more pressure

But that’s not actually what support is meant to feel like.

Starting isn’t about suddenly having more energy.

It’s about not doing this alone anymore.

It’s having someone:

help you think clearly again
understand your child in a deeper way
guide you through the moments that currently feel overwhelming
hold steady when things feel hard

And often, that’s where the first sense of relief comes in.

Not after everything is fixed.

But the moment you realize:

“I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.”

You Don’t Have to Wait Until It Gets Worse

There’s a belief many parents carry—quietly—that they should wait.

Wait until things are more serious.

Wait until they feel more ready.

Wait until they have more time or energy.

But support isn’t something you earn by reaching a breaking point.

You’re allowed to get help:

in the middle of the struggle
in the middle of the uncertainty
in the middle of the hard days

Not just when things fall apart.

If You’re In That In-Between Space

If part of you is thinking:

“Something needs to change…”

and another part of you feels hesitant…

you’re not doing anything wrong.

You’re human.

And you don’t have to force yourself into a big decision today.

But you might gently consider this:

What if starting isn’t adding more to your plate…

but finally taking something off of it?

A Gentle Next Step

If you’ve been circling the idea of getting support—going back and forth, telling yourself “maybe later”—this is just a gentle invitation.

You don’t have to wait until things get worse.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You’re allowed to get support now.

If you want to talk it through, you can always reach out or schedule a call. No pressure—just a conversation about what might actually help. ��

What Your Child Says vs. What They Actually Mean

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 17:03:30 GMT

Why hurtful words aren’t always what they seem

Why hurtful words aren’t always what they seem

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn’t the behavior.

It’s the words.

Your child says something like:

“I hate you.”

“You’re the worst mom ever.”

“You ruin everything.”

“I’m so stupid.”

And suddenly the moment feels bigger than the conflict itself.

Instead of just frustration, you feel something much deeper: hurt, sadness, maybe even heartbreak.

Many of the parents I work with quietly wonder:

What if my child really means it?

What if this is how they actually feel about me?

Have I ruined our relationship somehow?

If you’ve ever had those thoughts, you’re not alone.

When our kids say painful things, those words can land right in the most tender places in our hearts. And it’s incredibly hard not to take them personally.

But here’s something I often wish parents had in those moments:

A kind of translator app for kid emotions.

Because when children are overwhelmed, their words don’t always reflect what’s actually happening inside.

Sometimes their feelings come out through a very bad translation.

The “Kid Emotion Translator”

If we could run our child’s words through a “Google Translate” for emotions, it might look something like this.

What your child says:

“I hate you.”

What they might mean:

“I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”

What your child says:

“You’re so unfair!”

What they might mean:

“This is really disappointing and I don’t know how to handle it.”

What your child says:

“I’m so stupid.”

What they might mean:

“I feel ashamed and I need reassurance right now.”

What your child says:

“Leave me alone!”

What they might mean:

“I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have the words for it yet.”

What your child says:

“I don’t care.”

What they might mean:

“I care so much that it actually hurts.”

What your child says:

“You’re always mad at me.”

What they might mean:

“I’m worried I disappointed you.”

When children are flooded with big emotions, they often lose access to the thoughtful words that would tell us what they’re really feeling.

The vulnerable feelings are still there.

They just come out sideways.

Why This Happens (Especially With Highly Sensitive Kids)

Highly sensitive kids tend to experience emotions very deeply.

Disappointment can feel crushing.

Embarrassment can feel overwhelming.

Shame can feel unbearable.

But children and teenagers are still developing the emotional skills to understand and express those feelings.

So when the emotional wave hits, their brain often goes into protection mode.

Instead of saying something vulnerable like:

“I feel really embarrassed.”

“I’m afraid I disappointed you.”

they might say something sharp or defensive instead.

“I hate you.”

“You’re so unfair.”

“Just leave me alone.”

Those words may sound intentional and personal.

But often they are coming from a child who simply doesn’t yet have the language for the deeper feeling underneath.

One of the Hardest Parenting Skills

One of the hardest parenting skills I know is this:

Choosing not to take our child’s words at face value in those moments.

That doesn’t mean the words don’t hurt.

They do.

And it’s completely understandable if your first reaction is anger, sadness, or even heartbreak.

But sometimes, if we can pause and gently ask ourselves:

What might my child actually be feeling right now?

everything shifts.

Instead of reacting to the words, we start responding to the feeling underneath them.

And that’s often the moment when connection becomes possible again.

Not because we ignore hurtful behavior.

But because we recognize that big emotions sometimes come out in clumsy ways.

And our kids are still learning how to translate them.

A Gentle Reminder for Hard Moments

The next time your child says something painful, you might quietly ask yourself:

If there were a translator for this moment… what might it say?

Sometimes that small shift can help you hear your child’s words a little differently.

And when children feel understood beneath their hardest moments, it often helps them find their way back to connection.

If you’re parenting a highly sensitive child and these moments feel overwhelming, you’re not alone.

Helping parents understand what’s happening beneath their child’s big emotions is a big part of the work I do in coaching.

If you'd like support with this, you can schedule a free call with me and we can talk about what’s happening in your family and what might help.

Why Your Child’s Anger Might Actually Be a Good Sign

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 15:19:54 GMT

Why Your Child’s Anger Might Actually Be a Good Sign

Many parents come to me worried about their child’s anger.

“Why does my child get so angry?”

“Is this normal?”

“Are we doing something wrong?”

If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, anger can feel especially confusing. One minute your child is kind, thoughtful, and deeply caring. The next minute they’re yelling, slamming doors, or melting down over something that seems small.

It can leave parents wondering: Where is all this anger coming from?

But what if anger isn’t the problem?

What if anger is actually trying to tell us something important?

Anger is one of the emotions that gets the most attention from adults, but it’s rarely the whole story. Underneath anger there are often other feelings that children struggle to express — things like embarrassment, disappointment, feeling powerless, or feeling misunderstood.

When we start to look at anger this way, something shifts. Instead of seeing anger as something we need to eliminate, we can begin to see it as a clue about what our child might be experiencing on the inside.

Here are three reasons anger can actually serve an important purpose.

1. Anger Often Protects More Vulnerable Feelings

Underneath anger there are often softer emotions that feel harder for kids to show.

A child might feel:

embarrassed when they make a mistake
disappointed when something doesn’t go the way they hoped
powerless when they feel they have no control
misunderstood when they feel no one is listening

For many sensitive kids, these feelings can feel very exposed. Anger steps in as a kind of emotional bodyguard. It protects the child from showing feelings that feel too vulnerable.

What we see on the outside might look like defiance or attitude. But on the inside, there may be something much more tender happening.

When parents learn to look past the anger with curiosity, they often discover a deeper feeling that their child doesn’t yet know how to express.

2. Anger Signals That Something Important Is Happening

Anger often shows up when something feels unfair, when a boundary feels crossed, or when something important to a child isn’t going the way they hoped.

In that sense, anger is a signal.

It tells us that something matters.

Highly sensitive children often feel things deeply. They may care strongly about fairness, about being understood, about doing things “right,” or about how others see them.

When something touches one of those sensitive places, big emotions can show up quickly.

The anger might look dramatic on the outside, but it’s often connected to something meaningful underneath.

3. Anger Gives Kids Energy to Stand Up for Themselves

Anger is also a mobilizing emotion. It gives people the energy to say:

“This isn’t okay.”

“I need something different.”

“Something needs to change.”

Over time, learning to understand and express anger in healthy ways helps children develop important life skills.

They learn how to:

advocate for themselves
set boundaries
speak up when something doesn’t feel right
communicate their needs more clearly

Those are powerful skills that help children grow into confident adults.

The Goal Isn’t to Eliminate Anger

Many parents assume the goal is to stop anger from happening.

But emotions aren’t problems to eliminate.

The goal is to help children understand their feelings, express them safely, and move through them .

When parents start to see anger differently, it often changes how they respond in those heated moments. And that shift can make a big difference in how connected and understood a child feels.

Instead of seeing anger as something that must be shut down immediately, it can become an opportunity to understand what a child might be experiencing beneath the surface.

When Anger Feels Overwhelming

Of course, understanding anger doesn’t mean accepting hurtful behavior. Kids still need guidance in learning how to express their feelings safely.

But when parents respond with curiosity and connection — rather than fear or frustration — children gradually learn how to recognize their emotions and communicate them more effectively.

And that’s a skill that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

If you’re raising a highly sensitive child and anger is showing up often in your home, you’re not alone.

Many parents feel overwhelmed trying to understand their child’s emotional world.

If you’d like support navigating these moments and building a more peaceful, connected relationship with your child, you can learn more about working with me here or schedule a call.

Is it ADHD or High Sensitivity?

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 15:45:53 GMT

Is is ADHD or High Sensitivity?

When a child has big emotions, struggles with transitions, reacts strongly to criticism, or gets pulled into frequent power struggles, many parents wonder:

Is there a reason my child is so intense and struggles so much?

Could it be ADHD?

Or is my child just highly sensitive?

The truth is — sometimes it’s one, sometimes the other, and sometimes it’s both. And from the outside, the behaviors can look very similar.

What These Kids Have in Common

Children with ADHD and highly sensitive children can both:

Experience intense emotions — sometimes bursting out, sometimes shutting down
React strongly when they feel criticized, misunderstood, or rejected
Have a hard time shifting from one activity to another
Become easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation
Experience anxiety when things feel unpredictable
Get pulled into frequent power struggles

From the outside, these patterns can look nearly identical.

Understanding ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that can make it harder for children to manage attention, shift between tasks, and regulate their responses in the moment.

Children with ADHD often experience a nervous system that is more easily pulled in multiple directions — which can make everyday tasks feel extra challenging, transitions feel overwhelming, and strong emotions feel bigger.

These patterns aren’t about willpower or behavior being “right” or “wrong.” They are a reflection of how the child’s nervous system processes the world.

Understanding Highly Sensitive Temperament

High sensitivity is a temperament trait, not a disorder.

Highly sensitive children often:

Feel things very deeply — both the joys and the challenges
Notice subtle details others miss
Pick up on tension or mood changes in a room
Care deeply about others’ feelings
Become overstimulated more easily by noise, lights, crowds, or strong emotions
Need quiet time to recover from a busy or intense day

Their nervous systems are naturally more tuned in, which can be a strength — and sometimes exhausting for them (and for their parents!).

Many Children Are Both

It’s also possible for a child to have both ADHD and a highly sensitive temperament. In these cases, the intensity can feel extra big, and parents often notice more frequent emotional reactions or power struggles.

Looking Beneath the Behavior

The most helpful question for parents isn’t “Is this ADHD or high sensitivity?”

It’s: What is my child experiencing right now?

Are they feeling overwhelmed?

Frustrated?

Scared?

Embarrassed?

Trying to communicate something they don’t have words for?

When we look underneath the behavior, we respond differently. When we respond differently, children feel safer — and the big feelings become more manageable for everyone.

Why This Matters

Understanding whether a child’s struggles come primarily from attention regulation, nervous system sensitivity, or both helps guide:

How parents respond in the moment
How schools and activities can support the child
Strategies for emotional regulation and connection

But the most important takeaway? Behavior is never the whole story. It’s a signal. A way of showing what’s happening inside.

Want Support for Your Deeply Feeling Child?

If your child has big emotions, frequent power struggles, or intense reactions — whether or not they have an ADHD diagnosis — you don’t have to navigate it alone.

I work with parents to:

Understand what’s driving the behavior
Respond with confidence and calm
Build connection and ease in daily life

Your child’s nervous system is complex — and you can learn to navigate it with curiosity, compassion, and clarity.

A Lesson Courtesy of Donald Duck 😃

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 15:35:58 GMT

A Lesson Courtesy of Donald Duck ��

Last week, I took a short break from work and social media while my kids were on vacation, and we were off enjoying some family time.

There was plenty of fun, plenty of chaos, and, at one point, a very enthusiastic encounter with Donald Duck — one that my son tolerated purely out of love for me ��.

Somewhere in all of it, I was reminded of something we don’t talk about enough as adults: play feels good.

Not productive. Not efficient. Not “useful.”

Just good.

Play isn’t just for kids

We often think about play as something children need for creativity, emotional regulation, and social development — and that’s absolutely true.

But adults? We aren’t exactly designed to thrive on endless responsibility, schedules, and mental load either.

Stepping away from the usual routines — goofing around, laughing at something ridiculous, letting yourself be silly — can be surprisingly restorative. Moments of lightness and joy are regulating for your nervous system, just like they are for a child’s.

The adult play checklist (optional and very simple)

You don’t need a big plan or a weekend getaway to reap the benefits.

Even small doses of play can make a difference:

A 5-minute dance party in the kitchen
Silly faces or jokes with your kids (or alone — no audience required)
Taking a different route on a walk and noticing funny or beautiful things
A spontaneous joke, goofy dance, or playful challenge with someone else — just letting yourself be silly together.

Why I’m sharing this

I love helping parents understand their children’s emotions and build strong connections.

But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Allowing yourself moments of joy and play isn’t indulgent — it’s essential.

This little reminder from vacation (and Donald Duck) felt worth sharing. It’s a tiny nudge to let yourself play — not just for the kids, but for you too.

Try it this week: Notice one small moment where you can lean into fun or silliness. See how it feels. Chances are, your nervous system will thank you — and your kids might get a bonus laugh too ��.

Tracking Glimmers: The Brain Science Behind Noticing What’s Going Right

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 15:49:29 GMT

Tracking Glimmers: The Brain Science Behind Noticing What’s Going Right

When parenting feels difficult, many parents come to me with the same painful conclusion:

“Nothing is working.”

“All we do is fight.”

“It’s just one hard moment after another.”

What’s important to understand is that this experience, while very real, is not always an accurate reflection of reality.

It’s often a reflection of how human brains work.

Your Brain Is Wired to Notice Problems

The human nervous system has something called a negativity bias — a deeply ingrained survival mechanism that prioritizes noticing threats, problems, and potential dangers.

From an evolutionary standpoint, this is brilliant design.

Brains that paid close attention to what was dangerous were more likely to survive. Missing a threat had far greater consequences than overlooking something pleasant or neutral.

But in modern family life, this same mechanism can create a distorted internal narrative.

A single stressful interaction with your child can overshadow dozens of ordinary or neutral moments. A rough bedtime can color your perception of the entire day. A meltdown can feel like proof that everything is unraveling.

Not because nothing good happened — but because your brain assigns more weight to negative experiences.

Negative events trigger stronger neural activation, hold attention more easily, and are stored more vividly in memory. They simply feel bigger inside the mind.

The Hidden Problem: Good Moments Often Go Unregistered

Meanwhile, small moments of connection, cooperation, or ease often pass by without much notice:

A shared joke.

A smooth transition.

A brief cuddle.

A moment of warmth.

These experiences occur, but they don’t command the same neurological spotlight. The brain, busy scanning for problems, treats them as background noise.

Over time, this creates an internal story that feels like:

“It’s always hard.”

“We’re always struggling.”

“We’re stuck.”

Even when that isn’t fully true.

What Is a “Glimmer”?

In nervous system language, a glimmer is any small cue of safety, regulation, or connection.

Not grand victories.

Not perfect parenting moments.

Just signs that, in this instant, things are okay.

Glimmers can be incredibly ordinary:

Your child laughing

A moment of affection

A peaceful car ride

A conflict that resolved more easily than usual

Even a slightly better reaction than yesterday

Tiny moments count — in fact, they’re often the most important ones.

Why Tracking Glimmers Changes Your Brain

When you intentionally notice glimmers, you are not engaging in denial or forced positivity.

You are engaging in attention training.

Attention is one of the most powerful forces shaping human experience. What we repeatedly attend to influences what the brain encodes, strengthens, and expects.

This process is tied to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself based on repeated patterns of thought and perception.

When you deliberately register moments of connection or safety, you help your nervous system build a more balanced and accurate map of your life with your child.

Instead of:

“Everything is stressful.”

The brain slowly learns:

“There are hard moments and connected moments.”

This shift has real psychological consequences. It can soften chronic stress responses, reduce feelings of hopelessness, and increase a parent’s capacity to stay regulated during challenges.

Not because problems disappear — but because the brain is no longer telling such a relentlessly negative story.

A Simple Practice to Try

Tracking glimmers does not need to be complicated.

At the end of the day, gently ask yourself:

“Where did I see even a hint of connection, ease, or cooperation today?”

That’s it.

Not what was perfect.

Not what you should be grateful for.

Just what didn’t go badly. What felt neutral, pleasant, or connecting.

Write down one or two things if you’d like. Keep it light. No pressure.

You are not trying to convince yourself life is wonderful.

You are helping your brain see reality more clearly.

And that alone can be profoundly regulating — for both you and your child.

When Challenging Kids Become Understandable Again

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 15:01:38 GMT

When “Challenging” Kids Become Understandable Again

There is a quiet but profound moment that changes everything for parents.

It’s the moment you stop seeing your child as giving you a hard time and start seeing them as having a hard time .

Nothing about your child’s behavior has changed yet.

But you have.

And that shift is a gift—to both of you.

When a parent is stuck in the belief that their child is being difficult on purpose, something painful happens inside:

Irritation replaces curiosity

Correction replaces connection

Hopelessness creeps in: “If they’re choosing this, what does that mean for the future?”

Your nervous system goes on high alert. You brace. You manage. You endure.

But when the lens changes— this is hard for my child —the entire emotional climate shifts.

You See Your Child Again

Suddenly, your child isn’t just the behavior.

You remember:

Their humor

Their sensitivity

Their sweetness

Their effort

The good isn’t erased by the hard anymore. It exists alongside it.

Many parents tell me, “I feel like I got my child back.”

In truth, their child was always there. The fear just softened enough to let love back in.

You Enjoy Them Again

When behavior is interpreted as distress instead of defiance, parents stop taking it personally.

That changes everything.

You’re no longer locked in a power struggle.

You’re no longer scanning for the next problem.

You can laugh again.

You can delight again.

You can be with your child instead of managing them.

Joy doesn’t require perfect behavior.

It requires safety—inside you first.

Hope Returns

This shift quietly restores hope.

Instead of:

“What if they’re always like this?”

You start thinking:

“They’re struggling right now—and struggles can be supported.”

A child who is having a hard time can grow, learn skills, and mature.

A child who is “just difficult” feels fixed—and that’s where despair lives.

Hope opens the door to patience.

Patience opens the door to change.

Empathy Expands—For Them and You

Seeing your child as struggling doesn’t make you permissive.

It makes you human.

You feel compassion for how hard it is to be a child with big feelings in a loud, demanding world.

And just as importantly—you soften toward yourself.

You stop thinking:

“Why can’t I handle this better?”

And start thinking:

“This is hard. For both of us.”

That self-empathy is regulating.

And a regulated parent is the most powerful intervention there is.

This lens doesn’t excuse harmful behavior.

It doesn’t remove boundaries.

It simply tells the truth.

Your child isn’t trying to make your life harder.

They’re trying to survive their inner world.

And when you see that clearly, everything—from discipline to connection—begins to change.

Where the Shift Actually Starts With Sensitive, Strong-Willed Kids

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 16:33:58 GMT

Where the Shift Actually Starts With Sensitive, Strong-Willed Kids

If you’re parenting a sensitive, strong-willed child, you already know this:

Nothing works when everyone is activated and emotions are running high.

Not consequences.  Not calm explanations.  Not holding the line “one more time.”

And yet, when things get hard, most parents are told to try harder — be firmer, be clearer, be more consistent.

Here’s the part no one says out loud:

The shift rarely starts with the child.

It starts when the parent stops trying to control the moment.

Sensitive, strong-willed kids are wired to push back against pressure. The more they feel managed, corrected, or out-maneuvered, the louder and more intense they become. Not because they’re manipulative — but because their nervous systems experience control as threat.

So when every hard moment turns into a power struggle to win, everyone loses.

What I notice, again and again, is that things begin to change when parents stop asking, “What consequence will finally work?” and start asking, “Why am I so activated right now?”

That shift matters.

Because when a parent is flooded — frustrated, scared, desperate for the behavior to stop — their child feels it immediately.

Sensitive kids are especially attuned to this. They don’t respond to urgency with cooperation. They respond with resistance.

This doesn’t mean parents should be permissive.  And it doesn’t mean letting kids “run the show.”

It means leading from steadiness instead of force.

The parents I see make real progress stop outsourcing their authority to rules, scripts, and parenting advice. They trust their read of their child more than the noise. They stop treating dysregulation — theirs or their child’s — as a personal failure.

And that’s usually when things start to move.

Not because the child suddenly complies.  But because the parent is no longer fighting the moment.

Sensitive, strong-willed kids don’t need more control aimed at them.  They need a regulated adult who can stay present when things get hard.

That’s where the real shift begins.

If you’d like help creating this shift with your sensitive, strong-willed child, let’s chat.

Schedule a free call with me, and let’s talk about creating that shift in your home, so you can stop fighting power struggles and start enjoying your child again.

Regulation is Boring. That’s The Point.

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 16:08:53 GMT

Regulation is Boring. That’s The Point.

If you’re parenting a deeply sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed something frustrating.

The parenting moments that actually help don’t feel very impressive.

They don’t look like saying the perfect thing.

They don’t look like delivering the right consequence.

They don’t look like confidently steering the moment toward calm.

Most of the time, they look like slowing down.

And honestly? That can feel terrible in your body.

Why regulation feels so hard in the moment

When your child is melting down, refusing, yelling, or spiraling, your nervous system is activated too. Your brain is scanning for danger and urgency, not wisdom.

That’s why everything in you wants to:

explain,

correct,

fix,

or shut the behavior down as quickly as possible.

Slowing down in that moment doesn’t feel natural.

It feels awkward. Too quiet. Like you’re “doing nothing.”

But what’s actually happening is regulation.

Regulation isn’t about your response — it’s about your state

Many parents assume regulation means staying calm on the outside or saying the “right” words.

But sensitive kids don’t respond to scripts.

They respond to nervous systems.

When you slow your body down — your breathing, your tone, your movements — your child’s nervous system gets information that the situation is safe enough to settle.

This is why regulation often looks boring.

No dramatic intervention.

No clever parenting move.

Just a regulated adult staying present.

Why “doing less” works better than trying harder

Highly sensitive kids experience the world intensely. When they’re dysregulated, adding more input — more talking, more correcting, more urgency — often makes things worse, not better.

Slowing down reduces stimulation.

It creates space.

It lowers the temperature in the room.

From that place, connection becomes possible again.

Calm doesn’t come from doing more.

It comes from doing less — on purpose.

If this feels hard, you’re not failing

If slowing down feels uncomfortable or unnatural, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re practicing something that goes against your own threat response.

Regulation is a skill.

It takes repetition.

And it rarely feels satisfying in the moment.

But over time, it changes the dynamic — not just for your child, but for you.

And that quiet, boring work?

That’s where the real change happens.

Why My Child Melts Down Over Small Mistakes (And What Actually Helps)

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 15:37:38 GMT

My Child Melts Down Over Small Mistakes Or Corrections

If your child melts down over small mistakes—spilling something, getting an answer wrong, or being gently corrected—you’re not alone.

Many parents I work with say some version of:

“I don’t understand. It was such a small thing.”

And from an adult perspective, they’re right.

The mistake is small.

But for many sensitive children, the emotional experience of a mistake is anything but small.

When Mistakes Feel Like a Threat

For sensitive kids, moments of embarrassment, correction, or “getting it wrong” can feel deeply exposing.

Their nervous system experiences these moments like a spotlight suddenly turned on:

Everyone can see I messed up.

I’m not good enough.

I need to get out of this.

When that happens, their body goes into protection mode. Logic shuts down. Big reactions show up. Not because they’re dramatic or defiant—but because their nervous system is trying to keep them safe.

Why “It’s Not a Big Deal” Doesn’t Help (Even Though It Makes Sense)

Many loving, capable parents instinctively respond by trying to help their child move past the feeling quickly:

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Just try again.”

“You’re fine.”

This response often comes from a very understandable place.

Many parents—especially those who grew up needing to be self-reliant—learned early that the safest thing to do with uncomfortable feelings was to minimize them, push through them, or handle them privately. That strategy builds strength, independence, and competence in many areas of life.

But for sensitive kids, that same strategy can backfire.

When we rush them out of embarrassment or distress, their nervous system hears:

This feeling isn’t safe to have.

And the alarm gets louder.

An Attachment Perspective: Safety Comes Before Confidence

From an attachment lens, confidence doesn’t grow from bypassing vulnerable feelings. It grows from knowing you’re not alone while you’re having them.

This doesn’t mean long emotional conversations, big displays of feelings, or digging into your child’s inner world every time something goes wrong.

Often, it looks much simpler.

What Actually Helps in the Moment

Support during these moments might sound like:

Staying calm when your child is embarrassed

Acknowledge that this moment feels tough

Showing—briefly—how to move through discomfort

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can model is something like:

“Ugh, I don’t like making mistakes either. That was hard.”

No lecture.

No pep talk.

No pressure to “feel better and get over it.”

Just presence.

Modeling Vulnerability (Without Becoming a Different Parent)

If showing emotion or vulnerability feels uncomfortable to you, you’re not alone. You don’t need to become a different kind of parent, share big feelings, or suddenly love sitting in emotional discomfort.

What matters most is not what you say—it’s how you stay.

Your child is borrowing your nervous system in these moments. When you remain steady, regulated, and emotionally available, their body learns that mistakes are survivable.

From Safety, Resilience Grows

Your child isn’t melting down because they’re weak.

They’re melting down because mistakes feel unsafe in their nervous system.

When you stay with them—without rushing them past the feeling—you’re teaching something far more powerful than “toughening up.”

You’re teaching safety.

And from safety, confidence grows.

Why Some Kids Hate Being Told What to Do (It’s Not Defiance)

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 15:41:34 GMT

Why Some Kids Hate Being Told What To Do (And What It’s Really About)

If you have a child who immediately pushes back when you tell them what to do—even kindly—you’re not imagining it.

And no, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.

Many parents come to me confused and exhausted by daily power struggles. They’ve tried being firm. They’ve tried being gentle. And yet, even the smallest request can spark resistance, arguing, meltdowns, or complete shutdown.

What’s going on?

It’s Not Defiance—It’s Autonomy

Some kids experience being told what to do as a loss of autonomy, not guidance.

For children with sensitive or highly reactive nervous systems, loss of control can feel like a threat. Their body reacts before their thinking brain has a chance to weigh in.

So when you say:

“Put your shoes on,”

Their nervous system hears:

“I’m not in charge of myself. I’m not safe.”

And when that happens, their body does what bodies are designed to do when they feel unsafe:

It tries to regain control.

Cue resistance.

Cue arguing.

Cue meltdowns or withdrawal.

This isn’t willful misbehavior.

It’s a nervous system trying to restore safety.

Why Power Struggles Escalate So Fast

Here’s the part that makes parenting these kids especially tricky:

The more pressure we apply, the less regulated they become.

When adults push harder—through commands, urgency, or “because I said so”—a child who is already sensitive to control feels even more threatened. Their need for autonomy intensifies, and the power struggle escalates quickly.

This is why traditional discipline strategies often backfire with these kids. What looks like “noncompliance” is actually a stress response.

What Helps Instead

Kids with a strong need for autonomy tend to do better with approaches that preserve dignity and a sense of control, such as:

Small choices (even when the outcome stays the same)
Collaborative or invitational language
Warnings before transitions
A calm, respectful tone that signals partnership rather than power

Autonomy doesn’t spoil these kids.

It settles them.

When children feel some ownership over their body and choices, their nervous system can relax enough for cooperation to emerge.

A Reframe for Parents

If this feels painfully familiar, I want you to hear this clearly:

Your child isn’t trying to be difficult.

They’re trying to feel safe, capable, and in control of themselves.

And when we understand that, everything about how we respond can shift—from constant battles to more connection, trust, and cooperation.

If you’d like support learning how to parent this kind of nervous system—without constant power struggles—I’d love to help. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Your child isn’t broken.

And neither are you.

Warmly,

Ceara

Surviving December for Sensitive Families: Calm Parenting Tips for the Holidays

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 16:37:25 GMT

Surviving December for Sensitive Families

Overstimulated yet? Here’s what can help…

December can be magical—but for many sensitive families, it’s also one of the most overwhelming months of the year. There’s more noise, more sugar, more socializing, more transitions, and more expectations layered onto already full lives. For highly sensitive children (and the parents raising them), this can quickly tip from “festive” into flooded.

If your home feels more fragile this time of year—more meltdowns, more tension, less patience—you’re not doing anything wrong.

December is intense by design.

Here’s what actually helps sensitive families not just get through December, but feel a little more steady while doing it.

Lower the Bar—On Purpose

The pressure to create magical holiday memories can be especially heavy for parents of sensitive kids. But calm, predictable moments are far more regulating than packed schedules or picture-perfect traditions.

This might mean:

Simplifying routines

Repeating familiar traditions instead of adding new ones

Letting “good enough” be more than enough

For sensitive nervous systems, safety and predictability matter more than sparkle.

Protect Your Nervous System First

Your child’s ability to cope is deeply connected to your state of regulation. This isn’t about being calm all the time—it’s about noticing when you’re getting overloaded and giving yourself permission to pause.

Sometimes that looks like:

Stepping outside for fresh air

Taking three slow breaths in a quiet room

Sitting down instead of powering through

Regulating yourself is parenting. It’s not selfish—it’s foundational.

Choose Fewer Things

Sensitive families often do better with less.

Less rushing.

Less explaining.

Less social obligation.

You don’t have to attend every gathering, keep every tradition, or say yes to every invitation. Choosing fewer things creates more space for regulation, connection, and recovery. You’re allowed to opt out. Even when it’s awkward. Even when it disappoints someone.

Plan Recovery Time (Yes, On Purpose)

Holiday events don’t just end when you leave—they linger in sensitive nervous systems.

Plan decompression time after:

Family gatherings

School events

Travel

Busy weekends

This might be quiet play, screen time without guilt, early bedtimes, or a day with no plans at all. Recovery isn’t a luxury for sensitive kids—it’s a necessity.

Stop Trying to Fix Every Feeling

When sensitive kids are overwhelmed, parents often feel pressure to fix it: cheer them up, talk them out of it, or make the feelings go away. But regulation doesn’t come from solutions. It comes from presence.

Sitting quietly.

Listening without correcting.

Letting feelings move through without urgency.

Calm connection speaks louder than words.

Do Less—and Trust That It’s Enough

More activities, more gifts, more effort doesn’t equal more connection. Connection happens when kids feel safe.

When parents feel steady enough to stay present. When the pace slows—even just a little.

Gentle holidays still count. Surviving December still counts.

If this season feels messy, tender, or exhausting, please hear this clearly: You are not failing. You are parenting sensitive nervous systems in a very loud month. And that takes care, compassion, and courage.

Signs of an Empath Child; Understanding the Deeply-Feeling Kids

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 16:55:11 GMT

Signs of an Empath Child; Understanding the Deeply-Feeling Kids

Some kids don’t just see what’s happening around them—they feel it.

Deeply. Instantly. Sometimes overwhelmingly.

If you’ve ever watched your child light up at the slightest kindness, melt down when someone else is upset, or pick up on your mood before you’ve said a word, you might be raising an empath child.

Empathy isn’t a diagnosis or a label—it’s a temperament.

And children with this wiring move through the world with a heightened awareness of emotions, energy, and subtle cues.

Understanding what this looks like can help parents support these kids with confidence and compassion.

Here are the most common signs of an empathic child:

1. They absorb others’ emotions

Empathic kids don’t simply notice feelings—they take them in. If another child is sad or scared, they may feel it in their own bodies. These kids often seem to “catch” the emotions in a room, even when nothing has been said aloud.

2. They notice subtle shifts

A slight change in tone…

A raised eyebrow…

A pause before an answer…

Empathic children register these small cues instantly. To them, the emotional undercurrent of a moment is just as clear as the words being spoken.

3. They respond intensely to others’ distress

An upset classmate or a hurt animal can be truly overwhelming for an empathic child. Their nervous system reacts as though the distress is happening to them, not someone else.

4. They care deeply about fairness and kindness

These kids have a strong inner compass. Unkindness, exclusion, or injustice can feel big and personally upsetting. They may be the first to speak up, step in, or worry long afterward about what happened.

5. They are sensitive to their environment

Busy, loud, or chaotic environments can feel emotionally “noisy” for empathic kids. Conflict—even in the background—can feel like too much. They often thrive in calmer, more predictable settings.

6. They have a rich inner emotional world

Empathic children think deeply, feel deeply, and often ask big questions. They reflect on relationships, fairness, and meaning in ways that may feel mature for their age.

7. They form strong emotional connections with animals, music, or stories

These kids often bond intensely with pets, feel music in their bodies, or become deeply invested in characters in books or movies. Their emotional imagination is vivid and alive.

8. They need time to recharge after social situations

Empathic children often feel drained after being around a lot of people, emotions, or stimulation. Quiet time is not a luxury for them—it’s essential for regulation and reset.

Why It Matters

Understanding empathic traits doesn’t mean labeling a child—it means noticing their emotional wiring and honoring it.

Empathic kids bring incredible gifts to the world: compassion, intuition, sensitivity, creativity, and a profound capacity for connection.

When we understand how they experience the world, we’re better able to support them in navigating it with confidence, resilience, and a strong sense of self.

If you recognize your child in these descriptions, you’re not alone.

I’d love to chat and help you think through how to best support your highly empathic child.

Small Corrections That Make A Big Difference for Highly Sensitive Kids

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 20:09:01 GMT

Small Corrections That Make a Big Difference for Highly Sensitive Kids

When you’re raising a deeply feeling, highly sensitive child, it can feel like every small moment matters.

And in many ways… it does.

But not because you have to be perfect.

It’s because your child responds so strongly to the relationship between you — the tiny cues, the tone of your voice, the way you repair when things get bumpy.

One of the most surprisingly powerful ways to support your sensitive child is through small corrections — the gentle micro-adjustments that help them feel seen and supported without shame or overwhelm.

Here are a few examples of small shifts that can completely change the energy of a moment:

1. From “Calm down” → “I’m right here.”

Telling a sensitive child to calm down often makes their nervous system ramp up even more. But grounding them with presence (“I’m here with you”) gives their brain the safety it needs to settle.

2. From “You’re fine” → “That scared you, huh?”

“You’re fine” feels dismissive to a child who feels everything intensely. Mirroring their internal experience helps them feel understood — which is what actually helps them become okay.

3. From “Stop whining” → “Tell me what you need in a regular voice.”

This keeps the boundary (whining doesn’t work) without shaming the feeling underneath it.

4. From “That’s not a big deal” → “It feels big to you.”

Perspective-taking fosters connection and co-regulation. Your calm perspective + their big emotion = the sweet spot where they learn to regulate.

5. From “Why are you acting like this?” → “Something’s feeling hard right now.”

This simple shift moves your child out of defensiveness and into trust. It also moves you out of blame mode and into curiosity — which changes everything.

Each of these tiny adjustments holds the same core message:

“Your feelings make sense. And I’m here to help you through them.”

That’s the foundation highly sensitive kids need most — not perfect parenting, not ideal phrasing, but connection, repair, and understanding.

And the more we practice these small shifts, the more confident we feel in those intense moments.

Why “Challenging” Kids Grow Into Extraordinary Adults

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 15:54:38 GMT

Why “Challenging Kids Grow Into Extraordinary Adults

If you’re parenting a child who feels everything deeply, you’ve probably heard the labels:

“Too sensitive.”

“Too emotional.”

“Too difficult.”

“Overreacting again.”

People say these things as if your child’s intensity is a problem to solve rather than a part of who they are.

And sometimes—even though you know better—a tiny part of you wonders if they might be right.

But here’s the truth I want every parent of a big-feeling child to know:

The qualities that overwhelm people in childhood are often the very traits that make these kids incredible adults.

To make this easier to imagine, I want you to picture a small child with a big heart and even bigger emotions.

When this child is young, people might say…

“She gets upset over nothing.”

“She’s so dramatic.”

“Why does everything have to be such a big deal with her?”

“She takes things way too personally.”

They’re seeing the surface reactions—but missing the deeper strengths underneath.

Because little children grow.

And when this little child becomes an adult, the world suddenly starts calling those same qualities by new names:

Determined

Principled

Compassionate

Empathic

A leader

A changemaker

The emotional intensity that once felt “too much” becomes passion.

The sensitivity that people didn’t understand becomes emotional intelligence.

The stubbornness becomes perseverance.

The big reactions become a strong inner compass and a willingness to speak up.

Same child. Same traits. Different lens.

That’s why it’s so important for us, as parents, to hold a vision for who our children are becoming—even when the world can’t see it yet.

Because your child isn’t “too sensitive.” They’re perceptive.

They aren’t “overreacting.” They’re feeling deeply.

They aren’t “difficult.” They’re wired for intensity, passion, and purpose.

And yes, big-feeling children need guidance. They need connection, co-regulation, and adults who help them build skills without shaming them for their wiring. They need parents who understand that emotional growth isn’t linear and doesn’t always look tidy.

But what they don’t need is for their core traits to be misunderstood as flaws.

Your child’s sensitivity isn’t something to outgrow—it’s something to grow into.

Your child’s intensity isn’t a weakness—it’s an early version of their strength.

Your child’s big feelings aren’t a burden—they’re a blueprint for empathy, courage, and conviction.

If you’re raising a little child with big emotions, I know some days feel exhausting. I know you sometimes worry who they’ll become.

But please hear me when I say:

They’re becoming someone extraordinary.

And you’re doing a beautiful job helping them get there.

Because one day, the world will look at your grown child and see what you’ve always seen:

A determined, principled, compassionate leader.

Same child.

Same traits.

Different lens.

When your child pulls away, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost them

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 16:48:24 GMT

When your child pulls away, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost them

Sometimes you can try everything — patience, playfulness, reassurance — and your child still pulls away.

Nothing seems to land.

You reach out, and your child pulls away.

The more you try to close the gap, the more distant they seem.

For parents of deeply feeling, highly sensitive kids, this moment can feel especially painful.

You’re tuned in.

You care deeply.

You’re doing your best to stay calm and loving, but your child still feels unreachable.

It’s easy to start wondering, “What did I do wrong?”

But disconnection doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.

It’s not proof that your relationship is in trouble.

It’s simply information.

When a highly sensitive child pulls away, it usually means their nervous system is overwhelmed.

They’re not rejecting you — they’re trying to cope.

Their system is flooded, and connection, even though it’s what they need most, can feel like “too much” in that moment.

This is where our own nervous system work matters most.

Because if we can meet that distance with curiosity instead of panic, and patience instead of pressure, we create safety again.

Disconnection is a moment to pause, to breathe, and to notice what’s really happening underneath the surface.

It’s a signal to slow down, not a sign that you’ve failed.

One small step at a time, you can find your way back to connection — through regulation, empathy, and gentle leadership.

You’re not losing your child.

You’re learning how to meet them where they are. ❤️

Parents of highly sensitive kids, if you could use some help moving from disconnection to calm, confident connection, let’s chat.

Schedule a free call with me today using the scheduling link HERE .

Why lectures don’t teach frustration tolerance (and what does)

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 17:23:27 GMT

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I often hear from parents who say,

“I try to explain why my child shouldn’t get so upset… but it never works.”

And they’re right — it doesn’t.

When children are frustrated, their brains are not in a state to learn.

In those moments, their nervous system is in survival mode. The prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for logic, reasoning, and impulse control — goes offline.

So even the calmest, most well-intentioned explanation can’t land. It’s not because your child is being defiant or disrespectful; it’s because their brain literally can’t process your words when it’s flooded with emotion.

The Real Way Kids Learn Frustration Tolerance

Frustration tolerance isn’t taught through lectures.

It’s modeled through co-regulation.

Every time your child sees you stay grounded, patient, or even gently playful in the face of their big emotions, you’re teaching them — without words — how to manage frustration.

You’re sending a powerful, implicit message:

“This feeling isn’t dangerous. You can handle it. I can handle it too.”

That’s how emotional resilience develops — through repeated experiences of being with someone who can remain steady when things feel hard.

Why Humor Helps

Humor, when used with warmth and empathy, can be a surprisingly effective tool.

It lightens tension, signals safety, and helps both parent and child re-engage the thinking brain.

A gentle smile, a playful comment, or a silly gesture can shift the emotional energy in the room — not by dismissing your child’s feelings, but by reminding their nervous system that connection is still available, even in frustration.

What To Do Instead of Lecturing

When your child is frustrated:

Pause before you speak. Take a breath and regulate yourself first.

Stay steady. Use your calm tone, relaxed body, and simple presence to anchor your child.

Add lightness if it feels right. A playful moment can remind your child that frustration is survivable.

Wait for the calm. Once your child’s body softens and their breathing slows, then talk — briefly and simply.

In that calm, connected space, your words finally have a place to land.

The Takeaway

Frustration tolerance grows not from explanations, but from experience.

When you can stay centered — especially when your child cannot — you’re offering the most powerful emotional lesson there is:

“We can handle this together.”

❤️ Ceara

Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 22:40:25 GMT

Why Talking Can Make Parenting Situations Worse — And What To Do Instead

One of the most common things we do as parents—especially when we’re trying to stay calm and thoughtful—is talk too much in heated moments.

Our child is misbehaving, melting down, or pushing our buttons, and we feel like if we don’t say something, we’re letting them “get away with it.”

So we explain.

We reason.

We remind.

We talk.

But here’s the truth:

When our child is emotionally flooded, their thinking brain is offline.

All the logic and explaining in the world won’t help in that moment. In fact, it often makes things worse—because our child’s emotional brain hears our words as more pressure, more noise, more disconnection.

When kids are dysregulated, they don’t need more words.

They need space and calm.

The Power of Saying Less

When you stop talking and focus on calming your own nervous system, you give your child’s brain space to settle.

Your quiet presence says:

“You’re safe. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”

It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the most powerful parenting tool you have is your silence—and your steady, grounded energy.

Here are five common parenting situations where talking less helps your child calm down faster—and what to do instead.

1️⃣ When your child is melting down after hearing “no. ”

Don’t: Try to reason, explain, or convince them mid-meltdown. Their brain can’t process logic right now.

Do: Say less. Keep your body language calm and grounded.

Be a quiet, safe presence until the storm passes.

Connection first—conversation later.

2️⃣ When your child is arguing or talking back.

Don’t: Match their energy or get pulled into a verbal tug-of-war. More words = more fuel.

Do: Take a deep breath, pause, remind yourself not to take it personally. A nd revisit the issue when everyone’s calm.

3️⃣ When your child won’t cooperate (“I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”)

Don’t: Over-explain, plead, or justify your limit—it sounds like an invitation to argue.

Do: Hold the limit with calm confidence.

Use empathy and few words:

“I know you don’t want to. It’s still time for teeth.”

Then stop talking and follow through kindly.

4️⃣ When siblings are fighting.

Don’t: Raise your voice or start lecturing in the chaos. It adds more noise and tension.

Do: Step in silently first.

Use your calm presence to separate or block if needed.

Few words, soft tone. Once calm returns, help them reflect and repair.

5️⃣ When your child is spiraling from frustration (“This is stupid! I can’t do it!”)

Don’t: Say “You’re fine” or “Just calm down.” It can feel invalidating when they’re overwhelmed.

Do: Acknowledge their feelings quietly:

“I know this feels hard.”

Then pause. Let silence communicate safety until they’re ready to re-engage.

Calm Is Contagious

Sensitive kids hear your energy more than your words.

When you talk less and show up quietly, you model regulation.

�� Underreact to the negative. Overreact to the positive.

That’s how your child learns calm through your example—not your lectures.

Bringing It All Together

Next time you feel yourself starting to explain, reason, or overtalk in a tense moment, take a breath.

Notice your own body first.

If you can bring calm, your child will eventually follow your lead.

And if this feels easier said than done—don’t worry. You can absolutely learn how to stay steady when your child can’t. That’s exactly what I help parents do in my coaching sessions.

If you’re ready to feel more confident, connected, and peaceful with your sensitive child, I’d love to help.

Schedule a free call with me here to learn more about whether working together would help your family.

5 Reasons Transitions Are Challenging for Your Child (And How to Ease Them)

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 17:12:10 GMT

5 Reasons Transitions Are Challenging for Your Child (And How to Ease Them)

Have you ever noticed how something as simple as leaving the playground, turning off a tablet, or getting ready for school can spark big resistance—or even a meltdown?

For many children, especially those who are highly sensitive or deeply feeling, transitions are some of the hardest moments of the day. It’s not because they’re being “difficult”—it’s because their brains and nervous systems experience change differently.

The good news: once you understand why transitions are so challenging, you can respond with empathy and tools that make them easier.

Here are 5 common reasons transitions are tough for your child—and what you can do to help.

1. They’re Deeply Engaged in the Moment

Highly sensitive kids often immerse themselves fully in what they’re doing—whether that’s reading, building, or playing. Being asked to stop feels like being pulled out of a world they love.

How to help: Give gentle warnings before the change.

Try: “Five more minutes of play, then it’s time for dinner.” Using a timer or visual countdown can help them prepare.

2. Their Brains Need More Time to Shift Gears

Transitions require mental flexibility, which can be harder for sensitive nervous systems. Switching from one activity to another i s like changing lanes on a crowded highway—it takes time.

How to help: Use consistent signals to cue transitions, such as a special song, a picture schedule, or a fun countdown routine.

3. Transitions Can Feel Like a Loss of Control

Children often feel like transitions are imposed on them. That lack of control can trigger pushback or power struggles.

How to help: Offer simple choices so they feel empowered. For example: “Do you want to brush teeth first or change into pajamas first?”

4. They Anticipate Stress in the Next Activity

If your child expects the next step to be boring, stressful, or less enjoyable, they may resist leaving the current activity.

How to help: Empathize first: “It’s hard to stop playing, I know.” Then, ease the shift with something to look forward to: “Want to bring your toy to the car so it feels easier?”

5. Their Nervous Systems Feel Every Shift More Intensely

Highly sensitive kids notice and react to even small changes in environment, energy, and routine. What feels like a tiny shift to you may feel overwhelming to them.

How to help: Keep routines predictable when possible. Create comforting rituals—like a goodbye hug, a special handshake, or a silly phrase—that help anchor them during transitions.

The Takeaway

Transitions are about more than just moving from one activity to another—they involve emotions, expectations, and a sensitive nervous system. With empathy and small adjustments, you can turn transition battles into moments of connection.

�� Parenting a highly sensitive child isn’t easy—but it’s also filled with opportunities to build trust, closeness, and resilience.

If you’d like more guidance on making daily challenges like transitions smoother, I’d love to support you.

I offer one-on-one parent coaching tailored to families raising deeply feeling kids.

Schedule a free call with me here.

From Overwhelm to Peace; A New Group Coaching Program for Parents of Highly Sensitive Kids

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 13:56:31 GMT

From Overwhelm to Peace; My New Group Coaching Program for Parents of Highly Sensitive Kids

Parenting a highly sensitive child is a gift—but it can also feel overwhelming.

If you’re like many parents I talk to, your days may be filled with:

Meltdowns that leave you drained

Power struggles over the smallest things

Constant second-guessing of your parenting choices

Walking on eggshells to avoid “setting your child off”

It’s exhausting, and it can feel so isolating. You love your child deeply, but sometimes you just wish parenting could feel easier, calmer, and more joyful.

You’re not alone. ��

What If Parenting Could Feel Different?

Imagine shifting from…

�� Daily meltdowns → �� More calm at home

�� Feeling stuck and unsure → �� Confidence in your parenting

�� Exhaustion and stress → �� Deeper peace and connection with your child

That’s what’s possible when you have the right tools, understanding, and support.

Introducing: From Overwhelm to Peace

An 8-week group coaching program designed specifically for parents of highly sensitive kids.

In this small, supportive group, you’ll learn how to:

✨ Respond to meltdowns without escalating the conflict

✨ Break free from daily power struggles

✨ Understand your child’s emotional world with empathy

✨ Build confidence in your parenting choices

✨ Create more peace, connection, and joy in your home

You don’t have to figure this out alone. This group is a space to learn, grow, and be supported by others who get it.

Enrollment Closes On Sunday, 9/21/2025

Enrollment for this round of the program closes in just a few days, on September 21st, 2025. Once the doors close, they won’t reopen until the next round—so if you’ve been thinking about joining, now is the time.

�� [Learn More and Save Your Spot]

A Final Word

If you’re parenting a highly sensitive child, you already know the challenges are real—but so is the opportunity for deep connection and growth. With the right tools, parenting can feel less like constant survival and more like the peaceful, confident relationship you long for.

I’d love to walk this journey with you. ��

✨ Click here to join "Parenting Highly Sensitive and Spirited Kids Without Losing Your Mind" before doors close September 21st, 2025.

Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 16:29:31 GMT

Why Pushing Your Sensitive Kid Backfires Every Time (And What To Do Instead)

Many of the families I work with have a child who struggles to move outside their comfort zone:

For younger kids this might look like:

separation anxiety
a preferred parent
a restrictive palate and picky eating

For older kids this might look like:

refusing to try a new sport
refusing to go out to new (or even familiar) places
school refusal

These behaviors are often signs of anxiety.

And as much as we want to “help” by pushing, pushing often backfires.

What does help?

The First Step: Handle Your Own Anxiety: Parenting a child with a sensitive or anxious temperament is hard. They may look fearful, overwhelmed, or even incapable at times. It’s normal to feel a surge of worry or frustration, but the first thing to do is take a moment to handle your own anxiety. Your calm, steady presence is what allows your child to feel safe enough to face challenges.

2. Hold Space Instead of Pushing : Instead of pushing or rescuing your child, try holding space for their discomfort. The energy you want to convey is: “I see how hard this is for you, and I know you can do it.” This communicates trust in their ability to handle the challenge—even if they don’t feel capable in the moment.

Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child:

Here are some strategies to help your child step outside their comfort zone:

Validate feelings – Acknowledge their experience: “I know this feels scary.” Feeling seen reduces fear and increases confidence.
Offer tiny steps – Break challenges into small, manageable steps. Even a small effort counts as progress.
Notice bravery – Point out moments of courage, even if they seem minor. Recognizing effort builds resilience.
Stay calm and steady – Your calm presence is contagious. Children pick up on tension, so your composure helps them feel secure.

Growth Without Fear or Power Struggles

The goal isn’t avoiding growth—it’s helping your child develop confidence without fear, frustration, or power struggles. Sensitive and anxious kids are braver and more capable than they appear when they begin to feel overwhelmed, and your support helps them see that for themselves.

If you want personalized guidance on helping your anxious or sensitive child step outside their comfort zone, I offer free calls where we can explore strategies tailored to your child’s unique temperament.

[ Schedule Your Free Call ]

Parenting sensitive or anxious kids can feel overwhelming, but with patience, validation, and steady support, you can help your child navigate challenges confidently—and even discover their own bravery along the way.

Real Transformations: Defiance, Yelling, Explosive Anger, and More

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 17:27:44 GMT

6 Families’s Stories of Real Transformation

A defiant 6 year-old.

An explosive 11 year-old.

A mom who ‘always’ yelled.

Overwhelmed parents of preschoolers who frequently fought.

An argumentative, defensive teenager.

A withdrawn tween with low self-esteem.

What do these 6 families have in common?

These are 6 actual families who transformed their lives and their parenting from working together.

They went from chaos, tears, and explosions, to peace and harmony and joy.

Here are their transformational stories:

1.) A Defiant 6 year Old

Mary was struggling with her 6 year old son’s aggression and defiance. It felt like they were stuck in constant power struggles, and she worried that he would start to internalize that he was a “bad kid.”

After working together, Mary was able to understand and connect with her son better, even when he experienced big emotions. She learned to calm herself, so that she was able to help her son calm down. She learned to set peaceful boundaries, that did not create power struggles, and created a feeling of her and her son being on the same team.

“My son is doing so much better even my parents noticed the difference. I am more aware of his feelings and have more empathy for him. We avoid a lot of power struggles now. I am able to choose which battles are important, which ones are truly worth fighting, and which ones are not. I feel more confident. I have more patience and skills, and I’m better able to manage challenging behavior.”

2.) An Explosive 11 Year Old:

Harrison was a sensitive 11 year old with explosive anger, and near constant power struggles with his parents, especially around screen time and school work.

After working together, Harrison’s mom said she saw a “night and day difference in his relationship with the world.” He was able to tolerate frustration better, talk about his feelings instead of exploding, try harder in school and activities without giving up in frustration. At home, they had a warmer, closer, more connected relationship. They were able to enjoy family time more, with fewer meltdowns or power struggles.

3.) A Mom Who “Always Yelled”

Sarah felt like her kids weren’t listening to her, which would then result in her yelling. She worried the kids would remember their childhood as “mom always yelled.”

After working together, Sarah learned to calm herself, so she didn’t need to yell. She connected better with her kids, so the relationship felt closer and more loving. The kids became better listeners and more cooperative. Because of these changes, Sarah felt more confident as a parent, which made her feel more confident and optimistic in the rest of her life too.

“It’s truly a miracle how different our home feels…more warmth, love, calm, peace and connection. I have never felt more connected with my kids. This was instrumental in moving forward and living my best life as a mom.”

4.) Overwhelmed Parents of Preschoolers Who Frequently Fought

Tina and Dave were busy parents struggling with feeling overwhelmed, not knowing how to stop their children from fighting, and blaming each other. Everything felt like a struggle.

After working together, the parents learned to to de-escalate conflict without needing to yell. The home felt more peaceful, and the children got along better. The parents felt like they were finally “on the same page,” and didn’t blame each other anymore.

“Our whole family feels calmer and less chaotic. I’m less triggered and more able to pause. My spouse and I have a shared language and tools around parenting. I have more trust in my relationship with my child. I’m able to let sh*t go! Our family dinners have become this fun place where the kids share about their day, not a battleground like it was before.”

5.) An Argumentative, Defensive Teenager

Lindsey and Brett were struggling with their teenage son’s defensiveness. They felt like they were always fighting and arguing with him, especially around school work and chores.

After working together, Lisa and Brett learned to connect with their son so they felt closer. The house became more peaceful. Their son was able to listen better, without becoming defensive. He became more cooperative and took more initiative.

“Everything feels lighter. I’m more able to let stuff go. My son has really stepped up and taken ownership for getting his homework done. I came to the realization that pushing more doesn’t work. My spouse and I have a shared language and tools now. We have a whole tool box to use. Things are less confrontational. I’m taking more time for myself now, too.”

6.) A Withdrawn Tween with Low Self-Esteem

Christine and Bill were noticing that their sensitive 12 year old son was starting to shut down and withdraw more and more, especially when his father would yell, which was often. They worried about their son’s dropping self-esteem, and longed for a more peaceful home environment.

After working together, both parents learned to calm themselves and dissolve the triggers which caused them to become angry. Bill was able to connect better in a way that his son responded to better.

Bill shared, “After doing this work, I am more thoughtful and deliberate as a parent. I’m able to slow down and listen better. I’m able to pause. I can see that behavior is an unmet need. I’m less quick to react with anger. I’m more able to focus on the good in my son, and to enjoy him more.”

If these stories resonate, we should chat.

The next step is a free call where I learn more about your family and share exactly what I think might be helpful.

This could be working together 1-on-1.

This could be my new group program for parents of spirited kids ages 5-12.

Regardless of the specifics, you can have a more peaceful home. Let’s chat and make it a reality.

FAQs About My Parenting Group (Starting September 24th, 2025)

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 13:46:53 GMT

My New Parenting Group Might Be Exactly What You’ve Been Waiting For

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about my upcoming group class, “Parenting Sensitive and Spirited Kids Without Losing Your Mind,” starting September 24th — so I thought I’d answer the most common ones all in one place.

1. What if my child isn’t “sensitive” or “spirited”?

Many parents join because their child is strong-willed, highly emotional, or just seems harder to parent than they expected. If your child is intense in any way — or if you’re tired of constant battles — this class will give you tools that work.

2. What if I can’t make a live session?

Every session is recorded so you can watch at your own pace. Many parents catch up later that evening or during the weekend.

3. Will this just be about “being nice” to my kids?

Not at all. This is about peaceful boundaries, emotional regulation, and cooperation — without power struggles or yelling. We’ll talk about practical, real-life strategies you can use immediately.

4. Will it work for older and younger kids?

Yes. While our focus will be kids ages 5-12, the principles apply from toddlers to teens — because it’s about connection, communication, and respect.

5. I’ve tried parenting books before… how is this different?

Books can be great, but they can’t answer your specific questions or coach you through tricky moments. This is an interactive group, so you’ll get feedback, support, and encouragement tailored to your family.

If you’re ready to go from daily meltdowns and constant battles to more peace, cooperation, and connection, this class is for you.

�� We start September 24th — spots are limited, so grab yours now.

�� Click here to join the group

Struggling with Big Emotions at Home? Join My Fall Coaching Group

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 12:54:10 GMT

Make This Fall Your Most Peaceful One Yet

If parenting your sensitive or strong-willed child often feels like an emotional rollercoaster, you're not alone.

One moment your child is sweet and happy…

The next, they’re melting down because you said “no” to more screen time.

You’ve tried staying calm. You’ve tried being firm. You’ve tried everything — and yet, things still feel out of control.

What if you didn’t have to figure this out alone?

This fall, I’m offering a supportive, real-talk group coaching program for parents who are exhausted by daily power struggles and emotional outbursts — and who are ready for a more peaceful home.

✨ Introducing:

Parenting Sensitive & Spirited Kids Without Losing Your Mind

A 10-week coaching group designed to help you go from chaos and confusion to calm and confidence.

Whether your child is highly sensitive, strong-willed, intense, anxious, or all of the above — this group will give you tools, support, and a game plan that actually works (without yelling, threats, or giving in).

Here’s what you’ll get:

✅ Weekly live group coaching calls

✅ Step-by-step strategies for emotional regulation — yours and your child’s

✅ Scripts and tools for handling meltdowns and defiance

✅ A supportive community of parents who truly get it

✅ Private coaching upgrades available if you want extra support

This is for you if:

You’re constantly walking on eggshells trying to avoid the next explosion

You and your partner aren’t always on the same page

You want to parent with compassion — but you also want cooperation

You’re craving support, encouragement, and a path forward that works for your family

�� The Details:

Start Date: September 24th

Format: Live online sessions + weekly support

Investment: $797 (Includes Group + one individual coaching session with Ceara)

Spots are limited to keep the group small and supportive

Ready to parent with more peace, confidence, and clarity?

�� Click here to enroll now

�� Schedule a free 30-minute consult to ask questions and see if it’s a fit.

You don’t have to keep feeling overwhelmed and alone.

There’s another way — and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

Let’s make this fall calmer, more connected, and a whole lot easier.

I’d love to walk alongside you.

Warmly,

Ceara

Sweet Spot Parent Coaching

Encouraging Independence In Sensitive and Strong-Willed Kids

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 16:24:46 GMT

Encouraging Independence in Sensitive and Strong-Willed Kids

My older son started driver’s ed this week. Eeek!!

I could have sworn he’s 8 years old!

But somehow, he's actually 16!

Eeek!!

So, as I take some deep breaths this week, and manage my own anxiety, I started thinking about how we help kids become independent.

What helps kids successfully grow in independence?

What hurts?

What increases self-motivation? Self-drive?

Why do some kids struggle so much to launch successfully?

What helps kids not get bogged down in stress, anxiety, or a lack of motivation?

Science shows us that helping kids feel in charge of their own lives is a critical way parents help kids thrive, avoid anxiety, manage stress, and create self-motivation.

What does it look like to help kids feel in charge of their own lives?

How do parents help with this?

It turns out, much of this work starts with managing our own stress as parents.

Because stress is such a contagious emotion, the fear and stress we feel can be transferred to our child easily.

Which can be one reason kids struggle to launch.

So in this vein, I decided I would share 7 ways I manage my fears and anxieties as a parent.

So I can remain a “Non-anxious” presence for my children.

So I can help them thrive.

7 Ways I Practice Being a “Non-Anxious” Presence in My Children’s Lives:

#1. I practice giving my kids more control over their own lives. For example, by saying:

“It’s your call.”

“I trust you’ll make a decision that works for you.”

“What’s your plan for that?”

#2. I remind myself, “No one is more invested in my child’s life working out than they are.”

It’s not my job to make my kid’s life great. That’s their job. I just need to get out of their way.

#3. I remind myself, there are many, many paths to success in life.

Believing the path to success for my child is narrow increases my anxiety. I like to remind myself, there are infinite paths to success in life, and doing well in school is only one path.

#4. I remember that enjoying my children is my highest goal.

When I start seeing my children as problems to solve, instead of the biggest joys in my life, I know I can more support as a parent. Enjoying my kids helps me stay present.

#5. I remember that struggling is part of everyone’s journey at times.

Life is long, and full of challenges. Setbacks are part of the journey, even for our kids. So I don’t need to catastrophize when challenges arise.That’s normal and expected.

#6. I care for myself with sleep, exercise and downtime.

As a highly sensitive parent, my nervous system needs regular movement, good sleep, and time to myself, in order to not become anxious. I’m a more present, less anxious, and happier parent when I care for myself.

#7. I celebrate who my child is:

Focusing on my child’s challenges can increase my anxiety. So I like to remind myself of, and celebrate, my child’s strengths, so I can feel hopeful and optimistic about their ability to thrive.

Do these resonate for you?

What helps you remain a non-anxious presence for your child?

Is it harder as your child gets older?

As my son starts to drive, you can bet I’ll be practicing all 7 of these on the regular.

I’ll let you know which strategy helps the most.

Send me non-anxious warm wishes!!!

Struggling to be a non-anxious presence for your child? Struggling with a child who lacks motivation, or who struggles with anxiety. I get it!

If I can support you, I’d love to. Let’s talk.

Your parent coach,

Ceara

Why Is My Child So Mean To Me? What’s Really Going On?

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 23:13:34 GMT

Why Is My Child So Mean To Me? What’s Really Going On?

Let me share a little secret.

Sensitive kids lash out more .

They say mean things to you.

Or take frustrations out on you more.

Or take it out on their siblings.

As a parent, it can feel devastating .

Gutting .

Hopeless .

But it’s important to understand, sensitive kids are not trying to be mean.

Kids lash out because they feel vulnerable.

They feel weak.

Or overwhelmed.

Or less than.

Or powerless.

Lashing out is their best attempt to try to stop the painful feelings, and feel better.

It doesn’t excuse the behavior.

But it’s much easier to stay calm, when we understand WHY it’s happening.

If we had a magical translator app, here’s what it might say…

What They Say:

"I hate you!”

What They Mean:

"I feel totally out of control and I don’t know how to ask for help without pushing you away.”

What They Say:

"You never listen!”

What They Mean:

"I feel powerless and misunderstood, and I don’t know how to get your attention in a way that feels good.”

What They Say:

"You're the worst parent ever!”

What They Mean:

"I’m flooded with frustration and pain, and I need to know you’ll still love me even when I’m at my worst.”

What They Say:

Hits or yells at a sibling

What They Mean:

"I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have the skills yet to pause or ask for what I need.”

What They Say:

"Go away!”

What They Mean:

"I need you close, but everything feels too intense right now and I don’t know how to ask for space without losing connection.”

What They Say:

"I don’t care!”

What They Mean:

"I care so much that I’m trying to protect myself by pretending I don’t.”

Understanding what’s really going on doesn’t mean we excuse the behavior.

But the more we understand, the easier it is to stay calm. And not take it personally.

The next time your child says something that stings, pause and imagine what they might be trying to say underneath the storm.

You just might hear the deeper message:

“I'm overwhelmed. And I’m afraid you won’t find me lovable at my worst.”

You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.

Warmly,

Ceara

Parent Coach for Highly Sensitive Kids

My Method: How I Transform Your Home in 12 Weeks

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 17:33:22 GMT

From Power Struggles & Meltdowns to Peace & Harmony in 12 Weeks

I f you are the parent of a highly sensitive or strong-willed kid, stuck in constant power struggles, meltdowns, or angry outbursts, I’d like to share something with you.

This is my method how I transform families.

I’d like to share exactly how I take families from constant power struggles and meltdowns, to peace, harmony and connection .

In only 12 weeks.

Working one-on-one with parents. Via weekly Zoom calls.

Here is What I Do:

Step #1 : We transform your listening, so your child learns how to listen more respectfully to you, too.

Step #2 : We strengthen self-empathy & self-compassion, so you feel connected, confident, and joyful as a parent.

Step #3 : We stop patterns leading to big explosions and dysregulation. This means your child has fewer meltdowns, and you can actually enjoy your child, and stop walking on eggshells.

Step #4 : We teach you how to set boundaries peacefully, so your child behaves better, listens more, and argues less.

Step #5 : We stop sibling fighting, so your children get along better, and you don’t need to constantly referee fights.

Step #6 : We focus on communicating differently, so your kid is more open to feedback and correction, and less likely to shut down, lash out, or become defensive.

Step #7 : We learn how sensory challenges and your child’s high sensitivity might be creating challenging behaviors--so we can make life easier for you both.

Step #8 : We get you and your partner on the same page, so you can stop disagreeing about parenting and start supporting one another.

Step #9 : We celebrate your child’s unique personality, so you can enjoy your child, and stop feeling stressed, anxious or fearful about their future.

Step #10 : We focus on your needs as a parent, so you feel less stressed, more calm, and joyful.

So then what? What happens next? How will you feel?

First, you will feel calmer. More confident. You’ll enjoy your child more.

You’ll see your child in a more positive, hopeful way. You’ll connect better.

Your child will listen more. Behave better. Have fewer meltdowns or big emotional explosions.

You’ll notice your child using words to express their emotions and needs in healthier ways.

You and your child will both feel less reactive, less bothered by little issues, and more able to find joy and connection.

If you have a partner, the two of you will feel more like a supportive parenting team, and less likely to feel criticized, blamed, or judged for your parenting. You’ll have a shared vision and goal in parenting, and understand how to support each other better.

You’ll feel more confident setting peaceful limits, and your children will be better able to hear you say no and tolerate the feelings that come with that. You will be able to go places that you might not have taken your child in the past, for fear of what might happen. If you have multiple children, they will fight less, get along better, and learn how to handle conflict between themselves more.

If you are highly sensitive, you will better understand how to support your own needs as a parent, so you are less likely to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and more likely to feel energized and at peace.

If your child is highly sensitive, you’ll better understand how to create a life that supports your child’s unique needs, and know how to make life function better for everyone.

*******

If you are ready for support with your highly sensitive or strong-willed child’s big emotions or power struggles, you don’t have to do this alone.

Let’s chat, and I can share more about how I can help create harmony.

Schedule a free call with me today.

Hidden Sensory Challenges That Can Look Like Bad Behavior

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 15:45:45 GMT

Hidden Sensory Challenges That Can Look Like Bad Behavior

How much do you know about your child’s sensory needs?

I’ll be honest.

I had never given it much thought about sensory needs until I started raising a highly sensitive child myself.

Here’s an example:

My younger son has never been able to tolerate clipping his nails.

He would run away, or throw a fit. It was never easy.

I used to think he was being difficult on purpose.

I would think:

Why does he have to make this so difficult??

Doesn't he realize that by cooperating this would go so much easier??

We would already be done by now if he just let me clip his stupid nails!

It would drive me crazy!

And he’s not the only one.

Many, many kids struggle with sensory challenges that cause them to look like they are being intentionally difficult.

It turns out, for highly sensitive kids, sensory struggles like this are extremely common.

Many of these sensory struggles are hiding in plain sight--and parents are not aware.

Sensory challenges can look like oppositionality. Or defiance. Or a kid with bad behavior.

Today I want to share just a few of the sensory challenges that might look like oppositional or difficult behavior.

#1.) The Kid Who Won’t Eat:

Many kids with sensory sensitivities find textures, temperatures and smells of food overwhelming. This can cause feelings of disgust which looks like defiance and picky eating.

#2.) The Kid Who Won’t Get Dressed :

Kids with high tactile sensitivities can object to the feelings of tight clothing, itchy clothing, restrictive clothing, tags, seams, etc. These sensitivities can make them look difficult and defiant when getting dressed.

#3.) The Kid Who Won’t Do Basic Hygiene (Brushing Teeth, Clipping Nails, Brushing Hair, Washing Hair, Getting Hair Cut, Etc):

So many sensory issues are hidden obstacles to many kids easily performing these activities of daily living. Some of these are tactile sensitivities, and some of these are vestibular sensitivities to the sensation of having the head being tilted in different directions (for example, for hair washing).

#4.) The Kid Who Fears Loud Noises (Toilet Flushing, Hand Dryers, Vaccuums, Etc):

Auditory sensitivities to loud noises can create lots of fear for sensitive kids. They’re not trying to be difficult. Loud noises can actually feel painful.

#5.) The Kid Who Won’t Sit Still :

Some kids require constant movement in order to get the sensory input as to where their body is in space. Without moving, they don’t get the sensory input they need for their body to feel safe. So what looks like hyperactivity or defiance, is simply an attempt to get a sensory need met.

#6.) The Kid Who Bumps Into Things/People :

Some kids who crash into things and people are seeking deep sensory pressure input for their nervous system to feel safe in the world. What might look like being clumsy or difficult, is simply an attempt to meet a sensory need.

#7.) Kid Who Has Big Melt Downs After Fun Events :

Kids who have big meltdowns after birthday parties, school, or fun outings, are often reacting to sensory exhaustion. Their nervous systems are so overstimulated from the barrage of sensory inputs, they crash emotionally.

*******

What often looks like “BAD” behavior is a kid doing their best in a world that feels like too much.

How Can Parents Help?

If you’re seeing these behaviors in your child, know this: they’re not being difficult on purpose.

Sensory challenges are real, and your child’s reactions are signals—not misbehavior.

The best response isn’t punishment—it’s support .

That might look like offering accommodations (like tag-free clothing, noise-canceling headphones, or quiet recovery time after outings), approaching your child with more empathy and understanding, or maybe working with an occupational therapist.

Often even small adjustments to meet our child’s sensory needs, can help children feel safer—and their behavior starts to reflect that safety.

You don’t have to change everything overnight.

Even one small shift at a time can make a big difference.

If you want support handling sensory sensitivities in your child, let’s talk, I’d love to help. You don’t have to do this alone.

Could You Be an Empath Parent? (5 Challenges You Might Be Facing and How to Handle Them)

Wed, 28 May 2025 16:52:13 GMT

Could You Be an Empath Parent? (5 Challenges You Might Be Facing, and How to Handle Them)

When my first son was born, I had this idea that I would prevent him from crying.

Like, forever.

I thought, maybe if I attuned to his needs, always, he wouldn't have to cry.

I would just anticipate his needs. As soon as he had any.

And then I would always meet them.

In this imaginary world, he would never feel pain, wanting, or rejection.

When I think about it now, it’s absurd.

But sweet, too.

I loved him so much, I wanted to spare him any pain.

Always.

Forever.

If you’re also a parent who feels everything deeply—your child’s joy, pain, frustration, anxiety—you might be what I call an empath parent .

Like me.

Empath parents are wired for connection and emotional attunement.

It’s a beautiful gift… but it can also make parenting especially intense and overwhelming.

Here are 5 common challenges empath parents face—and why you’re not alone if these feel familiar:

1.) You absorb your child’s emotions like a sponge:

When your child is upset, it floods your own nervous system too.  It’s hard to stay calm when their emotions feel like your own.

2.) You want to fix everything—fast:

You’re so tuned into your child’s discomfort that you jump into action.  But overfunctioning leads to burnout—for both of you.

3.) Boundaries feel like rejection:

You want connection, not conflict—so saying “no” can feel mean, even when it’s healthy and necessary.

4.) You feel misunderstood by your partner:

They might see you as too soft.  You may feel alone in your sensitivity, and hurt that your parenting style isn’t fully seen or valued.

5.) Discipline makes you feel guilty:

You worry: 

“Will this hurt their self-esteem?” 

“Will they still feel loved if I correct them?”

Here’s what I want you to know:  

You are not too sensitive.

You’re not doing it wrong. 

You’re just wired for empathy—

and with the right tools, that becomes your greatest parenting strength.

✨ If you want support navigating parenting as an empath, let’s talk.  You don’t have to do this alone.

Parenting Mantras That Help Me

Mon, 19 May 2025 13:47:07 GMT

Parenting Mantras That Help Me When Life is Messy

Today I want to share my personal parenting mantras.

What are these?

These are ideas that help me to show up as a parent when life is messy.

Which is most days.

OK, it’s all days lol.

How did I come up with these parenting mantras?

Personal experience as a mom for 16 years
Helping parents create peace and connection as a parent coach for 8 years
Helping parents of NICU babies handle new parenthood and a child’s health crisis as a pediatrician in the NICU for 20 years

These mantras that have helped me through my own struggles...

And I’ve seen countless families put them into practice to create transformation as well.

Mantra #1.) No one knows how this is supposed to look:

I credit parent coach Jolette Jai with this one. (She’s the brilliant founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting where I trained to be a parent coach.)

What does this mean?

It means, there are no rules in parenting. Let me say that again. There are no rules in parenting.

There is no “one correct” way to get your child to sleep, to eat, to go to school, or to be a parent. Whatever you are telling yourself HAS to happen--"my child must do XYZ to be happy and successful”--is not only untrue, but may be creating unnecessary suffering.

I drove myself crazy comparing myself and my child to other parents, or to what I thought I was supposed to be doing.

Guess what? It doesn’t matter what works or doesn’t work for other families.

We are looking for solutions that work for you AND your child. Period.

Mantra #2. Focus on Strengths:

(Yours and Your Child’s):

Don’t tell anyone, but there are many things in life that I’m actually quite bad at! It’s true! I’m sure you are shocked. ��

Spoiler alert. This is true for you and your child as well!! And everyone on this planet.

But that’s OK.

There are also things you and your kid are naturally gifted at.

When we focus on our natural strengths, it’s motivating! It feels good. Life feels easier. More fun. We work harder.

When we perseverate on the things we struggle with, it can feel demoralizing, demotivating and exhausting. We’re more likely to give up.

Can we improve at things we struggle with? 1000%.

But here’s a hint. Your child’s future happiness and success likely lie in an area that feels naturally easy and enjoyable, not something they hate doing.

When my son was struggling, it felt like the world was full of people telling me what my child needed to improve. It felt overwhelming. When we start with strengths instead, it’s way less stressful and more fun.

Mantra #3. Your Child is WAY More Capable Than They Appear:

As parents, we have the disadvantage of seeing our kids at their most immature, needy moments.

This can make us believe they are less capable than they actually are.

We can forget that kids are constantly growing and maturing.

Each day they are becoming more capable than yesterday.

This mantra I credit to a summer camp director who said: “Kids are always bravest when they are away from their parents.”

Well, kids also appear more capable away from parents too.

So I like to ask:

Am I seeing my child through the eyes of who they were yesterday (or last year)?

Am I forgetting that my child is constantly growing?

What would it look like to hold space for the belief that they can do this thing that was really challenging for them yesterday?

Whether your child is struggling with going to school, not having meltdowns, or being more independent, I promise: they are more capable than they appear.

Mantra #4. Every personality and temperament has gifts:

My two boys are very different.

When my older son was younger, I remember wishing he were different. More like me. Especially the qualities I like about myself--the qualities I believe have helped me become “successful.”

Well, guess what?

He is different than me in some ways (personality and temperament).

And as a result, some things are harder for him. This is a fact.

But some things are also easier for him.

Because of his differences, he will have experiences and pleasures and joys I won’t ever have.

Over the last 16 years, I have repeatedly found myself intermittently accepting and then grieving these differences.

For me, accepting those differences hasn’t been linear.

I’ll be accepting of the differences, but then something happens, and I will be fearful again. And grieve again. It’s a work in progress.

Mantra #5. It’s Not Too Late:

Are you and your child still alive?

Then it’s not too late to change a dynamic that’s not working.

Inside you is a capable, resourceful, resilient parent who can make any transformation and shift imaginable.

And shifts that are even unimaginable right now.

You are so much more capable than you feel in this moment.

So capable! So brave! So resourceful!

Alright, those are some of my thoughts on parenting. The thoughts that help me through messy times. And keep me hopeful.

I hope you find them helpful as well.

What do you think?

What resonates?

Which mantra might help with a struggle you’re going through now?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family,

Ceara

Parenting Challenges or Relationship Challenges??

Wed, 14 May 2025 19:08:43 GMT

Parenting Challenges or Relationship Challenges??

Does this sound familiar?

It’s one of those parenting moments where everything is spiraling — but instead of getting support from your partner, you feel...

...even more alone?

Maybe you're trying to stay calm and connected with your sensitive child.

But then your partner walks in with a completely different energy: yelling, punishing, or undoing everything you just tried to do.

Or maybe you’re the one setting limits and getting frustrated because your partner always swoops in to rescue the child.

So then you’re left feeling like the “bad guy.”

Here’s the truth I’ve seen again and again:

A lot of the hardest parenting moments aren’t just about your child… they’re about your relationship.

You and your partner want the same thing.

A peaceful home, a thriving child, and a parenting approach that actually works.

But when stress levels rise, and your fears get triggered…

...you can end up on opposite teams.

Here are just a few common couple dynamics that show up disguised as parenting problems:

1.) The “good cop / bad cop” dynamic :

One parent leads with empathy, the other with structure — and they both feel undermined.

2.) Feeling unsupported:

One parent sets a boundary, the other unknowingly undoes it.

3.) Arguing about the child, but it’s really about each other:

Resentments build, and the child’s behavior becomes a battlefield.

4.) One partner feels deprioritized:

When all the nurturing goes to the child, the other adult feels invisible.

5.) Differences in parenting styles feel personal:

What started as a disagreement about bedtime now feels like a rejection of your identity.

If any of this feels familiar, I want you to know:

You’re not failing.

You’re just human — and trying to raise a sensitive child in a high-stress environment, without a shared playbook, is really hard.

But you don’t have to keep doing this alone — or stuck in survival mode.

I help parents of highly sensitive kids learn how to support their child and reconnect as a parenting team — even if they see things differently.

If you're ready for less blame and more connection, I’d love to talk.

We can figure out where you’re getting stuck, where your parenting styles may be clashing, and how to get back on the same team — for your child and for each other.

Sending lots of love,

Ceara

You’re Not Failing. And Your Kid Isn’t Bad.

Mon, 05 May 2025 14:46:25 GMT

You’re Not Failing. And Your Kid Isn’t Bad.

Does your strong-willed or highly sensitive child:

meltdown with anything unexpected
refuse to get dressed
lash out when you say “no”?

Despite what it seems, they’re not trying to give you a hard time.

And they’re not a bad kid.

And you’re not failing as a parent.

Your child is just HAVING a hard time.

It’s true.

Highly sensitive kids often struggle in ways that other kids do not.

Whether it’s loud noises, unexpected transitions, itchy clothes, or just feeling emotionally overwhelmed, highly sensitive kids often struggle in ways that look like defiance and resistance from the outside.

But inside, it’s often anxiety, fear, or sensory overload .

If your child could, they would say:

“This is really hard for me! I know it looks like I’m intentionally being difficult. But that’s not it. I want to be easy, flexible, cooperative, and make you happy. I really do. But I can’t seem to figure out how. Inside, I’m really struggling.”

When we see that our child is the one having a hard time, it changes our outlook.

We can switch from “What is WRONG with my child?”--to, “What is HARD for my child?”

This makes all the difference.

Everything changes.

Now we can open our hearts.

We can look for solutions together.

As a team.

Because your sensitive, strong-willed child isn’t trying to be difficult.

They’re simply struggling to survive in a world that often feels like too much to them.

We can stop reacting to their behavior.

And we can start connecting and supporting, instead.

Defiance (It’s NOT What You Think)

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 21:14:18 GMT

Defiance (It’s NOT What You Think)

You make a minor request of your child, something small.

But, instead of cooperation, what do you get?

Attitude.

Arguments.

Defiance.

Maybe your toddler falls on the floor, screaming when you ask her to put her shoes on.
Or your preschooler screams, “NO!” when it’s time to clean up.
Or your grade-schooler ignores you, or refuses to come to dinner, after playing video games.
Or your teenager procrastinates, or rolls their eyes and gives you attitude, about doing chores or starting homework.

It looks like defiance, right?

It looks like a child intentionally being difficult.

It looks like a child who is spoiled, who won’t listen, or who HAS to get her way.

It looks like that. But that’s NOT it.

What is actually going on??

Defiance is often simply a kid who is struggling with transitions.

It’s true.

Transitions are what we call when we go from one activity to the next.

Getting out of bed. Putting on clothes. Getting in the car. Brushing teeth. Starting homework.

These may sound minor, like things we do every day.

But to the brain, these count as transitions.

It turns out transitions are challenging for the brain.

This is true for adults AND children.

But for some kids, because of how their brain works, transitions are so hard, they become MAJOR POWER STRUGGLES .

Why are transitions so challenging?

Transitions are challenging because:

They require extra brain power
They can trigger the fear parts of our brain
The fear part of our brain makes us rigid and inflexible

So what works?

What cures defiance?

What creates cooperation ?

Connection. Connection is the secret sauce!!

When we connect with kids first, before the transition, defiance can melt away.

What does connection look like?

We slow down.

We stop what we're doing.

We put our phone down.

We go to our child.

We get down, if they’re small.

We smile.

We make eye contact.

We chat.

We are playful, or warm, or caring.

We talk about what’s coming next.

We validate any feelings, even negative feelings.

Why does this work?

Connection is the magic sauce.
Connection shuts down the fear centers of the brain
Connection puts the cooperation parts of the brain back online

Is connection easy? Not always.

Is connection effective. Yes!

Want support stopping defiance in your home?

I’d love to help.

Schedule a call, and we can discuss what is creating defiance in your home, and how to stop it.

I’ll share what will create more peace and cooperation.

I look forward to connecting with you.

Yours in peace and harmony,

Ceara

10 Reasons Punishments Aren’t Working (And What To Do Instead)

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 17:09:40 GMT

10 Reasons Punishments Aren’t Working (And What To Do Instead)

Perhaps you've noticed something about your highly sensitive child.

You may have noticed that traditional parenting strategies—

such as timeouts, grounding, taking things away—

don’t work the way you hoped they would .

Perhaps your child gets angrier.

More defiant.

Argumentative.

Rigid.

Disrespectful.

Instead of solving a problem, you keep having the same struggles.

Over and over.

Again and again.

It’s exhausting.

It’s not your fault. Or your child’s fault.

Punishments are the problem.

They aren’t helpful—

especially for highly sensitive nervous systems.

Here are 10 reasons why punishments aren’t helpful for sensitive kids :

They create power struggles.
They trigger shame, not reflection.
They ignore the root cause.
They damage the parent-child connection.
They teach fear—not understanding.
They don’t teach what to do instead.
They create emotional dysregulation.
They lead to sneakier behavior.
They reinforce a “bad kid” identity.
They leave everyone—especially you—exhausted.

So what is helpful?

✅ Boundaries with empathy

✅ Emotional coaching

✅ Calm connection—even during tough moments

✅ Collaborative problem-solving when your child is ready

This approach isn’t about letting your child “get away with it.”

It’s about showing them a better way, rooted in safety, trust, and emotional growth.

And when you shift from punishment to connection, everything changes.

You’ve got this—and I’ve got your back.

We are looking for collaboration and win-win solutions.

You and your child are a team against the challenge, not adversaries.

We want to find solutions that arise out of a connected relationship with your child.

You and your child both have a voice, and solutions are based in trust, not fear.

If you’d love some support around creating effective discipline for your highly sensitive child, schedule a call with me. I’d love to help.

The REAL Reason Kids are Argumentative & Defiant

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 16:54:34 GMT

The REAL Reason Kids Are Argumentative & Defiant

Do you have an argumentative or defiant kid? Many of the families I coach do.

See whether this sounds familiar :

Kai* (not actual name), age 8, is an argumentative kid.

Since he was little, Kai needs to be in control.

The minute his parents gently try to ask anything of him, he becomes resistant and defiant.

He resists even small requests.

He refuses to go outside his comfort zone.

When he's disappointed or embarrassed, he meltsdown.

When he meltdown, he blame his parents.

He argues. Or runs away. Or yells.

Despite their best attempts to stay calm, his parents lose their temper. Mostly, they worry about him:

Will he be OK?

How will he tolerate the stress of the real world?

How will he be successful as an adult?

How can they help him?

What’s going on? What’s “wrong” with Kai ?

Why is he so rigid?

Why won’t he accept responsibility when he’s wrong?

Why won’t he go outside his comfort zone?

Why won’t he comply with small requests?

Analysis :

Kai is typical of kids with a more sensitive/anxious temperament. For these kids, life feels overwhelming and out of control most of the time. They feel unsafe, so they dig in their heels to exert control any way they can.

They’re not trying to be difficult.

They’re just trying to feel safe.

What looks like defiance and stubbornness is actually fear.

These kids fear that if they are not in control, the world will be too overwhelming.

Understanding where this behavior comes from can help us be more empathetic.

These kids don’t want to be difficult. They just want to feel safe.

We help to de-escalate conflict when we :

Model cooperation and peacefulness

Use humor and play to increase connection and safety

Walk away instead of fighting

Choose our battles

The more we understand about challenging behavior, the less we have to take it personally.

It’s easier to stay calm.

It’s easier to create peace and harmony.

There is hope.

You CAN have a more peaceful, connected home.

I’d love to help. Schedule a free 30 minute call with me today.

Overstimulation: A Major Challenge for Highly Sensitive Kids & Parents

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 22:54:15 GMT

Overstimulation: A Major Challenge for Highly Sensitive Kids & Adults

Have you ever left a noisy, chaotic, overwhelming environment, and afterwards, you felt like you had been electrocuted?

Maybe your skin was crawling.

You felt like you wanted to run away.

You might have felt dizzy.

Irritable.

Anxious.

Exhausted.

These are just some of the symptoms of overstimulation.

What Is Overstimulation?

Overstimulation is feelings of exhaustion, shutdown, or overwhelm caused by too much sensory input.

For highly sensitive kids and adults, because we have stronger reactions to sensory inputs, overstimulation is more common.

We can be more affected by:

Noises
Bright lights
Smells
Chaos
Crowds
Temperature changes
Multitasking
Deadlines
Overlapping conversations
Flickering lights
Emotional stress

So what can be done?

Can we prevent overstimulation?

One key strategy is speaking up for our needs.

And teaching children to speak up.

Speaking up for your own needs sounds like:

“This is a lot for me right now. Some quiet time would really help me feel calmer.”

“I am feeling pretty tense. I’m going to take a break so I feel less on edge.”

“I’m reaching my limit. I’m going outside for a couple minutes to get calmer.”

Helping a child might sound like:

"This place is pretty noisy. Is your brain feeling full? What if we take a break outside?”

"This is a lot. What if we turn down the lights and music and relax on the couch together for a little bit?”

“Is your body feeling stressed? How about we take a little break until you feel calmer?”

You deserve to get your needs met.

Your child does, too.

When an environment is causing overstimulation for you or your child, it’s your right to say something.

Speaking up is a first step to feeling better.

Struggling with overstimulation? Is your child struggling?

I’d love to help you both feel better and create a life that supports your and your child’s needs.

Parenting Burnout; What It Is & How to Heal

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 17:21:01 GMT

Parenting Burnout; What It Is & How to Heal

Feel like you’re running on empty as a parent?

Like nothing you try with your child ever works?

Like you’re chronically frustrated and exhausted?

Like you can’t feel joy as a parent?

It’s very possible you are suffering from parenting burnout.

And you’re not alone.

Many parents of sensitive children struggle with parenting burnout.

This happens when the demands of parenting overwhelm your resources and ability to cope.

It can happen more frequently with “high needs” kids. These are kids who struggle more with the demands of daily life, or have bigger emotional reactions to typical stressors.

Parents of highly sensitive kids for sure can struggle with this.

Highly sensitive kids have bigger emotional reactions, are often strong-willed, often struggle with inflexibility, noncompliance and anger. All of which can make parenting them more challenging. And more exhausting.

As a result, over time, parents can feel like they are pouring from an empty cup.

Burnout for parents might look like :

Feeling emotionally drained or detached most of the time

Feeling frustrated, guilty or resentful often

Feeling like “nothing I do as a parent ever works”

Feeling impatient more than usual

Struggling to feel joy as a parent

Sound familiar?

This is burnout, and there is hope for you to feel better.

What works?

Just like when kids struggle, we want to temporarily lower the demands, and treat ourselves with warmth and compassion.

3 Strategies to Heal from Burnout:

1.) Lower Your Standards for the Moment :

Good enough is good enough.

Allow more screen time just for today. Eat cereal for dinner, instead of a real meal. Ignore the kids bickering for the moment.

When you feel better, we can raise the standards again. For right now, let more stuff go.

2.) Take Care of Yourself in Tiny Bursts :

A day at the spa would be great, but if that’s not feasible, find joy in 30 second bursts.

Listen to a favorite song while you cook dinner. Give yourself 30 seconds to just close your eyes and breathe without needing to be productive. Give yourself permission to drink your coffee while it’s hot, without needing to multi-task.

Remind yourself, "I deserve support and care too.”

3.) Ask For Help :

Simply asking for help is powerful. It changes your nervous system biology, helping you get out of fight-flight-freeze, which is part of burnout.

When we ask for help, it promotes connection. It reminds us that we are not alone, that other people care and want to help us, and builds relationships.

*****************

I’d love to help heal your burn out too!

If you are struggling with parenting burnout, let’s connect.

I’d love to support you, and together, help you feel better.

Schedule a free call with me to talk about more strategies. I look forward to connecting with you.

10 Signs of High Sensitivity in Children

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 20:58:41 GMT

10 Signs of High Sensitivity in Children

Does your child feels everythin g more intensely than other kids?

If this sounds like your child, you’re not alone.

Kids who are highly sensitive experience everything more deeply.

This trait, sensory processing sensitivity, is present in 15-20% of children.

If this sounds like your child, they likely have bigger feelings than other children, which can cause power struggles and meltdowns.

How do you know if your child is highly sensitive? Here is a checklist with 10 common signs a child might be highly sensitive.

1.) Strong Reactions to Sensory Stimuli

Does your child struggle with loud noises, bright lights, or scratchy fabrics more than other kids?

2.) Deep Emotional Responses

Does your child cry more easily or feel big emotions like sadness, anger, or joy more intensely than other kids?

3.) Overwhelm in Crowds or Busy Places

Does your child gets anxious or overstimulated in crowded areas like malls or parties?

4.) Takes Criticism Deeply

Does your child get deeply affected by a simple correction or criticism?

5.) Empathy for Others

Does your child often pick up on other people's emotions and feel them deeply?

6.) Struggles with Change

Does your child struggle with new situations or transitions, like starting a new school?

7.) Needs Alone Time to Recharge

Does your child need quiet time alone to decompress and feel calm after a busy day?

8.) Notice Small Details

Does your child often pick up little things others might miss, like a slight change in your mood or a small decoration in a room?

9.) Perfectionism

Does your child have high standards for themselves and others, and get frustrated if things don’t go perfectly?

10.) Intense Focus

Does your child have a tendency to get fully absorbed and focus deeply on a task or subject?

Do any of these sound like your child? Do all of them sound like your child?

High sensitivity is a strength.

But it can also cause challenges, especially when children need more support, or they don’t yet have the skills they need to navigate challenges.

If your child is struggling right now, I’d love to help your family create more peace and harmony.

You can schedule a call with me using the scheduling link above, and I can help with specific advice for your child and your family.

Quieter, Introverted Children

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 16:13:56 GMT

Quieter, Introverted Children

Some kids (and adults) are quieter.

These kids have less need or desire to talk, especially about their emotions.

This type of communication style is called nonverbal processing.

People with this style want to think things through BEFORE speaking, and may not want to talk about things at all.

Maybe you know a person like this.

Maybe you ARE a person like this!! (Me. I am like this!)

Maybe you have a kid like this. (Me. One of my kids is like this!)

For parents, it can be challenging to have a kid who doesn't talk or share their feelings easily.

We wonder what’s going on, and it can be very challenging when they get upset, but won’t share easily what’s going on for them.

Both ways of communication--verbal processors who tend to “think out loud,” as well as nonverbal processors, who want to think before speaking--are normal and healthy.

Some kids want to share a lot, including their feelings. These kids are verbal processors, also a healthy way of communicating.

Because these children may talk so much, as a parent, it can feel exhausting.

On the other hand, all the sharing can be helpful, too, because you may understand a child's feelings more easily, since they share so much.

Where on this spectrum do you see your child?

Has it changed over time (hello, parents of teen boys who may share less and less!)?

No judgment. Both communication styles are normal and healthy.

Parents, where do you see yourself on this spectrum?

When Highly Sensitive Kids Refuse to Go Places

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 21:34:38 GMT

When Highly Sensitive Kids Refuse to Go Places

Do you ever struggle to get your highly sensitive child to go places?

Maybe it’s a trip to the store, a walk outside, or a birthday party, and your highly sensitive child just doesn’t want to go .

If this sounds familiar, You Are Not Alone.

This is a very common struggle for parents.

It’s important to understand that these kids are not trying to be difficult.

In reality, these children are struggling with needing safety, predictability and support.

Why does this happen?

Highly sensitive kids can struggle to go places because:

1.) Uncertainty can feel threatening

The highly sensitive nervous system craves predictability. Unknowns around what might happen can create anxiety and fear, which can make kids worry about going out.

2.) Sensory sensitivities can be exhausting

The highly sensitive nervous system picks up more sensory details and then processes them deeply. This bombardment of sensory information can be exhausting and overwhelming.

3.) Emotional energy is draining

For the sensitive nervous system, especially when a child is also introverted, they can become easily overwhelmed by the energy of socializing. The tendency can be to pull back socially to conserve their emotional energy.

4.) They fear discomfort or struggles

Kids may fear feeling awkward, uncomfortable, tired, or wanting to leave, and not being able to. As a result, they can want to avoid places that might cause distress.

5.) Transitions are extra hard

Highly sensitive kids are deep processors. This means that going from one activity to another requires extra mental energy. This makes transitions like leaving the house extra challenging.

So it’s important to remember, kids are NOT trying to be difficult when they refuse to go.

Kids refuse to go because they are struggling with safety, predictability and needing support.

How can we respond in the most helpful way?

1.) Empathize first

We want to show empathy first. This might sound like, “I’m hearing you really don’t want to go, I can see that. I know you wish you could stay home.” This doesn’t mean that we are giving in, but we are acknowledging and validating our child’s feelings.

2.) Give a sense of control

When kids feel a sense of control, they feel less anxious. Can we give children some say in the situation? “Do you want to take a family walk with me now, or we can go after lunch?”

3.) Preview what to expect

We all feel safer when we know what to expect. By explaining what will happen when kids go out, we are meeting their need for predictability and safety. “We are going to drive to the store for about 20 minutes, and then we’ll buy about 5 things to cook dinner, which should take about 10 minutes, and then we’ll come home.”

4.) Trust in your child’s capability

Your child is much more capable than they look in the moments when they refuse to go out. I want you to trust that your child is capable of doing things that feel hard for them with support.

5.) Celebrate baby steps

When kids make efforts to go outside their comfort zone, we want to notice and celebrate these efforts. “I love that you went into the store with me even though you really didn’t want to go and it was hard. I’m so proud of you for doing hard things.”

Want more support helping your highly sensitive child go places they don’t want to go?

I’d love to help!

Schedule a free call with me that gives specific advice for your unique situation.

You can watch my video explaining helping kids when they refuse to go places below:

My Child is Lying. Should I Be Worried??

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 16:34:40 GMT

My Child Is Lying. Should I Be Worried?

It can be unsettling when your child looks you straight in the eye and lies.

Maybe they say they didn’t eat the cookie—but there are crumbs on their face.

Or, they said they finished their homework so they can play video games, but it’s not true.

You might wonder: Is this normal? Should I be worried?

The truth is, lying is a very normal part of child development.

AND, how we respond to lying can make a big difference in terms of whether it becomes a pattern or not.

Why Do Kids Lie?

Lying is a normal part of childhood development, especially for highly sensitive kids who may lie to:

avoid disappointing others

avoid big emotions

protect their sense of safety

The real concern isn’t that they lied—it’s understanding why they felt they needed to in the first place.

With lying, just like all a child’s behaviors, we want to look beneath the surface to understand better why it’s happening.

Here’s some suggestions for how to respond the next time your child lies:

�� Try getting curious, instead of confrontational.

Try saying, “Hmmm. That story doesn’t sound exactly right to me. What’s going on here?” rather than, "Are you lying to me?”

�� Make honesty safer.

Try saying, "It’s okay to make mistakes. We can talk about it and figure out how to make it right. You don’t have to be perfect—just please be honest with me.”

�� Reinforce trust.

Try saying, “Telling the truth isn’t always easy, but it helps us trust each other. When you tell the truth, I’m so proud of you because it can be really hard to do.”

If you’re dealing with lying in your home, and your not sure how to handle it, you’re not alone.

I’d love to help! If you have a situation where your child lied, and you would like support, I’ll be happy to share suggestions. You can email me at drcearadeno@gmail.co m.

Want To Change Your Partner’s Parenting?

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 18:22:10 GMT

Want To Change Your Partner’s Parenting?

Have you ever thought, “If only my partner would parent differently, life would be so much easier?”

You’re not alone.

Parenting differences are incredibly common--and incredibly frustrating.

Especially when raising a highly sensitive child.

The good news?

You don’t have to agree on everything to be an amazing team.

Instead of trying to change your partner, try these three strategies to create more harmony:

1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative

Instead of reacting with frustration, try asking, “Help me understand what's most important to you in this situation?”

Your partner has a good reason for what they do as a parent.

When we assume good intentions, and seek to understand, we are more likely to get good will and openness in return.

Most parenting comes from a place of deep love. When we understand our partner’s heart and thinking, we are more likely to find areas of common ground.

2️⃣ Appreciate the Balance

Parenting differences can actually benefit children!

Parenting differences can be complementary. Different perspectives makes the family system stronger.

Think of the differences like having different types of tools in a toolbox, rather than having a hammer only.

With diverse tools, you can fix more things than if you only had a hammer.

3️⃣ Lead by Example

The best way to influence your partner’s parenting?

Show, don’t tell.

When one parent can stay calm during a meltdown, or hold a peaceful boundary—the other partner is way more likely to adopt what works.

When children respond positively, your partner will be noticing.

Leading by example is incredibly powerful.

******************

Would you love to be on the same parenting page with your partner or coparent?

Would you love a more peaceful, connected home? Let’s talk.

Together, I’d love to help you and/or your partner break patterns that aren’t serving you and your family.

Maybe you’d like to be better at staying calm and not losing your temper. Maybe your partner wants to do this.

Maybe you’re fighting with your kids over every little thing. Maybe your preschooler only wants one parent, and you’re not sure how to change this pattern.

Whatever the challenge is, I’d love to help create a more peaceful home for you and your family.

Parents, Ditch the Guilt

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 18:47:25 GMT

Parents, Ditch the Guilt

Parents, I see you--beating yourself up.

Criticizing your parenting.

Feeling like a failure.

I get it.

I know you have impossibly high standards for yourself.

Y ou want to be PERFECT.

You want to get it right, the first time, every time, as a parent.

I get it.

You care so much, and your heart is so big and strong.

Then, when you aren’t perfect, which, newsflash, WILL HAPPEN, you make it mean that you’re failing.

That you’re not good enough.

But this story is NOT THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU AS A PARENT.

Yes, you are imperfect. (Like every person to ever exist.)

And, yes, you will make mistakes. (Like every person to ever exist.)

But you are lovable and perfect in your imperfection, like your child.

You are learning and making mistakes, like your child.

You deserve compassion and love, like your child.

You can learn and grow and change, like your child.

************

If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and shame as a parent, and grow in self-compassion and love, we should chat.

I know how easy it is to judge yourself and create a shame story about yourself.

But the pressure this creates doesn’t serve you, your child, or your relationship.

If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and create more self-compassion, love and connection, I’d love to help.

If you’re ready to hold yourself with more gentleness and understanding, let’s schedule a free call together, and create a plan for you to have more peace and connection in your home.

How to Repair With Your Child After a Blow-Up

Mon, 27 Jan 2025 16:59:01 GMT

How To Repair with Your Child After a Blow-Up

If you’re a human, stress is inevitable.

And when we get stressed, especially with our child, we may lose our cool.

We may have Blow-Ups, meltdowns and moments of where we LOSE IT.

When these moments happen:

You may have acted in ways you regret
You may have said or done things you wish you hadn’t said or done
You may feel embarassed by what you did
You might wish you could have a do-over

So what comes next? As a parent, how can you handle these kinds of moments? What should you do? What should you say? How can you prevent them from happening again the next time?

1.) First, it’s OK. Blow-Ups are going to happen occasionally:

It might feel like your child needs you to be perfect. But that’s not true!

Kids are not perfect, so it’s actually beneficial for them to see us modeling the opposite--that being imperfect is normal and even healthy!

Kids benefit when we can model that making mistakes is survivable, and that we can take accountability for our mistakes. We can also model that mistakes and conflict are actually OPPORTUNITIES (see below).

2.) Blow-Ups and Conflict are OPPORTUNITIES:

Growing up, you might have learned some scary things about anger and conflict. You might have learned that anger and conflict:

are toxic
ruin relationships
damage trust

If you learned any of those things, it’s understandable.

When anger is allowed to be repeatedly explosive, without adequate repair afterwards, anger absolutely CAN become toxic, ruining relationships and trust.

What can make the difference and allow anger to become an opportunity, not a liability?

For anger to be an opportunity, we need to know how to repair relationships after a rupture has occurred. This involves reconnecting with the other person. It involves taking accountability for our part in the rupture, apologizing for our part, and making a plan to do better in the future.

3.) A Stronger Relationship IS Possible :

On the other side of conflict is an opportunity for greater understanding.

First, what are we feeling and needing? What about this situation triggered us? Do we have unmet needs we’ve been ignoring?

When we understand our own feelings, we have the option to create better communicate with our child.

4.) Model Taking Responsibility for Our Part:

We want to model taking responsibility for our part in the rupture. This might sound like:

“I messed up yesterday, and I’m sorry. ”

“I didn’t handle things well before, and I apologize for losing my temper.”

“I’m sorry for how I talked to you. You deserve kindness even when I’m frustrated.”

Taking accountability and apologizing is part of reestablishing trust and openness.

5.) Recommit to the Relationship:

After a challenging blow-up, it’s worth remembering that kids might doubt whether we still love them.

Even though we know our love is unending, kids might wonder:

Am I still lovable after what happened?

Does my parent still feel the same about me?

Am I worthy of being forgiven for my mistakes?

This is why it’s important to share our commitment to the relationship out loud to our child. This might sound like a parent saying:

“I love you no matter what, even when we have tough moments."

“I want you to know that even when I get upset, you are so, so important to me.”

6.) Make a Commitment to Try Something Different Next Time:

Part of repair is making a plan to do something differently next time, to avoid behaving in ways we regret.

The optimist in us might say, but next time, I’ll try harder, so this won’t happen again.

But, realistically, there WILL be a next time, because stress and frustration are an inevitable part of life.

So it’s better to make a plan for handling stress, rather than just hoping we can we won’t feel the emotion. This might sound like:

“What can we do differently next time?”

“What can I do next time I’m feeling frustrated so I don’t yell?”

“Next time I’ll try pausing and taking some deep breaths before I respond.”

“Maybe next time I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’ll try walking into another room and taking a minute to myself, before I respond.”

We don’t need to have all the answers. It’s OK to ask our child for their suggestions and thoughts, and be willing to solve problems collaboratively.

Including our child in the solution shows that we are open to feedback, and we care about our child's thoughts and feelings.

In Summary:

Conflict, anger and blow-ups are a normal part of life, and they are opportunities for greater connection and understanding with your child.

Instead of believing that anger and misunderstandings are toxic to relationships, we can learn the skills to handle these inevitable parts of life.

This starts with the skills to talk about conflict in open, honest and compassionate ways.

Learning the skills of repair are a crucial part of handling anger in a healthy way.

If you could use some support around handling situations of anger and frustration with your child, I’d love to help.

Reach out to schedule a free call, where I can help make specific suggestions that work for your unique family to create more peace and connection.

Handle Rudeness; Help Kids Open Up, Instead of Shut Down

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 17:32:21 GMT

Handling Rudeness

Is your child frequently mean or rude? Is it getting worse?

Is this a normal stage?

Is it just part of being a tween or teen?

Are they trying to be disrespectful?

Are they just ungrateful, or spoiled?

If you feel frustrated and unsure how to respond, you’re not alone.

But here’s the thing: kids aren’t mean and rude for the reasons we often think.

Rudeness and meanness is usually a way kids protect themselves when they feel hurt, embarrassed, or overwhelmed.

Why Kids Are Rude

Rudeness usually masks vulnerable feelings that kids don’t feel safe or able to express. Behind a sarcastic remark, an eye roll, or a snappy tone might be a child who feels:

Hurt or insulted
Embarrassed or ashamed
Unseen or uncared for
Overwhelmed or stressed
Threatened or powerless

When kids don’t have the words or the emotional safety to share what they’re really feeling, they often lash out with behavior that looks like rudeness. It’s not about disrespect; it’s about protection.

When we help kids express and share their true feelings, even vulnerable feelings, the need for rudeness fades away.

How to Respond

The good news is that rudeness can often be softened or even eliminated by creating a safe space for kids to share their real feelings. When parents respond with empathy and curiosity instead of frustration, it helps kids move out of their defensive mode and into connection.

Here are two simple but powerful phrases you can use:

“You sound like you’re struggling, tired, stressed, or upset. How can I help?”

“You seem upset. What can I do?”

These responses show your child that you’re paying attention, you care, and you’re available to help—without shaming or punishing them for their behavior.

The Transformation

When kids feel safe sharing their vulnerable feelings, they no longer need to defend themselves with rudeness. Instead of snapping, they can say things like:

“I’m so tired.”

“I feel overwhelmed.”

“I’m upset about something.”

These moments of honesty open the door to genuine connection.

When we respond with empathy and understanding, we teach kids that their feelings are valid and manageable, and that they don’t need to hide behind rudeness.

Imagine your child saying, “I’m having a really hard day,” instead of snapping or rolling their eyes.

Final Thoughts

Rudeness is a sign that your child is struggling with something beneath the surface.

By shifting your focus from the behavior to the feelings driving it, you can help your child feel understood, valued, and supported.

Over time, this approach fosters trust and emotional resilience, creating a stronger connection between you and your child.

If you’re ready to help your child move past rudeness and find healthier ways to express themselves, I’d love to support you.

Schedule a free call with me to learn how you can transform tough moments into opportunities for growth and understanding.

From Power Struggles to Cooperation with Your Highly Sensitive Child

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 14:10:19 GMT

From Power Struggles to Cooperation

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Handling DEFIANCE

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 17:58:41 GMT

Handling DEFIANCE

Defiance can be one of the most challenging behaviors for parents to navigate.

When your highly sensitive child digs in their heels or refuses to cooperate, it’s easy to feel frustrated or unsure what to do.

But it’s important to remember that defiance is often a signal that your child is overwhelmed, scared, or struggling to express their needs.

Highly sensitive children, in particular, experience the world deeply. This heightened sensitivity can make them more prone to defiance, especially when they feel misunderstood or out of control.

The good news?

With the right strategies, you can approach defiance in a way that builds connection, teaches your child important skills, and helps them feel safe and understood.

Here are five tips for handling defiance with your highly sensitive child:

1. Look Beneath the Behavior

Behavior is always an attempt to get an unmet need met.

Get curious what might be going on for your child. Ask yourself: What might be driving this behavior? Are they tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected from you?

Highly sensitive children are more likely to act out when their emotional tank is empty or when their environment feels chaotic. Instead of focusing solely on the defiance, try to address the underlying need.

For example:

If your child refuses to clean up their toys, consider whether they’re feeling overwhelmed by the mess. Offering to clean up together can make the task feel more manageable.

If they’re defiant about leaving the park, acknowledge their feelings: “It’s hard to stop playing when you’re having so much fun. Let’s come up with a plan for something fun to do at home.”

2. Stay Calm and Regulate Yourself

Your child’s defiance can trigger strong emotions in you, but meeting their resistance with anger or frustration often escalates the situation. As a parent, your calm presence is key to helping your child regulate their emotions.

When you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath, pause, and remind yourself that defiance is not personal—it’s a sign that your child is struggling. Responding with empathy and calmness can diffuse tension and create an opportunity for connection.

For example:

Instead of saying, “Why can’t you just listen?” try: “I see you’re really upset right now. Let’s take a moment to calm down together.”

3. Give Choices to Empower Them

Highly sensitive children often feel overwhelmed when they lack a sense of control. Providing choices can reduce power struggles and help your child feel more independent.

Offer simple, age-appropriate options that still align with the boundaries you’ve set.

For example:

Instead of demanding, “Get dressed now!” try: “Would you like to wear your blue shirt or your red shirt today?”

Instead of saying, “It’s time to do your homework,” try: “Do you want to start with math or reading?”

This approach helps your child feel empowered while still ensuring the task gets done.

4. Set Clear and Gentle Boundaries

While choices and flexibility are important, boundaries provide your child with a sense of safety and structure. Highly sensitive children thrive when they know what to expect, but they need those boundaries communicated with kindness.

Be consistent and clear about the rules, and explain them in a way that connects to your child’s values or emotions. Avoid harsh discipline, which can overwhelm their sensitive nature and lead to shutdowns.

For example:

Instead of, “Stop yelling right now!” try: “I know you’re upset, but yelling hurts my ears. Let’s take a deep breath and use calmer words to talk about this.”

5. Focus on Connection Before Correction

Defiance often stems from a feeling of disconnection. Before trying to correct your child’s behavior, focus on rebuilding your relationship in the moment. When your child feels loved, understood, and safe, they are more likely to cooperate.

Ways to connect during defiance:

Empathize: “I can see this is really hard for you. I’m here to help.”

Use physical connection: Offer a gentle touch, hug, or sit close to them if they’re open to it.

Validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s figure this out together.”

Once they feel connected, they’ll be more receptive to problem-solving and making amends.

Final Thoughts

Defiance in highly sensitive children is not a sign of “bad behavior” but a signal that they need your help. By addressing the root cause of the defiance, staying calm, and prioritizing connection, you can guide your child through these challenging moments with compassion and understanding.

Remember, every moment of defiance is an opportunity to teach your child emotional regulation, problem-solving, and self-awareness. And along the way, you’re building a strong, trusting relationship that will support them for years to come.

If you’re struggling with defiance in your home, I’d love to help.

We can turn this around and create cooperation and connection.

You can schedule a free call with me using the “Schedule a Free Call Button” to get individualized support, or download my free guide, “Debunking the 5 Myths of Parenting a Highly Sensitive Child” to get concrete strategies that can help.

Positive Discipline for Highly Sensitive Kids

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 16:32:25 GMT

Positive Discipline for Highly Sensitive Kids

Parenting a highly sensitive child is both a rewarding and challenging experience.

These children feel deeply, process the world intensely, and can sometimes struggle with big emotions and which can create challenging behavior.

When it comes to discipline, traditional approaches like timeouts or punishments often backfire, creating an angry, disconnected child who behaves worse.

Positive discipline offers an alternative—one rooted in compassion, understanding, and teaching rather than punishing.

Here are some practical strategies to help you guide your highly sensitive child with love and respect.

1. Focus on Connection Before Correction

Highly sensitive children respond best when they feel emotionally safe and understood. Before addressing a behavior, prioritize connection. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings.

For example:

Instead of jumping straight to discipline, say, “I see you’re really upset right now. Let’s take a moment to calm down, and then we can figure out what happened together.”

This approach helps your child feel seen and supported, which makes them more open to learning.

2. Teach, Don’t Punish

Highly sensitive kids often internalize criticism deeply, so punishment can damage their self-esteem and create fear or shame. Instead, focus on teaching and problem-solving.

For example:

Instead of: “You spilled your drink again! Be more careful!”

Try: “Oops, the drink spilled. Let’s clean it up together. Next time, we can use two hands to hold the cup.”

This approach encourages responsibility without making your child feel bad about themselves.

3. Set Clear and Gentle Boundaries

Boundaries provide a sense of safety and structure for all kids, but highly sensitive children need them delivered with extra kindness. Be firm yet gentle when setting limits.

For example:

“We don’t hit. Instead, we can say, I want a turn.”

When your child knows what to expect, they’ll feel more secure and better able to regulate their emotions.

4. Offer Choices to Avoid Power Struggles

Highly sensitive children often feel overwhelmed by a lack of control. Offering choices helps them feel empowered while still respecting boundaries.

For instance:

“It’s time to get dressed. Would you like to wear your blue shirt or your red one?”

“We need to clean up. Do you want to start with the blocks or the books?”

By giving them a sense of control, you can prevent meltdowns and make transitions smoother.

5. Use Natural and Logical Consequences

Natural and logical consequences are powerful teaching tools, especially for highly sensitive children. These consequences help them connect their actions to outcomes in a gentle, non-punitive way.

For example:

If your child is hitting other children with a stick, and they are not able to play appropriately, and the parent would need to take it away.

If they are trying to run away in public, the parent would need to either pick the child up and carry them, or hold their hand at all times.

Deliver consequences with empathy, not frustration, to help your child learn without feeling judged.

6. Praise Effort, Not Perfection

Highly sensitive children are often perfectionists who fear making mistakes. To build their confidence, focus on praising their effort and progress rather than the outcome.

For example:

“I saw how hard you worked on staying calm when your brother took your toy. I was so proud of you.”

Celebrating their efforts helps them feel proud of themselves and encourages them to keep trying, even when things are difficult.

Final Thoughts

Positive discipline isn’t about controlling your child’s behavior—it’s about teaching them the skills they need to manage their emotions, make good decisions, and grow into confident, compassionate individuals.

By focusing on connection, empathy, and problem-solving, you can guide your highly sensitive child in a way that strengthens your bond and builds their emotional resilience.

Remember, no one gets it perfect every time (and that’s okay!). Parenting is a journey, and every step you take toward gentle discipline is a step toward a stronger, more connected relationship with your child.

Ready for support using positive discipline in your home? Schedule a free call with me today.

A Peaceful Holiday Season for Sensitive Families

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 16:54:19 GMT

A Peaceful Holiday Season for Sensitive Families

The holidays are here, and with them come all the sparkling lights, festive gatherings, and magical moments we hope to create for our families.

But let’s be honest: for those of us who are more sensitive—the season can also bring pressure, overstimulation, and a nagging voice telling us to do more and make it perfect.

I want to offer you something different this year: permission to do less.

For families like ours, the magic of the season isn’t found in trying to do everything, or trying to make everything perfect.

It’s in the quiet moments—like a cozy snuggle on the couch, a quiet walk in the twilight, or sharing a laugh.

These little things are enough.

We don’t need to do or be everything.

Doing less is fine. Being imperfect is great.

Here are a few reminders to help you navigate the season with more ease and less overwhelm:

1. Lower Your Expectations

It’s okay to let go of the big, elaborate plans. If your child (or you!) is feeling overstimulated, scale back. Choose one or two activities that bring joy and let the rest go. Simplicity can be its own kind of magic.

2. Honor Sensitivities

Highly sensitive kids (and adults) feel everything more deeply, which can mean the holidays are both wonderful and a lot. Pay attention to when your family needs a break—whether that’s skipping an event, saying no to extra commitments, or creating quiet pockets of time to recharge.

3. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection

Let go of the pressure for everything to be amazing or picture-perfect. Instead, embrace the little moments. Connection happens in the messiness of real life, not in picture-perfect moments.

4. Give Yourself Grace

You’re juggling so much, and you’re doing the best you can. It’s OK to let some things go. Your worth as a parent isn’t measured by how much you do.

5. Find Joy in the Little Things

Take time to slow down. Give yourself a break. Do something for yourself. Allow yourself to rest.

Sensitivity can create more overwhelm at the holidays.

Lowering the pressure you feel can help. So can simply trying to do less and to embrace imperfection.

Wishing you a lower stress and more joy-filled holidays.

Warmly,

Dr Ceara Deno

How Routines Bring Peace for Sensitive Families

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 14:24:36 GMT

How Routines Bring Peace for Sensitive Families

If you’re raising a highly sensitive child, you’ve probably noticed how much they thrive on predictability.

These kids do not like change, newness, or surprises.

Their comfort zone is SMALL.

And they can easily become unhinged when life deals them something unexpected or disappointing.

Why? Why do sensitive kids struggle so much more with unpredictability?

Novelty triggers the threat system in the brain.

For sensitive kids, that threat system is already MORE ACTIVE than other kids.

They notice MORE in their environment, and they are more DEEPLY AFFECTED by the environment.

Not only does the threat system get triggered more easily, it also takes longer to recover back to normal.

This means these children spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed and on high-alert.

What does this mean for parents of sensitive kids?

It means more meltdowns, power struggles, oppositional behavior, and inflexibility when life is unpredictable.

The good news is creating predictable routines WILL make life easier .

Here are some of the key benefits of predictable routines:

1. Routines Reduce Anxiety

When kids know what’s coming next, it helps them feel safe and secure. A predictable flow eliminates the fear of the unknown, which can often be a source of resistance or anxiety during transitions.

2. They Teach Time Awareness

For many kids, time is an abstract concept. Routines provide structure, helping them understand what to expect and when. Over time, this can build their ability to anticipate and prepare for transitions, reducing meltdowns or frustration.

3. They Create Emotional Safety

Transitions can trigger feelings of uncertainty or overwhelm, especially for sensitive kids. A consistent routine acts like a "roadmap" they can trust, helping them feel emotionally grounded even when moving between activities.

4. They Encourage Independence

When kids become familiar with routines, they start to internalize the steps. This can help them take ownership of transitions, whether it’s tidying up before dinner or getting ready for bed, fostering a sense of competence and independence.

5. They Minimize Power Struggles

When routines are in place, transitions stop feeling like sudden demands and start feeling like a natural flow. This reduces resistance and power struggles, making transitions smoother for both parent and child.

6. They Support Emotional Regulation

Highly sensitive children often need extra time and tools to shift their focus and energy. Routines provide cues that help their nervous system adjust and stay regulated.

7. They Decrease Decision Fatigue for Parents

Without a clear routine, there is no clarity over expectations. Parents are constantly needing to make decisions about what is OK, and all these decisions can become exhausting. Routines give clarity, which decreases the amount of decisions parents need to make.

Would you like support in creating daily routines that fit your unique family? I’d love to help!

The next step is to schedule a Get-Acquainted Call with me using the pink, “Schedule A Free Call” button above.

During this call we will make a plan to create a more peaceful home for you and your sensitive child, full of connection, affection and more joy.

Morning Routines That Actually Work for Kids with ADHD and High Sensitivity

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 19:35:35 GMT

Morning Routines That Actually Work for Kids with ADHD and High Sensitivity

Getting out the door in the morning tends to be hard for many families.

But for parents of kids with ADHD or highly sensitive kids, mornings can extra challenging.

Children with these traits often face unique challenges like difficulty transitioning, sensory sensitivities, power struggles, or difficulties with focus.

A thoughtful morning routine can set the stage for a smoother day—and help everyone feel calmer and more connected.

Here are some practical tips to design a morning routine that works for your family:

1. Start with Connection, Not Correction

Highly sensitive and ADHD kids thrive on positive connection. Begin the day with a moment of warmth—a snuggle, a shared joke, or simply a cheerful "Good morning!" Avoid diving into instructions right away, as this can feel overwhelming and trigger resistance.

2. Break It Down into Steps

Kids with ADHD often struggle with multi-step tasks, and highly sensitive kids can easily become overwhelmed by the morning rush. Create a simple, visual checklist with pictures or words. For example:

Get dressed.

Brush teeth.

Eat breakfast.

Grab backpack.

This not only helps your child stay on track but also gives them a sense of accomplishment as they check off each task.

3. Plan for Sensory Needs

Highly sensitive kids may feel overstimulated by bright lights, loud alarms, or scratchy clothing, while kids with ADHD may crave sensory input to stay focused. Consider adjustments like:

Using a gentle alarm clock or soothing wake-up music.

Preparing comfortable, tag-free clothing the night before.

Offering a fidget toy or chewable necklace during breakfast to help with focus.

4. Build in Extra Time for Flexibility

ADHD and highly sensitive kids often need more time to transition between activities. Start the routine earlier to avoid the stress of rushing. If possible, include a buffer for unexpected challenges, like needing to find that one favorite pair of socks.

5. Use Playfulness to Motivate

Instead of battling over tasks, make them fun. Use playful language or turn chores into a game. For instance:

Pretend you’re racing the clock to “beat the breakfast timer.”

Sing silly songs while getting dressed.

Create a morning mascot (like a stuffed animal) that “cheers” your child through the routine.

6. Provide Choices to Avoid Power Struggles

Highly sensitive and ADHD kids often feel more cooperative when they have some control. Offer simple choices:

“Would you like toast or cereal?”

“Do you want to brush your teeth first or get dressed first?”

These small decisions can help your child feel empowered, and help them be more cooperative.

7. End with a Positive Send-Off

Before heading out the door, take a moment to connect with and appreciate your child. A quick hug, high-five, or encouraging words like, “I’m so proud of how you got ready today,” can set a positive tone for the rest of their day.

Bonus Tips for Parents

Prep the Night Before: Lay out clothes, pack lunches, and organize backpacks in advance to reduce decision-making in the morning. Younger kids can sleep in their clothes to save time and avoid power struggles.

Keep Expectations Realistic: Progress is better than perfection. Celebrate small wins and adjust as needed.

Take a moment to connect with your child during the rush of the morning; kids are often more cooperative and able to focus better after moments of connection.

Practice Self-Care: Your energy sets the tone. A few deep breaths or a quick coffee moment can help you stay calm and present.

Creating a morning routine that works for ADHD and highly sensitive kids takes trial and error, but with patience and creativity, you can design a system that helps everyone start the day with a little more ease—and a lot more connection.

Helping Kids Manage Big Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool)

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 20:49:16 GMT

Helping Kids with Big Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool)

Parenting kids with big feelings can sometimes feel like you’re walking through a minefield of meltdowns.

But those explosive moments? They’re actually golden opportunities to teach your child emotional intelligence and even build a stronger connection.

How?

1. Give Their Feelings a Name:

When emotions are high, kids often can’t find the words to explain what’s happening inside. That’s where you step in as their “emotion translator.” Try saying:

“It seems like you’re feeling frustrated.”

“I wonder if you’re feeling sad about that.”

These phrases help them connect the dots between what they’re feeling and why.

And if you get it wrong? No worries—kids love correcting us!

2. Validate, Don’t Fix:

Once their feelings are named, show them that you understand.

Skip the “calm down” or “it’s not a big deal,” and instead say:

“That makes sense—you were so excited, and now it didn’t happen.”

“I’d feel frustrated too if someone took my turn.”

Acknowledging their feelings doesn’t mean you’re giving in; it’s helping them feel seen and heard.

3. Make It Silly:

Emotions don’t have to be so serious!

Lower the stakes by playing a game, telling a silly story, or making up ridiculous scenarios about their feelings.

(“If Mad were a color, would it be fire-breathing dragon red or exploding volcano orange?”)

Sometimes laughter is the perfect release valve.

4. Share Your Own Feelings:

Kids learn best by example.

Share moments when you felt mad, sad, or frustrated—and how you managed it.

(“Remember when I spilled my coffee? I was SO upset! I took a deep breath and cleaned it up anyway.”)

Big feelings might feel messy and overwhelming, but they’re a normal part of growing up—and parenting.

With a little empathy, validation, and humor, you can help your child not just process their emotions but learn to thrive with them.

And who knows? You might just learn a thing or two about handling your own big feelings along the way.

Negative Judgments About Sensitive Kids (and Their Parents)

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 16:03:15 GMT

Negative Judgments About Sensitive Kids (And Their Parents)

As a parent of a highly sensitive kid, it’s likely you have been on the receiving end of some unhelpful judgements and advice.

This is often from well-meaning people, who believe they are being helpful.

They judge your child’s sensitivity as a personality defect or a flaw.

They judge your parenting as inadequate.

They try to tell you that your child’s sensitivity is a problem, and that you caused it with your parenting style.

These are often well-intentioned people, who may even love you and your child--people like grandparents, friends, therapists, teachers, doctors, or other professionals.

It doesn’t change the fact that judgments are untrue, harmful, and not helpful.

Parents might hear judgments of their parenting like:

"You're too soft on him."

"You coddle her too much."

"You need to discipline him more."

"You let her run the show."

"You're too overprotective."

"You're spoiling her by catering to her needs."

"If you parented like I did, he wouldn't act like that."

You may even start to doubt yourself and your parenting. You may even start to wonder if your child’s sensitivity IS your fault.

Equally painful can be hearing judgements and criticisms about your child that imply their sensitivity is a flaw.

“She's so dramatic."

"Why does he cry over everything?"

“He just needs to toughen up.

"Why does she take everything so personally?"

“He's spoiled- he always gets his way.”

“She'll never succeed if she can't handle life's challenges better."

It’s so painful to hear your child be criticized and misunderstood like this.

Sensitivity is a gift. It is not a flaw, and it’s not something parents cause with their parenting.

Sensitive temperaments are due to biology, not parenting. We don’t need to change your child’s sensitivity. We need to support, honor and cherish it.

If you or your child have been on the receiving end of hurtful judgements, I want you to know that you are NOT ALONE.

This is actually a very common experience for parents of sensitive kids, and if it has caused you to start to doubt yourself, you’re not alone with that either.

Has this happened to you? Have you heard judgments of your child or your parenting? Did you start to doubt yourself?

You are not alone, and you didn’t deserve this. Your child’s sensitivity is a gift, and you are exactly the parent your child needs to thrive.

End Tantrums, Meltdowns & Power Struggles

Tue, 12 Nov 2024 16:50:17 GMT

End Tantrums, Meltdowns & Power Struggles

This is for parents who feel caught in an endless meltdowns, tantrums, or power struggles.

First, I want to start with the idea that your child’s big feelings are completely normal.

Aggression and anger are normal, and we don’t want to pathologize them, or pathologize your child for feeling them.

In fact, it can be helpful to see defiant behaviors and aggression as the beginnings of healthy assertiveness.

Your child NEEDS assertiveness. Assertiveness is HEALTHY.

Assertiveness makes us brave in the face of challenges. It’ makes us resilient in the face of setbacks. It makes us continue fighting injustices, instead of giving up.

So there’s nothing wrong with your child or their emotions. Anger and aggression are our life energy. They literally help us stay alive.

So the second mindset shift for you as a parent is to think of yourself as the calm pilot. Your child is a passenger on the plane, and the turbulence is your child’s big feelings.

But your child has never flown before.

So of course they get terrified and scream. And hit. Or run away. Or shut down.

Of course they are overwhelmed. Flying is completely new to them.

The big explosions are NOT a reflection of your worth as a pilot.

You are an AMAZING pilot. You are the EXACT pilot your child needs to fly your child to their destination.

We are not going to take anything our child does during--mean words, threats, aggression--personally.

Those things are NOT about you. They’re about the turbulence, and your child’s feelings of overwhelm.

The third mindset shift I’m going to ask you to entertain is that most aggression, tantrums and meltdowns are a result of children feeling powerless.

And humans HATE feeling powerless.

In fact, parents hate it too, which is often why we end up screaming, or threatening, or punishing when kids have big reactions.

So, can you make a commitment to help your child feel LESS POWERLESS?

Can you give more choices? Can you say yes more often? Can you be more flexible? Can you and your child be a team?

The less our kid feels powerless, the fewer meltdowns there will be and the easier our lives will become

OK, now let’s talk about what to actually do when your kid is having the tantrum or meltdown, or being aggressive.

Honestly, you simply need to stay calm, and eventually, with enough repetition and support, your child will figure out a better response. I promise.

In the meantime, here are 3 steps to get through your child’s meltdown or tantrum peacefully.

The steps are:

1.) Find your inner calm. (I like to remind myself, "This is not an emergency." "We will get through this.") Maybe take some breaths. Maybe stretch, wash your face, or drink some water.

2.) Let your child’s emotions be OK. You can say, “this is really hard. I get it. You really hate this. It’s OK.” Or say nothing. It’s not our job to fix or change the feelings, just to accept them.

3.) After the tantrum, open your heart to reconnecting with your child. (This might look like offering a hug, a smile, trying to make them laugh, holding them, playing a game.) The message we want your child to learn is that nothing he/she does will change your love.

Now if your child is doing something dangerous, aggressive, destructive, the steps are the same as above, except you want to redirect the dangerous behavior as soon as possible. Otherwise the steps are the same.

What does it look like to physically redirect?

Pick the child up. Move the object they are planning to throw or destroy.

We want to physically redirect (while saying as little as possible) and showing what they CAN do instead. (“If you’re angry, you can bite on this towel. You can hug this pillow. You can play over here away from your sister. Try saying, "I was playing with that.” Try saying, "I’d like a turn please.” Try saying, "Can I play too?")

So to summarize, you are an AMAZING pilot and emotional turbulence is normal, especially for our kids who are new to flying.

Aggression and anger are also normal, even healthy.

Your child WILL figure out better ways to handle their emotions, with time and your support.

Celebrate that your child is learning to express their assertiveness, which is an important part of good emotional and mental health.

Do n ot take your child’s behavior or feelings personally.

The tantrum, the anger, the explosion --they are not about you.

They’re simply about the fact that your child has never flown in a plane before. This is all new and feels very overwhelming to them.

And finally, can you make a commitment to help your child feel less powerless? To honor their voice? To give choices? To say yes more often? To model flexibility?

If this is something you would like support around, I would love to help you stop tantrums and meltdowns in your home. Schedule a free call with me using the scheduling link, and I will share the best ways to achieve this in your home.

Is Your Child Highly Sensitive? 7 Key Signs To Look Out For

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 16:01:23 GMT

Is Your Child Highly Sensitive? 7 Key Signs To Look For

If you're here, you might be wondering if your child is highly sensitive.

As a parent coach for families of highly sensitive kids, I'm here to help you recognize the signs so you can support your child in the best way possible.

Every child is unique, but highly sensitive kids tend to have certain traits that set them apart.

Let’s explore seven signs that can help you determine if your child is highly sensitive:

1.) Deep Emotional Reactions :

Highly sensitive children often feel emotions more intensely than other kids. They might cry more easily, or become upset when someone else is hurt, or show deep empathy for others' feelings. This means they are often very caring with animals, younger children, or anyone who is suffering. This can also make them very worried about causes like protecting the environment, injustice, and other social causes.

2.) Sensory Sensitivity:

Does your child get overwhelmed by bright lights, loud sounds, scratchy clothes, or strong smells? Highly sensitive kids tend to have a heightened awareness of sensory inputs, which can sometimes lead to discomfort or overstimulation. This can make daily life challenging, including activities like washing their hair, clipping their nails, or wearing uncomfortable clothes.

3.) Easily Overwhelmed by Crowds or Noisy Environments:

Busy places like malls or parties might be too much for your child, causing them to withdraw or become anxious. Highly sensitive kids need calm environments to recharge. These kids may hang back in overstimulating environments, which may make them appear shy.

4.) Perfectionism and Fear of Failure:

Does your child avoid trying new things because they're afraid of making mistakes? Highly sensitive children can be perfectionists, feeling pressure to ‘get it right’ and becoming discouraged when they don’t. They tend to be very hard on themselves, so they may avoid activities where they may not get things right immediately. Because of this, they can also seem very competitive, and may have big emotional reactions when they lose or perform poorly.

5.) Strong Intuition or Attention to Subtle Details:

Highly sensitive kids are often extremely perceptive. They may notice small changes in their environment or pick up on subtle emotional cues from others. They might sense when you’re stressed, even if you haven’t said a word! This sensitivity to subtleties can mean that change feels more overwhelming to them, since they tend to process so much more than other kids.

6.) Need Time to Process Big Changes:

Change can be hard for anyone, but highly sensitive children might struggle even more. Transitions like moving, changing schools, or starting a new routine often require extra time for them to adjust. They may have signs of increased anxiety or irritability after major changes. This can come out as more tantrums and meltdowns, irritable mood, and emotional outburst. It can also come out as increased clinginess, fears and separation anxiety.

7.) Deep Thinkers Who Are Highly Reflective:

Highly sensitive children tend to be deep thinkers. They may ask profound questions about the world, or seem lost in thought as they process their feelings and experiences. They can have vivid imaginations, which makes them artistic and creative. This may show up as a kid who thinks deep thoughts, but sometimes lacks common sense. Because they are often processing so deeply, they may seem less present in what is going on around them.

How to Support Your Highly Sensitive Child:

Does any of this sound like your child?

If so, you may be raising a highly sensitive kid!

The most important thing you can do is create a supportive, nurturing environment that honors their sensitivity.

Remember, being highly sensitive isn’t a weakness—it’s a unique strength when understood and managed well.

If you want to dive deeper into how to support your highly sensitive child, feel free to subscribe to my mailing list, or reach out for more tips and coaching.

You’re not alone on this journey, and I’m here to help!

How to Help a Kid Who’s Dysregulated

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 21:46:59 GMT

How to Help a Kid Who’s Dysregulated

This week I was talking to the mom of a sensitive 5 year old, who would throw a fit every time he didn't get his way.

He would scream and say mean things. He would hit, or throw things out of anger.

His parents would end up getting frustrated and yelling, too.

They really worried about Brayden.

They noticed that other 5 year olds didn’t act like this.

They had fears of him never learning to handle his emotions and becoming a school shooter.

Bra yden is typical of many highly sensitive kids who continue to struggle with emotional dysregulation.

What is emotional dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is when big feelings “take over” the brain. In this state of overwhelm, emotions can be expressed as crying, yelling, whining, running away, shutting down emotionally, etc.

What can help Brayden, and other sensitive kids like him, learn to handle his big feelings in healthier ways?

Here are some suggestions for ways to help you both when she has big emotional outbursts:

1.) Remind yourself, “This is not an emergency:”

Calm is contagious. When you are able to find your own calm, your child is able to borrow some of that calm.

2.) Decrease stimulation:

Go somewhere quiet, turn down the radio, turn off the TV, get away from other people.

3.) Allow the emotion:

Allow your child to feel their emotions without needing to fix or minimize the feeling. For them, the feelings make sense and are valid.

4.) Physical touch:

Try some physical touch. Put your arm around your child. Let them sit on your lap. Touch is a grounding way to help your child feel calm quicker, if they are receptive.

5.) Notice overstimulation triggers:

Look for patterns about when your child struggles the most. Is bedtime always challenging? The first hour after getting home from school? Is being criticized a trigger? Or feeling left out?

If you are the parent of a child who struggles with emotional dysregulation, there is support.

If you are ready to help your child handle his/her big feelings in healthier ways, my new, free ebook can help.

This book is for parents of sensitive kids who want fewer power struggles and meltdowns, and more peace, connection, and cooperation. You will get tips and strategies to teach your child to handle emotions in healthy ways.

Get my free ebook by clicking here.

Why Your Child Gets in a Bad Mood for No Reason

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 20:27:23 GMT

Why Your Child Gets In a Bad Mood for No Reason

Your child wakes up grumpy FOR NO REASON.

They become angry and frustrated...over seemingly, NOTHING.

When they get angry, there is NO WAY to help them calm down.

If this is your child, your child is likely emotionally sensitive ….

What is an emotionally sensitive child?

Emotionally sensitive kids:

1.) Have BIGGER, STRONGER emotional reactions;

2.) When they get upset, it takes them LONGER to recover;

3.) This causes POWER STRUGGLES in the home;

4.) And MELTDOWNS when these kids don’t get what they want

If this is your child, you likely feel EXHAUSTED and FRUSTRATED from WALKING ON EGGSHELLS .

You worry:

Is she learning the emotional skills she'll needs as an adult?

Is she going to be an adult who can’t control her anger?

Will he be violent?

Emotionally sensitive kids do not like to talk about their feelings. They LASH OUT or SHUT DOWN when upset.

This is because these kids have stronger feelings than other kids.

The painful feelings are:

--Like a pebble in their shoe, creating more and more pain that becomes UNBEARABLE

--That’s when they LASH OUT

--That’s when they SHUT DOWN

As a parent, how can we help your child manage their feelings and reactions?

How can we teach your child the emotional skills they need?

How can we get your child to talk about their feelings, BEFORE they explode?

How can we help your child COME TO YOU, BEFORE they explode?

How can we help your child want to CONNECT, BEFORE they explode?

We do this by:

1.) Creating emotional safety in the parent-child relationship

2.) Making connection and vulnerability safe

3.) Making experiencing emotions safe

If this is your child, and you’re ready to stop the melt downs, stop the power struggles, and stop walking on eggshells, let’s chat.

Schedule a free call with me today, to take the next step in creating a more harmonious, peaceful relationship with your child.

This Parenting Mindset Shift Creates Peace

Fri, 25 Oct 2024 12:12:43 GMT

This Parenting Mindset Shift Creates Peace

When my kid misbehaves, there’s a voice in my head that says:

“He’s choosing to be difficult. If he wanted to behave, he would.”

Maybe you have a similar voice in your head?

A voice that says, “He’s being difficult on purpose to make your life painful."

A lot of us have this voice.

Unfortunately, there’s a couple problems with it:

#1.) It’s a victim voice, not an empowered voice.

The victim voice tells me, “You're the victim of your child’s bad mood and bad behavior."
The victim voice says, "Ceara, he's choosing to punish you. He's choosing to be difficult.

#2. ) When I feel like a victim, I feel pretty entitled to be angry and resentful.

Righteous anger wells up in side me
I feel a need to get angry and defend myself
Hint: this is triggering something from my own childhood when I felt powerless and wanted to be heard

#3.) When I feel resentful and angry, it pretty hard to be the kind of parent I want to be:

My heart is closed
It's very hard to show up with compassion, curiosity or openness
I stop giving my child the benefit of the doubt, and stop assuming good intentions

So what helps me to be the compassionate parent I want to be?

What helps me show up with support and warmth instead of judgment and criticism?

What helps me remember, "My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time"?

For me, the more I understand my child, the more I show up with compassion.

The more I see my child’s point of view, the more I can be empathetic.

The more the empowered part of me steps forward.

Would you like some support around this too?

The goal is to help you understand your child better, so you can show up with compassion and not judgment.

The goal is to create more peace and harmony in your home, and fewer power struggles.

If your child is highly sensitive, some of the gifts of sensitivity may actually be making parenting more challenging. These traits include:

Sensory sensitivity
Strong Emotions
Easily Overstimulated
Taking Criticism Deeply
Strong Empathy
Struggle with Change/Newness
Needing Lots of Downtime
Noticing Details/Being Highly Perceptive
Perfectionism
Deep Focus that Makes Transitions Difficult

My goal in sharing these traits with you is to help you:

Better understand your child and any parenting challenges you are having
Better support your child with challenges (like transitions, or changes in routine)
Respond more compassionately to challenges
Live peacefully together, with less conflict and fewer power struggles
Create a stronger, more peaceful connection with your child with more joy, and less daily tension

So, the next time your child is behaving poorly, when that little voice in your head says, he’s being difficult ON PURPOSE, remind yourself that your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time.

This one mindset shift can create a world of difference in your home.

Schedule a free call with me if you would like more support creating this shift and achieving more peace and harmony in your home.

How to Create Secure Attachment with Your Child

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 15:00:01 GMT

How to Create Emotional Safety with Your Child

Maybe you've heard about attachment styles? Attachment styles are the blueprints we carry from childhood that form a model for our future relationships.

These blueprints tell us what is and isn’t safe in relationship.
They tell us whether to trust ourself and others.

When we are lucky enough to have inherited a secure attachment style as a child, it is a gift that creates more emotional and mental health for our lifetime.

It makes us more resilient, with more self-confidence, and healthier relationships.

Have you ever wondered about your child’s attachment style with you? Do you and your child have a secure attachment?

Is your child learning to trust themself?
Is your child learning to trust other people?
Is your child learning it's safe to be vulnerable?
Is your child learning they deserve help with their emotions?

How do you create a secure attachment with your child...even when you didn't learn this growing up??

I know this journey.

I’ve been on this journey with my own kids.

Growing up, I did't have secure attachment with my mother.

Our relationship was not a safe place.

I could not share my true emotions or needs, so I learned not to share things.

I internalized that connection was elusive, and something I had to work for.

This created some longterm pain and suffering for me.

So, when I had my own kids, I knew I needed to do things differently.

I learned about conscious parenting.

I learned about non-violent communication.

I learned about attachment styles.

I learned apology, and how to repair after a rupture.

After years of work, I created with my kids what I didn’t have growing up:

A secure attachment.

My kids and I now have a relationship based on: openness, trust, vulnerability and direct, compassionate communication.

We have a relationship that is strong and healthy enough to handle any challenge:

We can laugh and repair when we have conflict.
We can use anger to recommit to make things better for the future.
We can welcome strong feelings, without it damaging the relationship.

Do you want this in your home too?

Do you want a more secure attachment with your child?

Here are 6 ways to create a secure attachment with your child, ensuring a more emotionally healthy future for them:

1.) Welcome emotional honesty and vulnerability :

Kids need to know that we welcome their honest feelings--even when feedback is hard for us to hear. When kids learn that their true feelings are safe, and even welcomed, it builds trust in the relationship.

2.) Ask consent :

Kids need to be able to consent before having difficult conversations. When we ask, “Is now a good time to talk about what happened this morning,” we create a culture of respect for everyone’s feelings and needs.

3.) Don’t take behavior personally :

When kids are in a bad mood, or having a bad day, they need to know that we will not take that personally. This creates the safety in the relationship that they are not responsible for our feelings.

4.) Take accountability and model apology :

Taking accountability for mistakes and apologizing is a way to show that vulnerability is safe. This might sound like, “I heard my tone and it was rude. Let me try that again.” When we do this, we create a relationship where both people are safe to be vulnerable.

5.) Assume good intentions :

Sometimes kids are going to behave poorly. When we remember their inherent goodness in our hearts, and assume they are simply a good person having a hard time, we create a safe place for them to be human and imperfect.

6.) Show empathy :

When we care about our child’s feelings, even when those feelings seem silly to us, or we disagree, we create a relationship where our child feels seen and know. This feeling of being seen and known is the foundation for self-trust and confidence.

I hope these are helpful.

I'd be interested to know, What your favorite way is to create an emotionally safe relationship with your child?

And if you’re ready to take this work to the next level and create an emotionally safe, secure relationship with your child, let’s schedule a call and chat.

Click on the orange "Schedule Now" button below to schedule a free call.

Strengthen Your Bond: The 5:1 Rule for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children

Fri, 20 Sep 2024 14:04:20 GMT

Did you know that for every negative interaction, it takes five positive ones to have a strong, secure, connected relationship?

Dr. John Gottman discovered this in his research with couples.

But this 5:1 ratio is JUST AS POWERFUL when it comes to parenting.

And even much more powerful when you are dealing with a highly sensitive child.

Highly sensitive children are even more attuned to criticism or negativity, so harsh words can really cut deep and linger in their minds.

That’s why focusing on positive interactions is key to building a strong, connected relationship with your child.

It’s not about being perfect.

But it is about creating balance.

For every time you correct or guide your child, try to add five moments of encouragement, affection, or just a simple, loving connection.

This could be a hug, a kind word, or even just sitting down and listening to them.

By keeping the 5:1 ratio in mind, you’re giving your sensitive child the emotional safety they need to thrive.

Over time, they’ll feel more secure, more loved, and more open to handling feedback or challenges without shutting down.

Remember, it’s not about getting it right every time.

But the more you focus on those positive moments, the stronger your relationship will grow.

We all love our kids.

But for sensitive kids, they may not always feel our love.

Instead, they feel our attempts to be helpful and give feedback as criticism.

By focusing on positive interactions, and the 5:1 rule, we can give our sensitive kids the support they need.

So they can thrive and be resilient.

Click here to a consultation

Mistakes to Avoid When Disciplining a Highly Sensitive Child

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Mon, 12 Aug 2024 06:45:00 GMT

Disciplining children, especially those who are highly sensitive, requires a thoughtful approach to ensure their emotional well-being is nurtured while fostering positive behavior. At Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I understand the challenges parents face in this delicate balance. Today, let's explore some common mistakes to avoid when disciplining a highly sensitive child, drawing insights that resonate with both parents and caregivers.

Understanding Highly Sensitive Children

Highly sensitive children possess a heightened awareness of their surroundings and emotions. They may react more strongly to stimuli such as loud noises, bright lights, or changes in routine. This sensitivity is not a flaw but rather a characteristic that requires gentle handling, especially in disciplinary situations.

Mistake 1: Reacting Harshly to Emotional Responses

One crucial mistake is reacting harshly to a highly sensitive child's emotional outbursts or reactions. Instead of dismissing or scolding them for being upset, it's essential to validate their feelings. Acknowledging their emotions helps build trust and teaches them healthy ways to express themselves.

Mistake 2: Ignoring Their Need for Predictability

Highly sensitive children thrive in predictable environments. Abrupt changes or surprises can overwhelm them, leading to meltdowns or resistance. Avoiding sudden changes and providing clear expectations can prevent unnecessary stress and behavioral issues.

Mistake 3: Using Punishment as the Primary Discipline Method

Traditional punishment methods like timeouts or harsh consequences may not be effective for highly sensitive children. These methods can escalate their anxiety and diminish their self-esteem. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement and gentle guidance to encourage desired behaviors.

Mistake 4: Underestimating the Power of Positive Reinforcement

Highly sensitive children respond well to praise and encouragement. Recognizing their efforts, even for small achievements, boosts their confidence and reinforces positive behavior. Celebrate their successes to motivate them to continue making good choices.

Mistake 5: Overlooking Their Sensory Needs

Sensory sensitivity is a common trait among highly sensitive children. Ignoring their sensory needs, such as discomfort with certain textures or sounds, can exacerbate behavioral challenges. Creating a sensory-friendly environment and respecting their sensitivities can prevent meltdowns and support their emotional regulation.

Mistake 6: Comparing Them to Other Children

Each child, including highly sensitive ones, has unique strengths and challenges. Comparing them to siblings or peers can undermine their self-worth and create resentment. Embrace their individuality and focus on their progress and personal growth instead of comparisons.

Mistake 7: Not Providing Ample Emotional Support

Highly sensitive children often require more emotional support during disciplinary moments. Rushing through conversations or dismissing their concerns can leave them feeling misunderstood or anxious. Take the time to listen actively and empathize with their perspective before addressing behavioral issues.

Mistake 8: Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Expecting perfection or rapid behavioral changes from a highly sensitive child is unrealistic and unfair. Set age-appropriate expectations and be patient as they learn and grow. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, to encourage continuous improvement.

Mistake 9: Forgetting to Model Calmness and Patience

Children learn by observing their caregivers' behavior. Displaying calmness and patience during disciplinary situations sets a positive example for highly sensitive children. Manage your own emotions and approach discipline with empathy and understanding.

Mistake 10: Neglecting Self-Care as a Parent

Parenting a highly sensitive child can be demanding emotionally and physically. Neglecting your own well-being can impact your ability to provide effective discipline and support. Prioritize self-care practices that recharge your energy and reduce stress, ensuring you can be present and patient with your child.

Outcome:

Disciplining a highly sensitive child requires compassion, patience, and understanding. At Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I, Dr. Ceara Deno , advocate for a nurturing approach that considers each child's unique needs. By avoiding these common mistakes and embracing positive parenting classes online , you can foster a supportive environment where your child can thrive emotionally and behaviorally. Let's empower our children with love and guidance so they can grow into confident and resilient individuals.

Remember, parenting is a journey of learning and adaptation. Together, we can create harmonious relationships that benefit both children and parents alike.

Tips for Parents: Handling Back-to-School Blues

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Fri, 09 Aug 2024 09:02:58 GMT

As the end of summer approaches, many parents and kids start feeling the "back-to-school blues." This feeling of unease or sadness can affect both children and parents, making the transition from vacation to school challenging. As a certified parent coach and pediatrician, I, Dr. Ceara Deno, understand these struggles first hand. Therefore, to help you and your child manage the back-to-school blues smoothly, I have outlined some key tips below. Let’s have a look:

1. Start Preparing Early

The night before school can be a big source of stress for kids. To reduce anxiety, start preparing a few days in advance. Set up a bedtime routine that gradually shifts from the summer schedule to the school routine. This helps kids adjust their internal clocks and get used to going to bed earlier. Also, make sure school supplies and clothes are ready so that the morning of the first day isn’t rushed.

2. Create a Positive Environment

I believe that a positive mind-set can make a huge difference. Encourage your child to focus on the fun aspects of returning to school, like seeing friends or engaging in activities they enjoy. Creating a positive environment at home can also help. Talk about school in a positive way and share your own positive school experiences.

3. Establish a Routine

Kids thrive on routines. As the first day of school approaches, establish a daily schedule that mirrors the school day. This includes regular wake-up times, meal times, and study times. Consistency helps children feel secure and know what to expect, reducing anxiety about the new school year.

4. Communicate Openly

Open communication is key to handling back-to-school blues. Encourage your child to share their feelings about returning to school. Sometimes, just talking about their worries can make a big difference. Listen to their concerns and offer reassurance. Share your own feelings and experiences to show them that it’s okay to feel nervous.

5. Address Social Concerns

If your child is nervous about social interactions, help them reconnect with friends before school starts. Arrange playdates or activities that allow them to socialize in a relaxed environment. Knowing they have familiar faces at school can ease their anxiety and make the transition easier.

6. Make the First Day Special

Make the first day of school memorable in a positive way. You could plan a special breakfast, write a cheerful note in their lunchbox, or celebrate their first day with a fun activity. This helps create a positive association with the start of the school year and makes the transition feel more exciting.

7. Be Patient and Supportive

Remember that it’s normal for children to feel anxious about going back to school. Be patient and supportive as they adjust to their new routine. Offer encouragement and celebrate their efforts to overcome their worries. Let them know that you’re there for them and that it’s okay to feel nervous.

8. Seek Professional Help If Needed

If you notice that your child’s back-to-school blues are persistent and affecting their daily life, it may be helpful to seek professional guidance. As a parent coach, I, Dr. Ceara Deno , offer personalized support to help families navigate these challenges. If you feel that it might be helpful, consider reaching out to me for a session where we can create a plan that suits your family’s needs.

Let's Rewind:

At Sweet Spot Parent Coaching , I understand the unique challenges families face during transitions, like going back to school. I offer a non-judgmental, supportive approach to help you and your child through these times. If you think personalized support could benefit your family, I invite you to book a session with me. Together, we can work towards a smooth and positive back-to-school experience.

FAQs:

1. What are back-to-school blues?

Back-to-school blues refer to feelings of anxiety, sadness, or nervousness that kids and parents experience when transitioning from summer vacation to the school year. It's a common issue that can affect children’s mood and behaviour as they adjust to new routines and responsibilities.

2. How can I help my child prepare?

Start preparing early by adjusting bedtime routines and getting school supplies ready. Create a positive environment by talking about the benefits of school and helping your child reconnect with friends. Establish a daily routine that mirrors the school day to ease the transition.

3. What if my child is anxious about school?

Encourage open communication about their feelings. Listen to their concerns and offer reassurance. Make the first day special with a positive activity or gesture. If anxiety persists, consider seeking professional help from a parent coach for personalized support.

4. How can I create a positive school environment?

Discuss school in a positive light and share enjoyable past experiences. Make the first day memorable with special routines or celebrations. Establish a consistent daily schedule that mirrors school routines to help your child feel more secure and prepared.

5. When should I seek professional help?

Seek professional help if your child’s anxiety about school is severe or persistent and affects their daily life. A parent coach can provide personalized strategies and support to help manage their feelings and improve their overall adjustment to the school year.

Click here to a consultation

Practical Tips for Highly Sensitive Parents to Manage Overwhelm:

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 06:45:00 GMT

Being a highly sensitive parent comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. As a parent myself and through my work at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I understand the unique struggles that highly sensitive parents face when trying to balance their own needs with those of their highly sensitive children. Here are some practical tips to help you manage overwhelm and create a nurturing environment for both you and your child.

1. Understanding Sensitivity

Firstly, it's crucial to understand what it means to be highly sensitive. Highly sensitive child and highly sensitive parents often experience the world more intensely. They may be more affected by loud noises, bright lights, or strong emotions. Recognizing these sensitivities in yourself and your child is the first step towards creating a supportive environment.

2. Create a Calming Routine

Establishing a calming routine can be incredibly beneficial for both you and your child. This could include gentle activities like reading together, listening to soothing music, or practicing deep breathing exercises. Creating a predictable schedule can help reduce anxiety and overwhelm for everyone in the family.

3. Set Boundaries

As a highly sensitive parent, it's easy to become overwhelmed by too much stimulation or emotional demands. Learning to establish boundaries is essential for preserving your own mental and emotional well-being. This might mean saying no to extra commitments, limiting screen time, or scheduling quiet time for yourself during the day.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

It's common for highly sensitive parents to be hard on themselves, especially when they feel they haven't handled a situation perfectly. Remember to practice self-compassion and remind yourself that parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding that you would provide to a friend.

5. Create a Safe Space

Designate a quiet, cozy corner in your home where both you and your child can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. Fill it with comforting items like blankets, pillows, or favorite books. Having a designated safe space can provide a sense of security and calm during stressful moments.

6. Communicate Openly

Open communication is essential to fostering understanding and empathy within your family. Encourage your child to express their feelings and concerns openly, and model healthy emotional expressions yourself. This provides an environment where everyone feels heard and respected.

7. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques can be significantly beneficial for managing overwhelm. Encourage mindfulness practices such as mindful breathing, meditation, or simply focusing on the present moment. These practices can help both you and your child regulate emotions and reduce stress.

8. Seek Support

Don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. Whether it's joining a support group for highly sensitive parents, attending evening classes for single parents , or seeking help from a counselor or coach, having a supportive network of people can make a world of difference.

9. Celebrate Small Victories

Parenting a highly sensitive child can sometimes feel like a series of challenges. Take time to celebrate the small victories along the way, whether it's a peaceful bedtime routine, successfully navigating a difficult situation, or simply sharing moments of joy together.

Conclusion:

Managing overwhelm as a highly sensitive parent is all about finding what works best for you and your family. At Sweet Spot Parent Coaching , I emphasize the importance of self-care and understanding your unique needs as a parent. By implementing the practical tips mentioned above, you can create a supportive environment where both you and your highly sensitive child can thrive. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being—I know from personal and professional experience how transformative that can be.

Managing overwhelm is a journey, and I'm here to support you every step of the way.

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How to Help Your Deeply-Feeling Child Thrive in Social Settings?

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Fri, 28 Jun 2024 10:36:19 GMT

As a parent, understanding and nurturing the unique traits of your child is paramount to their well-being and success. If you have a deeply-feeling or highly sensitive child , you may be familiar with the challenges they face in social settings. Hi, I'm Dr. Ceara Deno, and at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I specialize in helping parents navigate these challenges and empower their children to thrive. Below, we’ve outlined some personalized tips to support your deeply-feeling child in social situations.

● Understanding Your Child's Sensitivity

Firstly, it's crucial to understand what it means to have a highly sensitive child. These children possess a heightened awareness of their surroundings and emotions, often feeling things more intensely than their peers. They may be easily overwhelmed by loud noises, crowded spaces, or strong emotions from others. Acknowledging and accepting your child's sensitivity is the first step in helping them navigate social settings with confidence.

● Create a Safe Space for Expression

At Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I emphasize the importance of creating a safe space for your deeply-feeling child to express themselves openly. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Listen actively and validate their emotions, letting them know it's okay to feel what they feel. By fostering open communication at home, you'll help build your child's self-esteem and resilience.

● Prepare Ahead for Social Events

Before attending social events, such as parties or gatherings, take the time to prepare your child for what to expect. Discuss who will be there, what activities will take place, and how long you plan to stay. This foresight can help alleviate any anxiety your child may feel about the unknown. Additionally, consider bringing along comforting items from home, like a favorite toy or blanket, to provide a sense of security in unfamiliar environments.

● Teach Coping Strategies

Equip your child with coping strategies to manage overwhelming emotions in social settings. Simple techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or visualizing a peaceful place can help calm their nerves. Encourage them to take breaks when needed and respect their boundaries. By empowering your child with these tools, you'll instill a sense of control and self-regulation that will serve them well in various social situations.

● Encourage Positive Social Interactions

While deeply-feeling children may be more reserved in social settings, it's essential to encourage positive social interactions. Help your child identify potential friends with similar interests and facilitate opportunities for meaningful connections. Encourage them to participate in group activities they enjoy, such as sports, art classes, or clubs. By focusing on their strengths and passions, you'll boost their confidence and foster a sense of belonging.

● Lead by Example

As a parent, you play a pivotal role in modeling healthy social behaviors for your child. Show them how to navigate social situations with empathy, kindness, and respect for others' feelings. Demonstrate active listening and problem-solving skills, and encourage them to follow your lead. By witnessing positive interactions firsthand, your child will learn valuable social skills that they can apply in their own relationships.

● Celebrate Achievements

Finally, celebrate your child's achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Recognize their efforts to step outside their comfort zone and navigate social settings with courage and resilience. Offer praise and encouragement to bolster their confidence and reinforce positive behaviors. By acknowledging their progress and growth, you'll inspire your deeply-feeling child to continue thriving in social settings.

Final Thoughts:

Supporting a deeply-feeling child in social settings requires patience, understanding, and unconditional love. By creating a safe and supportive environment at home, teaching coping strategies, and leading by example, you can empower your child to navigate social situations with confidence and grace. Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. As Dr. Ceara Deno , a certified parent coach, pediatrician, and sensitive parent to two sensitive children, I offer personalized support tailored to your family's needs. With a non-judgmental approach and years of experience, I guide you through transformative changes for a peaceful home. When you reach out, you'll receive understanding and effective strategies to create lasting positive changes.

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Top Strategies for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children:

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Wed, 26 Jun 2024 10:50:44 GMT

As a parent, I, Dr. Ceara Deno, understand the unique challenges that come with raising highly sensitive children. Each day can feel like a delicate dance, trying to balance their sensitivities with the demands of the world around them. That's why I'm here to share my top strategies for parenting highly sensitive children , drawing from my experience as a parenting coach at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching.

● Understanding Highly Sensitive Children

First and foremost, it's crucial to understand what it means for a child to be highly sensitive. Highly sensitive children possess a heightened awareness of their surroundings, emotions, and stimuli. They may be more easily overwhelmed by loud noises, strong smells, or bright lights. Additionally, they tend to feel emotions deeply and may be more sensitive to criticism or changes in routine.

● Embrace Their Sensitivities

Instead of viewing your child's sensitivities as a hindrance, embrace them as a unique aspect of their personality. Recognize that their sensitivity is not a flaw but rather a beautiful trait that allows them to experience the world in a rich and profound way. By accepting and validating their feelings, you can help build their confidence and self-esteem.

● Create a Calm and Supportive Environment

Highly sensitive children thrive in environments that are calm, predictable, and nurturing. Create a safe space at home where your child feels comfortable expressing their emotions without fear of judgment or reprimand. Establishing consistent routines can also provide a sense of stability and security for sensitive children.

● Practice Active Listening

One of the most important skills you can develop as a parent of a highly sensitive child is active listening. Take the time to truly listen to your child's thoughts, feelings, and concerns without interrupting or dismissing them. Validate their experiences and let them know that their feelings are heard and valued.

● Teach Coping Strategies

Help your child develop coping strategies to manage their emotions when they become overwhelmed. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or engaging in calming activities such as drawing or listening to music. By teaching your child how to regulate their emotions, you empower them to navigate the world with confidence.

● Set Boundaries and Limits

While it's important to validate your child's feelings, it's also essential to set boundaries and limits when necessary. Clearly communicate your expectations and enforce consequences for inappropriate behavior. However, be sure to do so in a gentle and loving manner, avoiding harsh discipline that may further exacerbate your child's sensitivity.

● Encourage Self-Care

Encourage your child to prioritize self-care activities that help them recharge and unwind. This could include spending time outdoors, practicing hobbies they enjoy, or simply taking quiet moments to reflect. By fostering a culture of self-care within your family, you instill lifelong habits that promote emotional well-being.

● Seek Support

Finally, don't hesitate to enroll in parenting coaching or seek support from a coach who specializes in working with highly sensitive children. A professional can offer personalized guidance and strategies tailored to your child's unique needs. Additionally, connecting with other parents of highly sensitive children can provide a sense of community and solidarity.

Wrapping Up:

Parenting a highly sensitive child presents its own set of challenges, but with the right strategies and support, it can also be incredibly rewarding. By embracing your child's sensitivities, creating a supportive environment, and teaching coping skills, you can help them thrive in a world that often feels overwhelming. Remember, you're not alone on this journey. As a parenting coach at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I'm here to provide the guidance and support you need to raise a happy, healthy, and confident child.

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The Impact of Peaceful Parenting on Children's Mental Health

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Wed, 22 May 2024 09:00:11 GMT

Imagine a world where parenting isn't about commands or conflicts, but about connection and understanding. Imagine a home filled with laughter and love, where every voice is heard, and every emotion is validated. This is the essence of peaceful parenting, a journey I've embarked on with families just like yours at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching. In my online parenting classes , I, Dr. Ceara Deno, have seen firsthand the transformative power of embracing empathy and communication in raising resilient, emotionally intelligent children. Join me as we highlight the profound impact of peaceful parenting on our children's mental well-being, one nurturing step at a time.

● Understanding Peaceful Parenting:

Let's start by defining what peaceful parenting truly means. It's not just about avoiding conflicts or punishments; rather, it's a holistic approach that fosters empathy, communication, and mutual respect between parents and children. Instead of resorting to traditional disciplinary methods, peaceful parenting encourages understanding the underlying needs and emotions driving a child's behavior.

● The Power of Connection:

At the heart of peaceful parenting lies the concept of connection. When parents prioritize building strong emotional bonds with their children, they create a safe and supportive environment where kids feel valued and understood. This deep connection acts as a buffer against stress and adversity, nurturing a child's sense of security and self-esteem.

● Emotional Regulation and Resilience:

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to regulate their emotions effectively. Through peaceful parenting practices, such as active listening and validation, we teach our kids how to identify and convey their feelings in healthy ways. This emotional intelligence equips them with the resilience to navigate life's challenges with grace and confidence.

● Empowering Communication Skills:

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and peaceful parenting cultivates this essential skill from an early age. By encouraging open dialogue and active listening, parents create a safe space for their children to express themselves without fear of judgment. This promotes honesty, trust, and mutual understanding within the family dynamic.

● Breaking the Cycle of Trauma:

Many parents unknowingly perpetuate patterns of trauma and dysfunction inherited from their own upbringing. However, peaceful parenting offers a path to breaking this cycle by fostering healing and growth. By practicing empathy and compassion, parents can create a nurturing environment that promotes healing and resilience, setting the stage for healthier generations to come.

● The Role of Online Parenting Classes:

In today's fast-paced world, many parents struggle to find the time and resources to educate themselves on effective parenting techniques. That's where online parenting classes come in. Platforms like Sweet Spot Parent Coaching offer convenient access to expert guidance and support from the comfort of your own home. Whether you're a new parent or a seasoned pro, online parenting classes or peaceful parenting courses online provide invaluable tools and insights to enhance your parenting journey.

● Embracing a Brighter Future:

As we reflect on the profound impact of peaceful parenting on children's mental health, it's clear that the benefits extend far beyond the individual family unit. By nurturing our children's emotional well-being, we contribute to a more compassionate and resilient society as a whole. So, let's embrace the transformative power of peaceful parenting and pave the way for a brighter future for generations to come.

Wrap-Up:

The impact of peaceful parenting on children's mental health cannot be overstated. From fostering emotional regulation to promoting healthy communication, the principles of peaceful parenting lay the foundation for a lifetime of well-being and fulfillment. As Dr. Ceara Deno, a certified parent coach, pediatrician, and sensitive parent herself, I understand the unique challenges sensitive families face. When you contact me, you'll experience understanding, non-judgmental openness, and personalized support, guiding you through every step towards creating a peaceful home and relationships. So, let's commit to nurturing our children's minds with love, empathy, and understanding, one peaceful parenting step at a time.

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Top Tips for Sensitive Parents Considering Parenting Classes

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Mon, 20 May 2024 11:21:30 GMT

Being a parent is a journey filled with love, joy, and challenges. For highly sensitive parents like myself, these challenges can sometimes feel overwhelming. From the noise and chaos of everyday life to the emotional rollercoaster of parenting, it's easy to feel like you're constantly on edge. That's why I, Dr. Ceara Deno, am excited to share some top tips for sensitive parents considering parenting classes online or offline. As a parent coach at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, I've had the privilege of working with many highly sensitive parents, and I understand firsthand the unique struggles they face. So, whether you're feeling anxious about your parenting journey or simply looking for some extra support, these tips are here to help you find your sweet spot.

● Understanding Your Sensitivity

The first step in navigating parenthood as a highly sensitive parent is understanding your sensitivity. Highly sensitive parents, like myself, are often more attuned to their surroundings and emotions, which can be both a blessing and a curse. While our sensitivity allows us to empathize deeply with our children and create meaningful connections, it can also leave us feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenthood. By recognizing and embracing our sensitivity, we can learn to harness its strengths while managing its challenges.

● Finding Support

Parenting can feel like a solitary journey, especially for highly sensitive parents who may struggle to ask for help. However, building a support network is essential for navigating the ups and downs of parenthood. Whether it's connecting with other highly sensitive parents online or joining a local parenting group, finding support can provide a sense of belonging and validation. Additionally, consider seeking out parenting classes specifically designed for highly sensitive parents, like those offered by me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching. These classes provide a safe and supportive environment where you can learn valuable skills and connect with others who understand your unique experiences.

● Prioritizing Self-Care

As highly sensitive parents, we often put the needs of our children above our own, but it's important to remember that self-care is not selfish—it's essential. Prioritizing self-care can help us recharge our batteries and better cope with the demands of parenthood. Whether it's carving out time for a relaxing bath, going for a nature walk, or practicing mindfulness meditation, finding activities that nourish our souls is key. Parenting classes can also be a form of self-care, providing an opportunity to invest in ourselves and our growth as parents.

● Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for the betterment of our mental and emotional well-being as highly sensitive parents. It's okay to say no to things that drain our energy or overwhelm us, whether it's social commitments, household chores, or unrealistic expectations. By setting boundaries and communicating our needs clearly, we can create a more harmonious and balanced family life. Parenting classes can help us develop the skills and confidence to set boundaries effectively, empowering us to create a parenting style that aligns with our values and needs.

● Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for highly sensitive parents, helping us stay present and grounded amidst the chaos of parenthood. By cultivating awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and sensations, we can respond to challenging situations with greater calm and clarity. Parenting classes often incorporate mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing exercises and guided visualizations, to help us manage stress and cultivate resilience. By including mindfulness in our daily lives, we can develop an in-depth connection with ourselves and our children, fostering greater harmony and understanding within our families.

● Embracing Imperfection

Finally, it's important to remember that perfection is not attainable, nor is it desirable. As highly sensitive parents , we may feel pressure to excel in every aspect of parenthood, but the truth is, we're all human, and we're all doing the best we can. Instead of striving for perfection, let's embrace imperfection and celebrate our successes, no matter how small. Parenting classes can help us let go of unrealistic expectations and cultivate self-compassion, allowing us to parent from a place of authenticity and love.

Summing Up:

Parenting as a highly sensitive parent comes with its own set of challenges, but with the right support and resources, it can also be incredibly rewarding. By understanding our sensitivity, finding support, prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and embracing imperfection, we can navigate parenthood with greater ease and confidence. If you're a highly sensitive parent considering parenting classes, I encourage you to take that first step toward creating a more joyful and fulfilling parenting journey. You deserve it.

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Challenges Overcome by Sensitive Parents in Parenting Classes:

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Thu, 16 May 2024 09:13:26 GMT

Being a sensitive parent comes with its own set of challenges, from navigating emotional waters to finding the best strategies for nurturing your children. That’s where parenting classes come in, offering a safe space for sensitive parents to learn, grow, and overcome obstacles. In this blog, we’ll explore the hurdles sensitive parents face and how local parenting classes and online parenting courses can help tackle them head-on.

● Understanding Your Sensitivity

As a sensitive parent, it’s crucial to first understand your own sensitivity before addressing the challenges you encounter. Parenting classes provide a supportive environment where you can explore your own sensitivity and learn how it influences your parenting style.

● Navigating Overwhelm

One of the most common challenges for sensitive parents is feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting. From managing meltdowns to juggling multiple responsibilities, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning in a sea of emotions. Parenting classes offer practical tools and techniques for managing overwhelm, helping you create a sense of calm amidst the chaos.

● Building Emotional Resilience

Sensitive parents often struggle with their own emotional resilience, especially when faced with challenging situations. Parenting classes teach you how to build resilience by fostering self-awareness, practicing self-care, and developing healthy coping mechanisms. By strengthening your emotional resilience, you’ll be better equipped to handle whatever life throws your way.

● Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for sensitive parents, but it can be challenging to know where to draw the line. Parenting classes provide guidance on how to set boundaries effectively, both with your children and with others in your life. Learning to assert your needs and prioritize self-care is key to maintaining balance and harmony in your family.

● Managing Sensory Overload

Sensitive parents and children alike may struggle with sensory overload, especially in today’s fast-paced world. Parenting classes offer strategies for managing sensory input and creating a calming environment at home. From creating sensory-friendly spaces to practicing mindfulness techniques, you’ll learn how to create a sanctuary where everyone feels safe and supported.

● Navigating Parent-Child Relationships

Building strong parent-child relationships is a top priority for sensitive parents, but it can be challenging to know how to connect on a deeper level. Parenting classes provide insights into the unique needs of sensitive children and offer guidance on how to foster open communication, empathy, and trust. By strengthening your bond with your children, you’ll create a foundation of love and understanding that will last a lifetime.

● Finding Support

Perhaps the greatest challenge for sensitive parents is feeling like you’re alone in your struggles. Parenting classes offer a sense of community and support, connecting you with other sensitive parents who understand what you’re going through. Whether you’re attending a local parenting class or participating in the best online parenting course , you’ll find a network of like-minded individuals who are there to cheer you on every step of the way.

Wrapping Up:

I’m Dr. Ceara Deno, a certified parent coach , pediatrician, and sensitive parent to two sensitive children. I understand the unique challenges sensitive families face because I’ve been there myself. Since certifying as a Parent Coach in 2017, I’ve been passionate about helping sensitive families create peaceful homes and relationships.

When you contact me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, you’ll be met with understanding, non-judgmental openness, and a supportive, personalized plan tailored to your family’s needs. Together, we’ll navigate the challenges of sensitive parenting and create a peaceful, loving environment where everyone can thrive.

Breaking Stereotypes: The Importance of Dads in Parenting Classes

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Mon, 13 May 2024 07:31:38 GMT

Hello there! I'm Dr. Ceara Deno from Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, and I'm happy to have you here. Today, let's delve into an important topic that often gets overlooked: the pivotal role of dads in parenting classes. You see, when it comes to parenting, dads are sometimes sidelined or stereotyped as less involved. But let me tell you, dads play a crucial role in raising happy, healthy children, and it's time we break those stereotypes. So, grab a cup of tea, and let's explore why dads should be an integral part of parenting workshops and online classes.

● Unique Perspectives:

Dads bring a fresh perspective to the table. They approach parenting with their own set of experiences, values, and insights. By actively participating in parenting classes, dads can contribute unique viewpoints that enrich the learning experience for everyone involved. So, if you're searching for a " parenting workshop near me ," remember that these workshops are not just for moms; they're for dads too!

● Building Strong Bonds:

Parenting is all about building strong bonds with your children. When dads engage in parenting classes, they not only enhance their parenting skills but also strengthen their bond with their kids. Whether it's learning how to communicate effectively or mastering the art of active listening, dads can develop invaluable skills that foster deeper connections with their children.

● Breaking Gender Stereotypes:

Society often imposes gender stereotypes that dictate certain roles and responsibilities for men and women. However, parenting is not confined to gender norms. By participating in parenting classes, dads challenge these stereotypes and demonstrate that nurturing, caregiving, and emotional support are not exclusive to mothers. It's about time we break free from outdated gender roles and embrace a more inclusive approach to parenting.

● Positive Role Modeling:

Children learn by example, and dads serve as powerful role models in their lives. By actively engaging in parenting classes, dads demonstrate to their children the importance of lifelong learning, growth, and self-improvement. They show that it's okay to seek help, ask questions, and strive to become better parents. In essence, dads become living examples of the values they wish to instill in their children.

● Shared Responsibility:

Parenting is a shared responsibility between both parents. By participating in parenting classes, dads reaffirm their commitment to being actively involved in their children's lives. They recognize that parenting is not solely the mother's duty but a joint effort that requires mutual support, understanding, and cooperation. Online parenting classes for dads provide a convenient platform for fathers to enhance their parenting skills while balancing other commitments.

● Supporting Sensitive Parenting:

As a certified parent coach and pediatrician, I understand the challenges that sensitive families face. Sensitivity in parenting is not a weakness but a unique approach that requires empathy, patience, and understanding. Dads, just like moms, play a vital role in supporting sensitive parenting practices. By participating in specialized parenting workshops tailored to sensitive families, dads can learn effective strategies for nurturing their sensitive children and creating a supportive home environment.

● Celebrating Diversity:

Every family is unique, and diversity should be celebrated and embraced. Parenting classes provide a platform for dads from diverse backgrounds to come together, share their experiences, and learn from each other. Whether you're a first-time dad, a single dad, or a stay-at-home dad, there's a place for you in parenting classes. Embrace the opportunity to connect with other dads, exchange stories, and grow together as parents.

Let's Rewind:

Dads play a vital role in parenting, and their involvement in parenting classes is crucial for holistic family development. Whether you're looking for a parenting workshop near you or exploring online parenting classes for dads , remember that you are not alone on this journey. Together, let's break stereotypes, challenge norms, and create a nurturing environment where every parent is valued and supported. Thank you for joining me in this enlightening discussion, and I look forward to seeing you in my next parenting class!

If you're interested in learning more about my parenting workshops or online classes for dads, feel free to reach out to me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching. I am here to support you every step of the way.

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How Can Virtual Parenting Classes Benefit Busy Parents?

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Thu, 09 May 2024 13:19:10 GMT

Are you a parent juggling work, household chores, and the never-ending demands of raising children? Do you often find yourself overwhelmed and unsure of how to handle tantrums or navigate through parenting challenges? If so, you're not alone. Many parents face similar struggles in today's fast-paced world. However, there's good news! Virtual parenting classes offer a convenient and effective solution to help busy parents like you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood with ease.

Hi there, I'm Dr. Ceara Deno, a certified parent coach and pediatrician, and I understand the unique challenges that sensitive families face. As a parent myself, I know how hectic life can get, especially when trying to balance work and family responsibilities. That's why I'm passionate about helping parents like you create peaceful homes and relationships through virtual parenting classes.

So, how exactly can virtual parenting classes benefit busy parents like you? Let's take a closer look.

● Convenience is Key

One of the biggest advantages of virtual parenting classes is their convenience. As a busy parent, finding time to attend in-person classes can be challenging. Between work, errands, and family commitments, it's hard to carve out time for yourself. With virtual parenting classes, you can say goodbye to scheduling conflicts and long commutes. You can participate from the comfort of your own home at a time that works best for you. Whether it's during your lunch-time or after the kids are in bed, virtual classes offer flexibility to fit into your busy schedule.

● Expert Guidance at Your Fingertips

Virtual parenting classes provide access to expert guidance from the comfort of your own home. With just a click of a button, you can connect with experienced parent coaches like myself who understand your diverse challenges and are dedicated to helping you succeed. From managing tantrums to fostering positive communication, virtual classes cover a variety of topics designed to support you on your parenting journey. Plus, you'll have the opportunity to ask questions and receive personalized advice tailored to your family's needs.

● Community Support

Parenting can feel like a lonely phase at times, but virtual parenting classes offer a sense of community and support. By connecting with other parents facing similar challenges, you'll realize that you're not alone. You'll have the opportunity to share experiences, offer advice, and build meaningful connections with other parents who understand what you're going through. This sense of camaraderie can be incredibly empowering and reassuring, especially during those tough days when you need a little extra support.

● Practical Strategies for Everyday Challenges

Virtual parenting classes equip you with practical strategies and tools to tackle everyday challenges with confidence. Whether you're dealing with bedtime battles, mealtime meltdowns, or sibling squabbles, you'll learn effective techniques to diffuse tense situations and promote positive behavior. From setting boundaries to practicing active listening, virtual classes provide actionable tips that you can implement right away. With consistent practice and support, you'll see improvements in your child's behavior and your overall family dynamics.

● Personalized Support Every Step of the Way

As a parent coach, I'm here to provide personalized support every step of the way. When you enroll in my virtual parenting classes at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching , you'll receive individualized attention and guidance tailored to your family's unique needs. Whether you're struggling with discipline issues or seeking advice on fostering emotional intelligence, I'll work closely with you to develop a customized plan that fits your lifestyle and goals. Together, we'll navigate through challenges, celebrate successes, and create a happier, more harmonious family environment.

Conclusion:

Virtual parenting classes offer a convenient, accessible, and effective solution for busy parents looking to enhance their parenting skills and build stronger bonds with their children. With expert guidance, community support, and practical strategies, you'll feel capable enough to tackle any challenge that comes your way. So why wait? Take the first step towards a happier, more peaceful family life by enrolling in virtual parenting classes today.

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Signs It's Time to Enroll in Gentle Parenting Classes:

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 10:21:51 GMT

In the journey of nurturing our little ones, we sometimes encounter challenges that leave us feeling unsure of our approach. For parents navigating the world of highly sensitive kids , these challenges can be even more pronounced. It's in these moments that seeking guidance and support through gentle parenting classes can make all the difference. Let's explore seven signs that indicate it may be time to enroll in such classes.

● Overwhelm and Frustration:

If you often find yourself feeling overwhelmed or frustrated by your child's behavior, it could be a sign that your current parenting strategies are not effectively addressing their needs. Highly sensitive kids may react more intensely to certain stimuli, requiring a gentler approach to discipline and communication.

● Strained Parent-Child Relationship:

A strained relationship with your child can be distressing for both parties. If you feel like there is a disconnect between you and your highly sensitive child, it may be time to explore new ways of fostering connection and understanding. Gentle parenting classes can provide valuable insights into building a strong bond based on empathy and mutual respect.

● Repetitive Power Struggles:

Constant power struggles between parent and child can create a negative cycle that is difficult to break. Highly sensitive kids may be more prone to resisting authority or feeling overwhelmed in confrontational situations. Learning alternative strategies for setting boundaries and resolving conflicts can help create a more harmonious family dynamic.

● Feeling Lost or Confused:

Parenthood doesn't come with a manual, and it's normal to feel lost or confused at times. If you find yourself unsure of how to navigate certain parenting challenges, seeking guidance from experienced professionals can provide much-needed clarity and reassurance. Gentle parenting classes offer practical advice and strategies tailored to the unique needs of highly sensitive children.

● Struggles with Emotional Regulation:

Highly sensitive kids may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to frequent meltdowns or outbursts. As a parent, supporting your child's emotional development is key to helping them navigate life's ups and downs with resilience. Gentle parenting classes can equip you with tools and techniques for nurturing emotional intelligence and coping skills in your child.

● Seeking a More Positive Approach:

If you're drawn to the idea of parenting with compassion and understanding, gentle parenting classes may be the perfect fit for you. Rather than relying on punishment or rewards, gentle parenting emphasizes communication, empathy, and cooperation. This approach can foster a more positive and respectful relationship between parent and child.

● Desire for Community and Support:

Parenting can sometimes feel like a lonely journey, especially when facing unique challenges such as raising a highly sensitive child. Joining a community of like-minded parents who understand your experiences can provide invaluable support and encouragement. Gentle parenting classes often offer a sense of belonging and camaraderie among participants.

Let’s Rewind:

Recognizing the signs that it's time to enroll in gentle parenting classes can be a transformative step toward building a deeper connection with your highly sensitive child. By investing in your own growth and education as a parent, you can create a nurturing environment where your child feels understood, valued, and loved. If you're ready to embark on this journey of discovery and connection, I invite you to explore my offerings at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching.

As a certified parent coach and pediatrician with personal experience as a sensitive parent, I, Dr. Ceara Deno, am dedicated to supporting sensitive families in creating peaceful homes and relationships. When you reach out to me, you'll find understanding, non-judgmental openness, and personalized support every step of the way. Let's work together to bring a powerful and peaceful transformation to your home. Schedule a consultation today to begin your journey toward a more harmonious family life.

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Exploring Gentle Parenting: What It Is and Why It Matters

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 10:13:44 GMT

Have you ever found yourself in a parenting situation where traditional disciplinary methods just don't seem to work? Perhaps you have a strong-willed child who challenges your authority at every turn, leaving you feeling frustrated and unsure of what to do. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Many parents find themselves in similar circumstances, searching for an alternative approach that fosters a deeper connection with their children while still maintaining boundaries. This is where gentle parenting classes come into play.

Gentle parenting is a philosophy that highlights empathy, respect, and understanding in the parent-child relationship. It's about approaching discipline with a focus on teaching rather than punishment, and it's gaining traction as more parents seek a compassionate approach to raising their children. Keep reading to learn more about gentle parenting, including what it is and why it matters.

● Emphasis on Connection:

At the heart of gentle parenting is the belief that a strong emotional connection between parent and child is essential for healthy development. Instead of relying solely on authority and control, gentle parents prioritize building trust and understanding through open communication and empathy.

● Respect for Individuality:

Gentle parenting recognizes that each child is unique and deserves to be treated as such. Rather than imposing rigid expectations, it encourages parents to embrace their child's individuality and support them in discovering their own strengths and interests.

● Focus on Positive Discipline:

Traditional discipline methods often rely on punishment and coercion to control behavior. Gentle parenting, on the other hand, emphasizes positive discipline techniques such as redirection, logical consequences, and problem-solving. By focusing on teaching rather than punishing, parents can help their children learn from their mistakes and develop self-discipline.

● Empathy and Understanding:

One of the core principles of gentle parenting is empathy. Instead of dismissing or invalidating their child's feelings, gentle parents strive to understand and validate them. By showing empathy and compassion, parents can build a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect in the parent-child relationship.

● Encouraging Independence:

While gentle parenting emphasizes the importance of connection, it also values independence and autonomy. By providing guidance and support rather than control, parents can empower their children to make their own choices and learn from their experiences.

● Adaptability and Flexibility:

Gentle parenting is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It recognizes that parenting is a journey full of challenges and uncertainties, and it encourages parents to be flexible and adaptable in their approach. What works for one child may not work for another, so gentle parents are willing to adjust their strategies as needed to meet their child's unique needs.

● Seeking Support and Education:

Finally, gentle parenting acknowledges that no parent has all the answers, and it's okay to seek support and education. Whether it's through books, online resources, or gentle parenting classes, parents can benefit from learning new strategies and connecting with other like-minded individuals who share their values.

Wrap-Up:

Gentle parenting offers a compassionate approach to parenting, especially for strong-willed children . It prioritizes empathy, respect, and understanding, fostering strong connections between parents and children. If you're navigating the challenges of parenting, especially in sensitive families, consider reaching out to me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching.

Click here to a consultation

How Can Sensitive Parents Coaching Benefit Your Family?

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 10:06:58 GMT

Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and countless moments of growth. As parents, we all strive to provide the best for our children and create a nurturing environment where they can thrive. However, navigating the complexities of parenthood can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially for sensitive parents who are deeply attuned to their children's emotions and needs. This is where sensitive parent coaching can make a profound difference in your family dynamic. Below, we are going to highlight how sensitive parent coaching can benefit your family, providing valuable insights and support every step of the way.

● Enhanced Communication:

Effective communication lies at the heart of any healthy family dynamic. Sensitive parenting classes equip you with valuable communication tools and techniques tailored to your unique parenting style. By learning how to express your thoughts and emotions openly and empathetically, you can foster deeper connections with your children and strengthen your family bonds.

● Emotional Regulation:

Sensitive parents often find themselves deeply impacted by their children's emotions, which can sometimes lead to overwhelm or burnout. Through specialized coaching sessions, you can learn practical strategies for managing your own emotions and responding calmly to challenging situations. By cultivating emotional resilience, you create a more stable and harmonious environment for your family to thrive.

● Empathy Development:

Empathy is a cornerstone of sensitive parenting, allowing you to understand and validate your children's feelings authentically. Sensitive parent coaching helps you hone your empathetic skills, enabling you to see the world through your child's eyes and respond with compassion and understanding. By modeling empathy, you teach your children valuable lessons in kindness and emotional intelligence.

● Effective Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is essential for creating a safe and respectful family environment. Sensitive parent coaching provides guidance on establishing clear and consistent boundaries that honor both your needs and those of your children. By maintaining healthy boundaries, you foster a sense of security and predictability that allows your family to thrive.

● Self-Care Practices:

As a sensitive parent, it's easy to prioritize your children's needs above your own. However, practicing self-care is crucial for your overall well-being and ability to parent effectively. Through coaching, you'll learn practical self-care strategies that nourish your mind, body, and soul, allowing you to show up as the best version of yourself for your family.

● Parenting Classes:

Sensitive parent coaching often includes access to parenting classes designed to address specific challenges or areas of growth. Whether you're a new dad seeking guidance on fatherhood or a seasoned parent navigating the teenage years, online parenting classes offer valuable insights and support tailored to your unique needs. From newborn care to adolescent development, new dad classes online empower you with the knowledge and confidence to navigate every stage of parenthood with grace and resilience.

● Community Support:

Parenting can sometimes feel like a solitary journey, but it doesn't have to be that way. Sensitive parents coaching provides access to a supportive community of like-minded individuals who understand and empathize with your experiences. Whether online or in-person, these communities offer a safe space to share struggles, celebrate successes, and find encouragement along the way.

Summing Up:

As we come to the end of our exploration into the benefits of sensitive parent coaching, I want to extend a personal invitation to you. I’m Dr. Ceara Deno, a certified parent coach, pediatrician, and a sensitive parent to two wonderful children. Drawing from my own experiences and professional expertise, I’m passionate about helping families like yours create peaceful homes and nurturing relationships. When you reach out to me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching, you’ll find understanding, non-judgmental support, and a personalized plan tailored to your family's needs. Let's connect, discuss your journey, and explore how we can work together to bring about positive, lasting change in your family life.

Click here to a consultation

How Can Sensitive Parents Coaching Improve Your Parenting?

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 09:22:14 GMT

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting? Do you often find yourself unsure of how to handle sensitive situations with your children? If so, you're not alone. Many parents struggle with navigating the complexities of raising children, especially in today's fast-paced world. However, there is hope. Sensitive parent coaching can provide you with the support and guidance you need to become a more confident and effective parent. Here are the seven ways that sensitive parent coaching can improve your parenting skills and help you create a more harmonious family life.

● Understanding Your Child's Needs:

One of the key benefits of parent coaching is gaining a deeper understanding of your child's unique needs and temperament. A skilled parent coach can help you recognize your child's cues and signals, allowing you to respond to their needs more effectively. By learning to tune into your child's emotions and perspectives, you can build a stronger connection and foster a more supportive environment for their growth and development.

● Effective Communication:

Communication is essential in any relationship, including the parent-child dynamic. Parent coaching can teach you valuable communication strategies that can help you convey your emotions more clearly and listen attentively to your child's concerns. By enhancing your communication skills, you can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, and nurture a more open and trusting relationship with your child.

● Setting Boundaries with Empathy:

Setting boundaries is an important factor of parenting, but it can be challenging to do so in a sensitive and empathetic manner. A parent coach can provide you with practical techniques for setting boundaries while still honoring your child's feelings and autonomy. By maintaining clear and consistent boundaries, you can create a sense of security and stability for your child, helping them feel safe and respected.

● Managing Emotions:

Parenting can evoke a wide range of emotions, from joy and love to frustration and anger. Sensitive parent coaching can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing your emotions and responding to stressful situations calmly and constructively. By modeling emotional regulation for your child, you can teach them valuable skills for managing their own feelings and navigating life's challenges with resilience.

● Promoting Positive Discipline:

Discipline is not about punishment; it's about teaching and guiding your child toward responsible behavior. Parent coaching can help you adopt a positive discipline approach that focuses on teaching lessons rather than instilling fear. By using techniques such as positive reinforcement, problem-solving, and logical consequences, you can encourage your child to learn from their mistakes and make positive choices in the future.

● Building Confidence as a Parent:

Many parents struggle with self-doubt and insecurity, especially when faced with difficult parenting decisions. Sensitive parent coaching can help you build confidence in your parenting abilities by validating your strengths and offering guidance and support where needed. By gaining confidence in your parenting skills, you can solve the challenges with a sense of empowerment and assurance, knowing that you have the tools and knowledge to handle them effectively.

● Access to Local Parenting Classes:

One of the advantages of parent coaching is the opportunity to access local parenting classes and workshops tailored to your diverse needs and interests. These classes focus on multiple topics, from child development and behavior management to self-care and stress management for parents. By participating in these classes, you can expand your knowledge and skills as a parent, connect with other parents facing similar challenges, and receive personalized support and guidance from experienced professionals.

Conclusion:

Sensitive parent coaching offers a wealth of benefits for parents seeking to improve their parenting skills and create a more nurturing and supportive family environment. By understanding your child's needs, improving communication, setting boundaries with empathy, managing emotions, promoting positive discipline, building confidence, and accessing local parenting classes , you can become a more effective and confident parent. If you're ready to take your parenting journey to the next level, consider enrolling in parent coaching sessions with me at Sweet Spot Parent Coaching.

As a parent myself, I, Dr. Ceara Deno, a certified parent coach, understand the challenges and joys that come with raising children. That's why I founded Sweet Spot Parent Coaching: to provide parents like you with the support and guidance you need to thrive in your parenting journey. With personalized coaching sessions and access to local parenting classes, we can work together to create a harmonious family life filled with love, understanding, and growth. For a detailed overview of my coaching services, reach out to me today!

Click here to a consultation

A Broken Relationship After Divorce

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 20:57:27 GMT

Repairing a broken parent-child relationship

When I met Tom last year after his divorce and his ex’s remarriage to someone who was determined to “erase” Tom from his son’s life, things were so bad, he hadn’t spoken to his son in more than a year, and hadn’t seen his son for much longer than that.

Tom longed to fix the relationship with his son, but he was filled with self-doubt whether he would be successful.

Was it too late? Would he even know what to say to his son? What if his son was angry? What if he had questions Tom didn’t know how to answer?

Tom created a plan to reconnect with his son. He got a lawyer to help with the structure. Meanwhile, he and I worked on making a plan.

First we needed to relieve some of the tremendous pressure Tom was feeling to get everything “right."

Feeling like he needed to “do everything perfectly,” was preventing him from actually being in the moment
He could relax and be himself with his son when he stopped pressuring himself to be “Dad of the year” every moment
His son didn’t need everything to be perfect. He just needed his dad to show up authentically.

Instead of trying so hard to force it, Tom could be himself. He could be authentic.

When things felt awkward, Tom acknowledged it. When his son asked questions, Tom shared how difficult the situation was for everyone. When his son was angry, Tom told his son his feelings were valid.

Now, Tom and his son connect multiple times a week by phone. They have special weekends where Tom flies out to see his son, and eventually his son will fly to see Tom.

They have gone from having no contact to a connected, authentic, loving relationship.

Sometimes it’s still challenging or awkward. Sometimes Tom wonders what to say to his son on the phone.

But that’s what parenting is like. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to show up with honesty.

The most important thing is that Tom is allowing himself to relax a little more, enjoy the ride, and he never, ever gave up on the dream of a connection with his son.

An Amazing Mom No One Listened To

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 20:31:25 GMT

An Amazing Mom No One Listened To

Do you feel like your kids never listen?
Do you feel like they don’t respect you?

That was Ashlynn’s challenge when we started working together.

****

Ashlynn is an amazing mom. She’s the kind of mom you aspire to be, but you often aren’t because—let’s be honest—you’re tired, and spend most of the time in survival mode.

Because Ashlynn loves swimming, she’ll bring her kids swimming—get this—in the mornings BEFORE school. She takes the kids on ice cream dates—just because it’s fun. She creates games to make housework more fun.

But the truth was, despite how amazing Ashlynn was, and how much her kids truly adored her, they didn’t listen to her.

They often listened better to her husband, Mike, who was stricter.

Ashlynn felt terrible, frustrated and hurt when the kids didn’t listen.

It was also embarassing. Like when she took the kids swimming, but they wouldn’t get out of the pool. Or, she took them to the park, but they wouldn’t get in the car after.

Despite how much her kids adored her, they didn’t respect her.

I’ll be honest. As her coach, I might have misunderstood what Ashlynn needed, initially.

I thought maybe if she connected with her kids more, and made things more fun, maybe they would be more cooperative.

It helped some, but it wasn’t the REAL problem.

Because the truth was, Ashlynn didn’t need help connecting with her kids or making things fun. She excelled at this already. What she really needed was help “being in charge.”

She needed the kids to listen—even when they didn’t want to.

She needed the kids to respect her.

So we shifted gears.

I helped Ashlynn set limits more firmly. She didn’t need the kids to love it, or even like it. Together we worked on her becoming the boss MORE, and the fun mom a little LESS.

A couple things happened:

The kids actually listened! It was awesome!!

2. Ashlynn started taking better care of herself!!

She did things she loved, and set aside time for herself, which helped her feel less exhausted and tired all the time. Her mood improved. She was more optimistic and patient.

Sometimes, we need to worry a little less about our kid’s feelings, and a little more about our own.

We need to be able to set a limit confidently, regardless of what our child is feeling. We need permission to BE THE BOSS, and take care of ourself.

It’s not always going to be fun for our kids. And that’s really OK.

Are you ready for support around BEING THE BOSS in your home, and setting limits that stick?

Schedule a free 20 minute call, and I’ll share my recommendations to get your kids listening ASAP.

The Boy Who Refused to Leave the House

Tue, 02 Apr 2024 15:53:55 GMT

The Boy Who Refused to Leave the House

Have you struggled with a child who won’t go to school?
How about a child who wouldn’t leave the house?

That was 8 year-old Nolan when I met his mother, Johanna.

It was the summer before second grade, and Nolan started insisting, he WOULD NOT BE GOING TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL, thank you very much.

Nolan’s parents had struggled getting him to attend first grade consistently. But that was before the family moved.

Now they were in a new state, with a new school, and new kids Nolan didn’t know. So when Nolan started announcing he WOULD NOT GO, Johanna started to really worry.

**************************

Johanna is a super cool mom. She’s authentic, honest and funny. When you meet her, you think, I want to be friends with this woman!

But even the coolest moms struggle.

Nolan is an anxious kid. He doesn’t do well with change, or the unknown. He’s also strong-willed, like so many sensitive, anxious kids are.

If you try to make him do something, he digs his heels in, and makes you wish you hadn’t.

Ever since the family had moved several weeks earlier, it was hard even to get Nolan to even leave the house--even for things he would typically love, like swimming.

When Nolan refused to go out, Johanna would feel powerless and start to panic.

What if they couldn’t get through this phase?
What if Nolan NEVER left the house?
What if he NEVER went to school?

When Johanna’s emotions spiraled, Nolan's emotions would, too. He would get more stubborn and dig his heels in even more.

So Johanna and I started by shifting her thoughts in those tough moments. Instead of feeling stuck, she began telling herself:

“This is not an emergency. I can stay calm. We won’t be stuck like this forever.”

By shifting her thoughts about the situation, she stayed calmer. She felt hopeful. She started to trust that they would figure this challenge out.

She stopped panicking. She was able to make a plan that felt doable. She found people at the school who shared her calm and optimism and could partner with her and Nolan.

And guess what? Nolan didn’t just get through this struggle, with Johanna’s help, he started second grade successfully and did amazing!!

Due to Johanna’s resourcefulness, she got through this struggle and her relationship with Nolan stayed positive and strong. I’m not going to say it was always easy for her. I’m sure there were times she got frustrated, and even began to lose faith that they would be successful.

But the first step was finding the belief that this was absolutely, completely, 100% doable.

Because, guess what? It wasn’t only possible. It actually went great!!

I thought you would find this story as amazing and inspirational as I did!

Wishing you all the best,

Your parent coach,

Dr Ceara Deno

Spirited Kids (driving us nuts!); What To Do

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 18:19:50 GMT

Spirited Kids (driving us nuts!!) What to do

Do you have a spirited kid? A strong-willed, intense, or independent child who hates being told what to do?

If so, you may be exhausted and worried.

"Will they be OK as adults?" "Will they thrive in the world?" And for the love of all that is holy, "Why won’t they just cooperate??"

Here are a couple helpful shifts to parent with less stress, more joy, and fewer fights:

1.) Choose to view your child as spirited, not "difficult":

Choosing to view your child’s temperament through a positive lens keeps us out of fight or flight
This helps us be more positive and calm in our parentingWe remain open and give our child the benefit of the doubt when we avoid negative judgments
We can be warm and supportive when we stay rooted in focusing on our child’s inner goodness

2.) See your child’s spiritedness as a strength:

Are you also strong-willed by nature? How has your strong-will and determination helped you in life? How might it also help your child?
A strong will gives your child great leadership potential
When channeled in positive ways, determination and doggedness are positive qualities that will serve them in many areas of life

By choosing a positive, trusting lens, we take ourselves out of fight/flight/freeze, and back to our prefrontal cortex. This allows us to be more open, warm, supportive, calm and flexible as parents, without even needing to do anything else differently.

Are you able to see the positive in your child’s temperament? What about the strengths in their personality? How might these strengths serve them in life?

The REAL reason kids are argumentative

Wed, 28 Feb 2024 21:56:59 GMT

What’s REALLY going on for argumentative kids??

Do you have an **argumentative** kid? Many of the families I coach do.

See if this sounds familiar:

Keenan* (not actual name), age 8, is an argumentative kid.

Since he was little, Keenan needs to be in control. The minute his parents gently try to push him, he becomes resistant and defiant. He resists even small requests, and completely refuses to go outside his comfort zone.

Although his meltdowns are improving somewhat, he still shuts down when he's disappointed or embarassed. When this happens, he becomes defensive and argumentative, blaming his parents or siblings.

Despite their best attempts to stay calm, his parents frequently find themselves yelling and losing their temper with him in response to his verbal attacks and bad attitude.

What’s going on? What’s “wrong” with Keenan ?

Why is he so rigid?
Why won’t he accept responsibility when he’s wrong?
Why won’t he go outside his comfort zone?
Why won’t he comply with small requests?

Analysis :

Keenan is typical of kids with a more sensitive/anxious temperament. For these kids, life feels overwhelming and out of control most of the time. They feel unsafe, so they dig in their heels to exert control any way they can.

They’re not trying to be difficult.

They’re just trying to feel safe.

What looks like defiance and stubbornness is actually fear.

Understanding where this behavior comes from can help us be more empathetic.

These kids don’t want to be difficult. They just want to feel safe.

We help to de-escalate conflict when we:

Model cooperation and peacefulness
Use humor and play to increase connection and safety
Walk away instead of fighting
Choose our battles

The more we understand about challenging behavior, the less we have to take it personally, and the less we have to become reactive.

Let me know if this resonates. Let me know if this sounds like your home.

Your Parent Coach,

Ceara

Need more support with your argumentative child? Schedule a free 20 minute call with me HERE .

Disconnection? I can help

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 14:12:03 GMT

Isolated or detached from your child? I can help

Disconnection

The feeling where we are distant or detached from loved ones--DISCONNECTION:

It can happen when we live in the same house, or across multiple times zones (for example, after divorce)

It can be the result of many small misunderstandings, or years of no contact

If you and your child are suffering DISCONNECTION, I can help. (Helping families with this is what I do.)

What does disconnection look like??

It's the dad who's a "stranger in his own home," because the kids “only want mommy”

It's the working mom who's "constantly guilty" she barely gets to see her kids

It's the divorced dad who got “erased from his child’s life" after his ex remarries or moves away

It's the family where "constant meltdowns on weekends” mean they can’t enjoy time together

It's the mom who spends all her time arguing with her teenager about chores, screens, and school work

Building connection after disconnection is a process of rebuilding trust. It takes time. If you are struggling, I can help. You are not alone, and there are tools and strategies that help . You and your child don’t need to keep struggling alone.

Schedule a free call with me HERE to find out your options, and how parent coaching can help. https://calendly.com/ceara-mcniff/free-parent-coaching-call-build-self-love-and-compassion

Getting Relief When Kids are ANGRY

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 15:04:27 GMT

Getting Relief When the Attacks Feel Personal

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A Holiday Thank You Letter from Your Child

Tue, 19 Dec 2023 21:48:06 GMT

A Thank You Letter from Your Child

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Build Self-Control and PEACE

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 15:27:00 GMT

Try Saying These 3 Phrases

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Why INTUITION goes out the window when you have a challenge

Mon, 13 Nov 2023 18:02:38 GMT

Intuition helps us parent more easily--IF we can access it

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Toughness and resilience; 6 lessons sensitive kids need to learn

Fri, 10 Nov 2023 13:11:55 GMT

Hard times, baby, well they come to us all

“Hard times, baby, well they come to us all”

-Bruce Springsteen, “Waiting on a Sunny Day”

*****

Hard times are coming. Truthfully, they’re already here. Life is tough. It is for everyone, but maybe more for sensitive kids.

Will they be able to handle it?
Will they tolerate adversity and recover?
Will they pick themselves up after things don’t go topsy-turvy?
Will they be "tough" enough?

Resilience is defined as:

“The capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”

We all need resilience, and want our kids to learn it. But before we can teach anything, first, we need to understand it ourselves. We need to model it. We need to live it (imperfectly).

What is a resilient mindset? I assembled 6 lessons below that I feel help us be resilient.

Do I sometimes struggle embodying these? 100%, you bet I do! I fall down, and have to pick myself up repeatedly. But I find these are helpful things to remember when I have challenges.

Also, I’m sure this list isn’t complete. Let me know what you would add.

6 Lessons to Build Toughness and Resiliency

1.) Expect setbacks and challenges as a normal part of growth and learning

2.) Don’t take setbacks personally

3.) Embrace all the seasons, the highs and the lows

4.) Ask for help, get support, seek guidance

5.) Embrace your strengths

6.) Celebrate your successes

What did I miss? Let me know what else you would put on the list…

How to Choose A Parent Coach; Expertise & Transformation

Tue, 31 Oct 2023 14:46:30 GMT

How do you choose a parent coach? What’s a good fit?

When you have a challenge with your kid, it’s stressful. And scary.

You worry. And second-guess yourself. And experience self-doubt. The indecision can lurk in the background of life, draining your energy. Simply admitting there's a challenge is so incredibly BRAVE!

Perhaps you have a situation like this with your kid. You wonder, would working with a parent coach help?

When we work together, you become empowered to solve your own parenting challenges. In order to do this, I provide:

an emotionally safe, non-judgmental, authentic space for sharing
extensive expertise and experience transforming families like yours
a promise of honesty and humility. I won’t pretend to have answers I don’t have. Authenticity is always at the heart of trust and connection

*****

How do you know a coach is a good fit for your family?

In my opinion, the most important factors are:

1.) Find someone who provides no judgment.

2.) Find someone you can be completely honest with.

3.) Find someone with expertise in the type of challenge you have.

4.) Find someone experienced at creating transformation.

*****

When we work together, I provide those qualities so you can step into self-empowerment.

Curious to know more about me before choosing to work together?? Read below.

******

Fun Facts About Me Before We Work Together:

1.) I’m a highly sensitive mom of 2 sensitive boys (ages 11 & 14), so I’m living many of the same parenting and life challenges I help sensitive families with (overwhelm, here I come!).

2.) I’m deeply introverted, so I love me some delicious alone time! Kayaking, walking in nature, reading. The quieter the better, lol.

3.) I homeschooled during the pandemic. Teaching my own kids was similar to coaching. I got better results inspiring and encouraging, rather than trying to force my agenda.

4.) My favorite food is Vietnamese pho noodle soup. It’s. The. Best.

5.) My 2 cats often interrupt coaching sessions to be let out/in the sliding glass door off my office. MommyCat and DaddyCat are sister Maine Coons who love that I work from home most days!

6.) Parenting with trust is the goal. That means admitting honest feelings, including fear, which often takes the driver’s seat when challenges arise. It means communicating, “I’m feeling anxious/worried/upset/angry in this situation...and it would support me if....”

*****

Asking for support is ALWAYS BRAVE.

Admitting to a challenge is ALWAYS BRAVE.

Taking the next step is ALWAYS BRAVE.

If we might be a good fit to work together, the next step is a free, 30 minute phone call where we get clarity on any challenges, and talk about next steps.

Schedule a free 30 minute call here to work with me on parenting through challenges from trust and compassion.

Homebodies, adventure-seekers, arm-chair warriors: What shall we do this weekend?

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 15:19:49 GMT

The weekend is coming: shall we go out or stay in?

The weekend is coming. And for sensitive families, it brings tough questions.

Shall we go out or stay in?
Shall we make plans or leave the day free?
Shall we spend time together or alone?

Finding answers that meet everyone’s needs is not always easy. The “Sweet Spot," where everyone’s needs for stimulation and downtime are met, can be hard! Really, really hard.

What if my need for stimulation and excitement competes with your need for downtime and rest? When we stay home, I get cabin-fever, feel restless, start to climb the walls. But when we go out, you feel depleted, irritable, exhausted.

How do we meet everyone’s needs? How do we find the balance where everyone’s nervous system is functioning optimally?

Here are tips to meet everyone’s needs this weekend :

1.) Sleep more:

Sleep increases tolerance for stress
This means when you’ve slept enough, you tolerate activities that would otherwise be too stressful
Sleep also makes us calmer and more patient when things are hard

2.) Be kinder to yourself, ask for more support, and lower the demands on yourself:

Social support increases our ability to tolerate stress
Being met with compassion when we struggle helps us do hard things
In order to be met with compassion, we first need to practice voicing our feelings and needs
Practice saying: “I find this kind of activity hard, and it would support me if….”
Give yourself permission to take breaks, ask for help, do half as much--without beating yourself up
Simply sharing out loud that something is hard with someone supportive, and asking for support, can increase your tolerance for stress

3.) Move more:

Moving more is a powerful way to increase stress tolerance and relieve tension
Without adequate movement, our nervous system goes into fight/flight/freeze
Move alone or with your family
Everything counts--pillow fights, walks in the woods, shooting hoops

*******

Sensitive families, I’ll be thinking of you this weekend. I hope you find a “Sweet Spot” where everyone’s needs for stimulation and downtime are met. And if you struggle, I hope you meet yourself with kindness, compassion, and extra support.

You deserve it. Whether you go out or not.

Looking for more support to help your sensitive family thrive?? Schedule a free call with me by clicking HERE.

The Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness

Wed, 13 Sep 2023 15:28:25 GMT

Hitting Kicking Tantrums Meltdowns Whining Aggression

Hitting

Kicking

Tantrums

Whining

Aggression

What do these have in common? They're signs a child is in a scary place: “The Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness.”

Yup! The Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness (credit for this metaphor to the brilliant child psychologist Larry Cohen!).

This is a terribly scary place where, once kids go, they don’t know how to get out.

Kids become locked in the tower because they need more connection with us, but don’t know how to ask.

It’s happens especially when life feels overwhelming, or involves a lot of changes (like starting school, moving, having a new baby, divorce, etc).

Locked away, kids feel alone, out of control, scared and unlovable. They don’t know how to ask for help.

They act miserable, jerky, annoying, aggressive. They whine, cry, hit, or all three.

Understandably, we feel alarmed, frustrated, annoyed, angry. We feel powerless. We feel isolated too.

We often end up in our own Tower of Isolation and Powerlessness:

“I give up.” “Nothing I do helps.” “Why does he always have to be so difficult??!”

Sound familiar?

The way out of the tower is PLAY.

Play is how we reconnect. It unlocks the tower doors. It breaks the isolation. It releases the stress of being powerless.

But figuring out how to do this can be challenging. It doesn’t always go smoothly. Children locked away in the tower need our help to play. When we reach out, we are often met with aggression, or anger.

Need support?

Want to figure out how to reconnect with your child in moments of stress. Let’s connect and figure it out.

Book a coaching session here: https://sweet-spot-parent-coaching.ck.page/products/one-on-one-coaching-session

Conquer Comparison and Self-Criticism

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 13:22:37 GMT

You don’t need to be “better”

I meet many amazing moms through my work coaching parents.

One makes Pinterest-worthy, Bento-box school lunches. Another does “voice-actor quality impersonations” when reading aloud. Another takes her kids on international vacations that would make Moon Planet editors swoon.

Everywhere I look, a mom is doing something *better* than I am. If we allow it to, comparison can make us insecure, discouraged, and depressed.

The problem is, comparison is the thief of joy.

When I compare my perceived short-comings to someone’s *best* qualities, I am bound to feel less than. I will likely feel inferior, ashamed or discouraged.

What conquers comparison, judgment and self-criticism?

1.) Celebrate where you naturally shine .

Sure, your school lunch-making skills *stink*, but perhaps you make a mean water balloon. Or give great hugs. Or buy the bandaids with the fun Disney characters.

Every person is different. It would be boring if we all had the exact same strengths.

When you find yourself feeling insecure or self-critical, are you comparing someone’s *greatest strength* to your *greatest weakness*? This habit will create feelings of failure--and it can be stopped.

Socrates said: “The secret to happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”

I would add, the secret to happiness is to embrace your particular strengths and let inevitable short-comings go.

2.) Show up, warts and all. Authentically .

What kids really from us is PRESENCE.

Presence is slowing down enough to drop the agenda. Lose the to-do list. Show up. Listen. Smile. Wait. See what happens.

Presence is a gift that honors the relationship between two people.

True presence--slowing down and showing up without an agenda--happens so rarely in our lives that when it does, it feels like peace and bliss.

3.) Commit to joy .

Joy and self-criticism cannot exist simultaneously.

The antidote to self-criticism then, is looking for joy in every single moment. Warts and all.

Is life perfect? No.

Are you perfect? No.

Is your child perfect? No.

Nothing is perfect, and yet....

There is still wonder and beauty and whimsy and magic and absurdity and delight in this moment. If we focus on it.

Choose to celebrate slivers of joy in every moment.

You will find that the joy will grow, and the judgments and criciticisms will shrink.

To stay updated with resources, tips and strategies for a peaceful, happier home, subscribe to my newsletter HERE .

A Smoother Back-to-School

Wed, 02 Aug 2023 14:49:50 GMT

A Smoother Back-to-School

Remember the Princess and the Pea? The childhood story?

In this fable, the prince wants to marry a “real” princess, so he puts a pea under the stack of mattresses. Only a “real” princess would be able to detect this. When the princess can’t sleep, he knows she is “real."

Some kids are like this. They are "highly sensitive."

Let’s call them the “real” princes and princesses. They notice MORE. They react MORE.

And for them, Back-to-School is MORE challenging, with more tears, fears, and anxieties.

So for these families, I made my new, “Smoother Back-to-School” Course, specifically for sensitive, deeply-feeling, slow-to-warm up, shy or anxious kids.

Get all the tips and tricks to create a more successful, less stressful, happier back-to-school transition for kids starting school for the first time, or going back at any age.

Click here to get details:

https://sweet-spot-parent-coaching.ck.page/products/a-smooth-back-to-school https://sweet-spot-parent-coaching.ck.page/.../a-smooth...

(Graphic from storynory.com)

Defiant and difficult: the kids who HATE being told what to do

Fri, 23 Jun 2023 21:54:54 GMT

For some kids, being told what to do is the ABSOLUTE WORST

Do you have a kid who *HATES* being told what to do?

Who refuses to cooperate with even MINOR requests?

Who won’t do anything unless it's HER idea?

We call these kids STRONG-WILLED.

What few parents realize, however, is the huge amount of overlap between sensitive and strong-willed kids. What few parents realize is that when sensitive kids are upset or stressed, they become incredibly STRONG-WILLED as a defense mechanism.

****

When I was 9, my family took a trip to Disney with a group of relatives. One morning, the kids wore matching Disney shirts for a photo. In the picture, we are happily beaming wearing our matching shirts—except my sister, who is around 4 years old, wearing a different shirt and looking absolutely furious.

Even as a 4 year old, my sister was not going to be controlled by someone else’s agenda, or the need for social conformity. This is a strong-willed kid--one with a strong need for autonomy who will not easily bend to authority.

****

Most humans dislike being told what to do. That’s pretty normal. When we don’t have control, we feel powerless, unheard, unseen, unvalued.

For some kids, this feels unpleasant. But for other kids, it feels like death. It’s completely unbearable.

Maybe you have a kid like this. Maybe you know how really, really challenging this becomes.

****

Sensitive kids are often rigid, inflexible, defiant and stubborn when pressured. They dig in their heels. They’re persistent. Insistent. Intense. Determined. Dogged.

If you have a kid like this, it can be a MAJOR PAIN IN THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT this can be when you are simply trying to get through the week.

Sensitive kids become defiant and difficult as a defense because:

*they want to feel safe in a world that so often feels overwhelming and overstimulating

*they cling to their comfort zone, since they struggle so much with unknowns, newness or change

*they refuse to try new things so they won't possibly "fail"--since their harsh inner critic defines anything less than perfection as "failure"

****

What happens when our sensitive kid becomes defiant when we’ve asked them to do something? We dig our heels in, too.

We apply pressure. We explain why they have no choice. We explain why we're right (and they're wrong).

We use logic to explain our perspective. We use threats to increase our authority. Unfortunately, none of these are likely to help our child be more cooperative and flexible.

Applying pressure will actually make a strong-willed or sensitive kid dig in their heels more.

How do we change this? How do we create cooperation and flexibility?

We become more relationship-focused. We become curious. We tackle the problem like a team. We create connection. We use playfulness and lessen up on control. We stop caring so much about compliance and obedience--and we start caring about understanding and compassion.

If this resonates, if you have a strong-willed or sensitive child and you’d love to see more cooperation and flexibility in them, schedule a free call with me by clicking the link below. In the call, you will get clarity on how to create a more harmonious, peaceful home with your strong-willed or sensitive kid.

Click here to a consultation

The 4 Biggest Challenges for Sensitive Families

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 15:30:24 GMT

Few families understand how sensitivity affects their family

I f you or your child are highly sensitive, you may be suffering in ways you don’t currently understand. Sensitivity can affect our day-to-day ability to be effective as a parent, as well as harm our longterm relationship with our child.

As a coach for sensitive families, I see a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering in families where the affects of sensitivity are not fully appreciated or understood.

First, let’s start with a quick definition. “High sensitivity” is a normal temperament in 15-20% of the population. It refers to a nervous system with increased sensitivity to physical, emotional and social stimuli.

This temperament changes parenting and the parent-child dynamic, but I believe most sensitive families are not aware of how these dynamics play out. I believe this lack of understanding can cause pain and suffering, and that increased understanding could help . I also believe that this has intergenerational effects, in that much of our relationship patterns are learned in childhood and passed down to our children.

Here are 4 of the primary challenges I see in sensitive families, and I would love to hear how many resonate for you and your family .

1.) Sensitive parents over-empathize with our kid’s emotions.

Why is this a challenge?

When we feel “responsible” for our child’s upset, it can make it harder to set limits peacefully. We may find it hard to say no, or to remain firm when our child is upset. Or we try to be overly-flexible, letting things go, but then eventually explode. If we identify strongly with our child’s feelings excessively, it makes it harder to be a “sturdy leader.” This may create role-confusion where we expect our child to enforce their own boundaries, and then get frustrated when it doesn’t happen.

2.) Sensitive parents read rejection into our kid’s behaviors/words.

Why is this a challenge?

In the heat of the moment, your sensitive child—who feels big feelings intensely—feels TERRIBLE. In a (misguided) attempt to communicate those feelings so you understand them, THEY DO AND SAY TERRIBLE THINGS. This is their “best attempt” to communicate the suffering they feel in the moment. They want to be seen and understood. Sensitive parents are more sensitive to any evidence of rejection—even from our children. We may take the things our child did and said as objective truths, as opposed to our child’s fear. Feeling rejected by our child makes forgiveness and repair after conflict harder. If we hold onto the feelings of rejection, over time our relationship with our child will become distant and suffer.

3.) Sensitive parents read criticism into our kid’s behavior/words.

Why is this a challenge?

Upset kids (and adults!) do and say impulsive, hurtful things. If we internalize that as the truth about our parenting, we are doomed to self-criticism. You are not a bad parent because you something say things you regret. Your child is not a bad child because they sometimes say things they regret. Believing that we are doing a bad job as parents is one of the biggest challenges to having a great relationship with our child. Self-criticism makes it much less likely we will be able to reconnect and repair after a relationship breach.

4.) Sensitive kids “hate being told what to do.”

Why is this a challenge?

Pretty close to 100% of sensitive kids hate being told what to do. It’s possible there are exceptions, but if your sensitive kid doesn’t mind being told what to do, I’d love to hear from you, because this is incredibly rare! In terms of strengths, this quality reflects a strong internal moral compass and a strong desire for autonomy and independence. This helps sensitive kids in the real world because they are more likely to resist peer pressure, stay internally-motivated, and have a strong sense of wrong and right and justice. On the negative side, it can make parenting more challenging!!

Sensitive kids are less likely to do anything simply because an authority figure (us) tells them. In fact, they are more likely to dig their heels in if they feel like we are trying to control them. They are much more likely to cooperate when we can appeal to their own internal moral compass, or help them see how they can make our lives more wonderful by cooperating.

*******

If these challenges resonate for you , I’d love to hear more about the challenges you see and what you are trying to fix them . You can email me at: drcearadeno@gmail.com.

If you want h elp f ixing these challenges , simply schedule a time to chat by clicking on the scheduling link, and if we are a fit to work together , we will . Schedule a call here: https://calendly.com/ceara-mcniff/free-parent-coaching-call-build-self-love-and-compassion

Shame-Proofing Your Home

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 17:48:29 GMT

Shame is a challenging emotion that affects both parents and kids

Why are negative emotions—disappointment, frustration, embarrassment, sadness—so challenging? Why do our kids melt down?

One of the reasons is we feel like we shouldn’t feel this way . We’re abnormal. We are wrong to feel this way. We’re the only one who feels like this.

So we not only feel the negative emotion—we also feel lots o f shame around feeling the emotion.

Shame is the feeling that we are wrong, bad, or a mistake.

Our inner voice may even self-talk us out of it—“ I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m wrong to feel this. I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I should feel fine. I have nothing to be upset about. ”

And on and on.

So we invalidate ourselves—tell ing ourselves we are wrong to feel the way we do.

It’s understandable. As children , we probably learned that certain emotions were dangerous.

Hear me out. As children, for survival, we need our caregivers to stay close to us. Anything that threaten closeness with our parent is a survival threat. This includes aspects of our personality that make our caregiver uncomfortable--even emotions which make our caregiver reject us. If our caregiver is uncomfortable with our negative emotions--as children we will internalize that negative emotions are DANGEROUS to our survival.

This was important learning that might have kept us “safe” as children--but it also creates shame going forward when we have negative emotions.

So as adults, we want to create a situation where we ta ke t he shame out of these emo tions .

We want to communicate to our children, a s your parent, I am not going anywhere , regardless of your emotions .

So the huge benefits of creating a home where emotions really are safe is we remove toxic shame around emotions. We:

remove the isolation over feeling like our child is the only one who feels this way
we build a safer/more trusting relationship with our child
we increase o ur child's tolerance for feeling these negative emotions while dealing with them in a regulated way—without going into fight/flight—meaning they can feel the emotion, and still access the parts of their brain that can create creative solutions, use humor, planning and strategies—as opposed to when we are in fight/flight when thinking becomes rigid, reactive, defensive.

How do we do this?

1.) F irst we want to normalize the emotion. We want to communicate all the feelings are OK. It’s OK to feel disappointed. It’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel frustrated. Everyone feels these feelings. You are not alone. All of us feel these feelings. So one of the ways to do this is to talk about them. Talk about them before they happen. Talk about them when they happen. Talk about them after they happen.

My kids and I like to play the Mad Sad Glad game. This is a dinner time game where you go around the circle and share what made you mad/sad/glad that day. I like to add frustrated. But you could add anything. Disgusted. Surprised. Probably the biggest benefit to this game is the idea that you are normalizing. Every single day it is normal to feel mad and sad. Every day. For adults. Normal. And it’s OK to talk about it. And it’s OK for other people to know about it. So we are modeling so many healthy things about emotions when we share with our kids that we felt negative emotions that day too.

2.) Second, by talking about emotions, we create a coherent narrative. A coherent narrative means we help our child make sense of t he experience and what their feelings were . Understanding helps create s afety. R emembering the story of how someone cut us off in traffic and we g ot scared and then so angry that w e almost crashed helps us to reprocess that experience in the context of our relationship in a way that helps us to feel safe with the emotions we felt.

3.) Third, when we relive negative feelings in a safe relationship, we practice being able to tolerate that feeling without going into fight-or-flight. We practice tolerating negative emotions, which stretches tolerance for them in the future.

So we talked about the idea of sharing the emotions from our day. What about talking about emotions in advance?

Every time we can share our own emotional experience with our child we normalize the emotion.

"I was so annoyed when XYZ happened. "

"I’m feeling really sad because ABC. "

T alking about our own feelings with children tak es the toxic shame away from the emotion when our child has that feeling . We are modeling that emotions are normal. We are helping our child understand they can feel the emotion and be attachable with us in relationship .

THE POWER OF STORIES:

Telling s tories from our own life are great for taking away toxic shame for our children. These stories can be real, or made up.

" Did I ever tell you, when I was your age, my teacher she yelled at me, and I was so embarassed? "

" I used to be afraid of the dark when I was your age, and I didn’t want to go anywhere alone, especially at night.”

We are taking the toxic shame out of the feelings.

We can decrease shame by talking about emotions in advance too.

We essentially practice the emotion in advance with our child by talking about it, and even incorporating strategies.
This takes the surprise away from the feeling, because we have prepared for it.
" I wonder if you will feel a little nervous when it’s time to sing in front of all of those people? If that happens, what might be helpful do you think? What if you look for me, and I will blow you a kiss? "
"When we get to the your friend’s house, I wonder if you will want to stay and it will be hard to leave when it’s time to go home . You might even feel really angry, or sad."

The important thing is the idea that we are communicating to our child that we expect negative emotions, they are normal, expected, and do n’t make us defective.

When we * practice * emotions by talking about them with our child -- we communicate that emotions are welcome . It take s some of the surprise and sting out of the emotion because it’s no longer a surprise for our child when they feel the emotion . And they have practiced feeling it with us— both in advance, and in retrospect--and this practicing expand s their tolerance for the emotion by feeling it wi t h us first in the context of a safe relationship .

Getting kids to take responsibility, and not blame us

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 19:10:55 GMT

Why won't my kid take responsibility?

Maybe you've been blamed for something that was CLEARLY your child's fault? Like, there was no possible way it had ANYTHING to do with you, and your child is blaming you....

It's possible your child is sensitive. Hear me out, and I'll explain.

******

When we make a mistake, we can feel disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed. These are extremely uncomfortable, vulnerable emotions. No one likes to feel this way. For sensitive children, they feel all their emotions MORE INTENSELY, including these negative emotions. So the discomfort they feel from these painful feelings is very intense.

As a defense, the sensitive child covers up that vulnerable pain with anger, defensiveness, and blame. "It's all your fault," they yell. Anger is the shield we use to protect from feeling so vulnerable and powerless.

Eckhart Tolle said, “Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.”

***************

In the moment, it feels like our child is attacking us unfairly. We get defensive. We get angry. We want to defend ourselves. We want our child to take responsibility in the moment. Only the don't, or they won't.

What can help in these situations?

We can remember that under anger, our child is in pain.

Then, we can use empathy to connect and support.

We might say: “Wow! You must be feeling really terrible to talk to me like that. Tell me more about what’s going on for you...”

Showing our child we care about their pain opens the door to connection. It helps our child see us as a safe place. It helps our child to see that emotions are safe to have and to share. It helps our child see that we are not going to take everything they say personally.

The Challenges of Parenting a Sensitive Child

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 18:52:03 GMT

The Challenges of Parenting a Sensitive Child

Parenting a sensitive or deeply-feeling kid has unique challenges.

Some of these challenges include:

Sensitive kids may have such high standards for themselves, they may not tolerate making mistakes or doing things poorly.

They may keep emotions bottled up, so it’s difficult to understand what they’re thinking or feeling--that is, until they shut down, or explode.

They may not want to try things they won’t be good at.

They may struggle with change or transitions that other kids take in stride.

They may appear shy in situations where other kids rush in.

They may be so sensitive to mild criticism that they get very defensive and angry with any feedback.

They maybe take our behavior as parents personally, including being overly-sensitive to our harsh tone, or even negative facial expressions.

**************

So what is helpful??

What can parents do to help sensitive children deal with their own intense emotions??

1.) Lots of praise, warmth and encouragement: "I love how kind you were to that younger child.” "It helps me so much when you pick up your books." "I love watching you play soccer."

2.) Gentle discipline: Give gentle feedback when kids are not doing what we want, instead of using a harsh tone or punishments. Assume your child has positive intentions. Help your child be successful. “I love that you want to play, but right now it’s time to clean up.” "Let's clean up together. Do you want to pick up the toys, or the clothes?"

3.) Give lots of heads-up when there will be a schedule change/transition: Sensitive kids thrive on knowing what is expected, and being able to anticipate what will come next. This may mean giving lots of details about the unknown, which may cause extra anxiety. “When we get to grandma’s house, we will play for an hour, and then we need to leave for the dentist.”

4.) Lots of down time. We all need down time, but sensitive kids need extra. Sensitive kids get overstimulated easily, and do not do well with packed schedules, or feeling rushed. Make sure they get plenty of rest and unstructured time.

5.) It’s NOT personal: When your sensitive child struggles with their own overwhelm or strong emotions, it is NOT a reflection on you failing as a parent. I repeat, it is NOT a reflection on you failing as a parent. Their nervous system is wired differently, and they feel their emotions at a much higher intensity. When they overreact, their prefrontal cortex has temporarily gone "offline," and needs time to recover. Imagine they are a computer that needs to reboot before they are able to function normally.

********

Sensitive children feel things more deeply. When their developing brain temporarily goes offline in response to strong emotions, their behavior can be extremely negative. This is really hard for kids AND for parents.

With time, support, and modeling, your child will become better at handling emotions. This is NOT something you are doing wrong, your child’s nervous system is wired differently.

Message me to set up a free conversation, and find out how to best support your sensitive child.

Is my kid sensitive? Sometimes it can be hard to tell...

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 18:37:14 GMT

Sometimes it can be hard to tell what is "sensitivity" and what isn't

When I talk to parents, they are often not sure whether their child is “sensitive” or not. Is it sensitivity, or just typical kid behavior??

Sensitivity looks differently as kids grow, and children will be “sensitive” in different ways, so sometimes it can be hard to know what's sensitivity, and what's just typical kid behavior.

Some clues I have found repeated again and again in sensitive children are:

Sensitive kids may:

appear shy in new situations/with new people
be less flexible
be more anxious (especially around changes)
hate being rushed
be perfectionists
blame others when disappointed/embarrassed
have extreme tantrums in response to ‘minor’ issues
appear to be ‘in their own world’ at times
bottle up feelings
shut down in response to strong emotions
be over-sensitive to perceived criticism
have difficulty making decisions

Many of these behaviors are because sensitive kids feel emotions intensely . What looks ‘minor’ from the outside is, in fact, felt very deeply by a sensitive child.

Many of the misunderstandings sensitive kids and parents have is this mismatch where the parent sees a giant overreaction in response to a minor problem.

Helping to understand how truly MAJOR this feels for the sensitive child is the first step to greater understanding.

Your child wouldn’t make a big deal out of it if it only felt minor to them!

If you would like some help supporting your sensitive child, please message me and we will set up a time for a free phone call. Life is hard enough without feeling like your child is on the wrong path emotionally.

Zen Parenting for Physician Moms

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 21:00:49 GMT

Are you a physician mom who wants a peaceful home?

Are you a busy physician mom wanting a peaceful home?

Do you want the tools to create a peaceful family life?

Do you want to L OVE family time , not dread it because o f yelling, fighting, or frustration?

Are you wanting a supportive “mom community” of other doctors who understand, not “mom isolation”?

Then you want to join my ne xt Zen Parenting class only for Physician Moms !! Starting 11/16/22!

This 3 month class will give you the tools to go from Stress and Isolation, to Peace and Community. Class meets on Wednesdays via Zoom, s tarting 11/16/22 for 3 months. Class time is 11-12:15p EST, 10-11:15am CST, 9-10:15a MT, 8-9:15am PST.

Sensitive kids believe it’s their fault when you fight

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 20:52:01 GMT

Sensitive kids are hardest on themselves

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Your kids are priority #1

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 20:44:15 GMT

The parents I coach are intensely passionate about parenting well

For the parents I coach, their kids are their highest priority,

EVERYTHING—everything else—is a distant second.

There’s one chance and only so much time to get this rig ht.

If your relationship with your child is challenging, let’s fix this.

I fix broken parent-child relationships for parents for whom this is the MOST IMPORTANT THING in their lives.

Because when you care that much, you do whatever it takes. Message me today.

I want you to have an AMAZING relationship with your kid

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 20:24:45 GMT

As long as your relationship is good, the rest is all gravy to me

I want you to have an AMAZING relationship with your kid.

Frankly, I don’t care about your parenting decisions—bedtime, screen time, chores, etc—UNLESS they interfere with having an amazing relationship with your kid.

Is there Trust? Closeness? Warmth? Affection? Humor?

Does your kid feel safe to come to you with problems? Do you enjoy each other?

Will they want to come to you when life gets challenging? Will they feel unconditionally love and accepted--even when they screw up MAJORLY. Even when they disappoint you? Or fail?

That’s the kind of relationship I want for you. It’s possible. Let’s do this.

Did you know your relationship can be STRONGER after a fight??

Fri, 30 Sep 2022 20:18:28 GMT

The pressure to be perfect decreases when you realize this...

You and your kid had an EPIC FIGHT.

Big, bad words were said. Feelings were hurt.

Did you know, your relationship can actually be STRONGER THAN BEFORE after a rupture?

It’s true. It takes a lot of pressure off you to be a perfect parent once you realize this.

Relationship ruptures happen.

They’re even normal--a part of life.

The trick is knowing the skills of REPAIR as a parent.

It starts with the process of reconnecting with your child and rebuilding trust. You share what you were feeling and needing when things got heated, and invite your child to do the same. You take responsibility for your part, and make a plan for how you are going to do better next time.

The result is a new level of trust, understanding, openness and connection.

And this huge sense of relief--you don’t need to be perfect as a parent. You can make mistakes and recover.

You can teach your child this skill--that will serve them throughout life, with all their relationships.

If you are interested to learn the skills of repair, message me. Let’s build that amazing, close, loving, trusting relationship with your kid—even stronger than before.

My personal story and my new Zen Parenting Class

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 18:51:55 GMT

This is why this work means so much to me

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New Class for Highly Sensitive Parents -- Zen Parenting

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 17:30:33 GMT

Zen Parenting Means Harmony and Peace

In 2009, I was a new physician in the NICU with a new baby. I loved taking care of babies and families. But something was missing.

When I went to work, it felt like I left half my heart at home.

In the hospital, I was using my left brain—my analytic side. But my more emotional, intuitive, heart-centered right brain, was ignored. My emotions felt tamped down. Colors felt muted.

Parenting had allowed me to access the world in a way that felt HEART-CENTERED, authentic. Like I was using my entire heart.

I longed to bring this more emotional, intuitive way of being to everything I did.

This is why I became a heart-centered parent coach.

Parenting takes us on a journey, if we let it, to access the world in a more vivid, vibrant, emotional, holistic, sometimes terrifying, way. With our whole heart.

If this resonates for you, if you are on a journey to bring your entire heart to parenting and life, I hope you will join me in my new class Zen Parenting .

This class is specifically for highly sensitive parents wanting to bring their entire heart to this journey, so they can find more peace and harmony on the other side.

In this class, we will :

- learn about sensitivity , so we can understand, accept and appreciate ourselves and our children

-build peace in your home

-c onnect more deeply with your child and yourself

-And lots more wonderful, amazing things!

You can get all the details for Zen Parenting here at m y website: https://www.sweetspotparenting.com/zen-parenting https:/ /www.sweetspotparenting.com/zen-parenting

Seeking Harmony? Peace? Self-Acceptance and Self-Love?

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 17:24:52 GMT

Self-Understanding is the key to greater Peace and Harmony

When I realized I was Highly Sensitive, I made sense for the first time.

It finally made sense why I love nothing more than having a spacious, wide-open schedule.

It made sense I feel completely fried after spending any length of time in noisy, artificially lit, indoor spaces—indoor basketball tournament with multiple, screeching whistles.

It made sense I need downtime after socializing, even if I’m having fun.

It made sense my nervous system feels at peace in natural spaces.

It made sense I noticed the doorbell before other people, when things got really loud and busy at work.

It made sense I could “read a room easily,” noticing everyone’s unspoken emotions.

***

Then I started to notice high sensitivity in others.

I noticed it in the parents I coach, and their kids.

I started noticing that “meltdowns” were a response to overstimulation.

Angry outbursts were sensitivity to perceived criticism.

Irritability was too many scheduled activity, with too little downtime.

***

Understanding my sensitivity has helped me with acceptance.

Now that I understand my sensitivity, I see it more clearly, not as a flaw, but as a part of me that has good and bad to it.

I don’t need to blame or shame myself.

Instead I can be proactive. I can embrace situations where sensitivity will help me shine and thrive, and minimize situations where I wilt and shut down.

I can model that to my own kids, too, so hopefully they grow up understanding themselves better.

***

I coach highly sensitive parents, and parents with highly sensitive children.

Interested in learning how you can accept your sensitivity, and shine and thrive as a highly sensitive parent?

Interested in learning how more understanding of your's and your child’s sensitivity can lead to HARMONY and PEACE in your family?

Message me, and we’ll chat. I coach individuals, couples and groups. I can’t wait to connect with you

How do you connect with your teenager?

Wed, 27 Jul 2022 11:45:32 GMT

It looks like listening without trying to change their feelings

So many parents struggle to connect peacefully with their teenage son or daughter.

This can be SO PAINFUL. For both the parent and the child.

Teenage years, with their increased emotionality, can be REALLY CHALLENGING.

One quick mindset shift is to change your thoughts from: “My child is GIVING me a hard time,” to: “My child is HAVING a hard time.”

Understanding that your child is struggling may lessen any negative judgments you have about your child. It may help you to feel more compassionate and empathetic towards them. Remembering that what LOOKS LIKE your child’s anger is often HIDDEN PAIN covered up also can help us feel more empathetic.

The truth is that teens often have intense negative emotions. As a loving, well-meaning parent, we hate to see our child in pain. Trying to be helpful, we may try to problem-solve away our child’s feelings. “It’s going to be OK,” we say. “It’s not that bad,” we say.

But trying to problem-solve feelings away comes across as emotional invalidation—a message to our child that their feelings are “wrong.” Our child will often become more defensive in response.

Instead, we can use EMOTIONAL VALIDATION: acknowledging that our child has a right to whatever they are feeling.

This looks like: Listening without trying to change our child’s feelings. We can simply nod, or say, “Wow!” “Of course you were upset.” “I would have been angry too.” “That makes sense why you feel that way.”

This doesn’t mean that we agree, or feel the same as our child. It simply is acknowledging that our child has a right to their feelings: their feelings “make sense” based on our child’s unique point of view and life experience.

In response to emotional validation, our child feels more understood, less alone, less defensive and more at peace. They will be more open to our point of view. A closer emotional connection between the two of you can grow.

Struggling to connect peacefully with your teen? Let’s schedule a time to chat, and get you the best strategies and support so you can connect better and enjoy closeness with your child again.

Is Parenting Driving You Apart as a Couple?

Fri, 22 Jul 2022 14:11:11 GMT

Is Parenting Driving You Apart?

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What is your Anger Hiding?

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 13:57:59 GMT

Anger is simply the tip of the iceberg

Anger covers up our hidden feelings of Pain.

This is SO POWERFUL to understand.

When we see a person's pain, hiding under their anger, we can have empathy, feel less defensive, an d more sympathetic.

When we are angry, looking for hidden feelings of pain creates self-understanding.

What is your anger covering up? What pain is the other person not allowing you to see?

How can connecting with the vulnerable feelings under the anger lead to more compassion and love?

I am a heart-centered parent coach, not a parenting expert

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 20:25:11 GMT

I am not a parenting expert

I am a heart-centered parent coach.

That's NOT the same as a parenting “expert.” (Is that even real?!)

I show up for you, the parent.

I hold space for you with comp assion, gentleness, accountability, love and curiosity.

I don’t know everything about parenting, or about your child.

That’s OK, because you and I don’t need to be “perfect.”

We simply need to keep showing up imperfectly, humbly, with our hearts open.

You show up for your child, and I show up for you.

And as we work together, with our hearts humble and open, powerful, beautiful things grow in our hearts.

Confidence

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 20:22:50 GMT

Confidence

“Confidence does not come from always being successful. It comes from trusting you can recover from setbacks”

Author, Adam Price .

My child seems off/different/not well

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 20:20:35 GMT

My child is off/different/not well

Is it depression? Anxiety? What does my kid need from me?

Would it help to talk about it in a space of love, compassion and nonjudgment?

You don’t need to know what to do.

You don’t need to know what the problem is.

I will hold you in non-judgment.

I will ask you the powerful questions that will help you get clarity and peace of mind.

I will help you:

—Accept what you cannot change

—Change what you can

—And find the wisdom to know the difference

Message me, and let's talk soon

Boys who are "lazy"

Tue, 24 May 2022 13:31:06 GMT

Boys who are "lazy"

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Things with your child are tense

Tue, 24 May 2022 13:19:39 GMT

Things with your child are tense

Does this sound familiar?

Things with your child are tense. You walk on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even when things are good, you worry.

You wo rry whether you're handling things the right way. You worry about whether your kid will turn out OK. You feel like a failure sometimes.

You know that having a peaceful, connected relationship would benefit everyone. You; your child; your partner; siblings. But you’re not sure how to get there.

You try something, and it works, until it doesn't.

Did you know that this can be helped immediately? It doesn’t take forever. It takes a couple weeks.

I will walk you through exactly what to do. So you can create more calm, peace, connection, and understanding in your home.

I am offering short, focused coaching to help you improve your relationship with your child. This is a focused program to help you and your child communicate better, see and hear each other better, and get along better.

You can do things RIGHT NOW that will help you and your child get along better. Let’s talk.

If you don’t address this now, things may stay the same, or get worse. Your child doesn’t know how to make this better. They are counting on you to make this better. Let’s chat today.

https://calendly.com/ceara-mcniff/free-parent-coaching-call-build-self-love-and-compassion

Everyone Benefits When Your Relationship with your Child Improves

Tue, 24 May 2022 13:13:31 GMT

Everyone in the family benefits when your relationship improves

When your relationship with your child improves:

You will be

-Happier

-Less Tense

-Relaxed

-Peaceful

-Confident

You will Stop

-Worrying

-Feeling like a failure

You will

-Enjoy spending time with your child

-Have bandwidth for the rest of your life, relationships and work

******

When you build a Connected, Peaceful Relationship with your child…

You child will be

-Happier

-Less tense

-Relaxed

-Secure

-Confident

Your child will

-Enjoy spending time with you

-Have bandwidth for the rest of their life, relationships and work

******

The consequences of this are PROFOUND, FAR-REACHING, and LIFE-CHANGING

The entire family benefits. Sibling relationships improve. The entire family can stop walking on eggshells. Tension decreases, and peace increases. Frustration and anger decrease, and love and warmth increase.

This has profound impacts your child's future and emotional and mental health.

When a child feels like they have a safe, secure base with you, it creates a foundation for all their future relationships and resiliency.

Do not wait!! This is SO IMPORTANT.

I will coach you for free for an hour over the phone, and together we will create a plan for you to get the peaceful, conncted relationship with your child that you REALLY WANT.

Simply click on the link to schedule a free, one hour coaching session with me.

https://calendly.com/ceara-mcniff/free-parent-coaching-call-build-self-love-and-compassion

Or, pass this along to someone else, if you know someone else who would benefit from help creating this kind of peaceful closeness with their child.

Imagine how AMAZING it will feel when you can finally stop worrying, and feel at peace!!

Big Stresses

Fri, 13 May 2022 10:48:31 GMT

Life can throw us big challenges

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Sometimes Mama Gets Tired

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Fri, 06 May 2022 14:27:45 GMT

Moms, I see you. Working so hard for your family. Every. Single. Day.

I see you, Beautiful Mama.

I see you carrying so much of the weight of family life on your shoulders.

I see the extraordinary effort you make. Every. Single. Day.

Ma king your children’s lives better, with your big, beautiful heart.

All the hard work you do for your family.

I know sometimes you get tired. Overwhelmed.

I know it can feel like so much is riding on your shoulders. I know.

I see you, Beautiful Mam a.

I see how much you care about everything you do. A nd I celebrate you.

This weekend, and every weekend.

The Parenting Sweet Spot

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 19:21:05 GMT

How do you find your parenting sweet spot?

I chose “ Sweet Spot Parent Coaching ” as the name for my business because my goal was to help thoughtful parents find their very own SWEET SPOT in parenting.

A place where things felt:

Aligned.

Peaceful.

Effortless.

Connected.

Enjoyable.

Playful.

How do I get you there? Is there a formula? My process starts when I help you:

connect to yourself
understand your feelings, needs and desires
connect to your child
understand your child’s feelings, needs and desires
get tools so you feel competent and effective
lean into connection

What I love about this is that it looks unique for every parent and family. You and your family are unique, so your sweet spot will be, too. Perhaps your family’s will look a little silly; loud; messy. Maybe it will definitely look a little silly, loud and messy. Or maybe it won’t. That’s what’s so great. Every family’s will look different, but it will works best for them.

And when you find it, you will feel amazing, confident, hopeful .

We all have our own parenting sweet spot, but sometimes we need help finding it. That's where I come in. I know exactly how to get you there. Schedule a free, get-acquainted call with me now, and I'll tell you exactly how.

It’s gonna feel really, really good when you do.

Disrespect is a huge parenting trigger

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:45:44 GMT

Disrespect is a huge parenting trigger

DISRESPECT can be such a trigger.

“Don’t talk to me that way!” we want to lecture, scold, yell.

By doing that, though, we end up creating more disconnection.

We miss the deep feelings under our child’s words, and add more fuel onto the fire of their strong feelings.

Instead we can say, “Wow, you must be pretty upset to talk like that.”

If we are really triggered, and need to calm ourselves, we might say, “I can see how angry you are, but I don’t like being spoken to like that, so I’m going to take a walk to calm myself down.”

By recognizing the strong feelings under our child’s words, we meet our child’s deepest need to feel heard and understood.

“That must have been hard for you.” “I can see why you’re upset.”

After feeling validated and not judged—“someone gets me!”—a child is better able to meet us in self-responsibility and reflection.

Why punishments backfire

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:39:28 GMT

Why punishments backfire

Maybe you're still using punishments?

I used to, and many of my coaching clients do when we start working together.

Yes, they will make your kid behave short term. But longterm they work against parents.

They poison the parent child relationship; demonstrate using power to get your way; and make kids more focused on their own self-interest.

I believe we all WANT to parent without punishments, it's just hard to figure out what to do instead sometimes. Contact me. Let's chat. We'll make a plan for what to do instead.

Life is better on the other side. I promise.

Why I might be the PERFECT coach for you...

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:30:34 GMT

We might be a perfect fit...

What makes me unique as a parent coach? And maybe the perfect coach FOR YOU?

If you work in medicine, I 100% get you. I understand your culture, your language, your lifestyle, your ba ckground and your training. I understand all the stressors you feel every day. I understand you are juggling a ton of things, including a busy schedule and many responsibilities. I get it. And I don’t think you are weird, a freak, or some demi-god. I get it, because I’m a practicing physician. Let’s work together.

If you are a professional mom, I also know what it’s like to be kind of a freaking bad-ass at work with the answers, but then struggle with no one listening to or cooperating with you at home. No judgement—I’ve lived that too. Let’s work together.

Are you divorced, divorcing, or in an unhappy marriage? I’ve been there! I’ve had full custody, and now shared custody. 100% no judgement here. You are not a failure. You are a survivor. You are building something better on the other side. Nothing you tell me is going to shock me. I promise. Let’s work together.

If you have social anxiety, if you have great social skills but you still get super self-judgy and self-critical and tell yourself stories about how you are inadequate socially—you are my people. I get it, I understand. You are also not broken. You are a beautiful orchid with a gorgeous bloom, you’re just a little more finicky than a dandelion perhaps. Let’s work together.

If you are dealing with a parental alienation situation where a child has been turned against you during a divorce, I also understand you. My dearest boyfriend struggled with this, and I know this happens to some of the most wonderful parents. Now I coach parents going through this as well. We are all imperfect parents, AND, we all deserve to have open relationships with our children. Let’s work together.

If you carry pain from your childhood, I also get you. You are not broken. You are a survivor. I will not judge you. I know exactly what this feels like, and the pain you carry forward into all your future relationships left over from childhood. No judgement here. Let’s work together.

What is my coaching process?

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:25:15 GMT

What is my coaching process?

What is my coaching process? How do I help you achieve YOUR parenting goals?

A magic wand.

Nope. Just kidding. I wish.

But it’s still as effective. Really!

First we identify your parenting goals and values. We identify how you want your relationship to be with your kids. And how you want your parenting to feel.

Your goals are 100% your choice, based on your unique personality, life and what's important to you.

Then I teach specific communication, listening, and empathy tools to create more peace and connection with your kids. Together, you and I take apart your parenting triggers, identify them, demystify them, understand them, show them empathy, and dissolve them.

We talk out the parenting situations you thought were unsolvable, unsayable, weighing you down.

During the process, you feel BETTER, not worse. I swear!

The biggest surprise for my clients is they feel GREAT. They feel EMPOWERED. They feel UNDERSTOOD. They feel AMAZING.

There is no shame, blame or judgement (there is absolutely NO PLACE for this in good coaching!!!).

You know what is motivating?! Success, affirmation, encouragement. So that's what we do!!

We talk out exactly what causes you to yell, threaten, or punish. Or not set boundaries. Or feel unheard.

Could you do this on your own? Honestly, I don’t think so. The power is in getting the empathy and support and tools from someone who guides you without judgement. From someone who gently and lovingly points out your blind spots. And your patterns. Not to shame you, but to help you show those patterns compassion.

When you feel heard, without shame, blame or judgement, you make breakthroughs you thought were impossible. You find clarity and lightness on things you didn’t even realize you were stuck on. You start to believe in your ability to achieve anything you want.

Let’s get started on your goals today.

Yours in empathy, support, nonjudgement, and encouragement,

XOXO Ceara

https://calendly.com/ceara-mcniff/get-acquainted-phone-call

The power of really listening

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:20:57 GMT

The power of presence and listening intently

Mom’s job was simply to listen. Not to fix. Not to rescue.

And let her son know he wasn’t alone with his fear.

* ****

My client’s 7 year old son had a fear of needles. And doctors.

It was the day of his second Covid shot, and he was really afraid. He started to cry.

Mom had a fear of needles too.

They were running late to the appointment.

She had forgotten the vaccine record.

The nurse kept saying, “You should probably hold him down.”

Mom could feel her own anxiety rising.

Mom took a deep breath. She got down low onto her son’s level, and tuned out everything else except for him. She looked him in the eye.

She turned off the judgements in her head that said, “My son should suck it up.” She turned off the judgements in her head that said, “What are other people thinking?” She turned off the comparisons about how other kids might react, or about her own parenting.

She just listened to his fear. She reflected back what he was feeling—scared. And she was just present with him. No fixing. No rescuing. Just listening intently to understand.

And he found his own bravery, and sat there for the shot. Something that would have NEVER HAPPENED in the past.

And the whole day he was happier, cheerier, proud of himself.

All because of the power of listening intently to understand .

Are you struggling with the morning routine?

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:14:27 GMT

Struggling with your morning routine with your kids?

A couple gentle questions for you—and I ask them with SO MUCH compassion. Because I know how deeply you care about and love your child.

How much effort do YOU put into get your child out the door in the morning, versus how much effort is YOUR CHILD making?

How much effort do you WANT to put into getting your child out the door?

Do you want to be working HARDER than your child to get out the door on time?

Is it serving your child for you to be worker harder than they are?

Is it helping your child develop responsibility, initiative, and self-confidence?

I totally get it. You are just trying to be supportive. So, of course, you go the extra mile to help your kid. Of course you urge and cajole and twist yourself into a pretzel.

But maybe it’s making you resentful. Or annoyed. Or angry. As you see your child take less and less responsibility and initiative.

The truth is a child will take less and less responsibility, as the parent takes on more and more.

Do you want to be working HARDER than your child to get out the door on time?

My dad paid my cell phone bill for years; the power of expectations

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 14:04:17 GMT

We rise (or fall) to the expectations created for us

When I was 33 years old, my dad approached me about getting OFF the family cell phone plan he paid for.

He said, “You’re married now and a doctor. I think it’s time f or you to get your own cell phone plan.”

I was SHOCKED. DISMAYED. AGHAST.

My own father!? I thought we were FAMILY!!

It’s true. I was 33 years old, married, a doctor, and my parents paid for my cell phone.

Geez, when you say it like that, it seems almost embarassing! Pathetic.

But I tell this story to prove a point.

We rise (or fall) to the expectations created for us. Our kids do the same thing.

I wasn’t going to volunteer to pay for something someone else paid for!!

It’s the same reason your kid is not going to VOLUNTEER to do chores. Or to help around the house. Or to get themselves out of bed in the morning.

It’s not that they are not capable—they are!!

But as parents we need to create the expectation FIRST. Which means we need to:

1.) Give up control; 2.) Accept that they may struggle; 3.) Give up control.

Notice, I didn’t say it was going to be easy. It might feel uncomfortable. And that’s OK.

Otherwise we might end up paying a cell phone bill for someone board-certified in multiple medical specialties. Don't believe me? Just ask my dad.

Parents, what are you longing for?

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 22:51:42 GMT

Parents, what is your heart longing for?

When I coach parents, I frequently ask, “What are you feeling and needing in this situation? What is your heart longing for?”

Owning our desires is step one to creating a wonderful life. But I didn’t always realize this as a new parent and physician.

Before I trained as a parent coach, I believed I didn’t have needs. Other people needed things FROM me. But I didn’t believe I actually had needs of my own.

I thought I could be the perfect mother/worker/spouse by needing nothing. I thought this meant I was strong. What I didn’t realize was, by not needing anything, I had literally given ALL MY POWER AWAY.

Y our heart’s longings are your internal compass to your soul, a reflection of your values, heart, and precious voice. Seeking to meet your needs and desires makes you strong, authentic, and powerful , not weak.

What is your heart longing for? Step one is asking yourself, and step two is listening carefully to the answer.

Free Online "Solve Your Screen Battles" Workshop

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 22:47:26 GMT

FREE ONLINE WORKSHOP 8.19.21

To Register, email: drcearadeno@gmail.com

Screen time battles got you down?

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 22:43:38 GMT

How are the screen wars going?

Are you tired of setting boundaries around screens that don’t stick?

Are you tired of fighting with your kids about screen time?

Are you tired of feeling like a broken record?

Or feeling like the screen police ?

Are you worried your kids are addicted to screens ?

A re you worried the adults m ight be too ?

Join me for my FREE ONLINE WORKSHOP.

Thursday August 19th at 8pm EST/5p PST via private Facebook group.

This workshop is a 100% No Judgment Zone about screens--no blame , shame or guilt allowed.

You will get more peace and clarity around screens in your home

You will get tools, strategies and support to set boundaries in line with your personal values

You will get the support you need to make s ome changes you can feel proud of

Thursday August 19th at 8pm EST/5p PST via private Facebook group. Email drcearadeno@gmail.com to register.

Back to school, for highly sensitive kids

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 22:25:12 GMT

Back to school can be challenging for highly sensitive kids

It’s “back to school.” In a pandemic. Again.

Your highly sensitive child is going to school--maybe a new school, a first school, or maybe the same school they know an d love.

Either way, your highly sensitive child doesn’t always do well with new people, transitions, change. Maybe there's separation anxiety. Fears. Hesitancy.

Oh yeah, and there's also a constantly changing, potentially life-threatening, global pandemic.

The parent of the highly sensitive child always walks a tough line. How to hold space for our child’s Bravery and Adaptability, while neither pushing too hard nor coddling?

If we were highly sensitive as children, and grew up seeing that as a weakness, we may get extra triggered by our child’s sensitive nature.

We may alternate between rushing our child through their fear—“It’s fine, there’s nothing to worry about,” and over-protecting, sending our child the indirect message, “I don’t think you can handle it.”

Understandably, we may long for a more easy-going child. Both because we believe it would make our life easier. And because we believe it would make our child's life easier.

I see you, parents of sensitive children, about to head to school. I hold space for your feelings. Your child is braver than they know, and you will get through this transition together.

If this resonates, we should talk. I support thoughtful parents to support their brave, thoughtful kids, highly-sensitive, or not.

Can sensitivity be a SUPERPOWER?

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 22:21:32 GMT

Is your child highly sensitive? Are you?

Were you a HIGHLY SENSITIVE child? ME TOO!!

Is your child HIGHLY SENSITIVE? MINE TOO!!

Those of us who are highly sensitive are often UBER PERCEPTIVE; we may be easily overwhelmed by newness/loudness/crowds/etc; we may feel our feelings very very deeply, including perceived criticisms or rejection; we may be ultra-passionate when we care, which we often do, deeply.

It’s rare for highly sensitive kids (OR ADULTS) to perceive this high sensitivity as empowering.

Mostly we feel the message—“Stop being so sensitive!” “Get over it!” “The other kids are doing XYZ—what’s the big deal?!”

Most of us grow up believing sensitivity equals weakness.

It doesn’t have to be this way!

You can help your child see their sensitivity as their SUPERPOWER! You can see your sensitivity the same way.

Yup.

We sense things other people may not. We feel things other people may not. We can be passionate about things other people may not.

This is a SUPERPOWER.

The world needs our gifts! Your child isn’t weak. Your child has a SUPERPOWER.

How would that empower your child (and you!) to really believe that?

Divorced? Divorcing? Free Workshop 8.1.21

Wed, 28 Jul 2021 23:30:12 GMT

From Confusion to Peace and Connection after Divorce

From Frustration to Peace and Connection

A FREE WORKSHOP FOR DIVORCED PARENTS

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1st, 10AM EST, OR 8p EST

ONLINE via FB

Divorce pushes all of us out of our comfort zones.

We may carry significant pain, as well as hope. What is the roadmap for creating the peace and connection we desire?

In this interactive workshop we’ll explore Peaceful Parenting after Divorce.

You’ll discover the FIVE POTENT SHIFTS that can bring more connection, harmony and cooperation in your family.

INTRODUCING YOUR HOST

Dr. Ceara Deno is a certified parent coach and pediatrician who helps parents find more peace, connection and cooperation in their homes. As a divorced parent, she is passionate about helping divorced/divorcing parents find peace and thrive after divorce. You can contact her at www.sweetspotparenting.com , drcearadeno@gmail.com, or 857-928-4104.

**This valuable information supports families with children of all ages. As a Certified Parenting Coach, it is my role to allow you to create the relationship you desire with your child(ren).

It’s never too late.

Unconditional love

Wed, 28 Jul 2021 14:25:07 GMT

What does it mean to be lovable even when you behave poorly?

I love Alfie Kohn. He is an amazing author and one of my absolute favorite parenting thought leaders, and an advocate of making sure kids know we love them unconditionally, especially when they behave in ways we would rather they not behave.

He emphasizes “working with kids” when they are struggling with their behaviors, rather than “doing things TO them,” like giving punishments.

True unconditional love means you are lovable even when you behave poorly. Isn’t that what we all need?

Apologizing. Are you doing it? Are you doing it correctly?

Wed, 28 Jul 2021 14:17:26 GMT

Kids learn to apologize by our modeling it

How will kids learn to apologize if adults don’t model it?

Apologizing is SO important!

It shows:

--powerful people take responsibility for our mistakes

--respect for the other person

--accountability for my behavior

--empathy for your feelings

Here are 2 important thoughts about apologizing to our kids.

First, a true apology means taking actual responsibility. When I say, ”Sorry I yelled at you, but you were rude,” I am actually blaming you for my poor behavior. That’s the OPPOSITE of taking responsibility. Taking responsibility is “I’m sorry I yelled. You don’t deserve to be yelled at.”

Second, a true apology does NOT involve shaming ourselves. I don’t say, “I’m a terrible person for yelling at you, you deserve a better mother.” This communicates that mistakes are not OK, when in fact, mistakes are NORMAL. Mistakes don’t make us a bad person, they make us human.

Want to learn more about apology and other tools to connect and repair with your child?

Contact me. I help parents create a deeper connection by using peaceful communication tools.

The tragedy of parental alienation

Wed, 28 Jul 2021 14:13:26 GMT

Is this happening to you? Someone you know?

“Your father is dangerous, you can't trust him”

“Your mother is selfish, she only cares about herself”

Parental alienation is a heartbreaking truth of some divorces.

Parental alienation is when one parent actively poisons parent-child relationship with the other parent to punishment their ex-spouse.

The child, who becomes a caretaker for the more vulnerable parent’s feelings, sides with the alienating parent, to keep the peace and to avoid upseting the more vulnerable parent.

The alienating process may start years before the divorce, when one parent actively creates emotional dependence on the children—relying on the child as emotional support—while actively turning the children away from the other parent.

How does this happen? It happens by:

—Badmouthing the other parent (“that’s all your father got your for your birthday? He’s so cheap”; “your mother is so crazy, she should be in a hospital”)

—Intentionally sharing adult information that is not appropriate for children (“your mother is a drunk;” “your father cheated on me our whole marriage”)

—Withholding parenting time, preventing phone calls, or withholding information from the other parent

All children deserve to have an open, loving relationship with both parents—regardless of how contentious the divorce—regardless of how bad the relationship between the adults.

Is parental alienation happening to you, or someone you know? Does this sound familiar? If this is happening to you, it can be heartbreaking. I know.

I can help. I work with divorced parents to reconnect with their children based on openness, trust, security and safety. I help parents reconnect when the relationship has been damaged. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

I’ve been divorced, and I know how challenging these issues can be. But there is hope.

When your child hates reading

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 11:56:06 GMT

When your child hates reading

Your kid hates reading.

He would rather do something on a screen. Or do sports. Or do anything, really.

I get it. We are all human. Screens are enticing.

Reading tak es mental focus and attention. It’s an investment of time and energy. It can be hard for reluctant readers to see the point.

So how do you get a reluctant kid to read? And love reading?

You d on’t focus on only challenging material. Let them read things that are fun and easy. We want reading to be enjoyable . Don’t become obsessed with your child only reading above their grade level.

You d on’t forget to buy books. Or to go to the library. Or the bookstore.

You d on’t forget to read in front of them—for fun. You are their model. If they don’t see that you read for fun, why should they?

You d on’t insist on which books your kid should read. Choosing their own books is a huge way kids assert their individuality and personality.

You d on’t let screens dominate. You need to make screen-free times to let reading flourish. You even need to allow kids to feel— gasp —bored occasionally. In that space, reading can take root.

Some readers just need more encouragement. That's OK. The screens will still be there when you get back.

Why it's worth it to help kids love reading

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 11:51:03 GMT

Readers are MADE, not born

Not everyone is born loving to read. That’s OK. Readers are MADE, not born.

As a parent, you can help a reluctant reader learn to love reading. Even if you don't lo ve it yourself!

The best thing you can do is create opportunities for your child to see books as relevant and interesting to THEM. This means following THEIR interests. And reading to them. Find more ways to make reading and books part of your family's life.

Why bother?

Being read to, or reading independently:

--supports language development

--teaches about the world

--builds self-confidence

--is the gateway to all future academic learning

--builds curiosity, memory and motivation

--improves listening skills and attention span

--creates a positive family bond and connection when shared with your child

What are you reading with your child now? Don't stop, even as they get older. The closeness and skills you are cultivating are building a foundation for life.

Raising a reader

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 11:35:24 GMT

Summer is a great time to focus on reading

Summer is a great time to help kids learn to read for fun.

All reading counts--it doesn't have to be "good literature"!

The biggest trick is surrounding your child wi th books that your child finds interesting. Dinosaurs? Trucks? Boy wizards?

Learning the books your child likes is another great way to learn about who your child REALLY IS, and find new ways to connect.

A child who enjoys reading can learn anything. There's not much greater gift than that.

When a Parents Stops Listening to the Mustn'ts

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 11:30:39 GMT

When a Parent Stops Listening to the Mustn'ts

Listen to Mustn'ts, child

Listen to the Don'ts.

Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts.

Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.

Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.

In this poem

Shel Silverstein captures perfectly

my absolute favorite part

of coaching parents

It's when a parent decides to

Unshackle

From their societal programming

The Mustn’ts Don’ts Shouldn’ts Impossibles Won'ts

Who says your kid needs to go to college to be successful?

Who says a mom isn’t allowed free time?

Who says happiness needs to look a certain way?

Who says dads can’t be tender?

Who says? Who says? Who says?

We all carry societal programming. That's normal

But w hen we choose to release it

we find

Anything can happen, anything can be

Creating safety for kids around divorce

Wed, 30 Jun 2021 12:59:31 GMT

Creating safety for kids around divorce

How do we create safety for kids around DIVORCE?

Before a divorce, we do it with age-appropriate boundaries, We do it with predictable routines and structure. We do it by getting enough support for ourselves.

Critically, we do it when we commit NEVER TO BECOME THE SOURCE OF OUR CHILD'S FEAR with our words or behaviors.

What about divorce?

Routines and structure change. A child may live in two houses. A child may not see one parent as often. Your ex does and says things you can’t control. You may be broiling with anger.

First, if you are yelling or losing your temper frequently, you need more support. A parent who is out of control emotionally becomes a source of fear for our child—and the child loses their safety with us.

Of course it is hard to co-parent with your ex. Of course you are frustrated, or furious, or whatever.

Your ex may do XYZ, and your ex may say XYZ. Imagine how terrifying that must feel for your child?

We want to create a force-field of protection around your child INSIDE THEIR RELATIONSHIP with you, where they know that you are not going to involve them in the negativity of the divorce.

You commit never to become the source of their fear.

We want your relationship with your child to be a safe harbor. We want your relationship to be a place where your child will be accepted by, and loved by, you even when they are sad, or angry, or frustrated.

I know it’s not easy. Coparenting through divorce may be the hardest thing you’ve ever tried to do.

Is this you? Let’s talk. I help support parents who are struggling with coparenting and the aftermath of divorce.

You can’t control what your ex does. But you can be a safe harbor for your child.

Lousy local conditions affect parents too

Wed, 30 Jun 2021 12:55:08 GMT

Lousy local conditions affect us too

L ousy local conditions affect us as parents too.

Every parent knows our kid's behavior is affected by the “local conditions.”

After a sleepover, for example, your child is likely to be cranky from lack of sleep. Lousy local conditions.

In the checkout line, your daughter is more likely to have a meltdown when she sees the candies she can't have. Lousy local conditions.

But lousy local conditions affect US as parents too.

Bad night’s sleep? Haven’t eaten? Running late? Critical email from the boss? Argument with a partner?

These are “lousy local conditions” too. Of course we don't function optimally when we are feeling stressed either.

It’s OK to cut yourself some slack. Parents have meltdowns too. It's OK. It’s those lousy local conditions. They affect us all.

Forgive yourself, apologize if needed, and keep going.

"You're fine." Minimizing our child's feelings

Sat, 26 Jun 2021 15:15:25 GMT

"You're fine." Minimizing our child's feelings

“Just stop crying.”

“You’re fine.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of….”

“All the other kids are doing it; you’re going to be fine.”

We all are sometimes tempted to minimize our child’s feelings.

Strong feelings can be inconvenient. Fear, sadness, pain, disappointment. We just want our kid to stop feeling so much and get over whatever it is that’s the problem.

To be honest, it may remind us of when we were a child and had strong feelings.

Maybe we were made to feel that we were overly-sensitive. Or too emotional. Or weak. Or broken in some way.

We probably learned to hide our feelings eventually. In fact, we may feel that being unemotional is a virtue—that it represents strength.

We may believe that our child needs to deny their own feelings in order to toughen up.

In fact, when we attune to our child’s feelings a couple things happen.

One is that we increase our confidence as parents. We begin to understand our child, and we can better predict what is happening for them. Our child starts to make sense to us. We can attune to them better, and so we stop feeling so upset by their reactions, because they aren’t as mysterious and unpredictable.

The more we understand our kids, the more competent we end up feeling as parents. We can better see their point of view, so we can respond more empathetically. The empathy helps our child feel seen and understood. As parents, we stop feeling so out of control, because our child and their responses make more sense to us.

On our child’s end, when we attune to their feelings, they are actually better able to calm themselves and be brave. Being attuned to, being told that your feelings make sense and are acceptable, helps you feel secure. It helps you understand yourself, which increases your confidence. You become better able to predict your own responses, and you make sense to yourself. This builds self-confidence.

Children whose parents attune to their feelings get over their strong feelings quicker. They are better able to recover from upsets. They are able to trust that when things are overwhelming, the important people in their lives will be a source of help, not dismissing them. They build a life view that supports resilience and recovery.

Of course we would rather our children not be in pain, or afraid, or sadness. We want them to get over negative feelings as quickly as possible. We love our kids, and it is hard to watch them struggle.

But attuning to a child’s feelings is actually the best way to do that—not minimizing or dismissing.

Community can make the load a little easier

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 13:30:47 GMT

Community can make the load a little easier

“I keep parenting from guilt”

“I can’t be everything to everybody”

“I resent other families who have things easier”

“I can’t control what my ex says about me”

“I’m sprea d too thin”

“The kids are fighting and nothing works”

“My new partner doesn’t understand”

We all have our own unique version of a parenting achilles heel.

It’s that thing that trips us up, again and again. We try to fix it, and when that doesn’t work, we try something else, and something else. But despite our best efforts, the issue keeps popping up.

It saps our confidence. It makes us question ourselves. Maybe we’re not cut out for this. Maybe we can’t do this after all. Maybe we really are failing our kids.

I’m telling you it doesn’t have to feel this hard. With support and nonjudgmental community, we can be heard and seen and understood by other thoughtful parents.

We can celebrate the small wins, and commiserate about the big struggles together.

Details coming soon about my new parenting circles...support and community.

When nothing works

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 13:23:08 GMT

When nothing works

sometimes

sometimes we try and try and try

but only bang our head against a wall

nothing works

stresses, worries, distractions, patterns, triggers, behaviors, feelin gs, needs

nothing goes the way we want it to

Then

We get the right support

We learn some tools

A light bulb moment

Patterns shift

Thoughts transform

Magic

Building a secure, connected relationship

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 13:15:26 GMT

Building a secure, connected relationship

A connected, secure relationship with your child is the most valuable gift you can give.

But sometimes the connection doesn’t happen.

We try, but we don’t connect. O r the connection gets damaged, and nothing we try seems to repair it.

It can be especially challenging if we didn’t have this kind of relationship with our own caregiver growing up.

But history is not destiny. A connected, secure relationship can be created at any time. Even if we didn’t have one growing up. Even if we don’t have one with our child right now.

Let’s build it together.

You’re worth it.

Your child is worth it.

This can happen.

Parenting while isolated

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 13:34:53 GMT

Parenting while isolated

We are not meant to parent in isolation. But this happens most of the time.

Covid did not help.

Parents were trying to be everything for their children. And fo r themselves. It’s just not possible. Of course we end up overwhelmed and discouraged.

Little things, big things—it’s all more overwhelming alone.

Let’s come together in support and authenticity. Let’s share how hard and wonderful it can be.

I will be starting some monthly support circles for parents looking for a gentle, brave community of authenticity and support. This will be a monthly group that meets weekly to share our successes and struggles—without judgment or shame.

All parents are welcome. I will be sharing more details soon. But if you or someone you know might benefit from more support, please share this with them, and please contact me, so I can be in touch.

Of course it can be overwhelming. Let’s support each other.

There is always hope

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 13:29:35 GMT

It doesn't matter how bad things have become--there is hope

Have you ever made a friend? Moved? Started a job? Ended a job? Had a baby?

This is brain neuroplasticity.

The brain is constantly rewiring.

If you are alive, you can reach for a more connected, trusting relationship with your child.

It doesn't matter how bad things have gotten.

Today is a new day.

It’s never too late to create a more trusting, connected, peaceful relationship with your child .

Let's talk. I can help.

Picking up the pieces

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 12:43:27 GMT

Picking up the pieces

Things fall apart

Sometimes in small ways

Sometimes in BIG, scary ways

How do we cope?

Recently, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this

What best supports me mi ght be different than what best supports you

What supports you most?

1.) Moving into action; having choices and freedom

2.) Finding community; creating connections

3.) Becoming educated; learning more; finding experts

4.) Creating stability, structure and plans

We all use many strategies when things fall apart—not just one

But knowing our DEEPEST need and highest values can be helpful

To getting the right support that helps the most

Why I Don't Use Punishments

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 12:40:51 GMT

Why I Don't Use Punishments

I had jury duty yesterday. It gave me time to think about punishments. And why I’ve chosen NOT to use them.

The thing about punishments is: they seem to “work.”

Especially short term, I won’t do a behavio r if I am going to be punished. Particularly if you are watching.

But our goals for our children are more than just SHORT TERM COMPLIANCE.

We want them to internalize our deepest values, develop independent judment and make thoughtful decisions, even when we are not watching.

And teaching that requires a RELATIONSHIP with TRUST and CONNECTION.

And punishments actually errode trust and connection and relationship.

Punishment may meet our short term goal of getting our child not to hit his brother, but it errodes the long term goals of our child internalizing WHY hitting is wrong—which happens in relationship.

Here’s an example:

If I get a speeding ticket, the following may happen:

—I will feel temporarily annoyed

—I will believe I was treated unjustly, thinking of other drivers who were going faster who didn’t get tickets

—I may become distrustful and fearful of cops, and I will drive slower when I see one

—I will drive slower for a period of time, but eventually forget and then I will go back to speeding

On the other hand, if a cop uses this as a teachable moment about the dangers of speeding, the following may happen:

—I may see images of terrible car accidents and understand better why driving slower is safer

—I may feel empathy for the children who were victims of speeding cars, imagining the pain their families feel

—I may imagine how horrible I would feel if I hit an innocent victim while speeding

—My relationship with cops may remain more trusting

Real learning is complicated. It’s not just avoiding a punishment while you are being watched.

And punishments don’t actually help with that. They hinder it.

Mom Guilt

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 12:37:22 GMT

Mom Guilt

Is “mom guilt” optional? Can we opt out?

I believe the answer is a resounding YES!

Mom guilt comes in waves—but leaves us feeling terrible.

It might sound like: “I never should have gone back to work/stayed home with the kids/taken this job/put the baby in daycare/gotten divorced/gotten married/taken this job/had this many kids/had kids at all/etc.”

We all have our own unique flavor of the guilt.

What creates this guilt? Guilt is created by a limiting belief that DOES NOT SERVE US.

The belief might sound like:

“I’m failing”

“I’m a failure”

“I can’t hack this”

“I’m not cut out for this”

Of course we feel guilty! Of course we feel down! Our limiting belief is trying to sabotage us!

But we actually have a choice.

The limiting belief is actually OPTIONAL.

With help and coaching, you can CHOOSE a supportive belief that helps you feel great.

SUPPORTIVE BELIEFS sound like:

“I’m human and I’m learning”

“I’m making the best decisions I can”

“I’m a person with a big heart”

SUPPORTIVE beliefs increase confidence because they both feel true to us and are supportive.

It can be very, very challenging to change our thoughts alone. There are good reasons why our limiting beliefs FEEL REAL to us. But with help you can still shift them.

Asking for help is the brave thing to do.

So you can finally choose to ditch that mom guilt, and start feeling as awesome as you really are.

Getting Curious

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 12:33:55 GMT

Getting Curious

WHY?

Toddlers ask that a lot.

It’s genius, really.

Humor me for a second here.

I’d like you to imagine your biggest parenting challenge right now. The challenge that makes you so anxious you try not to think about it, or you think about it obsessively.

Why are you having this challenge right now?

Why is this issue so hard for you? Why is it so triggering?

Why do you have this problem?

What will happen if you address it? What will happen if you don’t?

What does it feel like to have this problem? What are you believing about yourself? What are you believing about your child?

Underneath the challenge is a STORY you are believing. Sometimes that story is HELPFUL to solve the problem. Sometimes it isn’t, so we can shift to a different story that IS SUPPORTIVE.

But the first step is unearthing all the hopes and fears that are under the challenge and getting curious.

It all starts with asking the questions and finding out WHY.

Why work with me?

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 15:27:47 GMT

Why work with me? What does a parent coach do?

What do I do as a parent coach? Why work with me?

Here’s what I DON’T do:

1.) I don’t tell you how to parent. Only you are the expert on your kid and your family. I t rust you to decide what works best for your family.

2.) I don’t tell you what you are doing “wrong”—there is no judgement, shame or blame if we work together .

3.) I don’t give you a list of rules for your kids to follow. Only you know your deepest values and only you can create the life that works best for your family.

So what DO I do?

1.) I help you with your THOUGHTS about parenting. Together we identify why you are getting so triggered/angry/frustrated/overwhelmed/guilty/indecisive/etc, and make a plan so you can stop feeling that way. We make a plan so you can start feeling confident, connected and in control again.

2.) I support you to have the relationship YOU want with your child. This includes giving you communication and empathy tools that allow for greater peace, cooperation and connection. Oh yeah, and these tools work with adults too, so that you can have better relationships with them too.

What happens?

You feel more peaceful and connected with your child, so you can feel more confident and joyful. You release the frustration/guilt/doubt/triggers which keep coming up and preventing you from feeling at peace.

Ready? Let’s chat.

Aggression is a such a trigger

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 15:23:37 GMT

Aggression is a unique trigger for peaceful parents

“My child keeps being violent with his brother.”

“My son is aggressive towards me.”

Few things are more triggering to parents than aggression.

Honestly, it makes us fi lled with revenge. We want to teach a lesson—show that child how wrong they are—we may even be willing to use force to teach the lesson. Even the most peaceful parents get completely triggered.

We get afraid OF our child. We get afraid FOR our child's future.

Because we are in fear as parents, we cannot respond compassionately, empathetically or creatively.

Because we are in fear, we react instinctively, reflexively, inflexibly—often with harshness.

The result is that a child who is reacting to their own fears is met with our fear, which feels terrifying to the child, and the situation explodes like a tinder box.

It makes sense that we can't be an emotional anchor for our child until we find our own sense of calm first.

So first we work on our own thoughts around our child . This is one area where coaching can be incredibly supportive.

The parenting fear that keeps you up at night

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 15:18:36 GMT

The parenting fear that keeps you up at night

What if he keeps hitting, and becomes a violent adult?

What if she always overreacts and yells, and other kids hate her?

What if he never gets motivated, and he never succeeds at anything?

What if she is always this shy, and she’s alone forever?

The space in our heads can be pretty scary as parents. We can cycle through doomsday predictions at lightning speed. We may be circling the drain of despair, but you can’t always tell from the outside, because we tend to hold our worst fears inside.

What if you could unburden your fears about your child with a nonjudgmental, supportive listener? This is what I do as a parent coach.

What does it feel like to have this problem? How does it affect you? How does it affect your relationship with your child?

Sometimes the fears are so scary, or embarassing, we have never said them out loud. But they eat at us inside.

Well, you CAN say it out loud. In fact, it will feel much BETTER after you do.

The worry is like a thousand pound weight you carry around all day.

The problem is not unsolvable. The problem is not the end of the world. But you do need to start by talking with someone who will not judge or shame you, or blame you--someone who knows how painful this feels is and wants to support you.

What is your biggest fear about your child? Let’s talk about it. What does it feel like to have this problem with your child?

I’m completely nonjudgmental. That weight you are carrying around isn’t getting any lighter by holding your worries in.

Let’s talk. I can help.

Help! My child is being aggressive

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 15:14:58 GMT

Help! My child is aggressive

For every aggressive child, there are parents struggling too—possibly with frustration, fear, shame, and confusion.

Here are 2 major mindset shifts for parents I think can really help:

1.) My child is scared (not scary)

2.) My child is doing their best

As parents, it makes sense we feel afraid when our child is aggressive. Our child looks scary. We may be afraid of them in the moment; afraid of what this behavior means for their future; afraid of the strong revenge feelings it brings out in us as parents.

But when we realize that FEAR is WHY our child is being aggressive, it is easier to see our child as a scared little person who NEEDS REASSURANCE. When we understand our child is afraid, it becomes easier to access empathy and compassion, because we can understand feeling afraid too.

The second mindset shift, my child is doing their best, reminds us that our child is not CHOOSING this behavior to make our parenting harder—they literally are not able to do better in the moment.

There are many reasons why this might happen.

--a possible mismatch in the expectations versus our child’s actual skills and developmental stage

--a skill deficit that our child is not able to express

--sensory issues

--family stressors our child is responding to

--our child isn’t feeling well

Whatever it is, our child is doing their best, even when that best looks pretty disappointing to us as parents.

You’ll notice that we haven’t talked about responding to your child yet.

That is because the first step is to get you out of the fight or flight response, which is understandable, but not helpful to your terrified child who is looking to you to be their emotional anchor.

In order to make the situation better, first we need to choose thoughts about our child and our parenting that support us. Then we can come to our scared child in a helpful way, not an inflammatory way.

Ghosts in the nursery

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 15:08:47 GMT

Intergenerational parenting patterns are inherited

Growing up, when your caregiver was most STRESSED and OVERWHELMED, what did they do?

Yell? Shut down? Hit? Blame or shame you? Give the silent treatment?

Or were th ey able to respond with compassion and calmness?

These patterns are sometimes referred to as “ghosts in the nursery.”

They are one of the ways that intergenerational trauma gets passed down.

We basically store in our bodies, at the level of the DNA, whether our ancestors were responded to as children with compassion or with harshness.

These echoes are part of why we may become so triggered in our own parenting. They are part of why we may not be able to respond the way we want as parents—why we lose our cool and react harshly, despite our best intentions.

These patterns are not our destiny, but they are real.

Becoming conscious of this history does not mean you will repeat it- -it actually means you can become free of the effects of any patterns you don’t want to repeat.

4 amazing parenting lessons I've learned from homeschooling

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 13:33:02 GMT

Parenting lessons from the pandemic

This year, my ex husband and I found ourselves unexpectedly homeschooling. “Pandemic homeschoolers.”

It wasn’t our original plan, but it has been amazing. And wow! We’ve really learned a lot! Especially about parenting.

I thought I would sit down and gather together some of the amazing parenting lessons I’ve learned from teaching my kids at home.

*************

1.) There is no “ahead and behind”

When we started this school year in September, I was hyper-focused on my kids being “behind.” I was convinced they hadn’t learned any new school material since last March when school unexpectedly went virtual, so we started the year with this sense that we needed to make up for lost time.

Veteran homeschoolers quickly helped me adjust this attitude.

In homeschooling, your child is either making progress or not. There is no “ahead” or “behind.” Ahead of whom? Behind whom? Did your children all learn to walk and talk at the same rate? No? Then, why would you expect them to learn geometry at exactly the same rate. Every child is different, and as long as they are making progress, that’s great.

2.) Children are naturally motivated to learn

I started the year wondering, how can I motivate the children (to do what I want educationally)? Behind this question is mostly a concern about how I can encourage my kids to be docile and obedient followers of what I tell them to do. Which is actually not my longterm goal for them, and probably not the kind of motivation I ultimately want to cultivate.

In fact, all children are naturally motivated. It just might not be the same things that motivates us as parents. A far better question is— what naturally motivates my child??

Did you need to motivate your child to learn to walk? No? Why not? Because your child was naturally motivated to learn this. In parenting and teaching, your job then is to find that natural motivation in learning and help harness it. For example, maybe your child gravitates to football, or kittens, or potato chips. The point is that when you pay attention, and use what your child is already naturally motivated to learn, it takes all the pressure off you as the parent/teacher.

Which brings me to a critically important point:

3.) You can learn anything from anything

Remember when we talked about your child’s natural motivation a minute ago? This idea that you can learn anything from anything has been amazing for us. During the baseball World Series, my kids were naturally motivated to learn about baseball. I didn’t need to coax them. They were sponges for everything baseball-related. Baseball statistics. Baseball history. Baseball racism. If it was baseball-related, my kids were enthusiastic learners. No arm twisting required.

Likewise, for us, cooking and eating foods from different countries has been a natural gateway to learning about different cultures and geography and history. Absolutely no tooth-pulling involved.

This idea alone—to take your child’s natural interest and harvest it for learning—has been probably the best part of homeschooling this year.

4.) Learning doesn’t happen during set hours

Authentic, engaged learning needs to scaffold on itself. If a topic is naturally interesting, and a learner is engaged, they need to repeatedly visit the topic multiple times to synthesize their learning.

This is another reason homeschooling has been amazing. Something we read about in the morning, we will naturally start talking about at dinner, and then someone finds a video about it next day, which leads us to create new questions, so we read about that. It’s completely organic, and engaged learning. And effortless.

***********

As a parent, you have been your child's first teacher since birth. In fact, you teach your children all the time, whether you give yourself credit for it or not. Homeschooling is like that. It doesn't need to look like school at home. It should start from where your child is at, then move at their speed using their own natural motivation. No worksheets required.

My child is having a hard time; how we shift our thinking in conscious parenting

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 14:08:57 GMT

My child is having a hard time

I want you to remember the last time you had a tough moment.

Maybe it was yesterday when the kids were fighting. Or the other day at work when you felt overwhelmed. Or last night w hen you felt worried about the future, or sad about missing out on another activity because of Covid .

Being human means feeling the full range of emotions, including fear and anger and discomfort sometimes.

This is one of the important perspective shifts we make in conscious parenting—allowing all the emotions, including the uncomfortable ones.

Equally important, we learn to take back responsibility for our own feelings and needs, and not blame them on our kids or our partners or the world.

This is a subtle shift, but very powerful, because it puts the locus of control back in our court.

We no longer need to wait for the stars to align and the children to behave any particular way in order for us to be the peaceful, thoughtful parents we want to be. We can respond thoughtfully and peacefully no matter what. We can choose the type of parents we are in any moment, regardless of how others are behaving.

Let me give you a powerful example of this perspective shift in conscious parenting.

************

My child is having a meltdown. I start out believing “my child is GIVING me a hard time,” which makes my child’s behavior about me. When I believe my child is GIVING me a hard time—this creates a judgement in my mind that my child is poorly behaved, and I am a bad parent.

With conscious parenting, I change my perspective to “my child is HAVING a hard time,” which makes the behavior about them, and what they are feeling and needing in that moment. When I shift and believe my child is having a hard time—I can problem solve creatively about what they might be feeling and needing in order to feel better. I reach for connection and empathy for their suffering, instead of judgment.

When my child is GIVING me a hard time—I feel triggered. Why are they torturing me? Why are they naughty? Why am I a bad parent?

By contrast, when I believe my child is having a hard time, I feel more regulated, more empowered to look for solutions to help solve a problem. I am able to remain peaceful and calm.

*************

We all have tough times occasionally, children and adults. This is part of the full human experience , once we allow ourselves to feel all our emotions . However, when I blame others for my feelings and needs, including my children, I become a victim who is powerless. By contrast, w hen I take responsibility for my own feelings and needs, I take back control and can choose how I want to be as a parent.

Even when my child is having a hard time.

Cookies are delicious! How boundaries keep us safe

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 14:18:05 GMT

How boundaries keep us safe (and prevent arguments too!)

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My love letter to parents

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 13:25:16 GMT

Parents, m y love letter today is for you

Wow, what a year, right??

Dear Parents,

This love letter is for you. Parenting was already the toughest job B EFORE the pandemic.

But t hen the village shut down, and y our support system s we nt out the window.

What have you accomplished this year?

1.) You taught at home.

2.) You made birthdays special.

3.) You found new holiday traditions.

4.) You created new vacation plans.

5.) You found new ways to calm your own fears.

6.) You reached out.

7.) You created new family traditions.

8.) You created a nest of safety and security for your kids, as best you could.

9.) You talked to your kids about a deadly pandemic.

10.) You discovered your own risk tolerance, then rediscovered it, and rediscovered it again.

11.) You worried about family members who became sick. Or might become sick.

12.) You know people who have become sick, or died. And you grieved.

Parents, you are the hardest working , most amazing people I know.

I know you, I love you, I am you.

You are amazing. You are inspirational. Your kids have been watching, and they know it too.

Congratulations on making it through this last year.

Sending lots of love. XOXO

My love letter to the parents with Social Anxiety Disorder

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 13:17:47 GMT

My love letter to parents with Social Anxiety Disorder

Are you one of the 15 million Americans with Social Anxiety Disorder?

I am.

It's only recently I came to realize how much of the role this has played in my life. And my life as a parent.

I always knew certain social situations were very hard for me, but other situations felt very comfortable. I think I just thought I was quirky.

See if any of this sounds like you.

Social Anxiety Disorder is characterized by:

Underestimating your own social competence
Overestimating other's judgments
Over-focus on your own discomfort/performance, causing that discomfort to increase
Safety behaviors in situations you find stressful (drinking alcohol, avoiding public speaking, avoiding certain social situations), which decrease anxiety in the short term, but cause increased anxiety over time
Post-rumination ("I shouldn't have said that"; "Everyone thought my comment was dumb.")
Distorted thinking (over-focus on things that went poorly, discounting the things that went well)

***********

Any of those sound like you?

How does this affect parenting?

Through our children, we will be in many social situations over the years that may trigger our social anxiety.

Birthday parties
School events
Sports/Activities
Medical appointments
Watching your child struggle with social anxiety

I think most of us struggle with our discomfort in silence, not realizing how common these kinds of feelings are.

I commiserate. I've been there. I know. It can be really hard and uncomfortable.

It turns out YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS around this, which can change your feelings and behaviors. But it requires some work and coaching.

Because the suffering is real. And you deserve to feel better. Trust me. I've been there. I know.

"Two roads diverged in a wood"

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 20:58:27 GMT

Which road are you on?

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Robert Frost

This year, I found myself unexpectedly homeschooling.

Before Covid, I would not have even considered it. But it’s been a weird year like that.

But this post isn’t about homeschooling, which has been surprisingly wonderful, but which MIGHT NOT BE A FIT FOR YOUR FAMILY AT ALL.

****

This is about finding the parenting road that empowers YOU .

My wish for you, dear parent, is for empowerment. I want you to feel confident and optimist ic .

I want you to trust yourself. I want you to seek people and experiences that increase your confidence as a parent—and to run from anything or anyone that doesn’t.

****

How will you know which road to choose?

Often it's the faintest little voice inside—your instincts—whispering: "Choice A feels 1% more empowering than choice B." Pay attention! Empowerment leads to greater empowerment, like compound interest. If you feel yourself feeling more confident after choosing, you are on the right road!

****

Last fall, my ex-husband and I had a several choices for school for our kids.

Some of the choices left me discouraged and floundering . But homeschooling felt empowering. So we chose that.

****

My wish for you is empowerment. The road you take may be different from mine, but if it empowers you, it will be wonderful.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

I became a parent coach because of Donald Trump

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 03:31:26 GMT

I became a parent coach because of Donald Trump

I became a parent coach because of Donald Trump.

In fairness, I wanted to be a parent coach for a while, since my older son was in preschool, but I hadn’t done anything ab out it before November 9th, 2016.

It was the shock of seeing a man who publicly bullied and ridiculed opponents get elected that I motivated me into action.

I guess those life coaches are right after all. Life doesn’t happen TO YOU ; it happens FOR YOU.

I realized I had been complacent. I realized t he world needs more voices to speak out in defense of respect and kindness. I realized there i s still so much more work to be done to make this the world I want to live in.

***********

Why parent coaching?

1.) I believe that treating others with respect and kindness is the most honorable, compassionate way to live.

2.) I believe children learn respect and kindness when parents model these qualities in the ways that they listen to, respond to, and talk to their children.

3.) If we want a kinder, more peaceful , just, respectful world, parents can’t bully, shame, or reject our children, and then expect them to t reat others peacefully and respectfully .

4.) I believe that if every child had unconditional love, acceptance and understanding, the world would be a much more loving, peaceful, just, compassionate place.

**********

I became convinced that the goal of controling our children’s behavior with time-outs or bribes or punishments was too short-sighted a goal.

The real goal should be t o raise peaceful, healthy, compassionate adults.

And in order to raise peaceful, healthy, compassionate adults, first parents need to aspire to be peaceful, healthy, compassionate adults themselves. And then they can model this to their children.

And thus began my peaceful, conscious parent coach journey.

I am so grateful to Donald Trump for this. If he hadn’t been such a bully, I might not have been pushed to peaceful action.

Thanks to him I found a more peaceful, respectful way of parentin g, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Why calm is contagious

Sat, 30 Jan 2021 16:52:05 GMT

Why calm is contagious

The plane drops suddenly, and I feel my stomach clench.

Then I hear the Captain’s soothing voice.

“This is your Captain speaking. We’re experiencing a little turbulence for the next couple minutes. I’ve put the fasten seatbelt sign on, and I’ve asked the flight attendants to stay seated until we can get beyond it, then I will turn the light back off.”

********

Immediately I feel better. The turbulence continues for a couple minutes, but I feel soothed.

This is a powerful example of something called co-regulation. Connected parents do this intuitively with their child frequently. More colloquially, it is known as: “calm is contagious.”

And it turns out this co-regulation is critical to our children learning to calm themselves, and to become resilient, healthy adults.

*******

Co-regulation is when the parent provides support, coaching, and modeling for the child to understand and modulate her own feelings, thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

Let’s look at the pilot situation more carefully, and what he has done to help the situation.

1.) The pilot models calmness with the pitch and speed and matter of factness of his voice

2.) The pilot names the problem, and describes a plan, creating reassurance

3.) The pilot communicates honestly and with transparency, establishing trust

Intuitively, these are the exact behaviors connected parents do to create calm in their children.

Knowing this, we can optimize how our families function by choosing to create more co-regulation in our families.

*******

All of us are born with very little ability to regulate or self-soothe our own emotions and behaviors. Over time, with modeling and support from our primary care-givers, we get better at soothing our own emotions, although even adults can all dysregulate when life becomes too stressful.

But what may be not fully appreciated is how much families continue to co-regulate each other's emotions , sometimes calming one another, but also potentially agitating one another—even out of the newborn period.

This is part of why, when a child has a tantrum, most parents will become very triggered and dysregulated. The child’s strong emotions are hijacking the parent’s calm emotions. This can become a dangerous feedback loop if the adult is not able to find ways to self-regulate , and is why parents frequently find themselves also melting down when their child's emotions are out of control .

**********

Since we know that our children are relying on our calm to help them self-regulate, how can a parent optimize their own self-regulation and calm?

Parents can invest time and energy in the things that help them become and stay regulated.

The list may be different for everyone, but includes: meditation/prayer; exercise; adequate sleep; time in nature; supportive social connections; calming music; reading; therapy; coaching

Family rituals can also help create calming co-regulation. Examples of include: getting tucked in at bedtime; r eading stories together ; family mealtimes; snuggling; rough-housing play (the parent needs to stop it if the child is becoming dysregulated)

********

We all dysregulate at times. This is nothing to be ashamed oft. But knowing "calm is contagious," means everyone benefits when you create more calm in your life.

Li fe can be full of unpredictable turbulence, but don't worry, because y our Captain has a plan to manage and get through it.

No shame, blame, or judgment; my coaching process

Fri, 29 Jan 2021 21:06:27 GMT

No shame, blame, or judgment; my coaching proce ss

“I want to stop yelling.”

“I want to stop dreading family time, and actually enjoy it.”

“I never know when to say no and when to let things go.”

“My spouse and I aren't on the same page.”

“I have absolutely no time for myself, because I’m always ‘on’ as a parent.”

*************

How do I solve problems like these with my coaching process?

First, before we start any coaching, I create a safe space where the parent doesn't experience any shame, blame, or judgment for their parenting.

Shame, blame and judgment only inhibit learning and growth, so they have no place in coaching. Everyone is doing the best they can. It is extremely brave to share vulnerably, and a parent willing to do this should be applauded, not judged.

**************

After we create a safe place for honest sharing, we work through the following 4 steps:

1.) FIRST: You identify your goals according to your values. This is 100% about you and what you desire for your family. This is about creating the family that you most desire , based on whatever is most important to you .

There is no ‘correct answer,’ and it doesn’t matter what I might choose for your family. This is 100% about what works for you and your child. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I am going to support you in making the decisions that feel best for you.

2.) SECO ND: You look at your childhood, and whether this is affecting your parenting today. Many of us inherited parenting patterns from our parents that may or may not be serving us. In fact, many of the times we are most triggered by our child is a direct result of how we were parented. By examining this legacy, we can get rid of any baggage that is creating disconnection and making our parenting harder than it has to be.

3.) THIRD: You learn peaceful tools you can use in any parenting situation.

These are tools of empathy and communication that work at any age, including in your adult relationships, to increase understanding, peace and cooperation. You will learn how to handle situations where your child (or yourself) are having a tantrum, or strong feelings, and use those situations to increase your connection.

4.) FOUR: You learn how to be the emotional center of your family. This includes learning about anger (yours and your child’s); how to forgive yourself or your child; how to set boundaries peacefully; and how to bringing play into your parenting to increase cooperation and fun.

At all points in the coaching, you will feel more confident, more peaceful, and more empowered, no matter what situations you face.

This is the coaching process, and it all starts with creating a safe space without shame, blame or judgment, and then flows from there.

The most powerful peaceful parenting tool I know

Thu, 28 Jan 2021 21:46:41 GMT

The most powerful peaceful parenting tool I know

If you are only going to make ONE change in your parenting, this is it.

The biggest bang for your peaceful parenting buck, so-to-speak.

It’s Active Compassionate Listening, and it’s just as beautiful and organic and wholesome as it sounds.

******

You are already a really great listener, and that’s terrific. You’re most of the way there already.

Still. This subtle shift i n how I listen has made the biggest difference in my parenting and relationships.

These are the 4 steps to Active Compassionate Listening:

ACTIVE COMPASSIONATE LISTENING

1.) Refrain from interrupting

2.) Refrain from judging

3.) Refrain from comparing

4.) Listen to understand, not to solve or fix the problem

*******

That’s it. The next time your child doesn’t like something, you simply listen to understand.

You don’t need to fix the problem, minimize it, or help them find perspective. All you do is listen to understand, and refrain from judging/comparing/interrupting.

The next time your coworker, or partner, or boss, or neighbor is upset, all you need to do is listen to understand.

You don’t need to fix it, minimize it, or help them find perspective. All you do is listen to understand, and refrain from judging/comparing/interrupting.

*******

Why is this SO POWERFUL ?

People crave to feel truly seen and understood. They crave to know their feelings matter. When you listen to understand, you communicate that the person and their feelings matter to you. You create a space for a person's feelings to be acceptable, without judgement.

Many things in life are not fixable problems. Even if they were, your job is not to fix other people’s problems—but you can help them feel truly seen, understood, and allow space for their feelings to be acceptable.

This will create more peace in your home than any other thing you could possibly do as a parent.

Why children don't listen

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 14:46:41 GMT

Why children don't listen--especially in peaceful households

One reason children don't listen, especially in peaceful households, is they may be believe we have made a REQUEST when really we have made a DEMAND.

Let me explain the difference and how we as parents may be confusing our kids , especially in peaceful households.

**********

A REQUEST is giving the child a choice to do something or not.

Requests sound like:

“Do you want to play outside?”

“Would you be willing to read to your brother?”

“Do you want to wear your sweater or coat?”

With a requests, either yes or no are acceptable answers.

In contrast, a DEMAND requires compliance. These are things we expect to happen. These might be safety issues, or related to important family values like contribution and cooperation.

“Buckle your seat belt, so we can go.”

“No hitting.”

“I need your help putting away groceries.”

In these examples, there is no choice to drive unbuckled, to hit others, or not to contribute with household chores. We expect compliance, and our clear language helps to communicate this.

************

Where peaceful parents especially get into trouble, is when we talk like our child has a choice when they don't--then we get upset when they don't do what we want.

Some examples of confusing language:

1.) “Can you please pick up your toys?” sounds like the child has a choice. If I am expecting compliance and cooperation, a more clear statement would be: “It’s time to pick up your toys before we go upstairs.”

2.) “Can you set the table?” sounds the child has a choice whether they help or not. If I am expecting help, a more clear statement would be: “I need you to set the table now please.”

**********

One reason this may happen is because, as peaceful parents, subconsciously, we may feel uncomfortable setting boundaries. We may be uncomfortable forcing our child to do something, so we soften the boundaries with ambiguous language that confuses when we are making a demand and when we are making a request.

But setting boundaries is critical and empowering for peaceful parents—not something to feel badly about.

If you are having trouble setting boundaries, or wondering why your children aren't listening to you, first be sure you are communicating clearly. Second, reach out for help. There are great communication tools you can use to become more comfortable communicating, and reap the benefits of more cooperation and peace in your home.

The biggest parenting secret (even your pediatrician won't tell you)

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 20:52:18 GMT

The biggest parenting secret (even your pediatrician won't tell you)

Pssst. Today I’m going to let you in on the BIGGEST SECRET i n parenting.

This is something even your pediatrician is not going to tell you.

But I am going to share it with you , as long as you promise not to tell anyone.

***********

First, in case you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, these are my parenting CRED-entials .

12 years as a mom

18+ years practicing as a pediatrician/newborn medicine specialist

board certification in pediatrics

board certification in newborn medicine

pediatric residency at University of Pittsburgh; newborn medicine fellowship at Tufts

countless hours studying/learning about parenting through books and courses

***********

Here it is.

Almost nothing in parenting is evidence-based.

With very, very few exception s, there a re no rules about how to be a good parent.

The very few caveats to this are:

-babies should sleep on their backs in a place where adults won’t roll over onto them

-children need to be supervised around water

-reading helps children develop language

-children who are punished with harsh/physical punishment have worse outcomes than children who don’t

-responsive, stable caregivers helps kids transition into functional, stable adults

Beyond these b asic guideposts, you can pretty much do whatever works for you and your child !

**********

Wait! Dr. Deno, Are you saying I can do whatever works for me and my child??

Yes! Figure out what works for you and your child, and do that. If something stops working for you and your child, stop doing it.

*********

But Dr. Deno, isn’t there A CORRECT WAY to do things?

No! In fact, there are MANY, MANY, possibly infinite correct ways to do things as a parent.

So when you find something that is working for you and your child, keep doing that. Until it stops working, and then change it.

**********

If you keep doing that, over time, as you make many decisions that work for your family, you may even start to trust yourself as a parent.

Shhh. Just don’t tell anyone I told you.

3 things happy parents don't do

Sat, 23 Jan 2021 20:28:38 GMT

Happy parents make sure they DON'T do these things

Some parents just feel great about themselves and their parenting. What can they teach the rest of us?

1.) Happy parents don’t forget to celebrate THEIR CHILD’S STRENGTHS

When my older son was an infant, he started walking at 8 months. By 9 months, he was running. He was afraid of nothing, and afraid of no one.

It was exhausting.

When we would go to the park, I remember noticing moms who could sit on the bench, their toddlers playing happily by their feet.

“Bench sitting looks so relaxing,” I would think. “I wish I had a bench-sitting type of kid.”

But I didn’t have a “bench-sitting” kind of kid. I had an "always-on-an-adventure, afraid-of-nothing" kind of kid.

Bench-sitting kids have strengths. So do non-bench-sitting kids. One isn’t better than the other, and being the parent of one isn’t better than being the parent of the other.

But while I was wishing my child was different, I wasn't able to notice and appreciate his strengths. My kid has wonderful qualities. I just had to lean into them and appreciate them.

HAPPY PARENTS celebrate their child’s personality, instead of thinking the grass is always greener.

*****

2.) Happy parents don’t forget to appreciate THEIR STRENGTHS

I let my kids do iPad time too much, I dread Little League games, and I let my kids wear sweatpants on major holidays--these are not great qualities.

But I also really excel at sledding, love playing football, and I’m great at reading bedtime stories.

The point is we all have STRENGTH and WEAKNESSES as parents. Lean into your strengths. Celebrate the things you do well. Let things go that you don't do well.

Who cares what you don’t do well? Modeling acceptance of yourself is a wonderful thing for kids to learn.

Happy parents remember they are pretty wonderful, despite their faults.

*******

3.) Happy parents don’t carry shame about their parenting “mistakes”

You are doing the best you can. Even when you feel discouraged/disappointed/upset with yourself. Carrying guilt or shame is no way to be happy.

Share with your kids when you are feeling regret, and when you would like to do better. This models humility, resilience, and acceptance.

It doesn’t matter how rough yesterday was. All parents sometimes say and do things they regret. The brain is constantly rewiring, and you can create new patterns with your child. You can always strive towards connection. The only shame would be in assuming things can't improve.

The darker side of parenting; fractured relationships

Mon, 18 Jan 2021 15:51:12 GMT

Fractured relationships

T oday I want to talk about a darker side of parenting: when a fractured parent-child relationship starts in childhood and gets worse in adulthood .

************

Do you know an adult who has limited contact with a parent because of a painful relationship starting in childhood?

Perhaps you are you an adult who has limited contact with a parent due to a painful relationship ?

It's also possible you are an adult who has spent long, painful years struggling with the hurt feelings caused by a painful relationship with your parent. A painful relationship that had it's roots in childhood experiences .

***************

Caveat:

Your parents did the best they knew parenting you.

If we asked them, they would likely say everything they did and didn’t do due to their deepest, unconditional love for you.

This is likely a fact.

But as a child, you do not know this. You are not inside your parent's head when you have conflict.

As a child, all you can see is how your parent reacts to and treats you.

As Alfie Kohn says in “Unconditional Parenting,” “How we feel about our kids isn’t as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.”

******************

This is why, when we punish children, although our motivations may be loving, our children may feel that we have stopped loving them.

This is why, when we make it clear that we are only proud and supportive of our children when their behavior makes us look good as parents, then they may grow to feel that their true self is flawed/unworthy of love.

This is why, when we greet our children with criticisms, they may feel that their true self is unacceptable.

The important factor the n becomes NOT w hether we feel unconditional love for our children. We do. That is a given.

The important thing becomes that our children FEEL that we love them unconditionally.

******************

If you are an adult who has a fractured relationship with your adult parent, I send you love and support. These relationships are not easy, and they cause years of pain and self-doubt.

When you become a parent yourself, you may seek to do things differently than how you were parented. You may need help dealing with the baggage from your childhood, and how you felt about ho w you were treated.

It is entirely possible to heal from your past and build healthier relationships with your own children. Parents do it every day, and they and their children benefi t with healthy, connected relationships into adulthood .

It reminds me of the poet Maya Angelou’s quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Let's remember to make sure our children feel the love we feel for them in our hearts.

My love letter to introverted parents

Sun, 17 Jan 2021 20:04:31 GMT

My love letter to the introverted parents

First off, Extroverts, I love you. I do. But today is about the Introverts.

And pseudo-extroverts (introverts who have learned to act more extroverted than they really are to survive in a society that prizes extroversion.)

Introvert parents, you are my peeps. I love you. I see you. I feel you.

*********

I first realized I was introverted in 1st grade, although obviously I didn't understand what it meant back then.

It was the first day we did an activity called BRAINSTORMING.

The idea was that everyone would yell out ideas about a topic, and then we would build new ideas based on the first ideas.

I immediately hated it. The loudest kids got heard. The quieter kids got ignored. I couldn't think of my own ideas, because I was busy really listening to other people. I needed time to really try to understand the first idea, but by then we had already moved on to the next idea. I immediately saw this was NOT how my brain worked, and NOT a good way for a group to make decisions.

Since then, I have become better at understanding the unique strengths and benefits of introversion. Even in a world that often seems to value being loud and extemporaneous.

**********

So, how do you know whether you're an introverted parent?

**********

You might be introverted parent if :

you need alone time to recharge
you are comfortable with a lone time, and can easily find ways to entertain yourself
you love the idea of having drinks with a close friend , or spending time with just your family
you prefer deep discussions over small talk
you would prefer a weekend with nothing to do , rather than one that's over-scheduled

The world is probably more full of people who are Ambiverts (a mixture of introversion and extroversion), and based on different situations, all of us can be more or less introverted, so there is clearly a spectrum. But the list above are some classic, introverted characteristics that really resonate for me in particular.

************

So what makes you so naturally wonderful as a peaceful parent, Introverts? Why do I love you?

Introverts have a number of tendencies and traits that make them naturals as peaceful parents.

you rarely talk without thinking first
you have a quiet but firm way of speaking that is a natural for talking to children
you are mild mannered, and slow to lose your temper outwardly
you love to ask questions, and you actually listen to the answers of the other person
you can be nice and tough at the same time, without being intimidating
you are naturally gentle
you are less likely to let your ego take over when there is conflict
you are a wonderful model to your children of how to spend time alone without being bored

***********

I think introverts have a number of wonderful traits that make them a natural fit for peaceful parenting, without even trying.

In a world that often prizes quick talkers, sociability and loudness, the more under-stated, naturally gentle ways of introverts make peaceful parenting second nature.

So introverts, stay strong and keep the faith , in a world that sometimes underestimates you.

You were born for this kind of parenting, and your quieter style is setting the foundation for the deeply connected, trusting relationship with your child that lifelong r elationships are built on.

If this is peaceful parenting, why am I still so ANGRY??

Sun, 17 Jan 2021 17:34:40 GMT

If this is peaceful parenting, why am I still so ANGRY?

Peaceful parents sometimes wonder: how can I still feel SO ANGRY?

Wasn't this all supposed to be so peaceful??

Surely I must be doing SOMETHING WRONG to feel like this. I thought it was supposed to be all Zen and unicorns.

Do not worry. It happens to the even most peaceful parent sometimes.

So what is a peaceful parent to do??

*************

I've found the most helpful way to envision my anger is as an UNMET NEED.

And instead of trying to fight the anger, I look for the LESSONS OF THE ANGER. In this way, my anger is a GIFT showing me what I need to change in my life. And the stronger the anger, the more important the message it has for me about what needs to change.

*************

1.) Anger reflects an unmet need:

All of us have needs--things we NEED to make our lives wonderful. These may be physical things like rest and nutrition-- and emotional needs like autonomy and community. So when we feel anger as a parent, we can look under the anger to the unmet need/s. And once we identify the need, what is the underlying "limiting belief" around that need.

A.) Example #1: I'm angry that my spouse never gets up with the baby.

UNMET NEEDS: Rest, support

LIMITING BELIEF: A good mother never asks for help.

As long as I believe this storyline--a good mother never asks for help--I am stuck in a self-perpetuating trap of suffering. In order to have the wonderful life I deserve, I will need to shift this to a different, more supportive belief. Perhaps my supportive belief will be: "A good mother knows that asking for help is a sign of strength," or something else that resonates for me personally.

*******

B.) Example #2: I'm angry that I'm constantly picking up after other people.

UNMET NEEDS: Contribution by others/tidiness

LIMITING BELIEFS: No one ever listens to me; I have to do everything alone.

In this case, I have a genuine need for others to contribute to making the house tidy. However, the limiting belief--I am not listened to by my or supported--is why I feel trapped around this issue. A different, supportive belief could be: "I can ask for and receive help keeping the house clean."

************

2.) Limiting beliefs are the stories in our head that trap us in a victim mindset.

Limiting beliefs sound like: I'm all alone. I'm failing. No one ever listens to me.

As a mom, the limiting beliefs may be: A good mother would not need help. If I admit to feeling overwhelmed, it means I'm failing as a mom. If I want a break from my kids, it means I'm not cut out for this.

The important point is that LIMITING BELIEFS ARE NOT TRUE.

These are storylines that are preventing you from asking for and seeking out the WONDERFUL LIFE YOU DESERVE.

****************

3.) So now what?

Your anger is a roadmap to your unmet needs and limiting beliefs. The stronger the anger, the larger the unmet needs and underlying beliefs. And the bigger the reward when you solve this challenge.

So pay attention to your anger . Figuring out the lessons of your anger is the key to living that WONDERFUL LIFE YOU DESERVE.

A.) Meet your own needs. Figure out which needs you are not getting met, and meet them. Maybe you need to make changes in your life in order to get your needs met. That's great! The tragedy would be spending the rest of your life confused about why you feel so angry and trapped, and not changing what needs to be changed.

B.) Make more direct requests. Other people are so busy inside their own heads, they are not going to figure out what you need and give it to you--so you need to ask. Directly. It doesn't mean they are going to always say YES, but you would be surprised how often they will.

C.) Ask for help shifting limiting beliefs. What would it feel like if the voices in your head were 100% supportive and empowering? What would it feel like to ask for and get the help you need? What would it feel like to believe you were enough as a parent? A parent coach can help you identify your limiting beliefs, and then shift them and identify new, supportive beliefs.

*********

So now you know. Peaceful parents get angry too. But instead of trying to ignore it, they understand that the WONDERFUL LIFE THEY DESERVE lies beyond the anger, once they can identify the lessons that are underlying it.

It may not be easy to figure out, but it is totally worth it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Parent coaches know that wonderful parents get angry. The trick is finding the gift in the anger, and using it to create that wonderful life you deserve.

4 ways to HAVE MORE FUN as a parent this weekend

Fri, 15 Jan 2021 21:46:24 GMT

You deserve SO MUCH FUN

You deserve SO MUCH FUN as a parent . These are my top 4 tips so you can have MORE FUN .

1.) Get more sleep:

As someone who's worked overnights in the hospital for years, I can tell you, it's so much harder to have fun as a parent when you're tired.

Everything is harder. You take the things your kids do more personally. You feel more resentful. You start to feel like the world is out to get you. Your sense of humor becomes crap.

That's not fun.

Take that nap. Go to bed earlier. Stop working so many nights. Trust me.

**********

2.) Find a hobby, make time for it, and then make even more time for it:

YOU WERE FABULOUS BEFORE YOU HAD KIDS. YOU STILL ARE.

You were interesting, and fun, and talented.

You still are. It's just harder to believe it now, because your life seems to have shrunk around your child.

You are either taking care of your child, thinking about taking care of your child, cleaning your house, or thinking about cleaning your house. Stop it.

You deserve to have hobbies, and interests, and friends, and things you do ONLY FOR YOURSELF.

So do it already. Find a hobby, make some time for it, and then make even more time for it.

Your kids are watching--you are their model--show them how great it is to be an adult and indulge yourself in things you like to do.

********

3.) Let more things go:

The next time you are tempted to say no--unless it's a safety issue--let it go. Is it really that important? Is it worth a battle?

The next time you are tempted to criticize your own parenting--unless it's a safety issue--give yourself a pass. Is it really that important? Is it worth feeling guilty when you are such a caring, conscientious parent 99% of the time?

Your value is a parent is not based on what you do for your family. Or on some weird standard of parental perfection. You are inherently valuable just as you are.

*********

4.) Support and compliment your spouse/partner/coparents parenting:

I know, I know. They don't parent the way you do.

Sometimes they do it with less grace, or efficiency, or tidiness. I know.

But there still must be something you could acknowledge them for. You know how coaches give a "most improved player" award--there's great psychology around lifting someone up when their skills are still "underdeveloped." Maybe that could apply? Or just acknowledge the effort they gave?

Everyone wants to be acknowledged, and appreciated. And parenting is one of the most unacknowledged, under appreciated job there is. So a little appreciation goes a long way.

Plus compliments and acknowledgement are contagious. And they spread joy in the family.

The more you can spread the joy by acknowledging the other parent, the more likely it will come back to you.

And that's great news. Because you need some time to take that nap, and then do your hobbies. Just for you. Because you deserve it.

Help! My spouse/coparent and I are not on the same page

Wed, 13 Jan 2021 21:38:36 GMT

How do I get on the same page with my s pouse /coparent?

“I want to embrace peaceful parenting, but my spouse/partner/coparent doesn’t.”

I hear this from parents frequently.

Except sometimes it's the babysitter who's not on the same page. Or the grandparents.

Regardless, can be very, very challenging when important adults in your child's life don’t agree.

And the parent who wants to be peaceful often feels the burden of proving themself.

So what is my advice?

******

1.) First, some adults are simply not aware they can parent without punishments. Many of these parents would be open to learning more.

Many parents were raised in a dominant model of parenting, where the parent exerts CONTROL OVER the child. In this case for him/her, they simply may not know about a different way.

They may not understand the empowerment model of parenting, where the parent shares power WITH the child, to create cooperative solutions together.

Many parents erroneously believe, without punishments, there is only permissive parenting, where there are no limits and the child can do anything they want (this is NOT the case!).

If your partner is potentially open to learning more about peaceful parenting, I highly recommend Alfie Kohn’s excellent book, “Unconditional Parenting; moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason.”

In his book, Kohn explains that punishments may simply create short term compliance, but create longterm harms, including poisoning the parent-child relationship, creating fear/distrust/anger in the child, creating conditions where the child becomes more self-interested, and may develop low self-confidence, among other harms.

Kohn gives a wonderful defense of positive/peaceful parenting styles, including letting children know that they are loved unconditionally--regardless of their behavior. For any parent who is curious, I think this book is a terrific place to start.

*******

2.) Second, if your partner is NOT open to learning peaceful parenting, which is probably more likely, all is not lost.

In this case, YOU can be the model for your child and your spouse/partner/coparent.

THIS IS SO POWERFUL.

I assure you. Even if your partner/coparent says they are not interested in learning, your partner will be paying EXTREMELY CLOSE ATTENTION to what you are doing, because it will be so different than how they were raised.

Your partner will notice how you have an exceptionally deep connection with your child, the intense trust between you, and how your child listens to and wants to please you because of respect, not because of fear.

They will notice how peaceful you seem, and how your child responds to that peace. They will notice how much more cooperation you get--without resorting to threats.

Believe me, your peaceful ways will speak volumes.

************

That's because peaceful parenting creates empowerment.

Peaceful parents feel great about themselves as parents and about their parenting.

So don't be surprised if your previously resistant spouse/coparent starts modeling your peaceful ways.

Empowered, peaceful parenting tends to be contagious--in the best possible way.

Am I making the right decision?

Mon, 11 Jan 2021 21:16:41 GMT

Parenthood is full of decisions. How do you know when you're making them right?

“Am I doing things right? I never know when to say no, and when to let things slide.”

********

Let’s face it. Parenting is full of gray areas.

“Pick your battles,” new parents are told. But which battles are worth it? When can you let things slide?

*******

When Fiona started coaching with me, she wanted to learn when to say no to her son, and when to let things go.

Fiona had no confidence in her decisions as a mom, and so every tantrum her son had felt like more proof she didn't know what she was doing.

Fiona had spent a lot of time seeking out outside opinions about her parenting. Everyone had an opinion.

Too lenient (her parents); not enough structure (the nanny); see a developmental specialist (the preschool teacher).

********

GRAY AREAS in parenting involve anything where your internal parenting compass is unsure what you should do. You may have mixed feelings, or feel self-critical, or feel like you are failing. You may be feeling judged by your parents, or other parents.

Sometimes it’s because you don’t know how strict to be
Sometimes it’s because you feel guilty about the boundaries you have set
Sometimes it’s because you wish you had set different boundaries
Sometimes it’s because there is a mismatch between your child and the environmental expectations

********

The end result is a miserable feeling where you make decisions you don’t feel confident about, and then you criticize yourself when your child doesn’t respect the boundaries you do try to set.

*******************

How do you get to the right decision?

These are the 3 steps I recommend.

1.) IDENTIFY YOUR DEEPEST FAMILY VALUES :

What are your deepest values for your family?
What are the most important things you want your child to learn?
What kind of adult do you want your child to grow up to be?

VALUES are the GUIDEPOSTS for all your decisions as a parent. After you tune into what is truly MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU, it becomes much clearer when something is worth a fight, and when it isn’t.

Is sitting still one of your deepest family values? Probably not, so maybe you can let that go.

But maybe treating others with respect is , so that's something you are going to be sure to model, highligh t, and insist on.

***A NOTE ABOUT COOPERATION AND LISTENING

When a child doesn’t listen, this can be very, very challenging.

However, after calming ourselves and taking some steps back, most of us will agree that BLIND OBEDIENCE is probably NOT one of our deepest held family values. When we acknowlege this, it gives us the space to allow our child to have their feelings in the moment, and to allow some time for everyone to cool off before we address something that we have decided is a deeply held family value.

2.) SETTING BOUNDARIES PEACEFULLY:

Once you have identified your most deeply held family values, and decided sometimes is important, you may need to set boundaries with your child that they are not going to like. Sometimes they might even have very big negative feelings about these boundaries!

As long as these boundaries are ACTUALLY IMPORTANT to your family, then you can release the guilt and insecurity around your decisions. There are ways to show empathy to your child’s big feelings, and allowing those feelings, while still enforcing your boundary peacefully.

Learning how to set boundaries peacefully is in fact one of the biggest skills we work on in coaching. It involves empathy for the child’s feelings and needs, as well as empathy for the parent. It also involves staying flexible so that the child and adult are involved in finding a way to honor the boundary together. An example might be that it’s bedtime (the boundary), but the child could read some stories or listen to music before bed. Or the boundary might be that everyone contributes cleaning the house (the boundary), but the child can vaccuum or fold the laundry or feed the pets.

Peaceful boundaries involves some flexibility and joint decision-making between the parent and child, determing how the child will respect the boundary—while the boundary itself doesn’t change.

3.) GETTING SUPPORT:

When your child doesn’t listen, or has a tantrum, parents get triggered. Our brain goes to a “fight or flight response.”

This is a very, very challenging place to parent from!

The voice in our head may say:

No one ever listens to me
I can never do anything right
Nothing ever works for me

Usually, this is baggage we carrying around that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR CHILD or the current situation.

When we find the right support, we can actually dissolve our triggers, and come to challenging situations with our child refreshed, unburdened, and calm. Now we are able to approach setting boundaries peacefully and with confidence.

*********

Together, Fiona and I walked through these 3 steps. She identified her most deeply held family values for the kind of person she wanted her son to become. She practiced setting boundaries peacefully, which meant allowing her son to have big feelings, and showing empathy for his feelings. She dissolved her own triggers, so that she wasn't in a fight-or-flight response when her son had tantrums. And she and her son got to a place where they could solve challenges peacefully together.

**********

Fiona stopped asking me when to say yes or no.

She finally felt confident.

She trusted the answers inside of her, and she trusted that she and her son could find solutions that worked for them both.

And that's a very beautiful thing.

My 3 Favorite Parenting Leaders

Sun, 10 Jan 2021 21:30:25 GMT

The 3 Parenting Leaders Whose I deas I Adore

These are my 3 favorite leaders in the field of parenting. Their ideas have shaped my parenting, and my life.

1.) Alfie Kohn

Alfie is one of my all time favorites! If I had to choose only one person to read and follow about parenting (and education), it would be him.

In his books, he explains the importance of a child FEELING THEY ARE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY. While most parents do love their children unconditionally--our children need TO FEEL this, which often does not happen when we are focused on getting them to behave a certain way.

For Alfie, the focus should be on what our child is feeling and needing, rather than on controlling their behavior.

When we use rewards, punishments, or even our affection, to try to control behavior, children feel conditionally accepted and loved. Instead, we should use relationships built on trust and honesty to connect with our children so they will want to listen to us, rather than listen to us out of fear or self-interest.

He also believes these same ideas carry over into the classroom, where the best learning happens when students feel accepted and supported unconditionally, including when they make mistakes, and when external rewards and punishments are removed.

Some of his quotes I really love:

“Children don’t just need to be loved; they need to know that nothing they do will change the fact that they’re loved."

“The dominant problem with parenting in our society isn't permissiveness, but the fear of permissiveness. We're so worried about spoiling kids that we often end up over controlling them.”

“The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions.”

"Few parents have the courage and independence to care more for their children’s happiness than for their success.”

2.) Marshall B. Rosenberg

Marshall B. Rosenburg wrote “Nonviolent Communication,” a transformational book about communication that changed the way I see and communicate.

Nonviolent communication is a way of sharing power with others, rather than using power over others. The beauty of his ideas about communication is they are applicable across all relationships, but perhaps even more so to the parent-child relationship because of the inherent power imbalance.

The main premise of nonviolent communication is that everyone has unique feelings and needs—and by taking time to explore those—we reach greater understanding and empathy—not judgement.

The result is that, when we better understand people’s feelings and needs, we no longer see them as good/bad, right/wrong, or deserving of punishment. Instead, we see them as someone with an unmet need. Likewise, when we show care for the other person’s feelings and needs, they will respond in kind to us most often.

In parenting, this means the parent and child use dialog instead of rewards and punishments.

Here are a couple of his quotes I love:

“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”

“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”

"The more another person's behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.

“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.”

“You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.”

3.) Jolette Jai:

Jolette Jai is a founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting, where I got my parent coach certification.

She has a brilliance, a warmth, a humor, and a humbleness that made me immediately want to learn from her.

These are just a few of the many wonderful ideas she has taught me about parenting.

“No one knows how this (parenting) is supposed to look.”

I find this idea tremendou sly freeing. To me, this means, if something is working for your parenting, great—keep doing it. But if it isn’t working, you have permission to change it. It doesn’t matter what 99.99% of other parents are doing, or not doing. So put your kids to bed at 6, or at 10, or have no bedtime at all—if it’s working for your family—that’s what’s important.

“All your feelings as a parent are OK,” and “Feelings are never in conflict.”

Most of us were raised in homes where all feelings were not OK. Maybe you weren’t supposed to show anger, or sadness, or disappointment. So learning how to be an emotional coach for our kids requires first giving ourselves permission to feel all our feelings too. This was a big deal for me! I wasn’t used to talking about negative feelings in my house growing up, so acknowleging them with my children has taken a lot of learning. I’m still learning this!

“You need a support and a community.”

As a parent, you are under a tremendous amount of stress, and it can feel incredibly isolating at times. Often you feel like the only parent having a particular challenge, or the only parent feeling this discouraged, or this frightened. In reality, so many of the challenges and frustrations are universal, which becomes apparent once you find a safe place to share your authentic feelings. Finding other, like-minded parents can make the journey so much better, because then you can get the support you need.

************

These are my 3 favorite parenting leaders—I hope you find them just as inspiring as I do.

I'm not wrong or right; how nonviolent communication changed my life

Fri, 08 Jan 2021 00:19:08 GMT

Nonviolent communication changed my life and parenting

Human language is rife with judgements about people and behaviors. These judgements are so common, we often don’t realize how polarizing and uncompassionate they make our thinking.

“You’re a jerk.”

“He’s a narcissist.”

“They are selfish.”

“That was wrong.”

In fact, this kind of language pretty much ensures our compassion to others will diminish, and they will have less compassion to us when we use this kind of language.

*******

But what if I told you there was a different way to communicate that has no judgements?

What if I told you, there was a way that would allow you to understand and feel more compassion, while also causing others to want to understand and show compassion to you too?

A way that would even increase the compassion you have for yourself?

Nonviolent communication (NVC) is that other way.

And when parents use it, they have more compassion for their child, AND their child has more compassion for them.

*******

In NVC, no one is wrong or right.

You and I both have feelings and needs that differ.

That’s it.

You and I both have feelings and needs that differ.

It’s so simple, and yet transformative.

******

Let me give a couple parenting, real-life examples.

Real life example #1: My child is happily playing, and wants to stay at the park. However, I feel tired, and want to go home.

My child is not wrong, or naughty, or bad to enjoy playing. Likewise, I am not correct, or right, or superior, because I need rest. We just have different feelings and needs.

********

Real life example #2: My middle-school son wants to be out with his friends, and have independence. I feel worried, and need to know that is safe.

My son is neither arrogant, or selfish, or silly, to want autonomy as a young teen. And I am not wrong, or absurd, or crazy to want to want him to be safe . Again, we just have different feelings and needs.

********

With NVC, you will start feeling more compassion than you ever though possible. To your children, and indeed to everyone in your life. Even when their feelings and needs are different.

And you will get that compassion aimed back at you.

Or at least, that’s what happened to me.

3 risks to your parenting

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 17:40:22 GMT

Which risks are you facing now?

The biggest risks in parenting are actually universal. If you haven't yet, you will struggle with these 3 at some point.

The difference is that s ome parents s tay stuck forever, mired in self-criticism, doubt and disappointment, and some parents figure out how to get help .

Which of these 3 is your biggest parenting struggle right now? Do you know how to get unstuck?

1.) Not repairing after a rupture

Sometimes in parenting, we all say or do things we regret. This happens despite our best intentions, despite our deep love for our children, because we are human. This happens to all parents, and it’s normal.

A rupture chips away at the trust and connection in the parent-child 3relationship, unless there is a repair. So even though everyone has calmed down and seems to have moved on, the next time there is a rupture, it will be harder to repair the relationship.

Learning the skills to repair a rupture is critical, since these breaches are an inevitable part of parenting.

2.) Doubting yourself

There is a stereotype of a narcissistic surgeon that goes, “sometimes right, sometimes wrong, but never in doubt.”

So often in parenting, we are the opposite—always in doubt. We spend so much time thinking we are doing things wrong, or that other parents do things better, or that we are failing.

This kind of self-doubt sucks our ability to find joy. It leaches into how we feel about ourselves. It makes us insecure and inflexible as parents. It makes us miserable as humans.

Finding a way to feel secure and confident in our parenting is critical, because the alternative is making so many of us miserable.

3.) Problem paralysis

We all have problems with our kids sometimes. Small problems. Large problems. Medium problems. We all have them. This is completely normal.

But having this problem makes us feel guilty. Or afraid. Or anxious, or embarassed, or ashamed.

We feel like we shouldn’t have this problem. We believe that other parents don’t have problems like this. We believe this problem is the proof that we are failing.

And then our BIG FEELINGS about the problem feel overwhelming, and we feel stuck.

The first step to getting unstuck is to find a safe place to share your feelings—even the embarassing, critical feelings—so that our creative, problem-solving mind can re-engage, and our panicing, fearful mind can relax.

Despite our best efforts, we all experience ruptures, doubts and problems in parenting. We all struggle sometimes. But getting unstuck involves learning how to repair the rupture, trust ourselves, and unload our big feelings.

Struggling makes you human. Getting unstuck makes things feel so much better.

I'm not a liar! How nonviolent communication changed my life and parenting

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 20:41:54 GMT

Nonviolent communication uses honesty, empathy & comes from the heart

Are you using Nonviolent Communication (NVC)?

Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of it. It was new to me, too, until I got my parent coach certification.

But thi s one, simple concept has completely transformed how I see the world, both as a parent and a human being.

NVC is a way of communicating that seeks to further compassion and understanding, instead of judgement and violence. It means communicating with honest, empathy, and from the heart.

I thought I was already doing that, but it turns out I wasn’t.

There are three steps.

First, I seek to understand the feelings and needs the other person is having UNDER the words they are using.

Most of us, and especially women, were raised not to express real feelings directly and not to make direct requests of others. Therefore, we often speak in a kind of code, hoping futilely that others will uncode what we are realing feeling and needing.

Second, I listen deeply to my own feelings and needs in the situation.

Third, I share honestly with the other person about my feelings and make a direct request.

Sounds simple? It is, and it isn’t.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine I am in a disagreement with someone. Perhaps they even yell at me: “You’re a liar!”

Before NVC, I would have thought, “This person is full of sh*t! I am not a liar!”

I would have felt defensive and told the other person off, or avoided them going forward. We would have been at a communication standstill.

With NVC, I look UNDERNEATH their actual words to what feelings and needs the other person might be having.

I might say: “I see you are really angry with me, because you feel like I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Then I would admit to myself honestly how I felt, and what I am really needing from this person going forward.

So I might say: “I feel really attacked when you called me a liar, because I work very hard to be honest.” Then I might say, “Would you be willing to apologize for saying that?”

This change in communication is both very difficult and very easy to make. It is difficult, because it goes against a lot of how we have been taught to communicate, and we fear that being vulnerable in this way will open us up to attack, or at least make us appear weak against an adversary.

However, in reality, sharing our real feelings increases our chances of being understood, and increases the chances the other person will be compassionate towards us.

Finally, making a direct request is the ultimate way to get what we want going forward, and strengthens the relationship, rather than weakening it.

In a later blog post, I will talk more about how this simple communication shift has changed my life and parenting.

For now, I simply ask you to listen for what feelings and needs are UNDER what people are saying to you. When we tune into the unspoken feelings and needs, we take the first step to turning towards compassion and away from judgment.

My love letter to single and divorced parents

Sat, 02 Jan 2021 22:03:58 GMT

I see you, I know you, I love you

Dear single/divorced parent;

I see you, I know you, I love you.

In case you needed reminding of how amazing you really are, I made a list of just a couple of your amazing accomplishments this year:

1. You found new dreams.

You are the living embodiment of the phrase “life can throw you curve balls.”

After your cherished dreams for your family were upended, you found the strength to create new dreams. You found new goals and strengths, because your c hildren needed it.

If this isn’t modeling flexibility and resilience and strength for your children, then I don’t know what is.

2. You parented under fire.

It can be hard to coparent.

There were times your ex-spouse criticized you, or undermined you, or played the kids off you. It’s hard enough to parent with good support, but with negative judgements, it’s easy to doubt yourself. So when you shook it off, and kept going, it was pure brilliance.

3. You showed up Like. A. Boss.

Everything you accomplished, you did without backup.

Who’s making dinner? Paying the bills? Putting kids to bed?

That’s right. You did.

Until you've been a single parent, you don't really know what it's like. But you've shown up again and again--for your kids.

Even the days you felt exhausted, or overwhelmed, or unsure, you showed up and got it done. Like. A. Boss.

4. You compromised.

Compromise can be underappreciated as a virtue. But the single/divorced parent is master of compromise because they have no choice.

Whether it’s giving up some of your time with your children, negotiating with your ex-spouse over money, or simply running a household with one parent instead of two, the single/divorced parent knows that all solutions require compromise.

It takes a quiet strength to compromise and stay positive, yet you did this again and again, because your kids needed it.

5. You picked yourself up.

I know it wasn’t your plan to be a single/divorced parent. You had other dreams that involved a different, more traditional kind of family.

But when things got hard, you picked yourself up again and again because your kids needed you.

When things got challenging, and you felt discouraged, you still picked yourself up—because you love your kids, and you would do anything for them.

Yes, I see you, amazing, single/divorced parent. I see how strong and beautiful and resilient you are.

If you ever forget for one minute how amazing it really is, just look at this list, and remember how much you’ve already accomplished.

Conscious Parents don't vaccinate, and other lies about Conscious Parenting

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 21:08:43 GMT

Top 5 L ies about conscious parenting

I want to start 2021 with my list of the top 5 lies about conscious parenting.

Conscious parents are naturally patient.

I am living proof this is not true! When I want something, I want it yesterday.

But in conscious parenting, I own my side of the street. I am responsible for my own feelings and for self-regulating. This means I'm responsible for finding ways to calm myself down when I feel triggered. This means communicating directly with my children I find my patience is worn thin.

I may say to my kids: “I’m having a hard time right now because I am tired/worried/stressed/upset.” This let’s me model emotional awareness and taking responsibility for my own feelings and behavior, instead of lashing out at them.

2. Conscious parents allow anything.

This is a giant misconception. Without punishments, anything must be OK, right?

Nope! Conscious parents have gotten in touch with their deepest values as parents, so they have an easier time saying both YES and NO, because they know what is important in their parenting and why. This also makes them more flexible, because they understand what their longterm goals are for their children, which helps them be more creative in the moment in trying to meet those goals.

Conscious parenting means helping our children learn how to behave through learning and problem-solving, and not through fear.

3. Conscious parents create spoiled children.

This may be the biggest general societal misunderstanding—that children loved unconditionally will become m onsters wi th no consider ation other people’s feelings.

This is a gross misunderstanding of how love and behavior interact. Conditional love—showing love in response to certain behaviors—creates distrust, resentment, anger, and low self-esteem. On the other hand, unconditional love—love regardless of behavior—creates trust, respect, high self-esteem. Conscious parents create children who feel loved, and who know how to love others and themselves unconditionally. This is not narcissism, this is healthy.

4. Conscious parents are constantly selfless and prioritize their kid’s happiness over their own.

Society has unhealthy standards for parents—especially mothers—of continual martyrdom and self-sacrifice.

Conscious parents realize that selflessness will only get you burnt out and resentful. Conscious parents realize how much more fun parenthood would be as a full person- -one who maintains interests and needs and hobbies and preferences!

Conscious parents realize that kids and adults both have needs, and the best solutions prioritize getting EVERYONE’S needs met.

5. Conscious parents don’t vaccinate.

Conscious parents know that everything has risks, but that the risks of non-vaccination are greater than the risks of vaccination.

I have studied medicine now for mor e than half my life, and I vaccinate myself and my kids. My colleagues who are physicians and nurses also vaccinate their kids.

We all have to make decisions with limited information, but this is a situation where a vaccine is better than no vaccine. Just do it.

Conscious Parents have Better Sex

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 18:50:57 GMT

Evidence is overwhelming!

I haven't done the randomized controlled trial. Yet.

But I'm pretty confident conscious parents have better sex.

That's because conscious parenting is not only a healthier way of parenting, it is also a prescription for using the healthiest communication and behavior we can in all our relationships.

Which benefits a conscious parents everywhere she/he goes . Ahem. Including the bedroom.

Let's consider.

Conscious parents believe everyone's feelings and needs are important, and look for ways to get everyone's needs get met. Check.

They use direct, authentic communication to communicate those feelings and needs, instead of manipulation or blame. Check.

They prioritize a relationship based on trust and respect, rather than on shame or control. Check.

When they feel triggered, they trust their own feelings, but also look inward, questioning whether the ir underlying beliefs are serving them or not. Check.

They take responsibility for their own feelings, instead of using guilt and manipulation to blame others. Check.

Finally, conscious parents know they will be happiest in parenting and life, when they get their own needs met, instead of waiting for other people to guess and meet those needs.

Making them happier, healthier, more satisfied. In and out of the bedroom.

Or, at least, that's my guess.

5 Ways I Overcame Self-Criticism as a Parent

Sat, 19 Dec 2020 20:15:54 GMT

How I stopped criticizing, and started loving myself as a mom

Accepting myself as a parent has been a journey. But totally doable for me, and 1000% worth it.

Here is how I stopped criticizing myself, and started loving myself as a parent.

1. I embraced that "No one knows how this is supposed to look" in parenting.

I find this immensely freeing. And reassuring.

In the history of the world, there has never been a family just like mine. Or just like yours.

So what works for my family, might not work for yours. And vice versa.

There is no correct way I HAVE to do anything. I sometimes ask other families what worked for them, and I listen to different ideas. But those parents are not me, and those kids are not my kids. Those ideas might not fit my family at all.

Letting go of thinking there is a right way for parenting to look has allowed me to stop judging myself, and to simply enjoy the ride.

2. No, really. There is no CORRECT WAY to do things in parenting. I'm a pediatrician. Believe me, I've checked this!

I could quit my job tomorrow and raise my kids on a bus, and I could still raise wonderful, thoughtful, caring human beings.

Really.

So I can stop feeling bad about the ways that my family looks different than other families.

I can stop worrying that I am *supposed* to be different than I am.

I can stop believing that my kids are *supposed* to be different than they are.

If my kids feel listened to, and feel like they are allowed to be themselves, I am doing great. The rest is just gravy.

3. I stopped needing my parents to approve of my parenting.

This was such a trigger for me.

I am intentionally parenting differently than I was parented. These are decisions based on my values and deepest held wishes.

And yet, like most children, I still want my parents approval around most things. And conversely, my parents probably want me my acknowledgement that they were good parents as well.

So when my mother sees me parenting differently, she may feel indirectly criticized. She may feel like I am am saying she was not a good parent.

Well, I am here to tell you that no one has ever done their best parenting while feeling judged and criticized. So I needed to find a way to make my find my own voice in parenting, separate from my parents and their feelings.

For me it took getting parent coaching myself to release the baggage I was carrying about my own childhood and how I felt about it. But I needed to feel free to make my own decisions, based on my unique family. And it's made all the difference.

4. I found community with other conscious parents.

For me, parenting has been as much a journey of self-discovery and growth as it is about raising children.

I have had to learn as much about myself and my needs, as I have had to learn about my kids and their needs.

I have found this to be profoundly humbling, stressful and triggering at times.

But I found that it was a lot easier with a community of other parents where I could be honest about my challenges without being judged. I needed to know that other parents had similar values, and that we could encourage and nurture each other.

5. I realized my kids won't always listen, and I think that's great.

Yup. My kids are generally cooperative and helpful.

In fact, since I embraced peaceful parenting, they have become so much more cooperative than before.

But it still happens occasionally that they just don't listen. For whatever reason.

And I'm OK with that.

I decided a healthy RELATIONSHIP with my child was more important than CONTROLLING my child in the moment.

It's a trade-off. Could I force them to do what I want in the moment? Probably.

Through a combination of threats and punishments, a powerful person (a parent) can often force a less powerful person (a child) to do all sorts of things they don't want to do.

But it defeats the long-term goal, which is to have a wonderful, trusting, mutually-respectful relationship.

So I am actually so much happier knowing that my children listen because they WANT to, not because they fear me.

And that kind of cooperation just feels so amazing as a mom.

So that's it. Those are the 5 ways I overcame self-criticism as a parent.

What about you?

Stop beating yourself up about what you think your family should look like.

My kids don't always listen to me, and I'm completely thrilled about it.

Why we don't use punishments any more

Sun, 13 Dec 2020 22:46:03 GMT

I used to take away screen time to make my kids listen

I used to take away screen time to get my kids to listen.

My kids loved screen time so much, I could pretty much force them to listen with the threat of losing it.

Other times, when I was so furious at their behavior, I simply took it away for revenge, so they would suffer.

I don't do that anymore.

Punishments were a poison to our relationship. They made my children fear me, resent me, and not trust me. Punishments made them angry , and less likely to want to listen to me .

So I stopped.

And now we talk instead. That's right. We talk.

We got rid of punishments, and instead, now my kids actually WANT to listen to me.

It's true. By giving up punishments, now my kids actually WANT to listen to me. They want to listen because we have a relationship built on trusting, respect and love. Not a relationship built on fear and control .

I didn't realize there was another way before. I thought I had to control my kids to make them listen .

Thank goodness I found this other way. The peace and cooperation and love we have now is so priceless, I can't imagine going back . I can't imagine what our relationship would be like if I had continued my old way.

People often worry that if kids aren't punished, they will become willful and untrustworthy. It turns out it's the opposite. Kids who are treated with trust and respect give it back to the adults in their lives. They listen because they want those adults to be proud of them.

Conscious parenting is how I made this change. You can do this too. Getting rid of punishments is part of it. A parent coach can help.

JOY

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 22:43:48 GMT

The future is scary right now.

But what if you could come emerge from this time with the best relationship you and your kids have EVER HAD?

What if you could say, during this time I created the relationship with my kids I've always wanted--a relationship where we are more connected, more peaceful, more joyful than ever.

We don't know what the future will hold, but family relationships are more important now than ever. I'd love to chat and see if parent coaching would be a good fit.

Divorce and Parenting

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 22:43:47 GMT

Maddy was having trouble coming home from her dad's house.

She would arrive OK. But the minute her mother would say no about anything, it would set Maddy off. "You're so mean! I want to live at Daddy's house! He's so much nicer than you!" she would yell.

In those moments, her mother, Sylvia, would go to a very dark place of doubt, fear and anger.

What was Sylvia doing wrong? Was her ex a better parent? Was Maddy right? Would she be better off living with him?

Maybe it was the divorce. Sylvia had read that divorce could increase depression in kids. Maybe Maddy needed therapy, all because Sylvia had chosen to get a divorce and probably ruined her daughter's life.

Sylvia could feel her anger and resentment rising. She blamed her ex. Clearly he was turning the kids against her. Or his toxicity was rubbing off on their behavior. Even after the divorce, he was still ruining her life. It wasn't fair.

Like most of us, divorced or not, when things were stressful, Sylvia was believing things that caused her to doubt herself and spiral into anger and negativity. Even her beliefs about her divorce and her ex husband were disempowering and making her parenting more challenging.

With coaching, she shifted her thoughts to supportive beliefs. We identified that Maddy's outbursts were coming from a need for connection at these transition times. Together, Sylvia and Maddy created a new transition ritual that allowed them to reconnect peacefully when Maddy arrived home, making reunions more loving and joyful.

Sylvia felt empowered by her ability to support her daughter successfully.

Sylvia even decided that her beliefs about the divorce were damaging her parenting. Believing that the divorce had ruined their lives only caused her resentment, bitterness and anger. So Sylvia shifted that belief. She decided the divorce was a gift that allowed her to grow into the adult and parent she was always meant to be--and that felt empowering and real and true.

I can tell this was really important to you

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 22:43:44 GMT

How are you? How are you feeling?

In parent coaching, we help parents use empathy when their kid's have big feelings--parents can care about our kid's feelings and needs, even when we can't change the situation.

"I see how upset you are that your brother wouldn't let you play, because you feel left out."

"I can tell this was really important to you, and you are disappointed it didn't work out."

What about you? Are you grieving for your children and their lost spring? These are real losses--they matter.

Are you grieving for the people in nursing homes who never had a chance? Or for people who were already on the edge of economic insecurity before this pandemic even began?

It's OK to grieve when we suffer losses. It's human. It's normal. We should grieve. These are real losses. Important things have been taken away from us all--and that is disappointing, frustrating, upsetting.

It doesn't mean everything in your life is bad, or you won't feel joy again, or that there isn't good still in the world. But it's normal to be sad when we lose something important to us. And lately, we have all been missing out on lots of things that are important to us.

I hate you!

drcearadeno@gmail.com (Ceara Deno) — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 22:43:42 GMT

Chase did not want to go to bed.

"Just one more minute, Dad," Chase pleaded for the 12th time.

He was playing Minecraft online with his older brother and his friend. Where normally the older boys excluded Chase, tonight they were actually letting him play, and he felt proud and happy and grown up.

His father had tried being patient, but it was late. Really late. This time when he told Chase it was bedtime, he physically took the iPad away.

"I hate you!" Chase exploded, choking back tears, and stomping off to his bedroom and slamming the door.

Chase's father Jack could feel a tremendous pressure in his ears. He fought the urge to lash out at his son for his defiance. Jack took a minute to cool off. Or maybe two, or three. He vented to his partner about what had happened. He gave himself some empathy--wtf was wrong with his son?!

Then Jack thought about his son's perspective.

What was it like to be the youngest? What was it like to always go to bed when the older kids got to stay up late? Was this all about FOMO? Mindy Kaling wrote "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" Well, in Chase's case, they WERE hanging out without him, and Chase knew it.

Did his son feel embarrassed and powerless, being the youngest and frequently excluded? Finally, this one time when he was allowed to play, he was being made to stop, pointing out again how small and powerless he really was. Was he frustrated that he was doing so well in the game and he would "lose all his stuff" if he quit now?

Jack could feel some of his anger and frustration melt away as he thought about his son's perspective. He started to feel a tiny bit of patience and empathy growing where a minute before had just been anger. He was beginning to see why this might be a really big deal to his son.

Father and son were able to talk and repair the rupture. In the end, Chase went to bed happily, cooperatively, reconnected with his father. But it almost didn't happen this way. Without seeing Chase's perspective, Jack's instinct to lash out at his son would have resulted in a bigger fight, and a bigger rupture in the relationship.

Taking our child's perspective is one of the MOST POWERFUL tools parents have. It is deceptively simple, and yet deceptively hard when we are angry, or feel disrespected.

When we are able to see our child's perspective in the heat of the moment, it makes us more patient, it makes our children more cooperative, and it decreases conflict. And who wouldn't want that?